“Just Friends.”

“Just friends,” the words taste almost bitter coming off your tongue. Because you know it’s a lie.

Friends don’t look at each other the way you do. Friends don’t laugh with each other the way you do. Friends don’t talk to each other the way you do. Friends don’t touch one another like that. And friends don’t feel it from their head to their toes something as small as the other person grazing your hand.

You aren’t just friends. There is history and feelings and what-ifs and maybes that linger. With anyone else you can’t be with, it’s simple you say you’re just friends and that’s what the relationship is. It starts and ends there. But with almost relationships and just friends, there is some emotional or physical connection that’s there.

When you allow an almost relationship to label you ‘just friends’ what you’re really doing is tolerating less than you deserve.

What you’re really doing is saying it’s okay to have this physical relationship, even though you’ve stated it’ll never be anything more.

What you’re really doing is, allowing yourself to be emotionally invested in someone who cannot reciprocate those feelings.

What you are really doing is, disrespecting yourself because you don’t think you deserve better or you know you deserve better, but you refuse to set those standards.

What you’re really doing is, allowing someone to write and rewrite grey lines in pencil that they can redraw however they feel like based on when they want you in their life.

What you’re really doing is, saying this is okay. I would rather have some of your time and attention than be with someone who can give it to me fully.

I would rather have the bits and pieces you have left than nothing at all.

You can never be just friends with someone who provokes such intense emotions that don’t seem to go away.

And just because they are putting you in this “friends” box doesn’t mean you have to be strong enough to tolerate it.

How dare they touch you through the night then wake up saying this will never be something more.

How dare they waste your time and attention and energy when there’s someone out there who will value it and value you more.

How dare they use you as some ego boost.

And how dare they think you’re always going to be a choice they get to make when you’ve made them a priority.

It hurts like hell looking at someone you’ve loved cared about and they did not respect you enough to reciprocate it, but took advantage of how you felt.

You aren’t just friends when you’re having casual sex.

You aren’t just friends when you’re talking every day.

You aren’t just friends when you’re sending each other pictures you hope don’t see the light of day.

You aren’t just friends when the conversations you have is something you need to hide.

So when they throw the words “just friends” in your face after everything you’ve been through, throw it right back at them because someone doesn’t deserve the benefits that come with being in a relationship if they aren’t going to actually be in a relationship with you.

And I know you think you love this person, but what you love is this idea of what you could be. What you love is this story they’ve led you to believe could be true.

Don’t fall for the maybes and the what ifs and the one day. Because that won’t ever happen.

That isn’t the reality, and the sooner you let them go even though you don’t want to, the sooner you’ll be with someone who can give you everything they weren’t able to.

They aren’t your friend. Because friends wouldn’t fuck with how you feel taking complete advantage of it. Friends wouldn’t lead you on like they have. And friends sure as hell don’t wake up in bed next to each other saying it meant nothing.


14 Things That Happen When You Meet A Good Guy After An “Almost” Relationship.

When you’re in an almost relationship it messes with your head. You’re suddenly reading signals that might not even be there. You are investing time and energy into someone who you’re not even sure of.

But uncertainty and mixed signals shouldn’t be a sign to try harder.

We fail to realize when we end up in most relationships, the amount of time and emotion and energy we are wasting on someone who is never going to be what we need.

And instead of walking away, we think it’s our job to prove we deserve their time and attention like their love is something to be won over.

But real relationships don’t require that of you. Real relationships are simple.

When you aren’t used to any of those things, it throws you off finally meeting a good man.

1. He tells you how you feel and you don’t believe him.

It isn’t that you don’t trust him. He hasn’t done anything to you. But when people in the past have used words to further relationships physically, you stop believing what people say.

2. The sex is completely different.

When you’re having sex with someone you aren’t dating, there is a vital part missing emotionally because sex isn’t just about something physical. And when you devalue sex in relationships regardless of how the relationship is defined, the experience changes. There’s a wall you put up subconsciously to protect yourself. But when it’s a real relationship, suddenly everything comes together and you realize this is what it should have been like the whole time.

3. You feel guilty for needing validation.

Doubts cross your mind still. And it’s okay to need validation. Needing certain things in a relationship doesn’t mean you are asking too much. Wanting to be confident in someone doesn’t make you weak. And if someone makes you feel like you’re asking too much, it isn’t the question that needs to change but rather the person you are asking.

4. You’re so unbelievably guarded.

It’s okay to be scared. We value the things we want but have never had before. And sometimes we’ve settled hoping we could change how someone feels about us. Hoping we could change the relationship. If an almost relationship taught you anything, it’s the importance of valuing something real when you find it. It’s going to take time to trust someone when others in the past have hurt you, but the right person isn’t in a rush.

5. You worry entirely too much. Then realize you don’t have to.

Where you once used to analyze every move you’ve made and every mixed signal. Where social media acted as some pawn in this game, you realize how simple it should have been. Because the right guy answers your texts quickly. The right guy keeps his word. The right guy adds confidence to the doubt you might have in yourself or him.

6. You are constantly waiting for something to suddenly change.

You watch him closely analyzing everything. Maybe after the sex, the slow fade will become a reality. Maybe as time and distance separate you two, suddenly his feelings will change. Maybe he’ll just stop answering like so many have before. You anticipate the worst because you want to manage your expectations and not be let down. But he hasn’t disappointed you or let you down or given you any indication that you can’t trust him.

7. And you swear this is too good to be true.

You think just because you haven’t had this before, you don’t deserve it. But you do. And it was eventually going to happen for you. You invested a lot into others who didn’t deserve you, now it’s time you experience someone who does.

8. You push him away when he gets too close.

Suddenly your walls completely crumble at his touch and it scares the shit out of you. Suddenly you’re telling him things you haven’t even said out loud. And he doesn’t take off running like you expect, he just holds you close and you feel safe.

9. Something simple and honest throws you off.

When all you’ve known is almost relationships, you’re used to someone spitting you lies and telling you what you want to hear. It gets to a point your ears grow mute. But this is different because here’s someone who hasn’t deceived you or lied to you or led you on.

10. You suddenly become more confident in him.

You forgot what it was like to be confident in someone. Suddenly here’s someone talking about the future and dates months from now and you think about people in the past who couldn’t even commit to coffee a week in advance. You think back to what it felt like to always be waiting for someone and always be met with disappointment. But this time it’s different.

11. You start to end other lingering relationships for good.

When you are used to almost relationships and what makes them hard compared to real relationships, is the lack of clarity within it. Something can’t end when it never began in the first place.You fade out of each other’s lives, only you come back every so often because you can. But suddenly you meet this good man and you want nothing to do with ghosts from your past who come knocking just to see if you’ll answer.

12. You feel guilty playing the comparison game.

It’s normal to compare someone you might have known for a while. Almost relationships establish an emotional connection you can’t deny is there. You get to know someone at a very deep level. And you sometimes fall in love with these people knowing very well nothing will come of these feelings.

So when you get into a real relationship with a stranger suddenly you’re comparing this person you don’t know to someone you came to fall very hard for.

Take their best qualities. Use that as a standard. But also understand the greatest difference between this person standing in front of you and the one you sometimes think about is, what they were willing to do which wasn’t anything other than lead you on.

13. But then you realize he blows everyone away.

In time, as you get to know this person better, as scary as it might be, what you’ll realize is despite their flaws and shortcomings, they became exactly what you needed while everyone else stood there not stepping up to the plate.

14. He teaches you what love and a healthy relationship actually is.

You suddenly learn those almost relationships and things that lingered were just something to occupy time and attention and space in your heart. Something that left you empty. Because when it’s a real relationship, it makes you twice the person you are and you don’t have to compromise your self-respect to get it when someone is meeting you halfway.



You Taught Me What Love Actually Was, But Also Fear It.

I sat in a coffee shop and our song came on. It’s not one that plays often, it was one of those rare finds you came across.

“I hope that I don’t fall in love with you…” and I was brought back to all of it.

We began to fall carelessly in love with each other knowing very well the repercussions, but we let it take us. We were at it’s whim. Like puppets and love the puppeteer.

There’s something that makes an uncertain future a little less scary when you’re holding someone’s hand you love and walking apprehensively towards the unknown together.

In our time together you taught me what love actually meant.

And it wasn’t just three words mumbled at bedtime. It was so much more.

The little things that made me fall for you so fast and so hard.

Waking up to roses sitting on the kitchen counter. And I asked you how you knew. You pulled me in kissing my forehead because I asked you drunk the night before.

A fancy dinner we sat at and every time the waiter came, it was like he was interrupting moments that were ours. Jealous of anyone that stole time that wasn’t with each other. You paid the whole bill. I didn’t know at the time you used the last of the money you had just to take me somewhere I wanted to go to.

Mornings waking up and you pulling me in. Like whatever was going on outside this world we created didn’t matter. Tangled between sheets and this place we didn’t want to leave.

It amazed me what love could do to someone.

2AM a candle lit the dark kitchen as you asked me to slow dance. And I laughed as you spun me. Bitter when the song ended because I would have spent the rest of my life dancing with you if you let me.

Everything about me and the expectations I had been clichés and over the top, but you met me there.

You met me in moments as we laughed and screamed feeding birds on Sunday by the bay.

You met me in moments of confusions as I needed arms to hold me.

You met me the moments I needed someone like you most.

Watching each other across the club out of the corner of our eye. There was a confidence we had in each other where jealousy wasn’t a factor. And I’m usually a very jealous person.

“She’s the one,” you didn’t know I was in the hallway listening as you talked to your friend. Because I believed it too.

Pillow talk I didn’t know was a game of make-believe as we talked about where we wanted to live, what kind of dog we could get, the names you wanted to name our kids.

“You’re too young and it’s too unrealistic,” people would say. But that’s the thing about love and relationships regardless of how unrealistic something might be, you make it work.

You fight for each other but towards the end, I was fighting alone.

I would have fought for you until I had nothing left in me. I think I did.

But you stop trying when it’s a lost cause.

I fell to my knees on the bathroom floor with dark makeup running down my face. Everything looked blurry and I learned no matter how much you drink you can’t drink enough to forget the person who ruined you.

“It’s over,” no matter how much you prepare yourself for those words, it isn’t something that sets you free.

It’s the final page of a book you refuse to close because you keep hoping the ending will get rewritten.

Waking up alone and reaching over to their side of the bed when things were simple, and I love you actually carried with it weight.

Sleeping only to escape because that’s the only time living doesn’t actually hurt.

Standing in front of someone and hearing the words, “I don’t love you anymore,” and you’re overcome with doubt and uncertainty of how you even got here. Replaying what was real and what wasn’t.

This person in front of you, who knows you to the core of who you are, knows every curve in your body suddenly is a familiar stranger.

You taught me what love was. But you also taught me what it can turn into when love runs out.

I grew to fear love as much as I wanted it. Pining after something I once knew, but also running from it.

Clinging to strangers who touched me the way you did, but they didn’t know me.

Emotional connections with people I knew couldn’t be more.

At least if I was choosing the wrong people, I wouldn’t be surprised at how it ended like I was with us.

The relationships that scare me these days are the ones that hurt. But the one that will heal me. The ones where I suddenly have something to lose.



He’s NOT Your Friend.

Friends don’t pick and choose when they want you in their life.
Friends don’t keep you in their back pocket for safe keeping.

He likes knowing you’re there.
He likes knowing you’ll do anything for him and he doesn’t even have to reciprocate it.
He likes knowing someone cares when he doesn’t have to.

He isn’t your friend because friends aren’t these habits you struggle to break.
He isn’t your friend because if he was, you wouldn’t feel guilty texting him or going to see him or dropping whatever it is to appease his needs while he’s not meeting any of your own.

Friends don’t use you. And that’s exactly what he’s doing, using your emotions to further his agenda.

He plays the friend card because he refuses to commit to anything more, and you won’t ever ask him for something more because you know he won’t give it to you.

So you settle for just friends thinking you’re lucky to even be that in his life. You build him up like he’s someone he’s not and you let him get away with it. If it were anyone else, you wouldn’t tolerate it. If it were anyone else, he wouldn’t treat someone the way he treats you.

Let me reiterate this has nothing to do with the feelings you have for him, but what you let him get away with because of those feelings.

He’s not respecting you.
He’s not being kind.
And he sure as hell isn’t being a friend.

Because if he was your friend, he wouldn’t be using you to boost his ego.
If he was your friend, you wouldn’t feel a sense of guilt and shame for the things you do.
If he was your friend, you wouldn’t worry so much about losing him.

You value the relationship more than he does and you invest more into it than he’s ever going to be willing to. And that’s not fair.

But you continue choosing someone who isn’t choosing you. You continue investing in someone who wants you in his life when it’s convenient or you have something to offer him.

The moment he realizes there’s nothing more he can gain from this relationship, he’s going to leave. And you’re going to fall apart thinking it’s something you did.

And because you don’t respect yourself enough to walk away when he does, you’re going to do everything you can to keep him. But you can’t keep someone who doesn’t want to stay.

You cling to these moments you think he might change how he feels. You cling to a history. But nothing will ever progress in this relationship because he doesn’t even respect you and why would you ever want to be with someone who doesn’t respect you because you let him treat you badly?

He’s never going to look at your absence as a loss to him because you’ve made it seem like you’re the one who needs him.

Healthy relationships aren’t dependant relationships.

Turning to him for everything as if that need will make him stay, but he’ll grow to resent you because of it.

Have you ever pulled away just to see what would happen?

What probably happened was he noticed. He came waltzing back into your life like it was nothing. Playing the friend card just to see what you would do.

See if you’ve finally got a backbone and self-respect, but you cave every time with him, then fall into this routine.

You’ve made it clear you need someone and he likes that someone needs him.

He likes having you there and that’s all it is and that’s all it’s ever going to be.

The moment you really stop trying, the moment you stop investing so much into him, he’s going to go away and you’ll realize the only reason this thing was maintained for as long it was, was because of you.

It doesn’t matter what you feel. Because I’m sure you’ve put that aside to try to maintain this friendship. What matters is how he treats you. And there’s a big difference between the way he treats you and the way every other one of your friends does.

Chances are your friends don’t like him. That has nothing to do with him and everything to do with how he treats you.

Put your feelings aside for a moment and just look at that. When you start to judge him by who he is, you’ll let go of who you want him to be.

He calls himself your friend, but then emotionally fucks with you to the point where you’re crying yourself to sleep over a text he hasn’t answered.


Healing From A Relationship.

To really heal and get over someone doesn’t just take time. It takes effort and emotions. And really ugly feelings you’ve hid because you thought it was easier that way.

It’s realizing the importance of feeling through everything and not keep it bottled up.

It’s the really hard times at first and you physically don’t think anything could hurt as much as this.

You fall into a depression and it turns you into someone you don’t recognize.

You drink more than you should to numb the pain only to realize you can’t forget someone who gave you so much to remember.

You talk about it to anyone who will listen because you’re still trying to understand.

You hookup with people you don’t care about at all and you realize sometimes company makes you feel more lonely.

You pull away and focus on yourself because as someone fell out of love with you, you’ve lost confidence in yourself thinking you were to blame.

It’s getting up and going to the gym, instead of laying in bed and crying.

It’s making a healthy meal when you aren’t even hungry and you have to force yourself to eat.

It’s not downloading a dating app, but rather giving yourself and the relationship the respect it deserves in allowing yourself time to heal before jumping into something.

It’s admitting you don’t even know what you want right now and maybe a relationship isn’t the best solution.

To really heal means making the choice to just get through one day then two.

It’s respecting the fact there might be days you fall a little bit behind, but you still try to move forward.

But then you wake up one day and they aren’t your first thought.

Healing is understand why the relationship ended the way it did. And you’re not bitter about it.

It’s not blaming yourself even if you were the one who was dumped.

Healing is looking back at a person and they don’t hurt anymore. Looking back at the memories you do have and being grateful and not angry.

It’s forgiving them for hurting you even if they didn’t say sorry. It’s forgiving yourself for allowing them to affect you as much as they have.

Healing is realizing if you were given the chance you wouldn’t choose them again because you understand they aren’t what’s best for you.

It’s moving on with your life and not having ill feelings towards them.

It’s running into them and it doesn’t ruin your day.

It’s hearing they moved on and it doesn’t hurt because you are happy for them. And you really do hope the best for them.

Healing is when jealousy isn’t a factor. When you can unblock them on social media and know you won’t creep more than you should.

It’s a like on a picture because even though it used to be you in those moments, you’re happy to see you’ve each moved on.

Healing is beginning to date again and not looking for them in others. Not wishing the person in front of you was someone else.

Healing are the pictures you find in a bottom of the drawer and they don’t hurt anymore to look at nor do you need to hold them so tightly.

It’s taking their best qualities and using that as a standard for future relationships.

Healing is ugly. It’s a bunch of tears you’re embarrassed to cry. It’s thinking you’re weak for feeling things so heavy.

Getting over relationships is even uglier.

And trying again takes bravery.

But one day you meet someone and you realize this is exactly why your relationship ended. And the cycle restarts itself as you wake up to a text from someone new that you just want to know better.


I Hope You Learn…

I hope you stop putting other people first and learn it isn’t selfish to choose the person looking back at you in the mirror.

I hope you stop running yourself so thin and learn to take a break. Even though slowing down isn’t anything that comes naturally to you.

I hope you stop living life according to some calendar and to do list feeling fulfilled when you mark something off, but looking back and realizing you haven’t actually lived.

I hope on your list of priorities you stop putting yourself second and learn taking care of yourself and loving yourself will amplify every other relationship you have.

I hope you learn to stop looking for love like it’s supposed to fill the empty parts of you. That sometimes you have to learn to really be okay alone. Being brave enough to admit you might not be ready for a relationship. Even if you really want one. Recognizing there are parts of yourself that you need to learn more and improve before you can let someone in your life.

Ensuring that when you are ready to date, that person gets the best version of you.

I hope you learn to say no to some people who don’t deserve your time and attention.

I hope you learn to say goodbye to the toxic people in your life. The ones who use you. The ones who text you and you feel uneasy like they are just going to demand something of you.

I hope you only choose people who really push you forward and the only gain each of you gets, is from your presence.

I hope you learn you don’t always have to be the one paying for things or meeting people or organizing things. I hope you learn to let people take care of you sometimes. I hope the people you choose are the ones who are going to meet you halfway.

I hope you learn to let go of the things and people who are draining you.

Learn to let go of the things and people you hold onto a little too tightly and realize the only reason the connection is even there is because of you. That sometimes you have to let go to see who still is holding on.

I hope you learn to take a step back from yourself. Not allow FOMO to consume your life when in reality, you know you should be saving money when you have certain financial goals you haven’t reached yet because of the company you are choosing.

I hope you learn to really look at the people you surround yourself with, and even though there might be history there, it doesn’t mean they belong in your future.That sometimes toxic people are the ones who know us best and it’s hard to say goodbye to them, but they aren’t people who are going to push you to become the better version of yourself you want to be. In fact, they’ve been holding you back this whole time and you’ve been allowing it.

I hope you learn to stop playing the victim card and blaming others when you’re the one who has complete control of your life.

I hope you learn to let go of that old love that haunts you. That sometimes letting go isn’t a weakness, but strength. Realizing there’s nothing new to revisit in the past.

Sometimes it’s better to just move on then cut your fingers trying to put something back together that’s broken.

I hope you reach the fitness goals you’ve had with every year and this be the year you actually achieve it. Learning to commit to yourself and your physical health and well-being. You don’t need some fad diet or personal trainer you can’t afford. You just need to get up and go and take it one day at a time. And when you wake up not wanting to put your running shoes on, I hope you find the willpower to overcome yourself. Because you are the only one holding yourself back from where you are and where you want to be.

I hope you learn that taking care of yourself isn’t a waste of an investment. But where all your energy should have been this whole time.

Providing your body with the things it needs as opposed to that cookie you might want in the moment. Knowing a single step back might not make a difference in the long run but that you’d rather move forward.

I hope you learn that a workout isn’t a punishment and eating well isn’t some phase, but the fundamental building blocks for change.

I hope you choose people who support your dreams and goals and don’t try and deter you from achieving them.

I hope you realize the goals you might have aren’t always about concrete change, but rather the change within yourself that sometimes only you might see. You aren’t doing it for the instagram likes or some transformation Tuesday. Because sometimes the greatest change isn’t what we see, but what we feel.

I hope when you choose yourself you’re doing it for you. Not to prove someone wrong. Not to make an ex-jealous. Choose yourself because you should have been your number one choice this whole time.

I hope you forgive yourself for putting others first and not valuing yourself the way you should have.

Maybe you’ve lived your life trying to make others happy only to realize appeasing everyone else fades when you’ve given them everything you can, and there’s nothing left you have to offer them.

I hope you walk away from those people because it’s only when you stop trying that you see who is in your life for the right reasons.

The ones who watch you finally choose yourself and applaud you for it and not resent you because you no longer benefit them. The people who have watched others take you for granted and take advantage of you and use you, but never followed in their example.

I hope you forgive yourself for your mistakes and not dwell more than you have because we all do things we aren’t proud of and we wish we could change.

There will always be people you let down and disappoint. But the people who matter, will always be the ones in your corner regardless of whatever choice you’ve made. Helping you to learn and grow.

They will always be the one supporting you. Loving you. Choosing you. The same way you should have been doing all these things for yourself.

I hope you stop looking at what other people have and start appreciating everything about yourself. Learning to see yourself the ways others do.

When happiness is about others sometimes people tend to see everything good about someone else while seeing themselves through skewed lenses. I hope this is the year you see yourself through the eyes of the people who love and admire you most.

Choosing yourself isn’t going to be easy. With it comes discomfort and resistance because maybe you’ve never put yourself and your happiness first.

Maybe you associate happiness with others and happiness alone isn’t familiar.

On the road to finding out what makes you happy, you’re going to run into a lot of things that don’t. You’re going to have a lot of nights where you’re alone and confused and uncertain. You’re going to feel lost at some points along the way. But those feelings are just as important because when you do find that thing that makes you want to get up in the morning, you’ll have those days you struggled to compare it to.

And in those moments you’ll find yourself most grateful.

In those moments you’ll find what real happiness is.

And you’ll look back wishing you chose yourself sooner.


He’ll Miss You When…

Or when he begins to wonder who the guy is that you’re with. The one who keeps showing up on instagram.

You haven’t told him yet you’re talking to someone because well, you don’t think you owe him that explanation.

He’ll miss you when you don’t answer immediately and he’s going to wonder why. But he knows you’re probably not sleeping alone these days.

You can’t explain to this new guy the relationship because people who are just friends don’t text each other at 1am. So you ignore it until the morning and maybe even fail to remember to reply.

“Sorry I didn’t answer…” you don’t say more or explain. And he says it’s ok because he’s just happy to hear from you.

In the past, you answered within seconds and you were always the one waiting by your phone. Now it’s his turn.

And you aren’t being malicious, but getting a taste of your own medicine, tastes really bitter sometimes.

He’ll miss you when you make plans, but something came up and you’re the one to cancel like he did so many times before. Only he’s the one that’s hurt by it now.

He’ll miss you when he’s isn’t the one you’re calling drunk just to talk. Because he’s not the one you’re thinking about anymore. He looks at his phone after too many beers and your name is the one he stops at in his contact list.

He’ll miss you when he sees something that reminds him of you only he has to think before tagging you in something.

He’ll miss you when you aren’t his first like because you’re busy not staring at your phone waiting for him like you used to. And no matter how many likes he gets, he wishes your name would appear on his phone.

He’ll miss you when he sends you a snapchat and you open it, but don’t answer.

When he’s driving in the car and that song you made him listen to comes on.

He’ll miss you when something great happens, and he realizes you’re the first one he wants to tell.

Or when something really horrible happens and he realizes you were the only one who ever understood, even if it was something neither of you could make sense of.

He’ll miss you when he isn’t the one you turn to with your with problems that he used to complain about under his breath.

The double texts when he didn’t answer. The paragraphs messages.

Demanding you were clingy and needy and too much at times.

What he’ll realize is all that was, was caring. Maybe you came on too strong. Maybe you were always available. Maybe you made it way too obvious how you felt. But you cared.

He’ll miss you when you aren’t texting good morning every day like you used to, because you’re waking up next to someone who showed they cared without using their phone to do it or send you mixed signals.

He’ll miss you when you stop trying so hard to impress him and he looks at you across the room and realizes without having to try, you’re more amazing than he realized.

And he’s going to hate himself for realizing it so late.

Because even he knows you deserve better.

He watched as you jumped through hoops trying to be good enough and he was the one who made you feel like you never were. Like your presence wasn’t appreciated or valued, but rather a bother. He’ll hate himself for making you ever feel that way.

As he moves on, he’ll miss you most when he looks for you in others realizing they all fall short.

He’ll miss you the moment he realizes you never needed him, but you chose him. And he should have seen the value in that.

And when he realizes this, he’s going to show up at your door at some inconvenient time because he couldn’t take it anymore. He says everything he wished you said sooner. And it’ll be your call to make on where you go from there.