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Masturbation For Women.

Don’t be embarrassed if you aren’t sure how to masturbate. Some people start touching themselves later in life than others and some people have trouble figuring out what works best for their body.

Sexuality is confusing. Growing up is confusing.

Regardless of that fact, you deserve to experience pleasure. You deserve to know what an orgasm feels like. That is why you should read through these tips that will teach you how to masturbate:

How To Masturbate With Your Hands – For Women

Before you masturbate, you should put yourself in the mood. You can do that by dimming the lights, watching pornography, reading erotica, or listening to sultry music.

When you are successfully turned on, start by placing some lube onto your index finger and middle finger so that masturbating doesn’t cause you any pain. Then run your fingers along your labia and the sides of the clitoris as foreplay. When you are ready for the main event, rub your clitoris up and down or make circles across it.

In case you did not know, your clitoris is located at the top of your vulva where your two lips meet. (It’s the most sensitive part of your entire body.)

Instead of resting flat on your back, you should try lifting your legs high into the air to reach your clitoris better. You could also try standing or resting on your stomach — whatever feels the best for you.

If you are someone who enjoys penetration, then you could also move your fingers in and out of yourself. Start slowly and then let yourself move faster. To reach your g-spot, use a ‘come hither’ motion with your fingers.

Don’t forget to explore your other erogenous zones. Feel free to play with your nipples or hold your throat or run your hands up and down your own body. Experiment to see what feels the best for you personally.

Just remember that women usually take a while to orgasm, so make sure that you are patient. Do not stress yourself out by wondering what is taking so long, because if you get annoyed, then you are going to reduce your chances of experiencing an orgasm.

How To Masturbate With Toys – For Women

Owning sex toys is nothing to be ashamed about — just like masturbating is nothing to be ashamed about. If you are tired of using your hands, then you can get some assistance.

If you visit an adult shop, you can buy a vibrator to use against your body. You can either rub it against your clitoris the same way that you rub your hands there or you can penetrate yourself with it.

If you cannot choose between the two, then you could invest in a rabbit vibrator. That is a toy that allows you to feel vibrations against your clitoris and have something penetrating you all at once.

If you don’t have any toys from an adult store and are too nervous to make the trip there yourself, then you can use household items to help you orgasm. For instance, you can grind against a pillow or (if it isn’t too weird) a stuffed animal. All you have to do is place your vulva on top of it and then grind your hips against it.

Once you are more comfortable with your body, then you can buy other toys like nipple clamps and anal beads and oversized dildos. You don’t need a partner in order to explore your fetishes. Feel free to test out anything you are interested in trying!

Just make sure that you follow the cleaning instructions on the product carefully so that you don’t end up ruining the toy or transferring bacteria into your body that should not be there.

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What You Need To Know About My Anxiety.

I wish you knew that most of the time I feel like I have lost all control over my own life, that I am doing the very best I can – and often times my best is barely enough to get me through the day.

I wish you knew that my anxiety is like a never-ending game of Jenga building up inside of me; each trigger like a block moving to the top, destabilizing me from the inside out.

I wish you knew that “just tired” has lost all meaning to me; I am wholly enervated, drained to my core, unable to lift my head from under this blanket for fear that the world will crash in on me.

I wish you knew that breathing does not come naturally; that my heavy sighs are not an expression of frustration, but rather my body’s desperate response to a lack of air.

I wish you knew that sometimes being surrounded by people makes me feel alive – for about 15 minutes and then I am taken down by an overwhelming feeling of dread. That walking down a crowded street can make me feel like I’m drowning in a pool of bricks, unable to push my way to a surface.

I wish you knew about the guilt. How it drips off of me with every outburst brought on from the nervousness that festers in my bones. How it follows each and every breakdown because I am lucky. Because I have everything. Because there is no reason to be anxious or depressed. Because I should be happy.

I wish you knew about the tears. The hot and furious ones that come on despite protest, the silent streams that crawl down my chin and neck coating my cheeks without me realizing it, or the ones that bring me to my knees in the kitchen on perfectly beautiful sunny days.

I wish you knew that there is nothing “wrong”. I wish you knew that there is no explanation you will find satisfying for why my panic attacks come on like waves in a storm. I wish you knew that the swift swing from happy to devastatingly sad is as jarring and unsettling to me is as it is to you.

I wish you knew that I am not something you can fix and that I fight every day against the darkness so that it does not come to define me. I wish you knew that some days I lose that battle. Those are the days I wish you knew how much I need you to understand, to be kind, to be there – to remind me to breathe.

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My Abortion Story.

I had my abortion when I was 18.

I was 18, and with my THEN boyfriend for about 1 month and found out I was pregnant after I took my pregnancy test in a near by McDonald’s . I was scared, a part of me really didn’t want to, but the man who I THOUGHT was the father THEN, insisted on the abortion so his mother wouldn’t kick him out of the house if I kept it (pathetic, I know now). I got scared and worried, so I went with it. I was 7 weeks along and saw the baby when I had an ultrasound. And a warm feeling came over me. I felt loved when I saw the baby.

I came to a decision that only him and I knew about, and the day it happened, was the day I lost a bit of myself, there was a hole in my heart.  After the abortion, I cried and was really depressed, and I have never spoken about my abortion and how I felt to anyone, but it is something that scars me for life.

I still cry about it sometimes and think about it CONSTANTLY. It’s something you will never get over, and I recommend you think strongly about abortions because if I could, I would take back mine and have my child in a heart beat with or without the father, don’t let others influence your decision like I did.

When the test came up positive, the pure terror that rushed through me was a feeling I’d never felt before. My boyfriend THEN, reassured me that whatever I do, he’d be there. Whether I wanted to keep it or not, he’d respect my decision and help in anyway he could.

The day after my surgical abortion, I felt relief. I was somewhat happy with the choice I made. But flash forward to now, I can’t help but think about what could have been. What he/she would have looked like, been like. Whether it was a boy or girl, what his or her name would have been. Sadly now, I can’t have children now, because for 1, I’m too old. And 2, I have to go through IVF. And 3, my NOW boyfriend doesn’t want children. And it hurts so bad.

Even though she/he never got big enough for me to physically feel her/he, and the thought of she/he growing inside me, I could feel, and I would have loved to experience that feeling for the first time. I’m so sorry baby, if I could take that day back, I wouldn’t have gone to that clinic.

I regret every single moment of it and wish I just walked away out of there when I started to feel hesitant, but there was never a chance and not one person noticed.

I regret my abortion. I have a really hard time looking at babies, pregnant women or interacting with children. It makes me miss my would of been daughter/son.  I’ve never expressed this outside of my mind, and here I am speaking about it publicly now.

I admit I have been able to do things and go places that I would not have been able to do with a child.  Doesn’t really feel worth it though. 

My mom gave birth to my brother around the time I would have. I was so jealous sand angry sometimes, and hurt, because I was always the baby of the family, and all the attention was going to be taken away from me. I randomly cried thinking about this, it’s sad.

But the fucked up thing about this whole situation was, after I thought about it for a while, I realized the baby was my EX-BOYFRIEND’S. And we were together for 1 year. I miss him, and I wish I kept my baby. I am getting too old for children and that makes me more sad and regretful. I think it would have been a girl, and I would’ve have named her Erika Michelle, after her father Erik Michael. And she would have been beautiful. With her daddy’s big brown eyes and my blonde curls. She would have been born December 5th.

I don’t know what to do or who to talk to. This is sad and something that sticks with me till this day.  Now I live a good life and I am loved by many.  My life has gone on, but I don’t know where to go to talk about my secret. And I’m fed up of the stigma, making people keep it secret.
I also wanted to save Earth by not overpopulating. So many idiots having children, so why did I sacrifice mine?

My 7 week ultrasound.
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Some Blessings Are Disguised Losses.

Some gifts are presented as losses or goodbyes. Some blessings come after losing certain people, certain jobs or certain battles. You don’t really understand it at first, you try to come up with the most logical reason for why it happened, you just mourn that loss regardless. You mourn the ending. You start thinking to yourself why good things never last, or so you think, until a good amount of time has passed and you finally start seeing why you had to lose this one thing or this one person. You finally start seeing the blessings that follow that loss. You finally find yourself again.

It only hits you when you start realizing that this whole time you weren’t yourself, you were fighting so hard to keep something that wasn’t meant to be yours. You were so focused on making it work that you overlooked all the other possibilities that surround you. The possibilities that come knocking on your door while you’re so busy banging on the one door that’s closed. It only hits you once you realize that God has given you so many signs to change directions, but you were too stubborn to follow them. It only hits you once you start repairing all the damage this loss has caused.

We think that blessings have to be ostentatious or worth bragging about, we think that blessings mean happy tears and ecstatic joy. We think that blessings mean big gains, promotions or weddings, and while all these are indeed blessings to be thankful for, we forget to look at the blessings in disguise, the ones that come with painful endings, sorrow and late night tears. The blessings that come with breakups, losing a job or failures. The blessings that we only recognize after we heal. These are the hardest blessings to understand, but they’re the most important ones. The ones that we don’t usually know how to accept, but we know that we’re being protected from something unfavorable and guided towards something better.

Even though we cringe at the thought of losing someone we once cared deeply about or still do, knowing that this loss can carry with it something far better for us makes the pain a little bit easier to swallow. It makes the sad ending a little bit easier to endure. It reawakens our faith that at the end of the day, we can only surrender to the plans God has for us. And even though we await the grand and glorious blessings that we prayed for and we expect them to happen the way we imagined they would and at a certain time, sometimes they come disguised as everything we despise, everything we want to avoid or everything we fear. Sometimes they’re disguised as losses that we will later be so grateful for and a confirmation that we will never truly lose what was meant for us.

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What's Your Addiction?

Do you eat your way through depression before it eats away at you? Do you dissociate from reality so that reality can’t get to you? Maybe you’re addicted to toxic relationships. Maybe you gamble too often. Click too many items to put into online shopping carts. Take a different man or woman home every evening. Consume a new bottle of wine every night. Chase emotionally unavailable people, to avoid confronting your own unavailability. Go back to your abusive ex. Work overtime, to avoid creating a life outside of work.

What’s your addiction? Your poison of choice? Everyone has at least one – whether it’s food, alcohol, drugs, sex, people. Whether it’s minor or major. All of the above? None of the above? Maybe you have your own customized designer “drug” or hybrid – a mix of things you use to fill up the various voids and gaps in your life. These are the outlets you use to swallow your anxiety, placate your fear, quiet the inner critic that says you’re not enough.

Addiction exists on a spectrum – from the self-sustaining to the self-destructive.

Some addictions are seemingly harmless, trivial – until you take a closer look. Others become so rooted in your identity that you forget they were once never part of you at all.

Many addictions aren’t dangerous addictions to hard drugs – but they can be just as sinister. They cause us to become dependent on outside sources to make us feel whole; the sad part is, our dependency causes us to become more fractured. Some addictions involve overeating to fill the aching sense of emptiness or under eating so we don’t take up too much space; other addictions push you to please others, so you never have to consider what actually pleases you.

At its core, addiction usually stems from some sort of buried shame that shouldn’t have been ours to bear in the first place.

Most addictions cause us to isolate ourselves or to gravitate towards those who will make us feel even more alone than we already were. Giving into our addictions makes us feel grandiose, on top of the world at the time – but in reality, they shrink us. They ask us to satiate ourselves with external rewards, rather than a sense of internal safety.

Most addictions aren’t actually cravings for things, or even people. They’re an addiction to validation. And if left untreated, they could potentially rule you.

Every addiction at first gives us a false sense of control – but it only causes us to lose control. Addiction offers a seductive illusion that something outside of ourselves could potentially save us from ourselves. In reality, it paves the pathway to destruction.

Getting to the root of every addiction is like going down the rabbit hole of every tortuous thing that has ever happened to you.

You’ve got to come clean to get clean. In order to get out, you’ve got to go within.

You’ve got to detox from your negative self-talk, self-blame and sense of shame. You’ve got to uncover, dig deep and unravel your deepest wounds to finally heal them. Everything in your life that has shaped you so far has to be explored – each childhood trauma, each source of terror in adulthood. It’s a labyrinth, a mystery novel. What, where, when, how, who, why?

Who?

Who are you without your addiction? Who are you with it? Who abandoned you, so that you abandoned yourself? Has it always been a part of you, or did you weave it into your story until it became a nonnegotiable part of your narrative?

Why?

Why now? Why the ‘relapse’? Why were you brought to your knees this time? Why did you crave you another ‘hit’ of what others might call self-harm?

When?

When did you get your first “fix” of whatever you use to fill the void? When did you realize you couldn’t live without it? When did you stop validating yourself and start seeking validation elsewhere?

Where?

Where were you when you first needed something outside of yourself to make you feel alive? Were there other people involved, coaxing you or making you feel so terrible you needed to escape? Where do you most often have the urge to validate yourself through this source? Where would you be if you didn’t have this addiction?

How?

How has this addiction ‘created’ you? How has it destroyed you? How has this addiction taken away from the time you could’ve spent building a sense of self that didn’t require this addiction to survive?

What?

What do you do to stay numb? What could you use to replace it? What would your life be like if you didn’t sustain this craving? If you radically accepted it, without falling off the wagon to fulfill it?

What would it take to break the cycle?