Strong Women Don’t End Up In Toxic Relationships.

Is there a drastic difference between girls who end up in almost relationships and lingering ones that never turn into anything more? Is it painted in black in white for you to see? Is it that some girls just are better at dating and finding the right person? Or does it have to do with the little things they do? The things they say, do, and how they carry themselves.

The main reason strong women don’t end up in toxic relationships is that they don’t let themselves. That’s what it comes down to.

They value themselves little more.

They have enough self-respect to realize that if someone does not treat them well, they walk away, they don’t try harder.

Strong women demand respect and if it isn’t given to them, they stop associating with that person.

They don’t end up in relationships where they are confused, because they make it clear what they want. They don’t chase after guys, because they know exactly what to do and say to ensure they are the ones chased.

The difference between these two girls comes down to really simple factors…

Strong women value themselves more than the relationships they have.

Their focus isn’t on saying and doing the right thing, they focus on being the right person for themselves and no one else.

While the other girl is fumbling trying to be what someone else may want losing themselves to relationships in a desperate attempt to keep someone. These girls define their own self-worth and value based on who they have standing next to them.

Meanwhile, a strong woman has no problem standing alone.

She doesn’t doubt herself or question herself. She is confident, even in her mistakes. Meanwhile, the other girl is so fixated on the fact she might have messed up, her energy shifts to negative and self-sabotage.

Strong women make choices that reflect what they want, and she doesn’t feel guilty about those things or dwell in the past.

Strong women don’t waste time looking at others being jealous or envious, because they look at themselves proud of the person they’ve become. If they want to change, it’s to make themselves better, not to make themselves more like someone else.

Strong women are selective about whom they choose. Because who you choose to be with impacts your life and the person you become. She doesn’t settle for the first person that gives her attention. She doesn’t go home with the first guy that buys her a drink. She doesn’t do these things because she has value and self-worth and doesn’t need those things to make her feel better or more whole.

Strong women are whole by themselves. Weak women seek out relationships because they feel like that’s what is missing.

Strong women keep people guessing not to be a bitch or play hard to get, but because she knows to keep someone interested you don’t play all your best cards immediately. There has to be a mystery there.

Strong girls know the value of time. They know exactly what moves to make and when. They don’t answer quickly or drop what they are doing just because someone of potential interest reached out. But more than they don’t let themselves get led on or fucked with.

What makes a strong woman is her ability to control the narrative of what is happening in the relationship. While the other girl allows a man to control exactly how she acts or responds.

It’s a few words:

Confidence.
Strength
Dignity.
Self-respect.
Self-love.
Self-worth.
Pride.

When you wonder why certain women end up in healthy relationships and others don’t, it has to do with how they view themselves.

When you are only confident when someone is giving you attention, you’ll never be able to stand alone.

When you aren’t strong enough to walk away from unhealthy relationships or ignore someone who isn’t worth it, you’ll end up in a lot of relationships where people don’t care.

When you don’t have dignity or self-respect, you’ll find yourself in relationships where the person doesn’t respect you.

When you love someone more than you love yourself, when they leave it’ll feel like a loss to you.

And when you don’t have self-worth and pride you’re going to settle for less than you deserve because you never demanded more. And you’ll wonder why are you bad at relationships.

But you are asking yourself the wrong question. The question isn’t why are you bad at relationships, but why are you choosing the wrong people?

The question isn’t why don’t people like you or want to be with you, but why are you basing your self-worth on that and why don’t you like yourself??

We choose the wrong people when we don’t have a good relationship with ourselves.

Ask a strong woman what she doesn’t like about herself and she won’t have an answer. Ask the other girl she’ll tell you a list of many things she wishes she could change.

If you want to change the relationships you have in your life, first, start by changing the relationship you have with yourself. Once that relationship is better, you won’t be jealous of what someone else might have because you will have it too. But by then you might not even want that because when you are truly content and happy with yourself, you aren’t so desperately searching for what might be missing.

Things don’t just happen to us. So many of the things we have in our life is a reflection of what we allow. What we say to ourselves. The way we act.

Strong women don’t end up in toxic relationships because they respect themselves enough to not allow those things to happen to them.

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Depression, Remember This On Days I’m Hard To Love…

There are two sides to me. One I try desperately to hide. One I dislike. One that never reveals itself in the beginning because I’ve mastered the art of pretending and hiding that version of myself. As if it’s an identity all its own.

Depression.

It’s a word that means something a little differently to those who live with it. Those who fight the battles that don’t seem to go away. This recurring thing that presents itself at the most inopportune moments.

Caught somewhere between laughing and smiling big. Then I just stop because it hit me. Stopping me dead in my tracks. Rearing its ugly head like an unwelcome houseguest who refuses to leave.

But when you meet me, you aren’t going to notice that side to me.

In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Happy. Smiling. Cracking jokes.

“You were just kinder than anyone I had ever met,” someone I dated once said describing the first time we met.

The truth is, people with depression have a way of making everyone else around them feel a lot better because we know what it’s like to be our own worst enemy.

Maybe you’ll look at me and wonder about my flaws. The truth is I have plenty, I’ve just gotten very good at only presenting the parts of myself and my life that I would love to be the reality all the time.

As you get to know me, you’ll look at me with admiration for how busy I am. For the things I’ve accomplished. How I strive for success, always pushing myself. Biting off more than I can chew and almost choking.

Perfect. Not perfect because I am, but because I strive to be knowing very well I’m the farthest thing from it.

Maybe if I paint this version of myself and get people to believe it, I can rid myself of that other part that in times I’m ashamed to even identify with.

The nights where I’m not myself. The nights where I am hard to love. The nights where I’m difficult and moody and can’t even clearly articulate why I’m feeling this way, what caused it, or how to change it.

When depression hits there is no solution. There is just waiting out the storm until there is a shift within me, then we go back to our normal lives.

But in those moments, you’ll see how different I become. The way I speak and how different it sounds. My attitude.

The moments I push you away is when I need you most. Instead of admitting that it’ll pick a fight. I’ll tell you it’s okay to leave. That I understand if you want someone healthy. What I’m not saying is, if you stay I’ll love you unconditionally for it.

It’s moments where 3am will strike and I’ll be wide awake with a hundred thoughts running through my head. “Why are you like this?” “Why can’t you be normal?” The word “normal” haunts me, because this isn’t normal. To feel everything this heavy. To feel everything this deeply. To hurt so much. To fall apart and cry to the point I’m inconsolable.

And there’s going to be nothing you can do to fix it. Instead, you’ll watch and hold me and say nothing. Because depression has a way of robbing anyone of words and explanations allowing an erie silence to simply overtake me in moments while negativity plagues my mind.

Eventually I’ll get tired. Tired of thinking too much. Tired of feeling too much. Tired of beating myself up and being my own worst enemy.

I’ll fall asleep in your arms and I’ll hold you a little tighter. Because even though I might have moments of depression, it doesn’t mean I don’t value you. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

The truth is, there isn’t a love deep enough to save me from myself. But it’s that love which gives me hope.

You look at me a little differently after that first episode.

Where you saw strength in my eyes, you’ll see a little bit of vulnerability.

Where you saw persistence in the things I did, you’ll now understand resilience.

Where you once saw someone you questioned had flaws, you see them drawn out in every ugly color and you’ll understand why I try so hard to be perfect.

The feelings that will follow these episodes are extreme guilt. I’ll want to say sorry. I’ll want to say it won’t happen again. But more than anything, I want to say thank you.

Once you see that side of me, it almost helps you to understand the other half of me too.

I’m kind, because there is a part of me that is mean to myself .

I’m bright and positive, because I know what it’s like to sit in darkness.

I strive for success and perfection, because of these flaws that are so obvious to me.

I’m friends with everyone, because I know what it’s like to feel alone.

I stay busy because if I don’t, my mind will take over and take me to dark places.

I’m compassionate and understanding, because behind my own silence are the things I deal with alone.

I’m hopeful, because I know what it feels like to flirt with the line of complete defeat and want to give up.

I feel so deeply. And I can’t explain that one. I still struggle to understand why couldn’t I just be normal like everyone else and happy all the time without lingering shadows haunting me?

But it’s that same shadow that made me the person I am.

I’ll return to that version of myself you fell for. You’ll watch me across the room, me laughing, smiling, and joking. You’ll still admire how I can light up any room I walk into.

But what you know that others might not, is how quickly that can change behind closed doors. How unpredictable it is. How I’ll never ask for help but in moments I fall to my knees, you’re the one who’s going to have to be strong.

On the surface, I paint this version of the person I want to be. But as you get to know me, you’ll see two very different sides to someone who looks the same.

There are two sides to every coin and while I’ll always be in favor of heads when it flips, I can’t deny there’s another half to me just because most people can’t see it.

That other part that’s watching, waiting, and lingering.

But what I’ve come to learn about living with depression is, the closest I can ever come to ridding myself of it are in the healthy relationships I find. The people who make me feel normal and healthy. And it’s those people I owe everything to.

So on the days I’m not myself and I’m a little difficult to love, please don’t ever forget how much I do love you, appreciate you, and value you.

And I wish I could be that perfect person you deserve, but we all come bearing flaws, mine just happen to be in a battle against myself.

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10 Things That Happen When You Meet A Good Girl After A Toxic Relationship.

We like to believe it’s only girls who end up in toxic relationships. That they are the victim and men are at fault. But that’s not always the case.

Just because of one’s gender we cannot so simply define that as the cause to what might be a toxic, emotionally maybe even physically abusive relationship.

The truth is these relationships come in all forms with victims of either gender. Just because men might be expected to be stronger and not show emotions, doesn’t mean they aren’t affected by a woman who could be toxic to them and their growth and what they deserve in relationships.

I think sometimes because of their gender, it gets dismissed and not talked about or addressed.

When men aren’t encouraged to talk about it or feel they would not be supported, they resort to silence and that silence is what gives a partner their control.

You try to ignore it and you tell yourself this isn’t as bad as it is. But here is this relationship that tears you down every chance they get. Physically, they go after you and maybe it doesn’t hurt, but you stand there and take it. Verbally, maybe you say something mean back, but toxic relationships go for the low blows that keep you up at night. Something you told them in confidence they use against you. Using anything they can as ammo to hurt you. Because if they control your emotions, they control you.

The thing about toxic relationships is they learn you. They learn your every weakness. They learn every strength. They learn to navigate around it manipulating you however they choose.

Eventually, you just get tired. You walk away, but they don’t make it that easy to do. You try to cut them off and they won’t have it. You resort to blocking their number and avoiding places they are at. Trying to remove them from your life and gain back that control and when power is what they are all about.

Then you start dating again. Fate brings you to someone who is genuine and kind without motivates and your immediate reaction is to reject it.

1. You remember when your ex-started off nice too.

You come out of this relationship guarded and closed off and wary of everyone. Because you remember exactly how your ex changed. You remember the little things and red flags you ignored. So this time around that’s what you are looking for. You watch this new person closely because you will not let yourself end up in a relationship like the last one.

2. You play it cool and won’t admit you’re scared to start a new relationship.

Even if she was crazy, you refuse to be that ex that calls her that. You try to tiptoe around getting this person to understand the gravity of how bad your former relationship was without seeming weak. And you don’t want to paint her in such horrible light because you did care about her. Maybe you even loved her. But you can’t deny the fact that the relationship tainted you a bit and you struggle trusting someone new.

3. Trust takes time.

You remember catching your ex doing things that were questionable. Talking to people you didn’t trust. Pondering where she was and if she was lying. You believed what you wanted because it was easier that way.

So here’s this new person you have no reason to question, but you do. And you know you can’t blame her for the past, but there’s parts of you that haven’t healed yet.

It catches you off guard when she so simply explains everything. How you look at her and you actually believe what she is saying. You look at her and believe there is good in at least someone, but you are still wary of it. But she’s patient with you even if she can’t fully understand or comprehend all of it.

4. You tell her little things piece by piece.

Whether ending up in a toxic relationship was your choice or something that blindly occurred. Maybe it reflected relationships you’ve seen in your life. As guarded as you might be and whatever mask you try to hide behind, here is this beautiful girl sitting in front of you taking it all in and carrying this baggage that isn’t hers to bare, but in doing so she’s showing you she cares about your past because she wants to be in your future.

5. She fights for you.

Where you once knew someone who always picked fights and belittled you and made you feel like shit, here is this girl who would do anything to keep you. She’s in your corner with everything. She’d go against anyone she had to if it meant defending you and protecting you.

And you fight sometimes, but you always makeup because the root of a good relationship are people who don’t stop fighting for one another.

6. You become vulnerable around her and she doesn’t use it against you.

In the past, your ex used your moments of weakness and vulnerability against you. In doing so, you learned to repress and hide what you considered weak emotions. But here is this girl showing you, she won’t judge you for any of it. And you find yourself opening up to her in ways you never have with anyone else before. She sees you. Not who you pretend to be. Not who you are expected to be. But for exactly who you are.

7. She makes you a better man.

Suddenly you are motivated to become better and it isn’t to prove someone wrong or get back at another person. You want to become your best self because she deserves that. And you look at her and the things she’s overcome and you truly believe she was put on this earth for you and you are here to make her happy, love her, support her, and be there for her as she has you. You look at her and you see your future suddenly not feeling guilty about the past anymore.

8. She’s so easy to love.

Where you once loved half of one person and tolerated the parts you didn’t like, here you are looking at this girl who is perfect in your eyes. Yeah, she has shortcomings and flaws but even those things you love too. It’s not difficult and that’s what she teaches you the right relationships aren’t.

9. You’d do anything for her.

You look at this girl who entered your life when you felt broken, lost, confused, and guarded and she so simply found her way into your life and your heart and she stayed. Even when you were laying next to someone else, you felt like something or someone was missing. And you never knew what because you can’t identify it until it comes into your life and you look at her like she’s the missing piece you’ve wanted so badly.

10. You look at her and believe in love and soul mates.

You watch her do something cute out of the corner of your eye. You wake up with her in your arms and you’ve slept a little better. You look at her and truly believe not only is she the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen, but the most beautiful person inside and out you get to call yours.

Suddenly all those songs make sense and you see her everywhere and in everything.

You say the words, “I love you” and you wish you could take them back from anyone who’s heard them before because looking at her, she’s the real thing and the only person you want to spend the rest of your life loving.

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