When a narcissist tells you you’re hard to love, what they are really saying is, they are the one incapable of loving you the way you deserve.

When a narcissist tells you you’re remembering something in the past incorrectly, what they are really saying is, they don’t want to believe a truth that makes them look bad.

When a narcissist points out your flaws, realize they’d rather pick you apart, then realize they aren’t perfect either, and if they are focusing on you so they don’t have to focus on themselves.

When a narcissist emotionally abuses you and tries to take you down, realize the only reason they are doing that is out of envy and seeing something within you they wish they had. Even if they won’t admit it.

When a narcissist blames you for how they reacted saying something “if you didn’t do XYZ then they wouldn’t have yelled at you,” realize their inability to control their emotions isn’t your fault.

When a narcissist says something like “if I did it, it would have been better,” realize the reason they didn’t do it in the first place is that they could have easily made the same mistake or they are setting you up for failure.

When a narcissist makes you feel like the problem, realize there is never going to be pleasing them and your attempt to will always fall short. But it isn’t a reflection of you, but rather unrealistic expectations that they’ll keep raising even if you reach a certain point.

When a narcissist starts a fight, realize you’re never going to win it and it doesn’t make you weak to accept “defeat,” because with them it’s best to just nod your head and walk away. When you fight with them, they will get going and stop at nothing to take you down emotionally.

When a narcissist makes you feel like you’re too sensitive or don’t have tough enough skin when you address something you don’t like, don’t believe them because any normal person doesn’t try and hurt others or make them feel bad.

When a narcissist tries to make you feel crazy and turn the tables saying things like “I’m the bad guy,” realize their attempt at guilt is just another way to try to win and control you.

When a narcissist picks apart every flaw, realize ,there is something they are insecure about and it has nothing to do with you.

When a narcissist holds onto your mistakes then uses it against you, realize that someone in their past might have done the same thing.

When a narcissist does something kind then uses it as blackmail later, realize it’s all about control and the moment you start doing things for yourself and begin to show them you don’t need them, they will fear you leaving.

When a narcissist makes you feel a sense of guilt for formulating relationships with others understand what they are really fearing is someone treating you better and leaving. They thrive when it comes to controlling you so if they lose you, they lose that powerful feeling they have over you.

When a narcissist tries to control your reputation and make you look bad, what they are really struggling with is maybe you are a good person everyone will love and it’s them who brings out the worst in you. They don’t want to accept that.

When a narcissist tries to gossip with you and be negative or has negative habits they want to pass along to you, realize they just don’t want to feel guilty for their actions so if someone partakes with them in it, it won’t be as bad.

When a narcissist tries to provoke you or use your insecurities against you, realize they are going to do it in such a way they don’t look too bad. Then they’ll say something to counteract their previous insult. A comment sly enough to get to you but then they will back it up with, “I’m just looking out for your best interest.”

When a narcissist says they are just joking but says something to hurt you, understand jokes aren’t supposed to hurt.

When a narcissist does something that really crossed the line and they make promises of change only to go back to how they really are, realize they aren’t going to change.

When you are in a web a narcissist created, it’s going to feel like you can’t get out sometimes. That’s what they want you to think because as much as they try to convince you need them, it’s really the other way around they just won’t admit it.

But most of all when a narcissist tries to convince you you’re hard to love and you shouldn’t like yourself, realize just because they don’t like who they are doesn’t mean you have to follow that.

The best way to overcome a narcissist is by loving yourself fully and realizing how they treat you shouldn’t be the example you follow when treating yourself.


Lessons I Learned About Relationships Without A Label.


This Is How We End…

We end realizing sometimes the best things in our life aren’t meant to be forever.

We end realizing maybe there is something greater for us written in the future we fail to see right now because we are caught looking at the past.

We end with as much grace and poise as we can, even though that goodbye could be the very same one that brings us to our knees.

We end looking back not overcome with sadness, but a joy to have had something good for as long as we did.

We end with the memories and the lessons and everything we take with us as we continue on this path.

Knowing very well sometimes the best lessons isn’t knowledge gained, but what you learned from others.

Exchanging pieces of ourselves and forever impacting the other.

Because if we can walk away making someone better that’s the best thing we can do.

It’s understanding that sometimes great parts of the journey are the people along the way, and they are just signs pointing us to another destination.

Each one of them bringing with them something we needed. And if we are lucky, if we are really lucky, we teach them too.

Forming this connection that doesn’t fade even with the word goodbye that holds heavy within one’s heart.

We end bittersweet, grateful, even as we hold back tears as the words ‘thank you’ are a slight whisper.

We end because we have to. Because maybe we’ve learned enough where we are that it’s time to move on. Even we don’t feel ready.

We end with a little bit of pain in our hearts because that goes to show us just how much we valued what is now feels lost.

But, lost does not mean forgotten.

Because the connections we make bind us to one another no matter the circumstances.

The way I see it, endings are a lot like beginnings.

We end just as we started a little scared, a bit nervous, certainly unsure of the road ahead, but we continue on holding more onto faith than doubt. Trust over uncertainty. Hope over skepticism.

We begin things knowing endings could be written in an unsure fate but we take the chance anyway. Because if we didn’t jump exactly when we needed, to then we wouldn’t realize our ability to fly.


I’ll Always Believe…

I’m always going to believe in the guy who made me smile sending flowers to my office. The one who didn’t mind me ordering the most expensive steak on the menu. The one who wrote a card to my mother on her birthday about how lucky he was.

I’m always going to believe in the guy who always asked me to slow dance even though I was bad at it. The one who didn’t mind baking cupcakes with me even though it was corny. The one who didn’t mind me taking a hundred pictures even though I always hated all of them. The one who knew me well enough to know just by looking at me, and when I spoke in a certain way, knew something was wrong. Who knew how to talk me down from things when I’d get worked up.

I’m always going to believe in the guy who used to wake up at 6am in NY to get to work on time bc he knew I slept better with him there. The one who used to tuck me into his bed at night and sleep on the couch. The one who used to offer to pay my tickets because I always got pulled over going to see him. The one who hand crafted a necklace I refuse to take off, even though I don’t like jewelry that much.

I’m always going to believe in the guy who drove me home every night even when he was tired and let me blast Taylor Swift or Eminem on the way home. The one who ran to the lady across the parking lot to return the keys she dropped.

I’m always going to believe in the guy who walked around with a handkerchief just to clean my glasses. The one who always made sure he had band aids and Benadryl handy for me. The one who said things like “let’s talk about this.” Even though my mom warned him “she has terrible communication skills.” The one who took me to a ball and made me feel like the most beautiful person there for no other reason than because I got to stand next to him.

I’m always going to believe in the guy who brought me soup when I was sick even when I couldn’t stomach it. And how he just sat with me holding my hand. The one who was always so concerned about his family, and how his sister was feeling and if his mom was upset, and what he could do to make it better. The one whose values matched mine when it came to family. And how quickly he brought me to meet his.

I’m always going to believe in the guy who looked at me with such certainty on the first date, and all I kept thinking was, “who does he think he is already assuming he’s got me?” But he did. He had me from the moment he met me. And I’m always going to believe in him. Even when goodbye broke me. Even when my friend had to pick me up off the floor in a dark house because I was inconsolable.

I’m always going to believe in the person he was even if we aren’t those people to each other anymore. I believe people are who they are. And you can’t fake someone who is genuine and good and kind. Every so often you meet your match, someone who compliments you in a way that you forget who you were before them. And if ever you should part ways, the impact they had is embedded within you. I’m always going to believe in him. And I can only hope that’s enough that we find our way to each other once more.


There’s Someone For Everyone.

One day all the love you thought you lost. All the gestures and words, you, and pieces of advice you gave so freely and honestly. All the people you were sure of. And the nights spent awake thinking too much about people who cared too little. Will be met with someone who makes you realize why you were never found until them. Who loves you with such intensity. Who is so sure of you and only you. The type of person you go to bed next to and they add ease and security to your life.

One day, all of the pain that feels heavy right now. And the silence that’s all consuming. All the dead ends and tireless circles and faith that feels like it’s been lost will be restored again. One day “I love you” won’t be met with “I know.” And goodbye won’t look like someone leaving for good. One day someone’s going to see you for you and no matter how hard you try to hide yourself, no matter how guarded you appear to be, no matter how many walls you try to put up or how many times you think you’re not ready yet. One day someone will look at you not as a challenge to overcome or another notch in their belt, but rather the only future they want to see become reality.

Until then, even when it hurts, keep loving everyone with the same intensity as you have, keep your faith in love even if it’s only an idea, don’t change a heart that believes in happy endings and futures, and someone showing up with flowers at your door. It will happen. The way you love has never been the problem, but rather other people’s inability to see your value.


Ill Intentions.

Because I know one day he’s going to move on and maybe he already has and the first thing that’s going to cross my mind is going to be thinking “how lucky is she?” Because that’s the first thing I thought every single day when I woke up next to him. Whoever she is or ends up being I hope she values him the way he deserves. I hope she says thank you when he gives too much as he will. I hope she not only appreciates it, but reciprocates it. I hope she loves him as deeply as she can. And more than anything else in the world I hope she doesn’t hurt him. I pray to God he doesn’t get hurt. Maybe love isn’t three words you mumble in slurred words or in bed. Maybe love is wanting what’s best for the other person even when it has nothing to do with you. And if ever you wish for anything differently, than it isn’t love. Because real love has no room for ever ill intentions.