In Time.

I sat in church on a Friday morning. When you go to church on a weekday you’re lucky if there is even more than 15 people attending. And there’s a 98% chance at the age of 44 you’ll be the youngest there. I held back tears as I got to my knees praying.

Caught somewhere between lost, not realizing that’s where I’d be found again.

I had always prayed for the things I wanted. The relationships I thought would work out. The people I thought would stay, but what I failed to realize as I stood staring at the door someone walked out of was, this was all part of His plan.

A plan I thought I had control of. A plan I thought was dictated by saying and doing the right thing. A plan that would lead to my ultimate happiness. A plan I thought he had nothing to do with.

But in desperate attempts to try to control fate, thinking it was something I could dictate and navigate alone, I failed to recognize the greater power that played a role here.

So this is me trusting myself a little less and putting “it”, whatever “it” might be in the hands of someone greater than myself.

“Read the signs,” a priest said as I listened attentively. “Don’t think they are for someone else just because it isn’t what you want to hear.”

I walked out and thought back to what he had said as if it were God speaking himself. And maybe he was.

In time, I began to replace demands in quiet prayers always asking with thank you.

In time, I began to replace wondering why something ended with understanding maybe they weren’t meant for me.

In time, I began to replace falling to my knees when I needed something with conversation when I only needed someone to listen.

In time, I began to replace doubt of when things would happen with faith and trusting the process.

Slowly understanding even if I don’t know what might be ahead, even if it seems cloudy and doubtful and something I fear, I’ve learned to trust Him more than myself.

And in moments where I was falling to my knees and thought I was weak, I failed to realize it’s Him who is my strength.

I’m slowly learning to trust God more than I trust myself.

That faith will never be what I see, but in everything I feel within me.


Date Someone Who…

Date someone who brings out the absolute best in you.

More than just manners, kindness, growth, and learning.

But the person who teaches you what it’s like to start living.

Even if it seems crazy to everyone else, it makes sense to you.

Date someone who pushes you to do things that scare you.

Pushes you to achieve your dreams, goals, and passions, even if they are the only one who believes in you.

Date someone who pushes you to buy that plane ticket just because you can.

The one who holds your hand when you’re scared, but you know whatever happens, they are right there ready to catch you if something were to go wrong.

This person you look at and you don’t know how this could end or how bad it could be, but you don’t think about uncertainty when you’re so sure right now.

Date someone who makes the little things in life fun. Someone who makes you laugh louder than you ever have just cleaning dishes. Someone who makes you sing your heart out when you’re driving shotgun in their car. Someone who stays in with you on a Friday night and just lying around watching movies is better than any night out.

Someone who makes you look forward to Sundays. When waking up next to the person you love most, makes you happy to just be alive.

Date someone you’d risk everything for simply because they are worth having. And you realize when there is so much to gain by this person being yours, it’s worth it. You’d make the sacrifices you have to just make it work and they meet you halfway.

Date someone who makes you believe in love and soul mates and all those sappy songs you never really understood before.

Someone who just has such a positive impact on you.

You look at yourself in the mirror and you see a before and after just because this person came into your life.

They’ve made you better. They’ve made you happier. You look at them and you start to believe in something again. Even if you don’t know what that is.

It’s the conversations that could last all day and never seem to run out of things to say.

It’s missing them before they even leave. When goodbye makes you want to just say hello again.

It’s the touch you can feel in every inch of your body and arms that hold you reminding you home isn’t a place, but a person.

And wherever they are, that’s home.

And wherever home is it’s the best adventure, because you have them to share it with.