Open Topic

The Best People To Fall In Love With, Are The Ones With Depression.

The truth is we aren’t. 

I could tell you we feel things deeper. We care more. We are more sensitive and understanding and compassionate because the only thing worse than overcoming others, is overcoming your own demons. 

People with depression aren’t the best ones to fall in love with. We aren’t easy to deal with. We are complicated and don’t even understand ourselves sometimes. And there are days where we are completely intolerable and irrational and filled with such negativity it will drain you. There are a million healthier, less stressful people you could fall for.

Because the reality of falling in love with someone who has depression comes with entering a world and a topic you probably don’t know much about. But in time, you’ll learn first hand how depression affects someone.

There is nothing glamorized about the nights we fall apart and are a complete basket case and there’s going to be nothing you can do to fix it. And before your eyes, it’s not this person you might have fallen in love with. Everything about us looks the same but it’s like a switch went off and you’re trying to bring us back, but all you can do is watch in horror like we’ve transformed into some kind of monster. 

There is nothing lovely about those days where our head takes us to a really dark place and we become a version of ourselves we don’t recognize. Or those times we haven’t eaten or showered or left the house in days and you want to help but you feel helpless too. 

There’s a sadness to watching the person you love in public put on such an act and you watch because you know how good they are at fooling everyone. There’s a sadness to watching someone you love, make others and yourself so happy and you just want them to bring as much joy to themselves.

There’s a sadness to this person who doesn’t see themselves the way the rest of the world does and no matter how much you try to build them up, they knock themselves down.

There’s heartbreak to holding the person you love as they cry and they wonder why you love them. And they tell you to leave. They tell you can do better than someone who cannot control this mental illness that they blame themselves for. But you know it’s not their fault. You know when they push you away is when they need you most. 

To understand depression and loving someone with it means to understand they’ll say one thing and mean the other.

To love someone with depression is understanding a simple trigger will bring them to a very dark place they don’t wish to go to but can’t control. 

Understanding depression and loving someone is understanding a “bad day,” it’s just something they feel inside regardless of what is going on with them.

It’s knowing to not ask the question “why are depressed?” Because we don’t have an answer. 

It just comes in unwanted waves one after another drowning us in our own deep thoughts and we don’t want to reach for you to save us. We don’t want to seem like a burden. We don’t want you to feel obligated to be here out of guilt. Because we feel guilty enough for putting you through this. And that’s why people with depression are hardest to love. 

Loving someone with depression is the anticipation of those days. You’re always waiting for this thing to ruin your best day. It stays hidden lurking in the shadows. 

When you love someone with depression you want to help. You hold them in the late hours of the night when they are crying. You tell them to go back to sleep when it’s 2am and they are awake. 

You are the strength on their weak days and that’s a lot to ask of someone.

So no person with depression aren’t the best to fall in love with because it takes a very rare person to be able to tolerate that and choose to that. 

You begin to hate depression because it makes this person you love into someone they aren’t. And you have to keep reminding yourself “this isn’t them, it’s depression.” You hate it but you learn to accept it.

And together you begin to just take it one day at a time. You begin to appreciate the good days that are few and far between but make the bad days worth tolerating. 

If you love someone with depression and you can help them through their bad days, you can be the light in the darkness, be the company in states of loneliness, in return you will find someone who loves you unconditionally. 

You will find someone who will love you so deeply. 

You will find someone who will love you so hard it redefines what you thought love meant. 

You will find someone who will be loyal to you forever. 

You will find someone who will accept the worst parts about you and teach you to love that too. 

You’ll find someone who is always grateful for even the little things.

In return, you’ll have someone who will do anything for you and someone who will never stop telling you how much you mean to them. You’ll find someone who always puts effort into you even if it comes in the form of overcompensating. 

If you love someone with depression, you’ll realize and appreciate a new sense of beauty to all they are. Because there is something to be said about someone who picks themselves up every time they fall.

There is something to be said about someone who has the ability to channel this negativity in their life into something positive. 

There is something to be said about this person who works hard and stays busy and accomplishes a lot, simply because that’s what will keep them having “good days.” 

There is a strength to people with depression. There is a beauty to them. There is an appreciation for life despite those “bad days” where they question everything. And you’ll watch them handle all of this with as much grace as they can and you’ll love them even more for it. 

So maybe we aren’t the best people to fall in love with but once you do, there’s no going back.

Because on those bad days when we are crying and wondering why you deal with us when we tell you to leave, there will be the smallest glimmer of hope in our eyes, when you look at us and say, “I’m choosing to stay.” 

Open Topic

The Girl Who Has Her Shit Together.

Date the girl who knows where she’s going.

And wants to take you with her.

Date the girl who has dreams a little too big.

And the belief that she can achieve it.

Date the girl who is honest even if it makes her look bad.

Who is vulnerable and isn’t afraid of it.

Who is unapologetically authentic.

Date the girl who doesn’t need you to take care of her.

The girl who works her ass off, but also knows when and how to have a good time.

Date the girl you don’t want to hurt.

The one you hate disappointing.

The one you’d do anything for if you could.

Date the girl who makes you forget about every other one.

Date the girl you’d be proud to bring home to your parents.

The one who believes in you, even if you don’t see yourself that way.

Date the girl who makes you smile every time she walks into a room. 

And makes you feel like it’s just the two of you there.

Date the girl who makes you laugh.

But can also laugh at herself.

Date the girl who is independent.

But chooses you anyway because she wants you, not needs you.

Date the girl you can picture having a future with.

The one who is different and isn’t afraid to be herself.

The girl who might not be your type.

Date the girl who is nice. 

The girl who challenges you.

The one who makes you see things in a different light.

Date the girl who is willing to make sacrifices to be with you.

And would do anything to make it work.

Date the girl who accepts your flaws.

But more than that, doesn’t see any to begin with.

Date the girl who makes you want to take risks in life. 

The one who will tell you to go somewhere or do something.

The one who will hold your hand and give you that push if you need it.

Date the girl you can see yourself falling in love with.

Even if you aren’t ready.

Take a chance on her.

Date the girl who accepts your past.

Because she believes in a future together.

But most of all, date the girl who is going to make you a better man.

Open Topic

Most Valuable Player.

It doesn’t matter who it is. It doesn’t matter the time of day. 

There is something about texting and delays, I just can’t deal with sometimes.

It’s like my number 1 pet peeve. 

Maybe it’s anxiety. Maybe I’m nuts.

I don’t know what it is? I don’t know why I can’t control it? 

But every time there is a delay in a conversation, my first thought is I’ve said something wrong or done something.

I immediately jump to ten million conclusions of why the other person on that end isn’t answering. Most come down to me. 

I create problems in my own head. I drive myself crazy. I look too frequently at my phone and jump at any movement. 

The logical part of my brain says, “not everyone has their phones on them all the time like you.” Or “maybe they are working and busy.” “Maybe they are taking a shower or on the phone.

The irrational part of my brain tells me the person is mad or annoyed or trying to irritate you by not answering. The irrational part of my brain says they don’t want to talk to you, they want nothing to do with you. It says everyone has their phone on them these days.

Next thing I know, I’m checking every one of their social media platforms to see activity in the event they are ignoring me. 

Honestly, there’s too much. Snapchat. Instagram. Facebook. Twitter. (Do people even communicate through twitter anymore?) SnapStories. InstaStories. Facebook Messager. InstaMessager. SnapMessages. SnapTexts not meaning as much as a real text. Completely forgetting the conversation because it disappears.

As someone who still writes hand written letters, I get completely lost in all of this. 

The following and adding etiquette is just too much for me. 

There’s something that really grinds my gears about a person who ignores your text, but then likes your instagram. There’s something really annoying about someone who will look at your snapchat story, but not answer your snap text. 

The person who you know has their phone on them always, but isn’t answering. The game of social media and the impact it has on people like me makes me feel crazy.

Whether the person’s intentions are melodious or not my, paranoid ass comes up with every worst case scenario. 

And every time I’m contemplating sending a double text, knowing very well I shouldn’t.

And if it’s someone like my best friend who isn’t impacted by multiple lengthy texts, they will come back to their phone with a novel written, that’ll take them approximately 7 minutes to read. Or a tag, share, and a snap. 

I analyze the length of texts and overanalyze every chosen word. I reread shit I’ve said more than once. I think way too much. But the root of it is caring.

I care a lot about what people think. I care a lot about saying the wrong things. Or saying too much. 

Every text will be followed by I’m sorry. 

And maybe I answer texts too quickly. Maybe I don’t play that texting game you’re supposed to when talking to someone. Maybe I do everything wrong. But if the worst thing someone could say about me are my texting and social media habits and the fact I care maybe I’m not as bad as I think I am. 

But to all those people who answer back quickly, who provide explanations for delays, deal with the long texts and tags completely accepting it and care to hold a conversation where it isn’t just me asking questions, you are the real most valuable player.