You wake up and you know even just opening your eyes it’s going to be one of those days. Those days where you’re going to have a tough one. As much as you know your emotions are within your control as is how you react to things, sometimes things just build up. One thing turns into another and you’re doing your best to keep it together, but you just want to break down.
When there really isn’t much in your day you’re looking forward to. When the day hasn’t begun and you already want it to be over. You feel a sense of guilt for having that mindset. Like you should appreciate things more. You should be grateful for the things and people you do have.
But depressed days put a skewed lens on the way you see everyone and everything.
I’m not going to tell you to go and pretend to be the happiest person in your class or office. I’m not going to tell you to go do something like meditate or run and workout like that will change everything. And maybe it will. Maybe it can lift your spirits a bit. But I know having days like that and trying to be happy, only makes you feel worse when it doesn’t succeed and work. Then you get even more frustrated with yourself because you hate how this is consuming you.
But depression has a way of doing that. It’s turns everything it touches dark. Including you sometimes.
While you want to reach out to people asking for help, you also don’t want to burden them with it. You don’t want to bring them down, so you choose silence that consumes you and you get lost in your own head of negativity.
And I wish I could tell you to just change that switch in your mind. You think back to the days you were good and happy and you envy that just wanting to get back to that point.
But sometimes you have to feel through the really ugly emotions and painful events just to rid yourself of it.
So stay in bed if you can. Sleep, even though you’re emotionally tired and not physically. Take a mental health day off. Cry as hard as you need to, even if you can’t explain why you’re crying. Even when you can’t make sense of it yourself. Feel through the bad stuff and once you do, then you can step away from it. Then you can just put it behind you.
The hardest part about living with depression is knowing that day will come back to you. Those days will creep up unexpected wrapping their arms around you until you can’t breathe anymore.
But you’ve fought through every other tough day before this. You’ve overcome so much.
Don’t let that skewed lens that is depression deceive you. Don’t let that voice and negativity win.
Because yes this might be a bad day and things might be bottling up and nothing might not be going your way. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t going to change.
Stay strong until they do and know even though you feel more alone now than you ever have before, you aren’t actually. It’s just a feeling. And it’s a feeling that will pass.