Moving On.

Moving on isn’t pretty, fun or easy. Honestly, there’s a lot of ugliness and pain that comes with it.

It means respecting yourself enough to feel through pain even though you just want to forget about the person.

It means allowing yourself to fall completely apart and be okay with not getting up for a while.

It’s allowing yourself to make really irrational choices and decisions when it comes to this person you still love. And even though your acts look desperate and you might come across as crazy trying to win them back, that only proves how much you loved the person.

It’s becoming angry at them for hurting you. And saying a lot of things you don’t mean. You don’t realize it, but that anger is really a masked pain in disguise.

It’s the uncomfortable run-ins you have where you look at this person who looks the same, but you see them completely differently now. Because you never thought they’d be the one to break down to a point you didn’t know how to put yourself back together.

It’s talking as much as you need to, to anyone that will listen because you still don’t understand how all this happened and what you might have done wrong.

It’s texting them about something stupid just hoping they will answer and you can talk. Because you miss them. But more than that, you miss what you used to be.

It’s going to the gym more and you swear it has nothing to do with them. But you look at yourself in the mirror and doubt yourself and your appearance thinking maybe if you change or improve, they’ll come back.

It’s using anything to numb the pain they caused. But you realize when you drink, there isn’t enough alcohol to forget them.

It’s struggling to sleep at night remembering when it was them lying next to you. Now your bed seems a little to big for one.

It’s trying out new things because that’s what you’re supposed to do after a breakup. Do all the things they didn’t approve of just to prove ‘now I can.’

It’s low key trying to get their attention with a post or a story desperately clinging to just maybe they’ll see it and remember everything you can’t seem to forget.

It’s appearing to be happier than you actually are because you don’t want people to know you’re hurting.

It’s talking your best friend’s ear off having the same conversation over and over again and just needing that validation and a confidence boost, even though it’s going to take you a while to believe what they say.

It’s seeing your ex everywhere. On every road you drive and every song you listen to and in every big moment you had, they were a part of. You struggle with even knowing what it’s like to be alone.

So you date like you’re supposed to. You date a lot. And these people are so attractive and have so much going for them. And you think, ‘ha I’ve done better than you,’ but it hurts because you don’t think there is better than them.

You realize how despite many dates you have or people you hook up with, it’s not with the one person you want it to be.

It’s losing weight without even trying because you aren’t hungry to begin with, but you also realize you just don’t care about much without them in your life.

It’s waking up one day and realizing you never want someone to make you feel that way again.

It’s waking up and realizing after all that effort and attempts to win them back, you can’t love someone enough to get them to want to choose you.

And after a while, you realize after every emotion you’ve had and going through hell and back that if they showed up tomorrow saying sorry, you wouldn’t want them anymore.

Because even if it’s broken you know in your heart you deserve better than this.

It’s getting yourself to a point where you realize your value and you realize it was their loss more than it was ever yours.

It’s mustering the courage to push unfollow even though you do want to keep tabs on them and who they are with. You know it’s for the best to try to move on.

It’s making the choice to move on because you know they already have.

It’s respecting the relationship for what it was and not allowing a bad ending to tarnish all the good memories you had.

It’s finally looking at them happy and it doesn’t hurt anymore. Because you realized you can survive without them. You realized it’s going to be okay. And it might have been the hardest thing you’ve ever gone through, but moving on is getting to a point where you aren’t bitter but grateful you met someone who was that hard to move on from.

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