The Ugly Honest Truth Part 3.

The ugly honest truth is you never actually get over someone you didn’t date. You just learn to stop feeling things so deeply. You learn to stop acting on those emotions. You learn to stop believing in the one days and the maybes. You let go of hope and feel both deflated and defeated.

The ugly honest truth about getting over an almost relationship is you never get that closure you need. Instead, you just learn to heal, realizing sometimes you have to for your own sake. And you’re never going to get the ending you wanted or the apology you might have deserved.

The ugly honest truth is, you never actually lose feelings for the person. I don’t care how much time passes or who you each date. Those feelings linger and subside, but they don’t just leave because the person might have. Like the inactivity of a format volcano, the feelings are there, but nothing is happening with them.

The ugly honest truth about getting over an almost relationship is, no matter how good of terms you might be on, there are always bitter feelings for what they did. There’s always wanting to get back at them. There’s always wanting to make them jealous. There’s always a piece of you that wants them to feel what you felt. But the root of those ill intentions, is caring.

The ugly honest truth about getting over an almost relationship is, you see them out and you want to know they are watching you. You want to know they care even a little.

You flirt more and laugh louder than you should.

You want to make it clear, ‘you might have broken my heart, but I’m fine now and better without you, even if you aren’t.’

You will never let them know how many times you cried yourself to sleep wondering why they didn’t want you.

So you fake it. Self doubt is replaced with confidence.

Your broken heart is hidden and replaced with a smile.

You watch them out of the corner of your eye, you want to know you got to them the same way they got to you. And maybe it’s not nice and you know you shouldn’t fight fire with fire, but you’re secretly hoping that maybe they’ll realize they messed up.

The ugly honest truth is, even when you move on, there are still pieces of them you look for in everyone. Even if you’re not realizing it. Because they did have a lot of redeeming qualities.

The ugly honest truth is, even if this relationship didn’t go anywhere and there wasn’t a title to it, you miss thinking back to believing that maybe one day there would be.

The ugly honest truth is, you move on and part of you still misses the things you used to complain about. The confusion. The games. The mixed signals. Their attention. Because at least you had their attention.

You used to get excited when their name came across your notifications. You used to post stories just hoping they’d be the first to see it. They used to consume so much of your day with conversations that gave you hope. More than that, they consumed your thoughts.

You looked at them and you truly believed they were the best thing that ever came into your life.

It was a combination of both wanting someone that much and admiring them, which kept you hanging on as long as you did.

They didn’t just have it, they were it.

This standard no one else could compete with because you put them on a pedestal. And maybe they didn’t deserve to be there, but you miss seeing them in that light.

Maybe you saw them through rose-colored lenses, but there is pain that comes when someone’s true colors are revealed, and it hits you that they weren’t who you thought they were.

Because when an almost relationship ends, what’s really ending, is the person you thought they were.

You try to move on and here’s this person who knows as much about you as some of your friends. Here is someone you’ve emotionally connected with at a level deeper than some people you even dated.

They walk away holding all your secrets and more than that, they walk away forever holding a piece of your heart you’ll never get back.

Over time you learn to not get excited when you see they liked something.

Over time you don’t answer so fast just because they texted you.

Over time you don’t care that they looked at your story.

You learn to live your life detaching yourself from them. And that hurts like hell.

Small talk fills the air, but what you aren’t saying or trying to prove anymore, is you were right for them.

Because the ugly honest truth about getting over an almost relationship is, realizing sometimes these people you love and adore, you’re better off without.

You walk away realizing there are some people you’ll always love and never be with because they didn’t choose you. And that’s the hardest part about almost relationships, it’s that moment you watch them leave because they don’t want you.

Maybe they like you enough to mess with you and entertain themselves with your attention. Maybe they like you enough to boost their own ego, when they blow up your news feed and ignore your texts. Maybe they like you enough to see how you react to every game they play.

But at the end of the day, they don’t like you enough to choose you.

And you realize you’ve spent a lot of time choosing someone who was never doing the same. You invested time, emotions, and energy into someone who was never going to play the role of what you needed no matter how badly you wanted them.

And when this realization hits you between the eyes, you begin the process of letting go and trying to move on.

The ugly honest truth about getting over an almost relationship is, you spend a lot of days waking up missing someone who was never yours to begin with.

And even when you start a new relationship, there are moments you catch yourself wishing it was with them.

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It Isn’t About Blowing Up Someone’s News Feed.

When you like someone it isn’t just about how much attention you give them on social media. If you like their last post. If you open their snapchat and reply quickly. It isn’t just about answering a text message. If you tag them in things. If you give them a shout out on a certain day of the week. We’ve built those things up to appear like they matter more than they do, but in reality it’s insignificant.

At the end of the day you have to judge people based on what they are willing to do to prove you matter in their life and want you a part of it.

If feelings were that simply defined by social media activity, I can promise you, you’d have a lot of competition. But more than that, it’s about what you are willing to do in real life.

Are you willing to keep your word when you tell them you’ll be there? Or are you going to cancel and continue to text them the whole night?

Do you care about who they are or what they can offer you?? Or do you just like the idea of them?

Do you like them because they boost your ego or actually have redeeming qualities??

But more than that it’s about asking yourself, ‘can I fit this person into my life and do I want to?’

Because it’s easy to answer text messages and blow up someone’s newsfeed. But this ‘talking’ we put so much emphasis on, is bullshit.

Are you willing to go a step further than that?

When shit hits the fan are you going to be a reassuring text message on the phone or are you going to show up at her house with her favorite flowers and hold her as she cries???

When she needs a plus one to an event, are you just going to like her pic from that night because yes she looks good or are you going to be the one who is standing next to her??

When it’s her birthday and she asked you to be there, is she going to look around the room wondering why you aren’t or will you be standing by her side??

When it’s late at night and she’s lonely, are you gonna be the person she can call at any hour or are you going to be laying next to her to pull her in when she can’t sleep??

When she raves about her dad, are you going to come up with a million excuses of why you can’t meet him or will you be shaking his hand because you want him to know his daughter is in good hands??

When it’s a Friday night, is she gonna just be the call you make when you’ve had a lot to drink or is she already going to be waiting for you at home because you gave her a key??

More than appearing to like her or seeming like you care, are you telling her every single day that she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you?

More than boosting her ego, liking some selfie, are you telling her she’s so beautiful every single day that she doesn’t need strangers validation?

When you’ve done something wrong are you find out through a passive aggressive post or are you talking about the problem and working through it because that’s what you do in real relationships?

When you get hit on at a bar and came very well close the deal, do you stop them because you already have something that’s worth so much more than a one night stand?

When you finally introduce her to your friends and family, do they already know who she is because you couldn’t stop talking about her? Or is she standing there wanting to be a part of your life but you aren’t letting her that close?

And when you meet her, are you willing to give up the life you have alone to share it with someone or are you just gonna lead her on??

There’s this trend of almost relationships and casual hookups and dating and confusion that I hear all my friends talking about. It seems like everyone is tired of it, yet it doesn’t stop because we allow mixed signals to appear like it’s something more.

We’ve mistaken convenience with flattery. Boredom with interest. Likes with how someone might feel. And reading signs that aren’t there because we want it to be.

More than words, you have to judge someone by actions and what they are willing to do for you.

Like if your phone got taken away, would there be a relationship or interest even there or are you focusing on things that don’t matter??

We all want to believe that someone liking our photo means something a little more. Or them tagging you in something means they care. Or looking at your snapchat story means they are interested.

The role social media plays in relationships we build up to mean something more than it is.

You gotta realize there are people who are going to say all the right things and appear like they care, but they don’t. There are people who are going to like the fact you like them and give them attention and that’s all it is. So when they blow up your news feed, like your pics, send you snapchats, don’t think too much about it unless they are willing to do something a little more than that.

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