The ugly honest truth is you never actually get over someone you didn’t date. You just learn to stop feeling things so deeply. You learn to stop acting on those emotions. You learn to stop believing in the one days and the maybes. You let go of hope and feel both deflated and defeated.
The ugly honest truth about getting over an almost relationship is you never get that closure you need. Instead, you just learn to heal, realizing sometimes you have to for your own sake. And you’re never going to get the ending you wanted or the apology you might have deserved.
The ugly honest truth is, you never actually lose feelings for the person. I don’t care how much time passes or who you each date. Those feelings linger and subside, but they don’t just leave because the person might have. Like the inactivity of a format volcano, the feelings are there, but nothing is happening with them.
The ugly honest truth about getting over an almost relationship is, no matter how good of terms you might be on, there are always bitter feelings for what they did. There’s always wanting to get back at them. There’s always wanting to make them jealous. There’s always a piece of you that wants them to feel what you felt. But the root of those ill intentions, is caring.
The ugly honest truth about getting over an almost relationship is, you see them out and you want to know they are watching you. You want to know they care even a little.
You flirt more and laugh louder than you should.
You want to make it clear, ‘you might have broken my heart, but I’m fine now and better without you, even if you aren’t.’
You will never let them know how many times you cried yourself to sleep wondering why they didn’t want you.
So you fake it. Self doubt is replaced with confidence.
Your broken heart is hidden and replaced with a smile.
You watch them out of the corner of your eye, you want to know you got to them the same way they got to you. And maybe it’s not nice and you know you shouldn’t fight fire with fire, but you’re secretly hoping that maybe they’ll realize they messed up.
The ugly honest truth is, even when you move on, there are still pieces of them you look for in everyone. Even if you’re not realizing it. Because they did have a lot of redeeming qualities.
The ugly honest truth is, even if this relationship didn’t go anywhere and there wasn’t a title to it, you miss thinking back to believing that maybe one day there would be.
The ugly honest truth is, you move on and part of you still misses the things you used to complain about. The confusion. The games. The mixed signals. Their attention. Because at least you had their attention.
You used to get excited when their name came across your notifications. You used to post stories just hoping they’d be the first to see it. They used to consume so much of your day with conversations that gave you hope. More than that, they consumed your thoughts.
You looked at them and you truly believed they were the best thing that ever came into your life.
It was a combination of both wanting someone that much and admiring them, which kept you hanging on as long as you did.
They didn’t just have it, they were it.
This standard no one else could compete with because you put them on a pedestal. And maybe they didn’t deserve to be there, but you miss seeing them in that light.
Maybe you saw them through rose-colored lenses, but there is pain that comes when someone’s true colors are revealed, and it hits you that they weren’t who you thought they were.
Because when an almost relationship ends, what’s really ending, is the person you thought they were.
You try to move on and here’s this person who knows as much about you as some of your friends. Here is someone you’ve emotionally connected with at a level deeper than some people you even dated.
They walk away holding all your secrets and more than that, they walk away forever holding a piece of your heart you’ll never get back.
Over time you learn to not get excited when you see they liked something.
Over time you don’t answer so fast just because they texted you.
Over time you don’t care that they looked at your story.
You learn to live your life detaching yourself from them. And that hurts like hell.
Small talk fills the air, but what you aren’t saying or trying to prove anymore, is you were right for them.
Because the ugly honest truth about getting over an almost relationship is, realizing sometimes these people you love and adore, you’re better off without.
You walk away realizing there are some people you’ll always love and never be with because they didn’t choose you. And that’s the hardest part about almost relationships, it’s that moment you watch them leave because they don’t want you.
Maybe they like you enough to mess with you and entertain themselves with your attention. Maybe they like you enough to boost their own ego, when they blow up your news feed and ignore your texts. Maybe they like you enough to see how you react to every game they play.
But at the end of the day, they don’t like you enough to choose you.
And you realize you’ve spent a lot of time choosing someone who was never doing the same. You invested time, emotions, and energy into someone who was never going to play the role of what you needed no matter how badly you wanted them.
And when this realization hits you between the eyes, you begin the process of letting go and trying to move on.
The ugly honest truth about getting over an almost relationship is, you spend a lot of days waking up missing someone who was never yours to begin with.
And even when you start a new relationship, there are moments you catch yourself wishing it was with them.