You Broke Her, But That Was Exactly What She Needed To Move On.

She held on as long as she could. Against everyone’s wishes. Against everyone’s advice. She would have kept holding on against every odd. Following a heart that’s led her to dead-ends and heartbreak. But she believed in you. She cared about you. She had your best interest at heart always and would have done anything to keep you.

But you didn’t want the same.

Because that effort and every gesture you suddenly felt entitled to, went unappreciated. The word “thank you” failed to escape your mouth on so many occasions. And she just kept trying.

She wouldn’t have given up on you if you hadn’t beaten her to it.

But I’m glad you did.

She held on tighter refusing to let go, but she didn’t realize in that moment, every bit of effort, and trying as hard as she did, was her holding on and you letting her instead of you reaching back.

She feared letting go. But then she did. And she watched as you dropped fast and faded. She was left only with the memory of what you used to be and someone she so deeply believed in.

Even though you were long gone far before she let go and gave up on you.

It just took her a little longer to catch up.

Her friends look at it with relief and knowing she’s better off without you, but she’s overcome with the heartbreak of what she feels she lost. But it wasn’t her loss.

It was a one-sided relationship only she valued. A one-sided relationship she worked to maintain. A one-sided relationship that didn’t need effort on both sides, because she was exerting all of her into it trying to maintain this.

It’s not fair that she’s the one who had to get hurt in all this. But she deserves so much more.

They always say when someone leaves, that’s when you find out how the other person really feels. And while I don’t know what you say about her, I know she’s the type who won’t sit there and bad mouth you or get angry over it. Instead, she looks at it all grateful to have had you in her life, even a little while. She still talks about you in the best of light. She doesn’t let a bad ending change the memories that were good.

Sometimes it’s harder that way.

It’s easier to say you hate this person than admit you’re hurt, you’re disappointed, you’ve been let down. Anger masks pain and that’s why so many relationships end so badly. Instead of remembering how you care, you are overcome with an ugly emotion you let consume you, rather than admit what you are really feeling under the surface.

But she’s not like that. She refuses to let you turn a heart she knows is valuable into something dark. She refuses to let pain change her.

So she feels through it. She feels through your absence. She feels through the pain. She feels through those moments she wants to reach out to you, but she knows she shouldn’t.

She wears these feelings that most can’t process with a little bit of grace.

Even though it hurts and she has moments of missing you, that pain is an indication you mattered. And she’ll never take that from you or pretend you weren’t someone who played such a vital role in her life.

She still has her moments.

When a song comes on and she freezes. When a line in a book takes her back. Where she’s met with your ghost on certain roads and in certain places, thinking back to a time when things were different between you.

She reaches for her phone to type a message, but realizes even if it gets delivered, so much has changed between you two. Familiar strangers caught somewhere between a common past and a future that doesn’t include one another.

But she would have continued to walk with you if you didn’t deliberately lose her along the way, and in desperate attempt to try to find you, that’s when it hit her you didn’t want to be found.

And that’s when she let go.

Maybe you saw it too. Maybe you felt it. Maybe you knew she deserved better than anything you were ever able to give her or reciprocate.

What she looks at as painful and a loss that keeps her up at night, maybe was the kindest thing you could have done for her.

I wonder in the end if your motives were that pure? I wonder if you thought about her at all? I like to believe you were as good as she made you out to be. But sometimes I question it. I wonder if any of it was even about her or maybe she was some ego boost along the way??

She built you up without needing anything for herself. She gave without your ability to reciprocate it. She loved you unconditionally and with everything she had. And sometimes things don’t work out, because the other person deserves better.

You broke her. But it was the best thing you probably didn’t even mean to do, because you gave someone else a chance to love her the same way she loved you.

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I Hate When Girls…

The girls who send me messages. The girls who blow up my news feed liking a hundred pictures at 2AM because something about toxic relationships and not getting what they deserve, resonates with them.

I hate when girls tell me they love him and they want to win him back. Part of me wants to scream through my computer screen or cell phone that he’s not worth it, it isn’t really love but infatuation. But who am I to tell someone how they really feel?

What I do know, is what it’s like to fall for someone really hard. And it’s someone you would do anything for. And you jump through hoops trying to impress him. You read the signs you want to read and not the ones that are there.

I hate seeing girls in so much pain over a relationship that doesn’t deserve them. The girls who feel like it was their loss.

The girls who think they will never love someone that deeply again. I hope you don’t.

Because loving someone at the cost of losing yourself, that’s something you’ll never gain back and it’ll ruin you.

I hate when girls try to justify guys bad behavior and make up excuses for him. Because no, it’s not a bad time. He’s not still healing over his ex.

Anyone who blames their past isn’t ready for a present relationship.

I hate the girls who wait for someone like they are just some coat in the closet he can pick and choose when he wants.

I hate when girls say they have no choice but to answer, and they can’t just ignore him. You always have a choice and when you let guys like that become habits you’re going to think they control you and the truth is, they do and they know it and they will use that to their advantage.

I hate when girls tell me they aren’t the relationship type, yet here they are sneaking out of bed past 11PM because he called. All you are to him is some temporary high and once he gets his fix, he’ll be over it.

I hate when girls try so hard for someone who doesn’t deserve it. Because there are so many other people who do, who would not only treat you right but reciprocate those feelings.

I hate when girls get led on, messed with and confused, because you don’t deserve that. But you shouldn’t go along with it either.

I hate when girls stick around when they know they should walk away, but they stay put because they care. And I wish it was as easy as just not care about someone who doesn’t care about you.

I hate when girls text him instead of trusting their instinct and they get a response or lack thereof, and they feel even worse about themselves because they did it.

I think I hate it so much because I know what it’s like to be there.

I know what it’s like to settle.
I know what it’s like to be confused, led on, and fucked with so much you don’t even trust yourself.

I know what it’s like to care a little too much sometimes even though, they don’t deserve it.

I know what it’s like to stare at your phone and hate yourself for it.

But when you finally find the courage to let go of these people who are causing you pain what you’ll find is yeah you might miss them, but it’s only when you let go of someone or something you don’t deserve can you attract something and someone you do.

I hate seeing girls in so much pain and hurting because everyone has a choice about the relationships they have.

There are enough bad things in our life, relationships shouldn’t be one of them.

If someone isn’t treating you well, you walk away and you don’t look back and you don’t dwell on who they used to be.

I hate when girls fall in love with the idea of what they want someone to be, rather than who they actually are. The truth is he’s never going to be the person you need, even if you want him the most.

Sometimes you get don’t end up with the person you wanted more than anyone and that’s okay, because sometimes you meet someone better.

Better is that relationship that looks and feels right, that’s what is in store for you if you find the courage to walk away from guys who use you, won’t commit to you, take advantage of you, and don’t care.

For every guy who has ever ignored you.
For every guy who has ever messed with your head.
For every guy who lives for mixed signals and games.
For every guy who has ever used you for sex.
Then made you leave after the fact.
For every apology you got that came too late.
From some fuckboy who only reached out to see if you’d answer.
For every guy who blows up your news feed and opens your snaps.
Who sends you things then doesn’t answer.
For every guy who has ever walked away.
For every guy who has ever made you cry.
For every guy who has ever cheated.
For every guy who heard the words “I love you” and didn’t say it back.
For every guy who has ever lied to you or didn’t tell the whole truth.
For every guy who always thought you’d always be there.
For every guy who has ever said “what if” or “maybe.”
For every guy who ever said “let’s keep this between us.”
For every guy who chose physical over an emotional relationship.
For every guy who ever made you feel less about yourself.
For every guy who has ever made you feel unwanted.
For every guy who made you feel unloved.
For every guy who ever put on the sideline while he dated someone else.

For every guy like that, there’s someone who is completely opposite of him. Someone who will love you. Someone who will adore. But most of all, he’s going to be someone who stays.

Because you deserve someone as great as you are.

And that’s the message I’m going to look forward to getting. The one that tells me “I was right.” You met someone better. And you healed.

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