When you’re in an almost relationship it messes with your head. You’re suddenly reading signals that might not even be there. You are investing time and energy into someone who you’re not even sure of.
But uncertainty and mixed signals shouldn’t be a sign to try harder.
We fail to realize when we end up in most relationships, the amount of time and emotion and energy we are wasting on someone who is never going to be what we need.
And instead of walking away, we think it’s our job to prove we deserve their time and attention like their love is something to be won over.
But real relationships don’t require that of you. Real relationships are simple.
When you aren’t used to any of those things, it throws you off finally meeting a good man.
1. He tells you how you feel and you don’t believe him.
It isn’t that you don’t trust him. He hasn’t done anything to you. But when people in the past have used words to further relationships physically, you stop believing what people say.
2. The sex is completely different.
When you’re having sex with someone you aren’t dating, there is a vital part missing emotionally because sex isn’t just about something physical. And when you devalue sex in relationships regardless of how the relationship is defined, the experience changes. There’s a wall you put up subconsciously to protect yourself. But when it’s a real relationship, suddenly everything comes together and you realize this is what it should have been like the whole time.
3. You feel guilty for needing validation.
Doubts cross your mind still. And it’s okay to need validation. Needing certain things in a relationship doesn’t mean you are asking too much. Wanting to be confident in someone doesn’t make you weak. And if someone makes you feel like you’re asking too much, it isn’t the question that needs to change but rather the person you are asking.
4. You’re so unbelievably guarded.
It’s okay to be scared. We value the things we want but have never had before. And sometimes we’ve settled hoping we could change how someone feels about us. Hoping we could change the relationship. If an almost relationship taught you anything, it’s the importance of valuing something real when you find it. It’s going to take time to trust someone when others in the past have hurt you, but the right person isn’t in a rush.
5. You worry entirely too much. Then realize you don’t have to.
Where you once used to analyze every move you’ve made and every mixed signal. Where social media acted as some pawn in this game, you realize how simple it should have been. Because the right guy answers your texts quickly. The right guy keeps his word. The right guy adds confidence to the doubt you might have in yourself or him.
6. You are constantly waiting for something to suddenly change.
You watch him closely analyzing everything. Maybe after the sex, the slow fade will become a reality. Maybe as time and distance separate you two, suddenly his feelings will change. Maybe he’ll just stop answering like so many have before. You anticipate the worst because you want to manage your expectations and not be let down. But he hasn’t disappointed you or let you down or given you any indication that you can’t trust him.
7. And you swear this is too good to be true.
You think just because you haven’t had this before, you don’t deserve it. But you do. And it was eventually going to happen for you. You invested a lot into others who didn’t deserve you, now it’s time you experience someone who does.
8. You push him away when he gets too close.
Suddenly your walls completely crumble at his touch and it scares the shit out of you. Suddenly you’re telling him things you haven’t even said out loud. And he doesn’t take off running like you expect, he just holds you close and you feel safe.
9. Something simple and honest throws you off.
When all you’ve known is almost relationships, you’re used to someone spitting you lies and telling you what you want to hear. It gets to a point your ears grow mute. But this is different because here’s someone who hasn’t deceived you or lied to you or led you on.
10. You suddenly become more confident in him.
You forgot what it was like to be confident in someone. Suddenly here’s someone talking about the future and dates months from now and you think about people in the past who couldn’t even commit to coffee a week in advance. You think back to what it felt like to always be waiting for someone and always be met with disappointment. But this time it’s different.
11. You start to end other lingering relationships for good.
When you are used to almost relationships and what makes them hard compared to real relationships, is the lack of clarity within it. Something can’t end when it never began in the first place.You fade out of each other’s lives, only you come back every so often because you can. But suddenly you meet this good man and you want nothing to do with ghosts from your past who come knocking just to see if you’ll answer.
12. You feel guilty playing the comparison game.
It’s normal to compare someone you might have known for a while. Almost relationships establish an emotional connection you can’t deny is there. You get to know someone at a very deep level. And you sometimes fall in love with these people knowing very well nothing will come of these feelings.
So when you get into a real relationship with a stranger suddenly you’re comparing this person you don’t know to someone you came to fall very hard for.
Take their best qualities. Use that as a standard. But also understand the greatest difference between this person standing in front of you and the one you sometimes think about is, what they were willing to do which wasn’t anything other than lead you on.
13. But then you realize he blows everyone away.
In time, as you get to know this person better, as scary as it might be, what you’ll realize is despite their flaws and shortcomings, they became exactly what you needed while everyone else stood there not stepping up to the plate.
14. He teaches you what love and a healthy relationship actually is.
You suddenly learn those almost relationships and things that lingered were just something to occupy time and attention and space in your heart. Something that left you empty. Because when it’s a real relationship, it makes you twice the person you are and you don’t have to compromise your self-respect to get it when someone is meeting you halfway.