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You’re Her Second Priority.

The ultimate love goal all of us aspire to is being someone’s first choice.

When we talk about healthy relationships, we always mention how partners should put each other before everyone else, among other things. 

And there’s nothing wrong with that. However, when you date a strong, independent woman, be prepared to always come second. 

Yes, you heard it right. You can be the best boyfriend in the world, you can treat her with love and respect, but she will never prioritize you. 

No, you won’t be her second choice when it comes to other men. In fact, her fidelity is something you should never worry about because when this woman chooses you, she’ll only have eyes for you. 

You won’t even come after her family, friends, or work either.

Yes, she loves her dearest ones and she is career-oriented, but she is also very well aware that you’re her life partner and that nobody can be more important than you. 

Except one person. And that person is herself. 

You see, as much as this woman loves you, she will always love herself a little bit more.

Life has taught her the importance of self-love and self-care, and she’d never allow anyone to take that place in her life. 

As much as she cares for you, she’ll never be able to put your needs in front of her own.

Yes, she’ll do everything in her power to meet you halfway, as long as those compromises don’t make her miserable. 

As much as she respects you, she’ll always have a little more self-respect.

She’ll never respect your time, friends, job, or desires more than she respects her own. 

This is a girl who knows her worth and would never stand idly by, watching you diminish it. She’d never put herself beneath you. 

No, all of this doesn’t mean that you’ll be emotionally neglected.

It doesn’t mean that you’ll be submissive in this relationship or that sooner or later, you’ll end up feeling unloved and unwanted. 

In fact, this woman will give you the type of love you never knew even existed. Most importantly, she’ll teach you how to love yourself the way you expect someone else to

She’ll cherish your relationship and do everything in her power for the sake of its future – as long as she considers it to be good for her own. 

The last thing she’d do is waste years of her life on someone who holds her back and keeps her from progressing.

On someone she isn’t compatible with and who stands a chance of making her life a living hell. 

She’ll fight to preserve your love, but never beg for it. Don’t expect her to chase you and settle for crumbs of your attention, because she has too much dignity for something like that. 

She’ll make sacrifices for your relationship as long as they don’t threaten her well-being.

She won’t endanger her own mental health, nor consciously keep on breaking her heart just to be with you at all costs.  

A strong woman will do her best to make you the happiest man on the planet as long as staying next to you makes her content.

So, don’t expect her to be with you if your relationship stops fulfilling her, and if you stop giving her what she needs and deserves. 

She’ll put all of her effort into your relationship as long as it doesn’t overwhelm and drain her to the point where she’s left without the strength she needs to run her life.

She’ll try hard to make the two of you work, but she’ll try even harder to help herself function. 

Therefore, if you ask her to pick between her romantic relationship with you and her relationship with herself, know that she’ll always choose the latter. 

Don’t expect her to stop existing as an individual, just because she’s a part of a couple now.

Don’t expect her to disregard her entire life, so she can be at your disposal at all times. 

Most importantly, don’t ever expect her to love you more than she loves herself.

This might sound pessimistic, but despite your relationship going great now, neither of you know what the future brings.

After all, you can walk away from her at any given moment. 

She can easily find herself in a situation in which she has to get used to living without you or any other person in her life.

However, the only one who’ll always stick by her side and never abandon her, is herself. 

You might call this woman selfish, but trust me, this is the only way things can work between you. The only way for her to be the best girlfriend is to be a happy woman first. 

On the other hand, if this is something you can’t accept, be honest and tell her on time. Yes, she’ll be hurt for losing you, but she’ll survive. 

Remember that this woman doesn’t need you – she wants to be with you.

But if you don’t feel the same way, she’ll be perfectly okay on her own. 

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How It Feels To Want A Baby.

I had that dream again. You know, the one where you and I are parents.

I know you hate that dream. Truthfully, sometimes I hate waking up to it, too. I start talking about how I crave a family and the bottom line is that, I know you don’t want any kids. I know you never want to talk about the tiny feet I can’t wait to grow inside my belly. I know you never want to talk about family vacations and sleepless nights. I know you don’t want a family, but I do. We have no space, no money, and only a quarter of our goals are barely yet accomplished. I know there’s time to wait – until we’re married, until we stop living paycheck to paycheck. You always have some kind of excuse.

I want us to be parents one day. By then, maybe life will be different. Maybe we’ll have paid off credit cards that we casually spent on our careless youth. The baby I so crave to do somersaults in my belly will come to literal fruition and we’ll be happy about it… then. We’ll feel better to have waited, to have given that child his or her best chance at life, with two parents who are finally ready to make the sacrifice.

But I keep waking up sad every morning after I have that dream. I wake up to a hollow belly and a hollow heart because I could see his face the night before. I could see your face the night before. I saw your smile, your heart opening to twice the size because for the first time, you were incorporating the very kind of love you’ve wrestled with wanting. I saw your face light up in time with mine, your hand caressing me, your life overrun by ten modest toes and matching fingers. I saw how life would be and for one beautiful and blissful moment, somewhere deep inside my subconscious, I was unabashedly happy. And so were you.

Kids will hopefully come one day, and my modest, late, fourty-something youth will eventually fade and maybe I’ll be glad to have wasted time on adventurous and outrageous pursuits. A switch has been activated inside me unlike a force I’ve ever come to reckon with. It bursts and tumbles and breaks at the very thought of becoming a parent, of enduring the worry, the pain, tje anxiety and the compulsory insanity that comes from loving that child from the beginning until the end of your days. I wear that love, that desire, on my sleeve for the world to see. I wear it like a lovely jacket, enveloping me and covering me in every aspect of my body, feeling its warmth on a bitter evening, giving me strength to endure the storm that I’d be powerless to face without it. This love fuels me,even though it’s just a blimp in a subconscious dream.

And maybe, one day, I plead that fate will intervene.