12 Signs It’s Time To Let Go.

The hardest thing in the entire world is looking at someone you once loved with all your heart and realizing sometimes those emotions change. And part of you clings to the relationship blaming yourself for this shift, while the other half of you can’t deny what is in your heart to be true. Here was someone who did everything right, yet there comes a time where you just stop being right for each other. 

1. You feel like you aren’t connecting like you used to.

It’s almost like that connection you once had that was so deep is suddenly fading and no matter what you do, whatever that IT is, just isn’t there anymore. And it’s like here you are looking at someone who looks the same and sounds the same but something you can’t explain is just different.

2. Silence is more comfortable than speaking.

It’s almost like you’d run out of things to say to each other. The “how are you?” and the “I love you” seem to be said not from a place that is genuine, but rather obligation, because that’s how it has always been.

And it hurts because you never thought you’d get to this point ever. So you settle for silence because that’s easier than admitting what is actually going on between you two.

3. You don’t miss them when they’re gone.

They leave and you realize you don’t miss them the way you should. And that’s when it hits you something needs to change.

4. You seem to miss the past more than appreciating the present.

You’re clinging to the moments where you fell in love but those words almost feel like a lie now. Here you are doing everything you used to, but it doesn’t feel the same anymore. When all you have in common is the past, you realize there might not be a future.

5. You aren’t learning from each other anymore.

You used to do so many things with this person and go so many places. When you were with them, you were learning something new every single day and you loved it. But now you’re at this weird stand still where you’ve learned everything you possibly can from each other.

6. You aren’t happy anymore.

No matter what this person does or how hard they try it doesn’t make you happy anymore. And it’s cliche to say “it’s me not you.” But it really is. Sometimes you are with someone so long you realize you’ve lost yourself in this relationship and you need to find yourself again.

7. You feel like they are holding you back.

And you hate admitting this. But being uncomfortable is a good thing. It means something needs to change. You need to be someone more than just in the relationship with them. While you loved it while it lasted, you can’t help but admit this good thing has come to an end and it’s time you go off by yourself and learn what it is like to be without them.

8. You are fighting more than you’d like to.

Little things that would never get you mad in the past seem to irritate you more and more. It’s almost like you are now looking for reasons to be angry with this person or start a fight. Maybe then you’ll both realize what you know in your heart to be true, that you each are better off without one another.

9. One of you seems to be trying harder.

But what makes it hard, is when one person doesn’t want to give up on the relationship. You look at them with love and admiration that they believe in you so much but you can’t fake what your heart no longer feels.

10. They aren’t always answering.

Maybe it’s you deliberately not answering or you realize they aren’t. Where you used to talk every minute of every day, there’s this silence that seems so loud only no one is brave enough to say what needs to be said.

11. You’d be okay if it ended tomorrow.

If they suddenly called you up and said it’s over, you wouldn’t be upset about it. In fact, you’d be relieved they were the one to say it.

12. Moving on seems like a breath of fresh air.

The thought of being with someone else is something you look forward to in your future.

The thing is, breakups are never easy. Following your heart at the expense of possibly hurting someone else doesn’t feel right. Sometimes you fear letting go and it’s only then you realize you made a mistake. But sometimes you need to grow apart from people if you want any shot at growing back together. And sometimes in the attempt to find yourself again after a breakup, you find someone else who adds all these feelings to your life you’ve long forgotten. Regardless of what side you are on in a breakup, it’s never easy. But sometimes you have to do what is best for you and your happiness, accepting the fact that letting go is the best thing you can do for both of you.

Emotional Abuse.

When it’s physical abuse there are marks to prove it’s an unhealthy relationship. There are scars from the past that tell stories you don’t tell to just anyone. It’s the bruises you hide. It’s the mark you claim were caused because you were clumsy and fell. It’s having to actually make an effort to hide the reality of what the relationship actually is or was.

But emotional abuse isn’t as easy to spot. Emotional abuse messes with your head. The red flags go unnoticed to average people and sometimes even to the individual being emotionally abused. They don’t realize there is an issue with how they’ve been treated when it might be all they know. 

According to psychology today the definition of emotional abuse is “an attempt to control, in just the same way that physical abuse is an attempt to control another person. The only difference is that the emotional abuser does not use physical hitting, kicking, pinching, grabbing, pushing or other physical forms of harm. Rather the perpetrator of emotional abuse uses emotion as his/her weapon of choice.”

Straying away from the cycle of emotional abuse is difficult, but what is hardest is unlearning the things you’ve been taught in an unhealthy relationship. It’s hard entering a new relationship with someone who treats you well and just be open to something good but unfamiliar. 

1. When she’s been emotionally abused she won’t trust herself.

When someone emotionally abuses you, they are constantly putting you down to a point where you question every choice you make. And as you go through relationships of possibly choosing similar people, you begin to not trust your judgment at all.

2. It’s going to take time for her to trust you.

When she finally meets someone decent, she’s going to question the relationship and you. Even when you’ve given her no reason to question you, it isn’t you she doesn’t trust, it’s everyone in her past who has taught her the wrong things about love and relationships. This becomes a difficult task to someone new because you’ll be the one helping her to learn what she actually deserves. And she’s going to question if she even deserves it.

3. She might push you away.

People reject what is unfamiliar to them. So give her time to come around at her own pace. Be the example she compares others too, not just another reason she distrusts people.

4. She’s always going to blame herself for things.

In emotionally abusive relationships the victim is always the one at fault. And whether she’s to blame or not, she will always take full responsibility for everything that’s happened.

You’ll find her apologizing for things that she shouldn’t be saying sorry for. 

To her, it’s easier that way, but know when to sit her down and admit she wasn’t wrong. Know when to take responsibility for your own mistakes and be the one saying sorry.

5. She may not be the most confident.

When it’s emotional abuse you’re dealing with, people go one of two ways, either they get really thick skin and learn to not listen to that negative voice criticizing them or they crumble because of it. That voice suddenly dictates and controls their life belittling them and putting them down even when that person isn’t around anymore.

It’s the flaw someone pointed out constantly.

It’s the little comments that are on repeat.

Loving someone who has been emotionally abused means rewiring their brain and teaching them to see themselves in a different light than what they’ve come to know and what they’ve been told. 

6. She never feels like she’s enough.

Regardless of how much she accomplishes or the things she does right, she’ll never feel like it’s good enough. People who have come from places of emotional abuse are constantly striving to be good enough for one person who is never satisfied. To the average person, it’s amazing what they do but they will never give themselves credit where credit is due.

7. She’ll overcompensate.

She’s always going to try too hard. She’s always going to out do you. She’s always going to take things to the next level. She’s programmed to constantly try unbelievably hard. When you’re in a relationship with someone like this you get overcome with guilt, because suddenly your best doesn’t feel like it will ever match up. But pulling her aside and explaining she doesn’t need to do these things is an important conversation. But she won’t understand because trying too hard comes very naturally to her.

8. She’s going to expect a lot of fights and you leaving.

When it comes to emotional abuse, the abuser uses the tactic of neglect & abandonment. As if them leaving after a fight is punishment. An abuser will always spin fights into pointing out, “if you did this it wouldn’t have caused me to overreact.” They will never take the blame fully. The tactic of neglect will always keep the person on edge and that goes back to control. If you can control someone’s emotions, you have power over them.

In a healthy relationship, talking through a problem and coming out with a solution will be unfamiliar to her. But if you can show her that’s how it’s supposed to be, you aren’t just teaching her about healthy relationships. It’s so much more.

9. And she’ll put herself down.

When someone has put you down enough, the abuser doesn’t have to anymore. It then transitions into self-destruction of her repeating every negative thing she’s heard.

When she’s putting herself down and saying negative things, you have to counter it and understand someone has fed her all of these things. Don’t look down on her for a lack of confidence or things that weren’t within her control. Just build her up from there.

10. She’ll struggle in asking for what she wants in the relationship.

She’s used to relationships that aren’t about her but rather pleasing someone else and always putting them first. You might not feel like you are giving her what she wants or needs because she doesn’t state it, but consistently treating her well is the best thing you can do. 

11. She’ll struggle with communication.

She might bottle things up and avoid talking about things. The truth is, when you’ve experienced an emotionally abusive relationship you learn to be silent and a just little quieter. As if silence will avoid fights.

In a healthy relationship, that will be her biggest obstacle to overcome learning how to effectively communicate issues. 

12. She’s unbelievably fragile.

You’ll realize how fragile and sensitive and emotional she is. She’s learned empathy the hard way. She’s learned how to hide things most people don’t have to even endure. She’s learned about unhealthy and bad relationships. Having learned all this and having overcome it you aren’t going to see her as broken and weak like others have. What you’ll see is someone so beautiful you fail to understand how anyone could mistreat her.

13. She’s stronger than she’ll ever give herself credit for.

She might look at herself and hold onto to a lot of baggage from her past but when she meets the right person, they teach her other people’s problems aren’t hers to carry so heavy and she never deserved to be their emotional punching bag.