Finding Our Way Back To Each Other.

In the pieces of myself, I saw him there too. There are some people who touch you so deeply even when they exit their life, they are in everything you take with you when you try to move on. They are in every part of you, you can’t seem to get rid of. There are some people whose impact is a direct reflection of the person you turn out to be.

He was no exception to that.

Overtime, even I got used to leading a life without him. People stopped asking. People stopped wondering. It’s hard to explain something you struggle to understand yourself. And in the years we didn’t play a major role in each other’s lives, that lack of closure and that lack of understanding left me with an unexplainable void I couldn’t find words for.

“You’re so much better without him,” I’d hear on repeat. And it’s nice to hear, but not when you don’t believe it.

Because what if there are some people you aren’t better off without.

And every year there were certain dates he completely robbed me of. Left only to think of him throughout the day.

Every year I sent another birthday card hoping maybe he’d answer.

Sometimes I wonder if healing was easier because we removed each other from social media. Erasing every part of our past like it didn’t happen at all. But there is a heartbreak to that too.

There’s heartbreak to remembering how good things were. Remembering how easily you fit into each other’s lives. A time when I didn’t have to tell him when I’d come over, I’d just walk through a door that was open and his family embraced me like I was their own.

Even when it’s your past you replay in your mind, when enough time has passed, it almost feels like it was someone else’s life you were leading.

And just when I was on my two feet again in a new city, with new friends, it happened.

It started with a follow. Then a message. Then meeting up for lunch.

But even your best outfit. Your best hair day. Your best makeup job doesn’t leave you confident when it’s the one person who broke your heart the worst.

And there I was standing 10 minutes early waiting.

He approached me, and even though five years had passed since we last saw each other, there was a comfort and familiarity to one another. A simple embrace that felt like it was everything I had been missing. The conversation that didn’t seem forced or awkward. And all I kept wondering is how after all this time are we here having lunch.

Here was the one person I thought hurt me more than anyone, only this time it didn’t hurt.

I expected to say so much to be angry to demand answers, but instead I just listened because the truth was it didn’t matter what happened years ago, the only thing that mattered was right now in this moment.

Sometimes when you want something that badly and you don’t get it, you think it’s never going to happen for you. Then it does and it’s not what you thought it would be, it’s so much more.

I knew to be wary of old flames. I knew to be skeptical of people from the past that hurt me. But there was something about him I trusted. And as we parted ways and he said he’d see me again, I knew he actually meant it.

What I learned, sometimes people need to grow a part before they have any chance of growing back together. Sometimes it’s only after you truly lose someone do you understand their value. And if you’re lucky, if you’re really lucky, you find your way back to each other again.

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Being Alone vs. Being Single.

When you’re single the first thing people think is why? Maybe they say it to your face. Maybe if they ask have you tried dating or are you on any apps?

We almost look down on someone who is alone. Make these rapid assumptions, no one wants them, there is something wrong with them, they must be crazy or intolerable to be with or clingy.

We don’t look at someone who is single with the admiration it deserves because there is this idea that is sold to us through the media and advertisements, that to achieve happiness comes in the form of some relationship label attached to it.

Like it’s impossible to be happy alone. Like you should always be looking.

And it’s true, love and relationships and dating can make you happier. But they make you happier when it’s the right relationship.

So many people buy into this idea that it’s better to be with someone than to be alone. So we find ourselves settling in these average relationships where these people aren’t our potential soulmates, but rather someone to just kill time with.

It’s better to choose to be single than be in a relationship where you are emotionally disconnected to this person and you feel like you’re alone.

To be alone, is to be in a relationship that isn’t pushing you to become better.

To be alone, is choosing to be with someone just because.

To be alone, is choosing someone and it just doesn’t feel right.

To be alone, is standing next to someone who feels like a stranger.

That’s being alone. Even if you’re in a relationship.

Why is it so looked down upon when someone says they are happy being single? Why do we not believe them when they say it? Why is our first reaction, “I’d love to introduce you to someone you might like?”

The concept of choosing to be single seems foreign to people. When there are so many apps and such easy ways to date, the person who doesn’t want to or doesn’t engage in what dating today is, is looked at different.

The person who says they are too busy for a relationship and are focusing on other bigger and more important things in their life, people think they’re lying.

And when they tell you they are happy and not looking for anything right now, we ask why?

When someone chooses to be single, and doesn’t put an effort to go out and date, there could be a number of reasons we don’t even take into consideration.

Maybe they’d rather be alone than settling like their friends have. When watched how unhappy some of them are.

Maybe they are still in love with someone else and it wouldn’t be fair until they get over it.

Maybe they really are busy and care more about their job and their friends right now than they ever could another person.

Maybe they aren’t ready to commit to one person and are fine with casual relationships.

Maybe they’ve tried before and didn’t have luck so instead of investing time and emotions into trying to make something work, maybe they are just waiting for it to happen for them.

Maybe they aren’t as worried as you are about their relationship status.

Actively pursuing a relationship when you aren’t ready for one, is what will make you feel single.

There is a difference between being alone and choosing to be single.

We all have one or two people we know would date us if we pursued it. And if we went for it, none of us would be single, but we’d be in relationships where we are with that person not because we care and our heart is all in, but rather because we felt the pressure building up that it’s not okay to be single.

Settling is what will lead to you being alone.

I’m a hopeless romantic. I value love and relationships more than anyone and it does make you happier. But that’s only when it’s the right relationship, one that knocks you off your feet.

Don’t just be with someone because you can. Wait for the one you can’t live without.

When you are choosing to be single, you are choosing to not settle or lower your standards. You are waiting for what you deserve. You aren’t too worried about it.

It’s about meeting someone who makes you not want to be single anymore. It’s about having a million things to do and places to be, but you meet the right person and you somehow fit them into it and make it work. It’s that moment where you can come up with an excuse, but you don’t want to anymore. That’s the difference.

When you choose to be single, you’re giving yourself time to heal from the past.

When you choose to be single, you’re choosing self respect.

When you choose to be single, you are learning what it’s like to put yourself first and learning what makes you happy.

When you choose to be single, you aren’t letting other’s influence you.

When you are choosing to be single, you are realizing a relationship isn’t as important as everyone thinks it is.

When you are choosing to be single, you’re learning to be happy alone before you can share that with someone else.

Because if you don’t learn those things first, that’s when you end up in those relationships that make you feel like you’re alone.

When you are making the best choices for you, even if that choice is to not have a relationship right now, you’ll never feel alone because you won’t feel like you’re missing something you don’t need at the moment.

Don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty for that.

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