I Am Strong, But Exhausted!!

When you’re strong but you’re tired, your faith grows wary. You believe in love, but you also fear it. You look forward to something you don’t even see to be in your future. When all you’ve known is heartbreak, it’s takes strength to believe in anything else. You know you deserve it, but there are moments you don’t think it’ll never come your way. When you’re strong but you’re tired, you just want to give up. You just want to walk away. Stop trying. Stop believing. Stop feeling everything so deeply to the core.

It’s the tears you cry at night that no one knows of. And you have to wake up the next day and pretend everything is fine. Like you didn’t just fall apart and pick up the broken pieces of yourself. You smile and go through the motions, because you have to.

You help others and find solutions for them, but you can’t even help yourself. It’s people trusting you and confiding in you and you don’t want to let anyone down. So you keep pushing through this pain of everything you are feeling. It’s like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, only no one sees it. No one is offering to help. When you make it look easy, it’s hard for anyone to see. When you make it look easy, everyone thinks you can handle it. But part of you wants to just fall to your knees because you’re only human. 

You’re stronger than you even realize. You’re stronger than people give you credit for.

It’s unkindness people show you and you don’t even flinch or respond. And while it hurts sometimes and words break your heart, you choose to not retaliate. You know responding will only make it worse. So you keep your head down in silence and just keep fighting. No one knows how mean people are, but you see it every day. But you choose to not repeat the cycle. That takes strength. To look at yourself in the mirror and not feed into it means you’re ahead of them.

It takes strength to believe in people when you’ve seen them at their worst. It takes strength to believe in love when you are crying yourself to sleep over someone who hurt you. It takes strength to believe in yourself when everyone is doubting every choice you make.

And I know what it’s like to be tired of being that strong. You’re tired of getting hurt. You’re tired of getting disappointed. You’re tired of giving your best only to watch people take advantage of it.

You’re tired of everyone waiting for you to make one mistake. And how easily they forget everything you did right before that. Then you blame yourself because you aren’t perfect. But everyone expects you to not make any sort of mistake. You’re tired of expecting the worst of everyone and everything then watching it become reality. You’re tired of everyone judging you and telling you how you should be living your life. When you’re doing your absolute best but for some reason, it falls short. You’re tired of trying to change who you are and no matter who you try to please, someone else isn’t happy with you. 

It’s exhausting. When you lose yourself trying to please others, nothing about it is easy. It’s exhausting to be the bigger person. It’s exhausting caring about people as much as you do. It’s exhausting staying up late overthinking every mistake wishing you could just make it right.

You think too much about people who care too little.

But you don’t know how to change a heart like yours to do anything different. Because all of it comes so naturally to you.

I know how hard it is to be that strong for everyone. I know how hard it is to care so deeply. I know none of it is easy having a fragile heart in a cruel world that does everything to try to make you cold.

People like you will always know pain at a level deeper than others. People like you will always hurt a little more when it isn’t your pain to feel. People like you will always know this darkness that others never will. But with all these intense emotions you feel so heavy, you also feel the good things and appreciate that more than anyone else.

Value being a person like that. Appreciate a heart that cares so deeply when others have grown cold.

As much as it hurts sometimes, it’s people like you that changes others. It’s the genuine good you bring to the world that fills others with hope and light. There is something rare about someone like you.

There is something beautiful that you don’t see in yourself. When you are constantly looking at others and seeing their beauty and seeing their good, you fail to see your own. But every else does.

You are the hope they look for when all is lost. You are the love you give freely when they feel empty. You are the arms holding them when they feel weak. You are the good the world needs, in one that is ugly and mean.

So I ask you do not change. Do not allow pain to make you feel so depleted. I ask you not to change because the world needs more people like you. So keep fighting as hard as you need to and know you aren’t alone. 

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