Relationships Aren’t Supposed To Hurt.

When you finally meet a good guy after a series of relationships that made you question everyone at first, you’re skeptical.

You wonder about motives or hidden agendas.

You think it’s too good to be true because most the time in the past, it was.

You check yourself. You remind yourself not to get your hopes up because every time someone in the past disappointed you.

In learning to trust yourself more and trust your instincts, you put up higher walls not making it so easy for the next person. You grew painfully guarded to protect yourself because sadly, you learned you had to.

So when you meet a good guy, you’re unsure.

You’re hoping for the best, but expecting the absolute worst because in the past, every worst-case scenario became this crippling reality.

You think everyone is like that. You think everyone is out to screw you over or just screw you. You learn to never trust what they say.

You learn they would tell you anything to get what they want. And after get it, they leave.

In dating people who use you, you learn the awful lesson that someone only wants you for what you can offer them rather than who you are as a person.

This is a toxic lesson, we replay on repeat in our mind shockingly attracts more people like the very ones who hurt us. So we end up running in these circles.

So when you meet a good guy, it completely throws you off.

And with that, you begin to question not just everyone, but you question yourself also.

You anticipate canceled plans you know won’t be rescheduled.

You stare at your phone waiting for the other shoe to drop, reading rejection texts you could have written better than they did because you’ve heard it all before.

You know every line and every excuse.

You know how to respond to everything at this point and you’ve mastered not even flinching when something goes wrong.

You try not to let it get to you but when you’re the only common factor in these relationships, you do begin to question yourself as if it’s something you’re causing.

You carefully tiptoe over words trying to not say too much out of fear of saying the wrong thing.

You do your best to not try too hard or come on too strong because maybe that’s what you did wrong in the past.

You analyze everything about yourself failing to realize it was them and not you that was the problem.

So when you meet someone new, you know odds are stacked against you. But at the same time, there is this little bit of hope that maybe this time it’ll be different.

Good guys have it a little tougher. While you can’t blame anyone new for your past, it’s your past that has made you question everyone in your present.

Good guys have this challenge they didn’t ask for, reprogramming what you expect out of dating.

And in return, you’re doubtful.

They text you back quickly. They keep the plans you made. They tell you they care about you, and there aren’t strings attached to it or any obligations.

You wonder how is that possible? You push them away and they just pull you closer. You open up to them and they don’t cringe about the details you’re telling them.

Good guys accept your past wanting to change your future.

And there is something about that unfamiliarity that is both sad and heartbreaking.

There is no hidden agenda or objective. They reach for the bill and pay, hold open your doors, take you home and the night ends at goodnight, not have a good day the next morning.

While you might expect the worst of people at first, all it takes is one person to change. And they begin to.

One person who sees your worth and value. One person who sees you as who you are, not what you can do for them. One person who doesn’t put the pieces of your broken heart back together, but they give you a piece of theirs to replace what you’ve lost.

They replace the doubt that plagues you with confidence.

They replace questioning you with questioning the people you should have in the past.

And it is through their good grace and manners and kindness that you begin to heal again.

It is because of them you learn for the first time, relationships aren’t supposed to hurt.


To The Girl You Love Next.

“I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow And each road leads you where you want to go. And if you’re faced with the choice and you have to choose I hope you choose the one that means the most to you…But more than anything, more than anything…My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to. Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small You never need to carry more than you can hold, and while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to I hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too.” – Rascal Flatts

There isn’t a doubt in my mind I loved you. Maybe I still do. Maybe I always will. I think before I even got to know you as well as I did, I looked at you and I knew I was going to fall unbelievably hard. What I also expected, which became a reality, was me getting hurt.

Loving someone like that when you know it’s not going to work in your favor is either bold or stupid. But I walked away from it knowing how genuine the love was I had for you. I walked away heartbroken, but I still walked away thinking you were the best thing to have come into my life.

The pain I felt didn’t compare to the joy you brought to my life.

And I know regardless of where we go or who we end up with, a large piece of my heart will always belong to you.

You set this standard so high and yeah, maybe I put you on a pedestal but I think you deserved to be there.

We each are going to care about a lot of different people in our lives.

So this is the hope I have for you when you love someone again:

I hope the person you love next realizes how truly lucky they are to have someone like you in their life. I hope they know you are one of the good ones. I hope they never take you for granted or get used to you. Because you deserve to be valued and appreciated and loved with everything someone can give. I hope they wake up every day counting their blessings for you.

I hope she motivates you and believes in you. You have this thing about you, this admirable trait of doing anything you set your mind to. Not only that, but you do it well and you end up being the best at everything. I hope she’s the type of girl who sees how special you are. I hope you she tells you every day how you are going to change the world through your kindness and hard work and compassion.

I hope she challenges you. Emotionally and mentally. I hope she pushes you to become better, even though you are already great. I hope she’s someone that motivates you and adds fuel to a fire that’s already big.

I hope she doesn’t let you get away with things, the type who calls you out when you make mistakes but stays by your side when you make them, helping you to learn.

I hope you find someone who values family as you do. Someone who will love yours like it’s their own. Parents who will love you like you are their own son. Parents that look at you and know you’d be the best thing their daughter could fall into.

I hope you find someone who loves you through your bad days. Someone to hold you when you aren’t yourself. Someone to counter every thought you have when it’s negative. Someone to talk you through your worries and never let you face bad days alone. Because you at your worst is better than most people’s best. I know there are parts of yourself you don’t like and things you wish you could change. But there isn’t a thing I’ve ever change about you. There are no perfect people in the world, but you come pretty damn close.

Whoever the next person is that you love, you’re going to be the best thing that ever happens to them. Because you were without a doubt, the best thing that ever came into my life.

And I made a lot of fucking mistakes both with you and in my life, and somehow you always forgave me. Somehow you always made me better. You always pushed me to achieve more. And no matter how angry you might have been, you always loved me. Thank you for being that type of person for me.

You change people. You changed me. You changed everything about my life and what I began to expect of people.

You never let me down, not once. And yeah, you had a lot of obligations but I hope whoever she is, she knows you need a long leash. I hope she doesn’t try and control you, but let you go where you want. I hope you travel and see everything you’ve ever wanted to. And I hope she’s the type of person who would get on a plane if ever you asked her to.

Because I would have.

I hope she encourages you to take chances, but knows the greatest chance she’ll learn that she can take is on you. I hope she believes in your potential. She believes in every one of your ideas no matter how crazy they might be. And I hope she helps you to achieve it.

I hope you find that love you deserve. The love that fills your life as you’re out there trying to fill your pockets. I hope she’s someone who teaches you love is the most important thing there is.

I hope when you’re ready to love again, it’s something like that. Because you’ve always deserved the best, simply because you are.

And no matter how far we may drift or how long we might go not speaking, if ever you need that reminder of what you deserve or if ever you want to know if someone still loves you. I’m a call away. I have a feeling I always will love you.

I’m okay with that. Because the most important thing to me is you find what makes you happy, I just wish it could have been me.