The Girl Who Tried To Keep You, You’re Going To Miss Her.

The day is going to hit you when you realize she’s no longer a choice you get to make because she finally chose someone who chose her. You’ll cross paths and she won’t notice you because she’s staring at someone else laughing harder than you’ve ever seen her.

She’ll look and sound familiar but as you look a little more closely, you’ll realize how much has changed about her.

What changed was the way she looked at you. She used to look at you with eyes of admiration, but instead she started to look at herself that way. The way she used to build you up and admire you, you realize someone you thought wasn’t confident and needed you, doesn’t anymore.

You’ll realize she looks a little prettier that far away even if she’s close. There’s something about someone you can’t have.

It’s going to be then you realize what it is you miss about her.

Every conversation where she talked about you..

Every text you knew with certainty would be answered a little too fast.

Every text you used to ignore and voice mails you hated that she left.

You’ll find yourself looking at pictures you didn’t want to take in the first place, but she insisted you do so. You never knew looking back at those moments and memories would hurt so much.

You’ll miss the little details she filled you in on and how you really were a key player in her life.

You miss the messages that popped up when she saw something and thought of you.

Conversations of just wanting to know how you were doing.

How you’d part ways and she’d always say “I love you,” get home safely” with a kiss on the cheek as she took off.

Those moments of missing her will hit you as you realize there aren’t a lot of people like her who genuinely care. And maybe it was annoying sometimes, but there wasn’t anyone with better intentions. There isn’t anyone who wouldn’t do anything you ask.

You realize what you thought was desperation, was really caring.

You realize what really seemed like she lacked confidence, was her giving to someone who didn’t appreciate her.

You realize every time you thought she was different, that’s what made her so special.

You miss someone who never stopped trying with you. Until she had to because even after all her effort, she learned it wasn’t that she wasn’t enough it was that you weren’t.

It’s the nights you’ll stay awake and you remember when you used to text her and even at odd hours, she’d always make the time to talk to you.

All those times you cancelled and all she responded with was, “okay see you soon.”

All those times you used her and she let you not because she was weak, but she knew that reflected you and not her.

You’ll miss the words she said so carelessly telling you exactly how she felt and the actions that matched it.

You’ll miss this person who was always on your side wanting what was best for you. What she learned over time was it would never be her.

You think back to how much time, emotion, and energy she invested into you, and all you left her with was uncertainty and doubt.

Her absence and her silence will make you realize how much you must have hurt her. You look at your phone and you want to text her and ask how she is but you can’t even figure out how to say hello.

And it isn’t like you did anything wrong. But you didn’t do anything right either to make her stay.

That’s the thing about good people, they stay for as long as they can believe in you. But you can’t keep them waiting forever. She walked away because she had to. Because she couldn’t keep trying, caring, and putting herself out there only to get hurt.

She didn’t want to be wrong about you. And she hated that she was because she thought you were different.

She realizes she couldn’t be the only one trying here.

You’ll each move on and you’ll watch as she does. Maybe it’s across a news feed or snapchat story. Maybe you’ll know she moved on because it almost feels like she’s vanished in a way. Not even caring to advertise her new relationship, because it’s one she’s keeping for herself.

You wonder what’s going on, but you can’t even find the words to ask.

She’ll meet someone who doesn’t have to lose her to realize she was someone of value and someone who deserved love and attention.

You’ll see her out and she’ll look at you smiling, maybe even hug you, like she used to. But everything about it will feel awkward, because there is going to be a moment you two lock eyes and a realize it wasn’t supposed to end this way.

25921787593_870182c4e7_o

Almosts.

If you ask her she’ll probably still speaks about you as highly as she always has in the past. You ask her what she thinks of you, there isn’t a bad word she’d say. If you ask her what happened she’ll freeze for a moment because the truth is, she doesn’t really know.

What she does know is here was someone she cared a lot about. Someone she talked to often. Someone she made an effort to see. Someone she fell really hard for. Someone who seemed to make her a priority too. At least in the beginning.

That’s the thing about guys like you. You know exactly what to say. You know how to make her fall for you. Charming and full of wit and well liked. Wrapping girls around your finger. (But not every girl, the ones you know you can have but never fully want.) Getting a high on their reactions and the control you have over them. You pull her in close enough just to leave. It doesn’t make you a bad person, you’re just a person who happens to like the attention you get. You choose people who are going to give it to you. And when there’s nothing more she can give you, you move onto the next person.

Flattering her. Building her up. Supporting her. Blowing up her news feed. Tagging her in stuff. Spending time with her. Hooking up. Getting to know each other’s friends and family. Confiding in each other. Being one another’s support system and cheerleader. Building emotional connections. That sounds like a fucking relationship to me. But it’s not, because you do all these things and don’t commit.

You do all these things and treat her like shit. But you do it so subtly that she can’t call you out on it.

The lines were so blurry and you were so coy. You paint her to seem like the crazy one for falling for someone who wasn’t going to catch her. Like she made it all up in her head and her heart. But that wasn’t the case.

It wasn’t just a one-sided thing here. For any relationship to be maintained or go on longer than it should it, requires effort on both parts. That’s the thing about it, we can’t call it what it is because we don’t even know ourselves.

All we do know is, you came into her life and next thing she knew it was months in and she was so far down the rabbit hole that you dug for her and so emotionally invested there was no going back.

And the only way out was an ending that was going to hurt her and not you who helped to create this narrative of a story that would never have the ending she wanted.

We don’t speak about emotional relationships because to qualify as a relationship and justify one’s feelings, there’s some requirement of a label.

But when a relationship between two people fills in every other check mark on some list, doesn’t that count for more?

So became emotionally invested trying harder than she should have and thinking she was to blame for the fact that you wouldn’t commit when in reality, it isn’t about her and everything about the type of person you are.

You’ll move onto someone else and you’ll play this game again until you get tired of who he’s playing with. An endless cycle that begins again with new victims who will lose in games you created all the rules for. A game that ends with you winning every time.

What girls need to realize about these relationships with guys who won’t give you what you need is they are going to take everything from you that you allow, to build themselves up and walk away and you feel empty, hurt, and lost.

She’ll stare at her phone and you miss the attention you gave her. The conversations you had. The memories you shared. The person you thought you were. But eventually, everyone’s true colors reveal themselves. It hurts because she doesn’t get closure in these relationships.

She’s left alone with this pain that makes her feel hollow missing the ghost of who you used to be and missing who she thought you were.

Because she believed you were good, kind, and caring. Because in moments he was. But kindness with a motive to gain something more isn’t nice. And your gain was an ego boost.

Someone who is emotionally leading her on is fucked up.

And no one is going to call you out on it because if they did, you’d jump to the response of “well we didn’t date.” You don’t have to date someone to get your heart-broken by them. And you don’t have to have some title to validate what a relationship was.

It’s hard because the mourning of these relationships that end are in silence. She can’t complain about something ending if it never actually began.

So to those women who are fighting these silent battles, healing quietly, hurt, but smiling. Still speaking kindly about someone who took them emotionally for granted, along with wasting your time, you’re allowed to be angry, sad, and frustrated. You are allowed to give yourself time to heal.

I know you think you won’t meet someone who will make you feel that way again. And I hope you don’t ever meet someone like that again or pine after people like him. Those highs and lows and the adrenaline rush of almost relationships and emotional ones, aren’t what the right relationship will feel like.

Because the right relationship isn’t going to leave you wondering how he feels, it will leave you confident. The right relationship won’t have you questioning who he’s talking to, because you’ll know it’s only you. The right relationship won’t look at you and see what they can gain, but will do anything to make you happy.

The right relationship isn’t one full of texting games and snapchat, liking pictures, and tagging you in things. The right relationship won’t involve your phone much at all, because you’re going to be with him.

The right relationship won’t make plans and cancel on you last minute. The right relationship won’t test you just to see if you answer then ignore you when you do.

It’s a game. And guys like these are it’s best players. Walking away with earning of your emotions as you feel empty watching them go.

But all you have to do is make the decision to stop playing. Stop responding. Stop answering. Stop following his life like it’s some movie.

Any game takes two people and the reason these relationships go on longer than they should, is because you allow it too. If you don’t like the games, then stop playing them.

If you want a relationship, stop going after people who won’t give you one.

If you walk away from these relationships learning anything, it’s that relationships aren’t something to win when you’ve done enough to deserve it.

You deserve a relationship right now.

The truth is, relationships are really easy. It’s the wrong ones that aren’t. And it’s those wrong ones that are hard to let go and move on from when you’ve invested so much already.

Almosts.

andy-lee-118706-unsplash-1

The Girl You Took For Granted, Someone Else Will Appreciate.

She’s the one you talk to when you’re bored. The one you think will always be there. That after thought that comes when your mind starts to wonder.

She’s the text you know will get answered. The one you know with certainty would do anything for you.

She’s the plans you don’t feel bad canceling.

The late night text when you didn’t seal the deal with someone at the bar.

The one you like to play games with just because you can. You like seeing how she reacts to everything. How quickly she’ll open a snapchat you send and how she answers every time. The person who viewed your story first even though the only reason you posted it, was in hopes someone else would see.

She’s your security blanket in a way. The one who has been there when things have gone wrong, comforting you and building you up even when she didn’t ask the same.

She’s the one who rearranges her schedule and make sacrifices in those moments you do make the time to see her. But you don’t see that.

She’s the yes you know you’ll get and the effort you don’t reciprocate.

The one who will never say something unkind or call you out on your bullshit, even though you know you deserve it.

She’s the one you’ve taken for granted.

What you see is weak for caring too much and showing it, someone else will see as value. And in return, they’ll treat her the same she’s treated you.

What you see as easy to read and predictable, someone else is hoping they meet someone who is that honest, real, and straight up with the things they want and how they feel.

What you see as some game is the respect she has for everyone to not allow someone else’s unkindness and negligence to impact her. And someone is going to come into her life and he’s not going to play games or mess with how she feels because unlike you, he’ll respect her.

What you see as some late night text and her responding will be met with silence when she meets someone who falls asleep next to her at a normal hour.

What you see is someone who is always there, someone who really shows loyalty and faith and her inability to give up on people she cares about. And someone is going to see that and not take it for granted or see how far they can push her.

What you see as weak because you can talk to her how you want act however you feel, like someone else will see as strength because it takes a lot to control your emotions.

And one day someone is going to take the chance she wanted you too.

At first, it’s going to be unfamiliar to her because she’s used to you, not someone who treats her the way she deserves. There might even be moments of missing you. But once she walks away, she’s never going to go back to what you might have had or what she tried so hard to have.

Because when someone good comes into your life, you don’t take them for granted. You value them, appreciate them, and do things to ensure you don’t lose them.

She didn’t want to leave, but you didn’t give her any reason to stay.

So when someone else comes into the picture, she’ll take a chance on him. And the difference between you two, (other than the obvious characteristics of him being a better man) what it came down to was, she gave him one chance and he rose to the occasion. Meanwhile, she gave you so many more and all you did was disappoint her and let her down.

Her absence won’t hit you immediately. You might even think you’re better off without her in your life. But one day you’re going to need her. You’re going to miss her. You’re going to want her. And when you reach for your phone and you don’t even know how to say hello. And that’s what is going to break you…the girl who didn’t leave you with a goodbye because it hurt her just as much to walk away.

1