Open Topic

I Want To Feel Peace Within.

You know, when I was younger I had so many New Year’s resolutions. All the way from losing a couple of pounds to making myself look more beautiful.

Then, somewhere down the road I realized life is not about the things that I can affect. Life is all about the things I can’t affect. So, this year I only want things that money can’t buy.

First of all, I want to feel peace within. I want to feel good in my own skin. I want to be a woman who can accept a compliment and not blush because I deserve it. I want to walk proudly down the street knowing that I didn’t do harm to anybody. I want to feel that I am worthy.

I want to feel that I am enough. And no matter how much time has to pass for that to happen, I will be patient because that is important to me.

Secondly, I want to feel love so deep an ocean would be jealous of it. I want to be loved and respected because I deserve that.

Every time I love, I give myself all in. This time, I want others to show me how much they love me and appreciate me because I am not going to sell myself short anymore.

This year I will put myself first.

Thirdly, I want to feel happiness in my heart. For some reason, there isn’t much happiness in my life.

I was thinking that maybe I didn’t have enough time for my private life and that’s why I didn’t feel that happiness. But when I think twice about it, I don’t think that was the problem.

The problem is much deeper inside of me. The problem might be all those calls I never got while I deserved them. The problem might be all those messages nobody sent me while I never forget them.

The problem might be all those kisses and hugs I never got. And finally, the problem might be all those warm words that I never had a chance to hear. But I want to leave all that in the past because it belongs there.

I want to get rid of all those people who pretended to be my friends and who betrayed me in the first bumps in the road. This year, I want to dedicate more to myself and find that happiness in my heart and my soul that is fighting so hard to come out.

So, this year, my only resolution will be things that I am hungry for. I am hungry for love, peace, hope, care, happiness, harmony and all those positive feelings I craved so much.

No matter what happens, I will try to give my heart and my soul everything that they need. Because just like our body needs food to be healthy, our soul and our heart needs spiritual food to be alive.

And believe it or not, I want peace within more than love. You probably wonder why, right? Well, in order to be good to someone else, I first need to be good to myself.

And I won’t be able to do that if I don’t have peace inside of me.

Once I decide to give myself all in to someone new, I want to be okay with myself. I want to be a woman who accepts all my pros and cons.

I want to know that I am not perfect, but that I am trying to be. I want to know that I did everything in my power to be satisfied in my own skin.

And most of all, I want to be a woman with self-worth. I want to tell myself every day that I should be happy because I am doing something good for myself.

I want to tell myself that I am doing much better than I think and that no matter how much some people want to see me down, I will never be there. Because I am a fighter and heaven helps those who fight.

And in the end, when I get that peace within that I crave so much, I won’t selfishly keep it only for myself.

I want to share it with my family and friends. I want to help all people to feel this blessing that I will feel and I want us to enjoy it forever.

So, 2020, here I come—more beautiful, more stubborn, more goal-oriented and much smarter. I hope you are ready for me because I am sure as hell ready for you!

Open Topic

Just Because You Love Them, Don’t Allow Someone To Treat You Poorly.

Everyone’s common sense tells them they shouldn’t tolerate people hurting them.

If your friend was in a bad relationship where a guy treated her poorly, you’d be the first to tell her to call it quits.

No matter how much she loved the guy, you’d know that her place is not next to him.

Why is it so hard then to notice that the person you love is treating you badly, and why is it even harder to stop allowing that from happening?

Love can make us blind, that’s true. Loving someone can make us idealize everything good they do. And then when they do something wrong, we end up making excuses for them.

You weren’t born into this world to waste your energy, good heart, and love on someone who doesn’t appreciate you.

Start loving yourself and caring for your own well-being, and things will begin to unfold for you.

Let’s take off the blindfold love has put over our eyes and try to see things clearly for once.

If they don’t answer when you call them and never even apologize, that’s not right.

If you wait for hours before they answer a simple message, that’s not right.

If they’re never there for you, no matter the reason you need them, that’s not right.

If they can’t find the time or energy to participate in your life, that’s not right.

If the person you’re with can’t seem to respect, support, and love you the way they’re supposed to – that sure isn’t right.

We don’t want to think badly of the person we’ve given so much to. We want them good, pure, and perfect in our minds.

That’s why we never let ourselves confess they are actually treating us quite poorly.

Realizing and confessing that someone is hurting you with their behavior is step one in solving this huge issue.

No matter how much you love someone, you can’t let them break you apart.

Love can’t be one-sided. If you love them, they should love you back, right? If they loved you, would they hurt you? Absolutely not.

The person who truly loves you will always have your best interests at heart. The one who cares will never intentionally hurt you.

If someone keeps treating you the way you would never treat them and you keep forgiving them, now is the time to break that vicious cycle.

No one gets to hurt you, no matter how much they mean to you.

Would you ever do bad things to someone you love? Sure you wouldn’t. Then, why do you let someone do that to you?

I know you find many reasons to explain them hurting you in a way that makes it seem less important and like it’s not even their fault.

Not only are those malicious actions important, but they are also crucial to your self-esteem and for your future happiness.

They take your trust and sincerity and they toss it all away, making it seem like you’re the less important person in the relationship.

I wonder how they would feel if you did the same thing to them?! Would they forgive you? I’m pretty sure not.

I’m quite sure they’re constantly apologizing to you, asking your forgiveness. Well, let me tell you something: An apology that doesn’t come with changed behavior is just lip service.

I’m also guessing that if by any chance you choose to actually stand your ground and show them you’re no longer putting up with their shit, they will make you feel bad for being angry at them.

This is the kind of toxic person you don’t want in your life. They might have you believing they will change, but they won’t!

You might be thinking about giving them a second chance, but I can tell you right now, that any chance you give them, will be wasted.

Someone who claims that they love you, yet, still decides to treat you poorly isn’t worth a second chance.

Yes, forgiveness is a beautiful path to choose, and sure you can choose to forgive them for every way they’ve harmed you.

I’ve said forgive, not forget.

Don’t let them treat you like you are unworthy of love, and don’t let them ever harm you again.

Open Topic

A Woman Who Silently Fights With Illness Everyday.

Before I say anything, I want to apologize for all those times I hurt your feelings because I didn’t know better.

If I assumed you were healthy just because your illness is not visible – I’m sorry.

If I told you that you looked tired when you were suffering from chronic fatigue – I’m sorry.

If I reminded you of something you had to say goodbye to because of your illness – I’m sorry.

If I acted recklessly regarding something your illness has taught you is valuable – I’m sorry.

If I said something to bring you down instead of lifting you up – I’m sorry.

If I thought of the worst when I didn’t know better – I’m sorry.

It took me some time to realize what it means to confront the fact that your body’s working against you; what it means when your body simply refuses to listen to you and you can do nothing about it.

I still can’t comprehend it fully, but I’ve learned so much by listening to what you say instead of making assumptions and listening to those who don’t know what you’re going through.

Even though I can’t know everything you’re going through, I understand that the moment you realized you were ill, your life changed forever.

Your illness gave you new eyes and now through you, I too have started to see life differently.

Through you, I’ve realized there are so many things I pay attention to daily that are not worth my attention at all.

Instead of being thankful for everything I have and living my life to the fullest, I’m concerned about unimportant things.

An ill person once told me that for her illness was a blessing in disguise and, at the time, I didn’t understand why, so I asked in confusion: but how?

This is what she explained:

‘’My illness, for the first time in life, has helped me realize how much unnecessary pain I was inflicting on myself daily, by choice. I let myself be hurt by the things that didn’t matter and now, when I’m faced with something I cannot control, I have learned to stop inflicting pain on myself because that’s one thing I can control. Everything else I can’t control I must accept anyway.’’

She chose not to be her own enemy.

That’s something I want to share with everyone else. Stop postponing things and stop accumulating pain.

Don’t be your own enemy. In every given moment you can choose to stop hurting yourself.

Don’t let your mind bring you down and don’t let other people control your life either. You’re not here for them.

Let go of resentment and let go of guilt. Stop poisoning your soul with something you are not.

You are not your pain, you are not your shame, you are not your jealousy or your sadness.

You may be experiencing those feelings, but they don’t define you and they shouldn’t control your life.

Show respect for your life, show respect for the person you are. This is done by choosing everything you can do, instead of everything you can’t.

It’s scary how easily we forget how fragile we are, yet at the same time, don’t let ourselves be strong either.

It might be because we never know how strong we are until being strong is our only option.

However tragic, sad, and hard it may seem, life is indeed something miraculous.

I’m not saying this to spread nonsense positivity, but to remind myself and others there’s more to life – something we all feel once our life is somehow threatened, physically or emotionally.

I want to thank all the loved ones in my life who have suffered from illness for reminding me what life is about.

While fighting your silent battles, you didn’t give up on life but let it flourish.

Whatever your fate may be, know that with your courage you brought peace to other people’s lives, and for that reason alone, you will never be forgotten.

Thank you for proving that life is, after all, a miracle.

Open Topic

What Does “To Be Anxious For Nothing” Mean?

Stop worrying! You are not accomplishing anything constantly worrying. I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve heard those words. My husband is famous for asking me, “Can you change it?” Usually followed by my low mumble of a “no.” “Then let it go!” He reminds me over and over again of the serenity prayer I learned so long ago.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

For my entire life, I had heard “Be anxious for nothing,” followed by “just pray.” The problem I had with that is that it usually came from someone who didn’t battle with extreme anxiety. They weren’t walking in my shoes, living with an emotionally abusive parents who had convinced me I was never good enough. Over the years I became that co-dependent daughter who learned to do her very best to manipulate every situation for the best possible outcome.

A nervous, desperate, controller of situations. I was a fearful perfectionist desperately trying to make things ok. Never was it good enough, and if I stopped juggling the plates I had in the air for even a moment, it all came crashing down on me. I tried support groups. Nothing ever came from those. I went from an anxious, worrisome daughter, into a wife and mother with the same characteristics. I made everyone crazy, including myself.

God changed my life. The serenity prayer became real to me. A true mantra in my life, reinforced by my loving husband who willingly walked beside me in my recovery from living a life of anxious desperation.

Each time I read Philippians 4:6-7 I’m reminded to be anxious about nothing, but I could never put the scripture into my own words…to really own it until now. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” I needed to go deeper, to honestly look at the commands God was putting forth for me, and then to truly understand what He was saying. So I broke it down.

As I read scripture, I always look for directions God provides me. It’s a list for me of the command, and how to accomplish it or the frequency at which to do it. My study page looks like this.

Once those commands and the “how to” are boxed and underlined, I get the definitions. Yes, I’m looking up words to which I already have an understanding. I need to break them down further. I need to look at the true definition of the word, not simply my perceived understanding. And so it breaks down more.

After my study time, God allowed me to create my paraphrase of Philippians 4:6-7, and suddenly as I’m walking in this new phase of anxiety called healing, God provided me with the greatest understanding of this passage I have ever had. My interpretation became, “Don’t worry about anything. In all things, big and little, significant and insignificant talk to God. Make your worries and concerns known to Him. Be polite and thankful when you make your requests. Humble yourself and know that the calm tranquility that comes on from God and makes no sense to man will be upon you. That peace and comfort will overcome you. Protect your heart and mind from attack knowing that in Christ Jesus, you will have all that you need.”

I finally get it, Lord! He didn’t tell me never to worry, for in this human flesh that would be impossible. What God did say is when I worry, turn it over to Him. Talk to Him. Be respectful and polite, I mean He is my Father. But let Him know the things that worry me…the things that scare me, and shake me to my core. Then, rather than holding on to those things, and trying to fix them, or orchestrate my path around them, GIVE them to GOD and never pick them up again! He will bear my worries. He will carry my burdens, and He alone will provide me peace and comfort that truly can never be explained in any way other than it comes from God.

Dear One, emotional hurts are I believe the most difficult hurts to carry. It’s not a broken bone that needs to heal. It’s a broken heart, its wounds to the very core of our soul. But let me make this very clear. God can heal those! He can heal to the deepest places of your heart, mind, and soul. There’s only one catch. You have to be willing to let Him.

I pray you find peace, and that each day you can make a baby step toward putting your fears and worries on God. His shoulders are broad enough for both of you, and He’s ready, willing and able to carry your burdens. Just let Him.

Open Topic

Anxiety Is A Bitch, But I’m A Bigger One.

Living with anxiety is like being followed by a voice. It knows all your insecurities and uses them against you. It gets to the point when it’s the loudest voice in the room. The ONLY one you can hear!’

Anxiety is one of the most popular diseases nowadays.

It can happen to anyone, no matter which age or gender they are.

It is a treacherous, quiet killer. It comes to your life without an invitation and stays there as long as you let it stay.

It also came to my life.

I started feeling strange symptoms overnight.

I was like a cat on hot bricks all the time.

Even though I supposed to feel relaxed and enjoy things, I couldn’t.

I tried to talk to myself. I had an inner monologue full of hope. But nothing worked.

What made things worse was the fact that I had a child along with the anxiety.

And trust me, it is not easy to be a full-time mom when your whole world is falling apart.

I couldn’t go out for a walk with my baby because I thought something bad will happen. Going to the park with him gave me the heebie-jeebies.

And I couldn’t find a valid reason to feel like that.

What made things worse was the fact that I had a child along with the anxiety.

I couldn’t go out for a walk with my baby because I thought something bad will happen. Going to the park with him gave me the heebie-jeebies.

And then I decided it is enough. I couldn’t stand my life passing by without me enjoying it.

That was tearing me down.

Even though my anxiety was a bitch, I decided to be a bigger one.

The day I made that decision was the best day of my life.

I decided to be over my problems.

Ok, I am anxious. So, what?

Half of the world suffers from anxiety and they can still function normally.

So, why would I be an exception?

Every time I wanted to enjoy my life, I started sweating and feeling butterflies in my stomach.

Those symptoms were part of my life. But not for long. As I started thinking positively, I felt that they were fading away.

After so much time spent suffering in my 4 walls, I became the old me.

The woman who laughs. The one who cares about others. The one who accepts invitations for lunches or coffee.

I must admit, it was very difficult at the beginning. I still remember the first time I went out to a coffee shop with my friend.

My palms were sweating. I was looking around, trying to see where the exit was.

I wanted to sit close to the toilet in case I get sick. I thought I will die if I don’t get out from that place.

I said to myself: “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!”

Then, I stopped for a second. I took a deep breath.

And then I said to myself: “Die if you want! I will just sit here and watch myself die. I want to know what it feels like!”

That was the moment when I defeated all my fears.

Somehow, my heartbeat was normal again and I wasn’t feeling dizzy at all.

That was the first time in 2 years that I felt like the old me again.

Every day I have been fighting more and more. And one day, I totally defeated my anxiety.

I am aware of the fact that I will always be a little bit nervous and anxious. That’s the way that cookie crumbles.

But it won’t be as bad as it was before.

While I am writing this letter, I am thinking about all you guys out there who suffer from this nasty disease.

I just want to say: “Hang in there! If I could beat this, so can you. You just need to think positively.”

Please bear in mind that anxiety does not define you!

You are doing your very best!

And don’t think that the game is over once you start suffering from anxiety.

The game is over when YOU say so!

Open Topic

He Was A Lesson, Not A Life Sentence.

We’ve all been there. We know how much it hurts. But please be brave. Life shouldn’t stop just because he left you.

Pick up the pieces of your heart. Glue them back together. You will heal.

Choose to learn from the past, not to regret it. If you focus too much on it, you’ll miss out on a beautiful future.

The experience will leave scars. They’ll be there all your life just to remind you to choose yourself more often.

They’ll mold you to become a better person in every possible way. They won’t let you go back to that man ever again.

Love is addictive.

And if you are suddenly deprived of it, you have to go through withdrawal.

Be stronger than that. Don’t get high. Think about the long-term side effects.

But don’t ever let that past define you. You aren’t a girl with a broken heart who can’t trust and love anymore. No, you are not.

Remember, you will love again. And more importantly, you’ll be loved as you never have before.

It’s hard to finish a relationship with someone you would have done anything for.

It’s hard, and it may get harder—but it will pay off. All the pain and tear-soaked nights will pay off. You’ll be free and happy.

Don’t give him more power over your life than he deserves. He is now just an ex, and that’s all.

Maybe you’ll say hello to him when you see him on the street. Maybe you won’t.

He’ll surely suggest that you two stay friends. Don’t do that. Don’t even respond.

He’ll move on much faster than you, and if you keep in touch with him, you’ll have to see him with his new girlfriends.

Maybe he asked to be friends to keep you available from time to time when he misses you.

If you show him you’re okay with that arrangement, he’ll enjoy those little make-up-and-cuddle sessions, and before you know it, you’ll be so far in that you won’t be able to stop.

You shouldn’t call him—not even to return his things or ask for yours. Be fair and give back what’s his, but send it via someone else.

If you come home one day to find a box of your stuff at your door, you should immediately get rid of it.

Throw it away—no matter what’s inside. Whatever it is, it will slow your healing process.

Leave him in the past. Don’t look back. What if Cinderella had gone back for her shoe? She would never have met her prince.

An ending doesn’t have to be a bad thing. An ending simply means that something else is about to begin.

The best thing you can do is devise some mechanisms for coping with your new situation.

For example, you could write a letter to him and set it on fire, along with your mementos and photographs.

Life is a journey, and it’s just taking you somewhere else. Buckle your seat belt and enjoy the ride.

To heal your wounds, you need to stop touching them. He wanted to leave, so show him the way out, and close that door forever.

He is now in the past. Your past is a history of victory. Learn from it. It’s the biggest lesson of your life.

Break your illusions about him. He was never your forever. Stop collecting stones when you deserve diamonds. You deserve the truest love of all.

Open Topic

What Is Marriage?

Everything that leads up to your wedding day is very romantic: planning a big reception, a beautiful dress, and of course, your Prince Charming.

Deeper into marriage, though, life can seem less romantic. Less exciting. Less interesting.

Taking care of your home and organizing your life after the wedding might even make you wonder if you did the right thing.

Wonder why it is so much less than you had hoped for.

You need to trust me on this one. Marriage is in no way less. It’s so, so much more.

Marriage isn’t always rainbows and butterflies but it beautifully deepens the bond you’ve created with your soulmate.

Marriage is letting go of the expectations of what you thought marriage should be and realizing that it is way more than you could ever dream.

Marriage is cuddling up on the sofa and realizing there’s no one else in the whole wide world you’d rather be with.

Marriage is being able to imagine a future together, whatever it may bring.

Feeling ready to deal with anything that comes your way because knowing you get to do it with your soulmate makes you fearless.

Marriage is learning that one fight doesn’t mean the end. A fight is just one of the ways you grow better and stronger together.

It is saying something intentionally hurtful and regretting it the moment it leaves your mouth, hoping they will forgive you.

Marriage means having someone to support you even when you are at your worst. It means having someone to laugh at your silliest jokes.

It means always being around. Forever. For better or for worse. It means he has your back and you have his, even when you screw things up.

In marriage you share everything.

Your home, your bed, your secrets, and your most intimate thoughts – the ones you thought you could never share with anyone.

Marriage is feeling secure, loved, and taken care of and making sure the other person feels that exact same way because of what you do for them.

Marriage is spending a huge portion of the night uncovered but refusing to get separate duvets anyway because you want him as close to you as possible for as long as possible.

It is singing and dancing to the same tune – one that only you two can hear.

Marriage is wanting to prove that you’re right so badly but choosing not to because it’s less important than creating a healthy atmosphere between you and your partner.

It means having a best friend who can read any face you make and know just what you’re up to simply by the way you look at them.

Marriage is showing each other that you care in your own unique way.

It doesn’t have to be roses, chocolates, and gifts.

It can be a home-cooked meal, a fixed sink, or calling in the middle of the day to check on your loved one.

Marriage is rarely grand gestures.

More often than not, it’s a messy web of short moments, memories, and beautiful things you say and do to each other.

Marriage is realizing that beauty, perfection, and social approval have nothing on your little community.

It is making a secret pact that guarantees it will always be the two of you against the world.

Marriage is disagreeing over many things but always being certain about one: making sure you never, ever give up on each other and your love.

It means enjoying each other’s differences and loving your partner for their flaws, not despite them.

Marriage is falling in love over and over again, each time with the same person but in a different way.

It is not only loving each other, but also liking and respecting each other as people. It means working together towards the same goal.

Marriage isn’t a necessity in life but it is an amazing luxury, bringing the promise of friendship, love, and support forever.

It is not something you simply get. It takes hard work.

Marriage is something you do – learning to love and care for your partner each day of your life.

Marriage does indeed begin when you marry the one you love, but it is built by loving the one you marry.