50 Micro Habits Narcissists Have To Maintain Control Of Their Victim.

1. They make you think you’ve exaggerated an event in the past.

2. They knock you down just to be the one to build you back up.

3. They groom you: hurt you only to make it up to you with a gesture.

4. They call until you pick up.

5. They show up places they know you’re at just to publicly humiliate you.

6. They threaten you and takes things away.

7. They belittle you then wonder why your confidence is shaky.

8. They don’t have control of their emotions.

9. They threaten to leave and tell you it’s your fault. Because they want you to beg them to stay.

10. When it’s a toxic relationship that slightly resembles yours, they make you feel like an idiot for tolerating mistreatment when in reality what they do is worse, but they don’t see it.

11. Backhanded compliments are their forte.

12. They downplay your success because they don’t want to see you do well.

13. They like to portray themselves as having a perfect life.

14. So they try to maintain this reputation.

15. They won’t do things themselves but if you do it wrong they’ll say, “I would have done it better.”

16. They think you are an extension of them.

17. They make you fear them.

18. They say you are too emotional or complicated.

19. They view vulnerability as weakness.

20. They truly believe no one can do things as good as them.

21. They manipulate you into believing no one will love you or take care of you the same way either.

22. They tell you you’re too damaged to be loved.

23. When you don’t do what they want, they resort to name calling.

24. It’s all about a fight for control.

25. In an attempt to try to gain control of your own life, they won’t have it.

26. They make walking away really difficult.

27. They try to control money and situations to manipulate you.

28. They give love and take it away so easily.

29. They ruin days that aren’t all about them with fights and anger.

30. They snoop around wanting to know everything.

31. Then use anything they find they use as blackmail.

32. Whatever choice you make they will question it.

33. Which leaves a victim doubtful and indecisive with everything.

34. They struggle in showing emotions.

35. Which either makes the victim cold or really sensitive.

36. They never make you feel accepted for being yourself.

37. You don’t want to admit your mistakes, because they will just use it against you.

38. They repress things, then it all comes out at once in a storm of bad emotions.

39. They constantly tell you things they wish they could change about you.

40. Which leaves the victim uncertain of any standard of self-worth.

41. When in reality, negative remarks are a mere reflection of their own insecurity.

42. They say they want to help you, but will be the first to sabotage you.

43. They lie and sneak around better than anyone.

44. Constructive criticism isn’t to help, but rather make you feel bad about yourself for messing up in the first place.

45. Leaving the victim to strive for unattainable perfection.

46. When you resort to silence dealing with them, they try to provoke you.

47. Even when they are wrong, they will never admit it.

48. As the victim becomes stronger, they worry they will lose them.

49. Because they need this relationship more than the relationship needs them.

50. But the damage done is on one end, someone who is emotionally destroyed and another person who thinks they are perfect.

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Is It Cheating?

I’ve always had a clear definition of what cheating is. Knowing very well my own values and lines I wouldn’t cross out of respect to my partner and myself. You ask me what cheating is, it’s when you have a label and suddenly engage physically with someone who isn’t your partner. That’s the clear definition of cheating and one I’ve always followed.

But was it cheating that night when I walked on the beach with a guy that wasn’t my boyfriend and when he asked what I did that night, I lied??

Was it cheating when I’d never answer a text from one individual in front of my boyfriend at the time, out of fear of what would be said and if I’d be questioned for it?

Was it cheating lying next to someone at night and thinking of another person?

Was it cheating in the bar when I flirted with someone else until he came to meet us? And a stranger I just met looked at me with an eyebrow raised as I greeted my boyfriend with a kiss.

I never crossed that line, but I came pretty damn close.

My phone with a password he could never guess. Being sure I always had it on me.

And sometimes I questioned him and his loyalty. When he said “she’s just a friend” maybe I didn’t believe him because I said the same thing. And with those “just friends” who blew up my phone often came a history I never spoke about.

It is cheating to not tell the whole truth or is the cheating part why you aren’t saying it in the first place??

Was it cheating every time I posted something and my cheeks would get red with a notification that was someone else’s name? Or because I was every one of their first likes sliding into their DM like it was nothing. Tags that made us laugh, but I left someone else out on our inside joke that probably shouldn’t have been one.

Was it cheating looking for attention from someone else that wasn’t my boyfriend not because he didn’t give me his best or make me feel enough, but for some reason I looked for validation in others?

Was it cheating when I aired my dirty laundry to his best friend about our relationship issues asking for advice but knowing without saying it, there was something there between us? “I wish I met someone like you,” he said in slurred words. And parts of him I compared to my then boyfriend. He liked that I was close to his best friend. But was that cheating how emotionally close we became?

Was it cheating not mentioning I had a boyfriend on a night out with the girls. Dancing with people who weren’t him coming close to kisses that I only pulled away from when they got too close?

If it wasn’t cheating, why did I feel guilty for it the next day?

Because even if it’s not physically cheating, I think emotionally cheating is a thing.

And it sucks being on the other end of that.

It sucks saying I love you to someone who tells you their relationship is going to end, but it doesn’t.

It sucks spending time with someone and they tell you, “you have to keep it a secret.”

It sucks watching someone blow up your phone and call you every day, but their girlfriend doesn’t even know your name.

When you look at her instagram and you see their pictures and as much as you wish and hope for something more, it’ll never be you whose standing next to him.

Just a compilation of memories he’ll forget that you can’t seem to.

It sucks growing suspicious of someone else you’re in a relationship with.

Looking through your boyfriend’s phone and knowing you were right. Yeah you have the title of “girlfriend,” but what does that even mean? Finding texts you can’t even say anything about. But it isn’t just flirting and those pictures she’s sending aren’t just friendly ones. Finding messages he deleted because he didn’t want you to see them.

Hearing him talk about her so casually and you know there’s something more there, but you ignore it because you’d rather not know. Wondering who he’s texting and is it her?

There’s a line here we all flirt with and get close enough, but don’t cross.

What was once black and white are all these grey areas with the help social media and some device that ruins relationships. Making everyone self-conscious and fearful.

I don’t think it’s commitment we fear, in a generation that everyone says is bad at dating. I think we fear someone else’s inability to commit and be loyal. Instead of having faith in someone else, we act the same way and don’t think it’s wrong. We fear a relationship with someone who dances in those grey areas making us feel suddenly paranoid for no reason.

Because no, they aren’t cheating, but they aren’t making you feel confident either.

Cheating physically and emotionally should be viewed in the same light. Just because one is easier to get away with doesn’t make it okay.

When you are in a relationship. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. You are committing to one person, and if you can’t let go of those people who linger and those late night texts who could potentially ruin your relationship, you don’t deserve one.

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