Maybe.

Maybe the only reason she expected so much of you is because she would have done the same.

Maybe she expected you to follow through because she never would have canceled on you and come up with an excuse.

Maybe she expected a text back immediately because she’s answered you every time, no questions asked. To a point, you got a little too used to her.

Maybe she expected you to be there because every time you asked her, she was already on her way.

Maybe she expected this to be something because you led her to believe you might have felt the same way. Because you didn’t take the time to tell her you didn’t.

Maybe she opened up to you and gave you her heart and told you exactly how she felt because you made her feel like that was okay.

Maybe she relied on you as much as she did because you told her she could trust you. You opened up to her and let her in just as close.

Maybe she didn’t date anyone else because she really thought she had a shot with you.

Maybe she tried so hard because she thought it was her that needed to prove she deserved you. She didn’t realize it was your flaw in not realizing her value.

Maybe she made herself look like an idiot because she really did care about you  and she just didn’t know how to say that or properly show it.

Maybe she tried a little too hard to make you happy because of how happy you made her, even in the moments you disappointed her and let her down.

Maybe she said too much sometimes, but she was brave enough to admit it.

Maybe she thought she could change how you felt, so she changed everything about herself and tried to be the person you wanted her to be.

Maybe she knew you were bound to hurt her, but something about you made her feel safe. Something about you made her feel like even if the odds were stacked against her, maybe you’d come out of it with a win. Like you were something to be won over.

Maybe she pulled away and grew distant wondering if you’d notice, but at the same time she just needed to be alone to heal.

Maybe she came back only to realize she’s always going to care even when you don’t.

Maybe she thought you were different, what she didn’t expect was, someone exactly the same.

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There’s Something About The Guy Who…

“You have interesting taste in people.”

I looked at them, rolling my eyes.

“I know everyone thinks I date assholes.”

And I do. Or did.

But what people don’t know and I don’t care to explain to them is, the people who seem most rough around the edges, the people who seem to not care about anything, the ones who have gotten almost too good at having a hard exterior are the ones who are worth the effort to get there.

We stood at a Halloween party.

And out of the corner of my eye, the only person who caught my interest was the one sitting alone not dressed.

“He’s bad news,” a friend whispered in my ear like she knew exactly what my next move was going to be, as I a grabbed a handle of fireball and walked over.

I knew his reputation.

But I also knew there was so much more to people than what others said about them.

We threw back alcohol that tasted bitter and soon every wall came down between us.

The thing about good girls is, they know how to navigate and read people better than anyone.

They don’t speak often, but watch ever so closely and listen.

They move these types of guys around like they are some pawn in a game of chess that they always win.

But they never lead on that they are winning. Their poker face is one that they practiced and mastered.

But every complicated guy has that one girl who has beaten him at his own game.

Someone he runs in circles with. Someone who gets it. And it’s an ‘it’ he can’t even explain. And as complicated and as toxic as it might be sometimes, at the end of the day, they would do anything for each other.

You give a good girl, a complicated guy, and she looks at it as a challenge.

The truth is, she doesn’t do boring well.

She looks for people who have something a little more than that.

Captivated by complexity.

Welcoming trouble with a coy smile.

Eager to learn about scars.

That tell stories too beautiful for words.

They say the more time and effort you put into creating a sculpture, the more time you have to perfect those finite details, which results in a better outcome overall.

Well, people are the same way.

You give her an asshole or a player, and she’ll show you someone who got hurt by someone.

You give her someone who says they don’t feel anything deeply, she’ll find the thing they are hiding that they care most about.

You give her someone cocky who walks into a place thinking he runs it, she’ll find their insecurities.

You give her someone who hides behind sarcasm and trying to be too funny, she’ll show you someone who isn’t fully happy with themselves.

You give her someone who is a workaholic who ‘doesn’t have time for anything but their career,’ and she’ll find the reasons they don’t tell you they are working that hard or what they are afraid of.

The version people project of themselves out to the world isn’t an accurate depiction of who they actually are.

A good girl knows that.

A good girl lives it.

A good girl thrives because of that.

Maybe she does have a bad taste in people.

Maybe she likes a challenge.

Maybe she likes that people aren’t what they seem.

But there is something about the guy who swears he’s cold and heartless, but holds you as you watch his favorite show and he’s laughing like a child.

There is something about the guy who says he doesn’t feel things deeply, but saved the letter you wrote him years ago.

There’s something about a guy who swears he hates romance, but asks you to slow dance.

There’s something about a guy who says he doesn’t care, but pulls out your chair, opens every door, and doesn’t let you pay.

There’s something about the guy who says he ‘doesn’t answer to anyone,’ but does whatever you tell him

There’s something about the guy who says he hates commitment and ‘can’t-do this,’ but shows up every time you need him there.

There’s something about the guy who says he doesn’t believe in love, but means it when he whispers, ‘I love you.’

There’s something about the guy who says he hates New Year’s, but is standing at your doorstep because you’re the only one he wanted to be with.

Once you break through those walls and fall in love with someone like that, there’s no going back to normal.

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The Difference Between Anxiety And Fears.

Anxiety is when irrational thoughts paralyze you to point where you have to change what you’re thinking about, or you might start crying. Because although you know your greatest fear might not become a reality, all the what if it does is what haunts you.

Anxiety keeps you awake at night when you are so exhausted because you can’t stop thinking. You can’t stop replaying what happened, you can’t stop analyzing a situation wondering was it your fault? Wondering how you can fix it.

Anxiety makes you think you need to fix something that isn’t even a problem, to begin with.

Anxiety tells you, it is your fault. It’s always your fault even when it’s not your fault, it is.

Anxiety is what keeps you up at night because you’re afraid you might sleep through your alarm when you have to be somewhere. Instead of trusting the fact your alarm has never failed you before, you wonder if this time it will?

Anxiety are moments of being paranoid and insecure as a million lies run through your head and you have to learn to separate what’s a real worry and what’s an anxiety-prone one.

It’s the whispers of someone across the room and you wonder are they talking about you? It’s that voice that says no one likes you and here are 10 reasons why.

Anxiety turns you into your own worst enemy. Watching self-destruction play out fully.

Anxiety is the fear of not doing something well so you procrastinate doing it at all. And you know it’d be easier had you tackled whatever the task was at hand in parts, but you don’t.

Anxiety is the voice that adds doubt to every moment of certainty.

Anxiety makes you question everyone in your life even though you have no reason to.

It’s the fear of someone leaving, even though they’ve proven to you they are going to stay for the long haul.

It’s the fear of relationships because you’re always going to be the one who needs more.

You feel bad needing that much of someone. You feel bad needing constant reassurance. You feel bad apologizing as much as you do. You feel bad talking as much as you do. You hide the parts of yourself you don’t like but eventually, it comes out.

Anxiety is this obstacle you learn to continue to navigate around because you’ve come to terms with not being able to get rid of it. So you learn to live the most normal life you can while watching it affects you.

Anxiety is excusing yourself from dinner because there’s something you need to take care of at this moment or else.

Anxiety is staring at a clock as you run late and you hate being late to places. So you drive a little faster, go through that yellow light, keep looking at the clock and you get there on time and everything is okay. But if you show up five minutes late, it erks you.

Anxiety is your inability to rely on others for things because you like being in control. You know that if it’s you taking responsibility the outcome is all because of you. You try to control parts of your life to make up for the fact this little thing controls you.

So you’re very careful with the things you do and everything you say because you know anxiety pushes you to interpret things incorrectly.

Every text. Every email. Every word. It’s so thought out and rethought about and reworded and deleted and rewritten and reread and sent to others for their opinion.

Anxiety is the fear of making choices out of the fear of making the wrong one.

Anxiety is that love-hate relationship you have with drinking because sober you might be at a party and social anxiety creeps up. You take a few shots or drinks and it’s amazing how when you’re drunk it’s the closest you’ll ever come to not having anxiety disorder. So you drink more to maintain this false reality you wish could be yours.

You talk too much and say too many things without thinking too much about it.

Then you wake up the next day and you hate yourself for what you might have done. Moral hangovers when you have anxiety are far worse than anything else. You’re convinced you ruined every relationship and you don’t have any reasoning behind it really because there are parts you don’t remember, and that’s what scares you.

When that tight-knit anxiety prone ball that is you is unwound you don’t like the version of yourself that doesn’t care what people think. When you have anxiety you care so much about what people think about you. And when they don’t like you, you pick yourself apart even more.

Anxiety is watching everyone closely. You pick up on the smallest of details. An eye roll. A change in pitch. Body language. While anxiety might make you the most paranoid fuck in the entire world and there are things you make up in your own mind, you also notice things about that the average person doesn’t that maybe they don’t even notice about themselves.

And while all of this is going on in your mind, on the surface you are calm just watching. And no one notices. No one sees how much this is affecting you. Because when you have anxiety, if there’s one thing you learn to be good at, is lying.

You lie to others to hide your greatest flaw.

You lie to yourself when you say unkind things and believe it.

Anxiety is about how good you can fake being normal. But under the surface of that is a racing heart, a strange habit of picking or tapping learning to cope when you have an anxiety attack and understanding yourself well enough to know your triggers and how to try to fix it.

But the thing is, there is no fixing anxiety there’s just learning how to coexist with it, learning how to control it without letting it control you.

It’s more than just a worry. Anxiety is a way of life that no one would ever choice if they could.

The truth is, anxiety is painful and emotionally exhausting. It’s you being your own worst enemy when everyone in the world tells you to love yourself.

Anxiety is that voice that tries to take that from you.

Living with anxiety is making the choice every single day to not let this thing define me.

Teenage Problems, Social Issues and Bullying