My boyfriend was the one who was keeping me alive when I didn’t give a damn about my life.
Trying all possible and impossible tricks to win me over again.
To actually stay with me.
I remember him texting me and calling me thousands of times. Because he thought I would come if he says we have an emergency.
But no. He didn’t get an answer to any call or any message. Something else was more important than him.
I chose to live a life like this. I chose drugs over him.
And he was stupid enough to put up with all that crap I did to him.
He stopped thinking about himself. He stopped taking care of himself. The only thing he was thinking of, was me.
But I didn’t know I should cherish that.
My top priority was drugs and my next fix. I just wanted to feel high again no matter what he would say about that.
He hated the new me. He hated the woman I transformed into.
I wasn’t the same woman he once fell in love with.
I want her back, can you hear me?
I couldn’t see how desperate he was because I ruined everything we built so far? He doesn’t want to give up that easy. He is a fighter; I should have known that by now.
He still can’t understand how I could say that I love him and then vanish for days.
While I was crying in front of the mirror, watching the mix of mascara and my tears, I was high. And that was the best feeling ever for me.
It took him some time to actually see that I will always love drugs more than him.
And unfortunately, he couldn’t do anything about that.
He hated me, but he loved me at the same time.
Every time when I would come home, he wanted to slap me so hard but instead of that, he hugged me, telling me everything will be okay.
I was such a good actor. I deceived him so many times. But after all those years of agony, he realized no matter how much he fought for me, he couldn’t help me if I was pushing him away.
And that is what I did. I pushed away all those nice moments spent together. I didn’t give a damn about him anymore. And anything he did will not convince me of the opposite.
He couldn’t sit there any longer watching me ruin my life. And even this is breaking his heart. He had to leave me.
Maybe I will realize that I am alone when I come back to an empty home.
Maybe I will actually think about my life. And maybe I will give myself another shot.
‘Cause baby, he knows he won’t, he said!!