I was in a bad way. Miserable out of my mind. There were days when I’d lie in bed, the drapes closed, day outside sliding into night and back to day, and I just didn’t want to deal. Deal with my thoughts. Deal with being sick. Deal with heartache. Deal with my company tanking. Deal….with….life.
Here is what saved me.
I’d reached my breaking point. I remember it well. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was done. Done with all of this. This misery, this pain, this angst, this being me. I was sick of it, done.
Done. Done. Done.
And in that desperation, I climbed out of bed, staggered over to my desk, opened my notebook, and wrote:
“This day, I vow to myself to love myself, to treat myself as someone I love truly and deeply – in my thoughts, my actions, the choices I make, the experiences I have, each moment I am conscious, I make the decision I LOVE MYSELF.”
There was nothing left to say. How long it took me to write this, less than a minute perhaps. But the intensity, it felt like I was carving words onto paper, through the desk. I’d been disgusted with myself – I could love another and wish them well, but what about me? From now on, I would focus only on this thought. For me.