Open Topic

A Letter To Heal Emotional Pain.

After I was able to pinpoint where all my anger, hate, hurt, and feelings of being unworthy stemmed from, I was able to release it and finally be free. After months and months of prayer, crying, and reliving the horrible past, I found myself in a place of inner peace. Everyone will have their own way of dealing with their hurt and releasing their pain. My way was to write a release letter to each person who hurt me physically and mentally (the abusers), emotionally (the ones who didn’t protect me), spiritually (God because part of me blamed him). I wrote so many letters to so many people letting them know that I forgive them for what they did to me. After I wrote the letters, I burned them and during the burning of them l vowed to release the hurt forever (but that was a lie). I also wrote a letter to myself forgiving myself for hating myself and promising myself to allow my heart, mind, and soul to heal.

That was 4 years ago. Today, I am still healing and allowing myself to love me fully. I have a hard time till this day forgiving those who hurt me, but I have released that hurt to the fire (at least I think I have). I am still consumed with hate and anger but now trying to live a peaceful and happy life. Hopefully someday I can find it in me to fully heal, forgive and free myself from all this anger and pain.

The person I was years ago is not the person I am today…thankfully.

Open Topic

Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It.

I was in a bad way. Miserable out of my mind. There were days when I’d lie in bed, the drapes closed, day outside sliding into night and back to day, and I just didn’t want to deal. Deal with my thoughts. Deal with being sick. Deal with heartache. Deal with my company tanking. Deal….with….life.

Here is what saved me.

I’d reached my breaking point. I remember it well. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was done. Done with all of this. This misery, this pain, this angst, this being me. I was sick of it, done.

Done. Done. Done.

And in that desperation, I climbed out of bed, staggered over to my desk, opened my notebook, and wrote:

“This day, I vow to myself to love myself, to treat myself as someone I love truly and deeply – in my thoughts, my actions, the choices I make, the experiences I have, each moment I am conscious, I make the decision I LOVE MYSELF.”

There was nothing left to say. How long it took me to write this, less than a minute perhaps. But the intensity, it felt like I was carving words onto paper, through the desk. I’d been disgusted with myself – I could love another and wish them well, but what about me? From now on, I would focus only on this thought. For me.