Open Topic

The Difference Between Boys We Date And The Men We Should.

The boy you date will duck out when you mess up.

It’s like they are almost looking for reasons to end it so they use anything they can.

The man you should date will forgive you for it. 

That first fight you realize didn’t end everything. And when you apologize, you simply move on and that’s it.

The boy you date will blame you and not let it go.

He’ll bring it up in the next fight or hold it over your head so you feel bad about it.

The man you should date will help you to learn from it.

Even if he’s mad at you when he cools off it’s through his forgiveness you learn.

The boy you date takes off when you reveal too much. 

It’s scary that moment when you tell someone who you really are. But it’s even tougher when someone doesn’t accept it.

The man you should date learns about the worst parts of you and stays.

A real man is the one who loves the parts of you, you don’t seem to. The one who teaches you to accept your flaws because your flaws make you who you are.

The boy you date will judge you based on what you look like.

Yeah, it’s about attraction, but they are already thinking about their next move and how to get you back home.

The man you should date will judge you based on who you are.

The right guy will form this emotional connection before something physical even happens. While attraction needs to be there, you ask him the most attractive thing about you and he’ll reply, “who you are.”

The boy you date loses his cool. 

He’ll be the first to yell and scream and not keep control of his emotions.

The man you should date takes a step back and tries to understand. 

The right guy will try and understand where you came from.

The boy you date doesn’t know what he wants. 

When you ask him his five-year plan, he doesn’t have an answer.

The man you should date knows exactly what he wants and how to get there. 

When you ask him his five-year plan, he asks how much time you have to talk about it.

The boy you date talks too much.

It’s all about him.

The man you should date listens more than he speaks.

Not only does he listen, but he remembers what you say.

The boy you date is good at making excuses when he doesn’t follow through. 

You almost get used to him canceling.

The man you should date keeps his word.

You get used to relying on someone that it almost scares you.

The boy you date doesn’t want to bring you home. 

And the reason is, he doesn’t see a real future with you.

The man you should date wants to meet your dad. 

He wants your parents to know you’re in good hands and you’re taken care of.

The boy you date messes with your head.

It’s the social media games and the texting and not answering. It’s straight up confusing you just to keep you on edge.

The man you should date is confident both in himself and you.

The right guy wants you to know you’re it.

The boy you date will tell you chivalry is dead. 

All he’s really saying is, I don’t like you enough to do those things.

The man you should date will prove to you it isn’t. 

He opens every door. He pulls out every chair. He takes your jacket. He brings you flowers. He pays when the bill comes.

The boy you date will keep a password on his phone.

He doesn’t want you to know he might be hitting other girls up.

The man you should date you won’t even care who he’s talking to. 

When someone is right and gives you their best, you don’t question if they have motives.

The boy you date keeps things ambiguous.

He won’t call you his girlfriend even though you hang out every weekend. He won’t plan things ahead because he fears commitment.

The man you should date wants you to know he sees you in his future.

This guy will ask you if you’re free in a few months and start planning something special.

The boy you date will ask what you do. 

He wants to know your title sounds good but he doesn’t really care.

The man you should date will ask what your goals are and how can he help you achieve them? 

This guy not only is invested in you, but invested in the things you’re interested in and he wants to be a part of it.

The boy you date won’t let you fall in love with him. 

He’ll always keep you at arm’s length.

The man you should date won’t be afraid to say I love you first.

The right guy will say three words but through his actions, you already know how he feels. 

Open Topic

Toxic Love.

“Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your well-being a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful – you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.” — Daniell Koepke

It’s never easy determining if someone is toxic for you. Especially if it’s someone you love and care about. Someone who has played a major role in your life. Someone who was once such a positive influence on you.

All relationships change. As you get to know one another and you overcome certain milestones together, if the relationship isn’t adapting and you aren’t growing together, the shift can easily turn from one of your most healthy relationships to one of your most toxic.

And what makes it hard letting someone like this go is because you really do love them and care about them, but there comes a point where you each have to realize you aren’t benefiting each other the way you used to.

A healthy relationship is one that is balanced. One where the person is meeting you completely halfway. One where you don’t feel like you’re trying too hard. One where someone is sharing in your success and your joy. One where someone is helping to achieve things. So how does a relationship that is so healthy suddenly crumble and turn toxic? How do two people who love and care about each other suddenly turn into versions of themselves that aren’t good?

It comes down to the relationship not evolving as you are. People are meant to evolve and grow and adapt. But a lot of relationships don’t have that simplistic ability to do that and always provide you with what you need. The hardest thing to determine is if someone’s part in your story is over.

Did they teach me everything they could? Did I give the best I could give to them? Can I walk away with my head high in this relationship with the respect that there isn’t much more either of us can gain from this?

But a lot of the time we allow a history dictate our future. We cling to people we shouldn’t just because of who they were and what to they meant to us. And when you attach yourself to someone just because you have history, it doesn’t mean you are guaranteed to have a future.

But so many of us cling to what was instead of looking at what is right now.

Someone who once adored you treats you badly and you allow it.

Someone who once was fiercely independent can easily become clingy then you’re trying too hard and they are overwhelmed.

Someone who you were close with but you kept at arm’s length suddenly you’re talking every day and they become this habit. Then they start to ignore you.

Someone who used to appreciate all you had to give, suddenly starts expecting these things. And you wonder what changed, yet you keep trying when they don’t deserve your effort.

Someone whose attention you never cared for, now you’re jumping through hoops compromising your self-respect to get back to the relationship you once had.

Judge people for who they are not the versions of who you want or expect them to be.

When it comes to any relationship you can’t go back. You can only move forward and if this relationship isn’t evolving as you are, it’ll stunt your growth.

And you shouldn’t hone on when the relationship was healthy and how do you get that back. The best people are the ones who know when something is over. The ones who let certain people go because they have to. The ones who know when the relationship was something good and sometimes good things don’t always last.

Relationships turn toxic when each of you aren’t growing the way you need to.

And just because someone you love and care about isn’t meant for you, in the long run, it doesn’t mean there is anything you’ve done wrong or a flaw within you.

The best thing you can do is take the best parts of someone and use it to better yourself.

You want to honor someone you loved and cared about? Let them go when their time in your story is up and use the good parts of who they are to become the best version of yourself.

I can’t sit here and say you won’t find your way back to each other over time, but when you cling to someone just because you are afraid to let them go you don’t just lose them, you end up losing yourself trying to keep someone not meant for you.