Loving A Doubtful Girl.

When a girl doubts you, don’t take it personally. It isn’t so much you she is doubting, it’s everyone else in her past who has taught her she has to be guarded and she has to look out for herself. 

Know she’s going to be blunt and forward AF. 

When you come across a girl who doubts people, she’s learned to say exactly things as they are because a lot of people haven’t and deceived her. She won’t do that to anyone and she won’t let people do it to her. What might come across as coming on too strong, she does it because she’s looking out for herself. 

Understand her walls are really high. 

She can probably count the number of people she can trust on one hand. Everyone else she looks at questioning them. When you are as honest as she is, you learn quickly that very few people are. 

Know she has a really good heart people have taken advantage of.

She’s watched as people have completely walked all over her and have taken what they have wanted from her and just left. There are times she wishes she was a little colder so it wouldn’t hurt as much. 

Understand that she has baggage. 

Even when it’s other people who have wronged her, she still looks at things that have gone wrong and she blames herself. She can tell you about the past that haunts her that she should let go of. She doesn’t. The best thing you can do is, teach her sometimes the past she clings to aren’t her problems to hold so tightly and she can let it go. 

Know she does believe in good regardless of the bad. 

She’s seen the worst of people and is still so kind. She has every reason not to be with the things she’s gone through but she keeps thinking if she is kind and does good, eventually it will come back to her. 

Understand she’s gotten a lot of what she didn’t deserve. 

A lot of the things she has experienced was a result of someone else taking their problems out on her and she had to be strong through it. It is because of all of those things she has learned, a strength you wouldn’t realize just looking at her.
She’s had to learn to rely on herself. 

She’s had to learn to build herself back up every time someone hurt her or broke her heart. She’s learned how to function while being broken. 

Know she’s always expecting the worst. 

She expects the worst of everyone and expects every situation to end really badly. When someone is used to being let down and disappointed, you learn to manage your expectations. If they are low you won’t get hurt. 

And she’s waiting to catch you in a lie.

She looks for it. And not because she wants something bad to happen but there have been so many times in her past that if her guard was down even a little, she was fooled. Teach her she can trust you and know it’ll take time to gain that. 

She’s going to need you to reassure her more than once. 

She’ll ask you the same story more than once. She’ll ask a lot of questions. She needs those answers. 

Anxiety acts as a way to protect her from getting hurt. 

And when a million scenarios rush through her mind she’s going to try to play it cool, but you’re going to have to be the confident one and teach her she can rely on someone other than herself. 

Know that you have to go at her speed. 

The only way you’ll progress in a relationship with someone who doubts everyone, is letting her take the reins and following her lead. She’ll come around, she just has to do it when she’s ready and when she feels she can trust you. 

Understand if you don’t, she’ll push you away. 

If you try to push her or suffocate her, she’ll turn the other way and run. She doesn’t handle pressure well. When others have taken advantage of her, maybe emotionally or physically while trying to appease them, it’s left her feeling empty. 

Trust is big for her, but she only trusts herself. 

She’s learned to trust herself and listen to that voice in her head every time, even the slightest red flag gets raised. Gaining her trust will take time but the best things in life aren’t that simple. 

She loves hard but hasn’t met someone who deserves it. 

In the past, she’s loved hard and given her best to people who haven’t deserved it. She has to learn not everyone deserves her best so she’s apprehensive about who she invests time and emotions into. 

Loving hard means she hurts even harder so she has to be guarded. 

But when it’s right, her love will change you. 

Once she’s confident in you, you have her loyalty forever. 

Once you gain her trust and she realizes she can love you confidently, she’ll be someone you can rely on always. To her loyalty is everything and you’ll always have hers.

Modern Dating.

It’s knowing exactly what to say at a bar to get you a free drink or two. But then also knowing how to Irish goodbye without their hand being the one you’re holding.

It’s knowing exactly what to say in a text that came late at night and going back and forth on who should go where.

It’s the walk of shame that never looks bad if you’re a guy.

It’s swearing we all want to date so we download apps but no one wants to give up a Friday night to spend with one person when you can be in a crowded bar with strangers.

It’s getting matched with someone we know not out of interest, but we were curious if they swiped right. Then if they do unmatch them because we gain some weird satisfaction out of knowing they care.

It’s the dating apps and getting unmatched simply for saying hello too quickly. 

Or the vulgar comments because it is a dating app and someone can get away with it.

It’s the games we swear we hate, but everyone keeps playing.

It’s not even knowing what a real date is, so we settle for meeting for drinks.

It’s everything so casual, and everyone fearing commitment. 

It’s meeting someone who is blunt and honest and it’s so unusual, so we label them with clingy than run after the same person who keeps us guessing.

It’s the unfamiliarity of what crushes and liking someone feels like because everyone has been conditioned to try to be the one that cares less and do everything in your power to prove it.

It’s the fuckboys who have girlfriends they don’t tell you about until the next morning.

It’s ghosting becoming so normal it doesn’t even hurt anymore.

It’s having a million ways to communicate, but no one is saying anything.

It’s figuring out there’s a problem across your news feed or in angry tweets or some share on FB instead of keeping it between you two and finding a solution.

We are conditioned to air dirty laundry on a news feed instead of in in real life and doing something to fix it.

It’s ending things when something goes wrong, instead of working through it. 

It’s thinking we can find someone better so we try, only to keep someone who cares on the back burner as some backup plan when we need an ego boost.

It’s constantly wanting the next best thing and comparing yourself and the life you lead to everyone on your phone. Even if it is a filtered version of the life we want people to think we are leading.

It’s racking in likes because for some reason it makes us feel better.

It’s the coy game of texting and not being the one to send a double text or appear like we care more. It’s not seeing someone for days in a row, even though you can’t stop thinking about each other and you would like to. No one wants to make that first move.

It’s making sure we don’t view their story on Instagram or snap chat first because we’ll look desperate.

It’s making sure we don’t like their latest post too quickly or too often.

It’s the plans that we can’t seem to follow through when it comes to others even though we aren’t busy, we are laying in our beds looking at our phone texting the same people all night we just flaked on earlier. 

It’s the phone calls that never get made because calling anyone is weird and everything is texting.

It’s snap texting that doesn’t equate to as much as a real text for reasons I don’t understand.

It’s opening a snap but not responding immediately. It’s like we want people to anxiously wait for moves we might not even make.

It’s being coy with every move we make and every word we say because anything we might do wrong, could get us unmatched or ghosted and we’ll never get the explanation as to why.

This is modern dating and this is the culture we all live in today.

But it’s not supposed to be this difficult.

Relationships aren’t supposed to be this complicated.

Call me clingy if I want to see you again or if I double text you.

Call me crazy that I answer texts immediately when I get them or I look at people’s stories fast because I’m curious what they are up to. I’m sure part of me wishes I could be there too. But I’m supposed to not say that. I’m supposed to not show I care. Feelings I’m supposed to repress because that’s what we are taught to do.

Call me crazy that I want to see you and talk about whatever the issue might be, this way we can work on it. I don’t just give up on people that easily.

I’m not supposed to admit I have feelings for someone and if I do, it’s 50 shades of aggressive. And there’s a 90% chance they won’t say it back or it’ll freak them out and they run.

But I’m going to tell people how I feel and no one can make me feel guilty for it. Because I’d rather someone know with 100% confidence than ever make them doubt that I think they are great.

I think people have a right to know you care even if they don’t because if someone had feelings for me, it’s something I’d respect and want to know also.

Maybe the expectations I have are out there, but I truly believe in chivalry and real dates and getting to know someone.

Call me weird that I message people first on dating apps and I’m not looking to hookup immediately, but I’d actually like to get to know the person.

Maybe it’s strange I have dating apps I hate and I’d rather meet people organically, but everything about that is so hard when you’re out and everyone is staring at their screen.

Call me crazy for actually wanting a relationship at a time where that isn’t a cool thing to do.

But to me, it just seems nice being happy with one person. It seems nice looking at someone confidently and knowing they feel the same way.

To me, the idea of bringing someone around often doesn’t scare me. Being in a crowded bar knowing I came with the person I’m going to leave with, seems ideal. Waking up next to someone I know with confidence I’m going to see again, is appealing to me. And those words that people seem to dread like boyfriend and girlfriend, it’s actually something I look forward to. 

Maybe it’s weird how much I hate casual hookups and every walk of shame I take, I’m secretly hoping that isn’t the last time I see them. Maybe it’s weird how much I hate one night stands and afterward, I beat myself up for succumbing to standards that don’t match my own or reflect my values.

Maybe I’m too blunt sometimes. Maybe people classify me as too easy to read. Maybe the people I pine after know they could have me if they’d like to. But what I keep holding onto is, the hope of meeting someone who sees the value in that.

Maybe someone will be as tired as I am of these dating games.

Maybe it’s weird no matter how much I drink out I still remember what people say and I hope they mean it, even though most the time they don’t.

Because here I am saying everything honestly in a society that teaches me to lie to gain something from someone.

Call me crazy for being the way I am, but I’d rather feel too deeply than allow everything I’ve been through to make me cold.

Maybe I text too much and call when I shouldn’t, but I don’t think that’s weird.

To me, weird is holding a phone in your hand seeing someone calling, ignoring it, then texting them “what’s up.” Like why couldn’t you just pick up the phone and have a real conversation? 

I don’t think the problem is people who care too much, people who wear their heart on their sleeve, the people who admit they want one relationship, but rather the ones who don’t. Because I don’t think that’s the case. I truly believe everyone is lying to themselves.

Give me anyone and I promise you even if they won’t admit it or play this dating game better than anyone, everyone wants someone. I think everyone is secretly hoping they find what we all seem to be pining after but won’t admit, in the arms of another stranger who teaches us they can be the exception.