Open Topic

This Is What ‘I Do Not Love You’ Feels Like.

“I love you.” 

“I know you do,” he said.

What I thought would bring a sense of relief when three words that kept me up at night finally escaped my mouth, really left me feeling even more vulnerable. There’s a sting to ‘I love you,’ when the feelings aren’t reciprocated. There’s a pain in walking away that moment you realize your love just wasn’t enough.

It’s looking down at a screen and a silence that kills you.

It’s staring at a door just hoping they walk back in.

It’s the apology you’ve heard a thousand times. But you want to believe the excuses.

It’s looking at your reflection in the bathroom mirror and seeing a pretty face, but under the layers of makeup is self-doubt, criticism and a feeling of being inadequate.

It’s fixating upon flaws you wish you could change and you tell yourself it’s them. And you’d love nothing more than to believe it. But you don’t.

It’s hearing the words ‘you deserve better’ but in your mind, you build this same person up who knocked you so far down and you wonder, ‘is there anyone better?’

It’s the look your best friend gives you and the exchange simply says, ‘drop it. Don’t ask.’

Its tears as your pillow absorbs each drop and you’ve never felt so lonely.

It’s being met with darkness at 2AM as you lay there wondering how you even got here?

It’s being emotionally exhausted because for some reason, your best wasn’t good enough and you’re still trying to figure out why.

It’s people asking how you are, you simply say fine because no one wants to hear that it feels like you’re drowning.

It’s the moment you stop. Stop trying. Stop caring. Stop everything. And it hurts you to do so, but it hurts more standing in a place looking at a person and never being what they need. 

And it kills you to walk away and try to move on.

And you look for any reason to turn back around. But the truth has been clear for so long, it just took until now to see it.

Sometimes things end much sooner than goodbye.

The ugly truth is, you can’t love someone into liking you.

But the hardest part isn’t some unrequited love story.

The hardest part is, standing in front of them and pretending this doesn’t hurt like hell.

So you’re forced to smile instead of cry. You’re forced to answer with a fine when they ask how you are, but the reality is you haven’t stopped thinking about them, you haven’t slept in days and it physically hurts all of it and the thoughts haunt you of what you’ll never be.

You’re forced to walk away without looking back. The hardest thing you’ll ever do is, letting someone you love go. Falling in love is easy. Staying in love takes work. But convincing someone to love you, is a lost, cause that ends in your own heartbreak and tears.

Open Topic

Jealousy Is Self-Destructive.

Jealousy is going to kill your confidence. It’s going to make you feel like you’re falling behind. It’s going to make you feel like you aren’t good enough. It’s going to make you feel like you’ve been doing something wrong. Your jealousy is going to trick you into believing there is something wrong with you, when really, the only thing wrong is your mindset.

Jealousy is going to kill your motivation, drive to succeed. It’s going to make you feel like giving up. it’s going to make you wonder whether there’s any point in trying, since there are millions of people out there who are smarter than you or prettier than you or more talented than you. It’s going to make you doubt your own abilities until you do something you regret, like quitting.

Jealousy is going to kill your kindness. It’s going to turn you into someone cynical, critical. It’s going to convince you to start dropping snide, backhanded compliments to people who intimidate you instead of admiring their beauty and recognizing their worth. It’s going to turn you into someone who views everyone else as potential competition, instead of potential friends.

Jealousy is going to kill your friendships. It’s going to push you away from the people who mean the most to you. It’s going to make you feel like the friends you should be celebrating alongside, are actually your rivals. It’s going to make you resent them during the times when they need your support the most.

Jealousy is going to kill your romantic relationships. It’s going to insult your person. It’s going to make them think you don’t trust them when they say they love you, they find you beautiful, and they want to spend the rest of their life with you. Jealousy is going to put a wedge between the two of you. It’s going to make it hard for you to form a sturdy bond, because you’ll always worry about it breaking.

Jealousy is going to kill your chance at self-love. It’s going to make you feel inadequate. It’s going to make you wish you could change your face, your body, your weight, your personality. It’s going to trick you into feeling like you aren’t beautiful, like you aren’t worthy of love and success.

Jealousy is going to kill your reputation. It’s going to make you come across as cold and bitter. It’s going to make you look selfish and insecure. It’s going to make you seem unapproachable, untrustworthy, and unlikable because no one wants to spend time with someone who is going to get jealous and lash out. No one wants to spend time with someone filled with so much hatred and negativity.

Jealousy is going to kill your happiness. It’s going to change your mood. It’s going to raise your stress levels. It’s slowly going to eat away at you. It’s going to harm you in more ways than you can count. It’s going to make you more miserable than you deserve to feel.