Dating And Understanding Someone Who Over-Thinks.

“I let you see the parts of me that weren’t all that pretty and with every touch you fixed them. Now you’ve been talking in your sleep. Things you never say to me. Tell me that you’ve had enough…I’m sorry I don’t understand where all of this is coming from, I thought that we were fine. Your head is running wild again my dear we still have everythin’ and it’s all in your mind” – Pink

Relationships are hard for anyone. Add anxiety into the picture and someone who over-thinks, and it’s almost unbearable sometimes. Moments of doubt and confusion. Problems created that aren’t actually problems.

Over-thinking is what potentially ruins relationships. But people who have anxiety can’t help it. They just hope and pray they meet someone who tries to understand and can work around this flaw of theirs that dictates so much of their life.

It’s understanding their mind plays tricks on them.

Understand they are paying really close attention to everything you say. They are paying attention to every look, every eye roll, every gesture. Picking up on little things that might not mean anything. But they analyze it and think too much about it, creating problems in their mind.

Simply put, anxiety is just a warning of something bad that could happen. But it’s those what-ifs and maybe that make things hard. Overcome with fear of those things becoming a reality sometimes it just paralyzes the person.

It’s reassuring them often that things are fine.

Whether anything happened or not, just tell them things are okay. That you still care. That you’re still there for them. And it sounds silly, but people with anxiety, appreciate that.

Even a lack of a response you might not think needs an answer will throw someone with anxiety off. It’ll lead to them thinking they’ve done something wrong.

At the start of relationships, every little thing they are going to worry about. They are almost too cautious sometimes. But once they grow to trust you more and become more confident in you, you’ll see the anxiety fade.

It’s being the one who is always sure because they never will be.

People with anxiety are very indecisive even about little things. They are going to ask your opinion and what you think and what would make you happy. It isn’t that they don’t know how to stand on their own two feet, but a lot of times those with anxiety have encountered people in the past who have made them unsure of themselves.

When they respond with one word, something is probably wrong. When they use the word ‘fine’ they probably aren’t. When they are looking constantly at their phone, they are waiting for an answer. When they drive too quickly it’s because they are worried about being late. When they fiddle with their hands standing at a party, they are trying to be calm but really nervous to be there.

Everyone with anxiety has their little ticks. Things they might not even notice that they do. Learn them. Learn every curve. Learn every flaw. Learn to love them and love the things about themselves, they struggle to.

It’s valuing communication because that’s essential.

Their minds will wander and make every assumption possible. Talking things out is so important. Addressing an issue and finding a problem, not letting them think about it, dwell and spend time upset. Understand that any fight you might have is going to hurt them more, and they will beat themselves up more than you ever can with silent treatment or hoping they learn.

People with anxiety are harder on themselves than anyone, and they will internalize everything and take it personally.

They care. They care about saying and doing everything right and making someone happy, and that’s what it comes down to. If you can understand the root of fears and worrying is caring, maybe it will help you to understand.

It’s knowing how to talk them down when they worry.

Understand there are some things you won’t be able to fix. Moments where you’re just going to have to ride this rollercoaster of emotions just listening to everything they say until it’s out of their system. Moments where you might see them fall apart and breakdown, and there aren’t going to be words to fix it or anything you can do or say. Sometimes just being there is enough so they know they aren’t alone.

It’s loving them for exactly who they are.

Someone with anxiety will look at themselves and this part of who they are, and they’ll never fully like it or accept it. How can you accept something about yourself that only seems to cause problems? As their partner, it’s your job to love them in those moments they don’t love themselves. It’s your job to be sure when they are doubting everything. It’s your job to hold them, when to them their world is falling apart. It’s your job to not think much of it. The double texts you might get. The calls. The apologies. The questions. The over-explaining. The doubt. The breakdowns.

And in return for all of that under every bit of anxiety, is a heart that cares so much. They will accept every part of you. Love you unconditionally. Be honest always. Never stop showing you they care and appreciate you.

Because someone who overthinks, is also someone who over-loves.

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When Life Gives You Lemons…

We all make mistakes at work. They happen. It’s not easy when you’re just starting out to be making errors, because it isn’t very good for your self-esteem in your position. However, if we handle the mistakes gracefully, we can learn from them and are more unlikely to repeat them.

Own Up to Them.

If you make a mistake at work, own up to it. Deflecting, making excuses or blaming it on other circumstances or people will only be harmful. If you find yourself trying to find a way to hide it or get around it, stop and reorient yourself.

If you don’t own up to it and somebody recognizes that, it can make you look bad and reflect poorly on your teamwork skills and self-awareness.

Usually, just a simple “my mistake” will work. If it’s a big, bad mistake, a more formal apology may be necessary.

This step is where most have a hard time believing me, because I know I’m telling the truth but have a hard time making others understand me. I get VERY defensive when I’m accused of lying, when in fact, I know I’m not. I have a weird way of  “owning up to it.”

Learn From Them.

I would strongly recommend that when you make a mistake at work, you reflect on the error and think about how you could have changed the situation, what made you made that mistake, and what you can do next time.

For instance, if I was to call a patient by the wrong name at work, I might stop and think about WHY the mistake was made.

Was I rushed? Was I being lazy? Is there a pattern with the results of this exercise between now and previous mistakes? If there is, there might be a trigger. If I’m rushed, I make a lot more mistakes than if I have plenty of time. If I’m writing an important email for example, I might make more errors because I’m nervous about sending it and making it perfect, so I overlook the little things. Maybe next time, I need to have somebody look over the email prior to me sending it out.

Keep this in mind the next time you are doing a similar task, because making the same mistake twice can reflect poorly on you.

Apologize, Correct Yourself, and Move On.

You may be embarrassed about your mistake, but if it’s a little mistake, chances are nobody noticed or cared. Things that might seem like a big deal to you, may not even register on other people’s radar. Don’t make a bigger deal out of a minor error than you need to; simply apologize, correct your error, and move on.

Fix The Mistake (Don’t Make Others Deal With It).

A little mistake will become a big deal to a different party if they have to fix it. Nobody should have to fix an error that they didn’t perform, so be sure to rectify the mistake as soon as possible to minimize any inconvenience to others.

Making errors at work can be embarrassing and many people become defensive or evasive when faced with a mistake that they made, like myself. However, the best way to handle a mistake is to own up to it, fix it, and be sure to learn from the mistake.

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What Panic Attacks Are Like For Me.

Anxiety is not fiction.

Many who have never dealt with this ailment dismiss it as an excuse by those who suffer from it to get out of mundane tasks or work requirements. Much like ADHD or mood disorders, anxiety is not something that can necessarily be seen or proven when you are the sufferer struggling to explain yourself to someone who doubts that your night sweats and inability to turn your brain off in the wee hours of the morning, are not something you are making up to take a vacation day. Our life is not a vacation.

Anxiety is real. Panic is not made up. Owning, getting help to overcome, and learning to cope with your anxious feelings is critical to finally living your life and not simply existing.

This is what an anxiety/panic attack feels like to me (I been experiencing them the past 3 days now).

It is 3:00 in the morning. I wake up from a dead sleep, sit straight up, and immediately know something is wrong. I am sweating, nauseous, and feel as if someone has dumped a bucket of ice water onto my chest. I feel it spill down my abdomen and through my arms and legs. My chest feels as though a giant’s hand is squeezing it with the intention of taking my life.

I feel like I am dying.

“Call the emergency squad!” I yell to my boyfriend. I refuse to go to the doctor for fairly major complaints, so he knows I am serious.

In the minutes that pass before the EMT arrives, I move to the couch, clutch my chest because the pain is more intense than labor contractions.

I feel like I am dying.

When the medical personnel take my vitals, my heart rate has soared above 136 and my breathing is rapid and short. The sweating has slowed, but I am nauseous and dry heaving. It takes about 30 minutes for the aides to update my stats and explain that they think I may be having a minor heart attack or have blood clots going to my heart. They say I need to get to a hospital.

Hours and lots of tests later, the doctors say I am having a panic attack.

I was diagnosed with mental illness since I was a kid, but I was actually in my 30’s before I knew anxiety was real. I had lived my life with these feelings, never knowing that everyone else wasn’t experiencing the same thing. I then reached and asked about my symptoms. That is when I got back on my medications. I am on anxiety medications and antidepressants, I will be taking them for the rest of my life, I never should’ve come off them when I did. But, they meds works and have changed my life.

Nothing could have helped me prep my body or mind for the feelings that flooded my body when it was in full panic.

When I was in the middle of my panic attack, there was no person, no statistic, no test that could have convinced me that I wasn’t living my last moments on earth. I felt like I was trapped in a nightmare where my boyfriend was in my line of sight, but out of reach.

All at once, I thought I would never see my hopes and dreams come true.

All in a moment that may have lasted hours or seconds, everything came to a halt. The word panic doesn’t seem to reach the sensations I felt during those minutes and hours. My body ached, my insides contracted and felt ice-cold, my chest was tight and I couldn’t catch my breath, my heart hurt more than any pain I’ve felt. What was worse was the paralyzing, gripping fear, sheer and utter incapacitating fear, that I was leaving so many things undone.

Never doubt someone who suffers from symptoms they cannot show you. Some people are dishonest, but those with mental and emotional struggles wouldn’t wish what they go through on anyone, not even their worse enemy. They surely wouldn’t write it as fiction.

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Dog Mom Life.

If there is one thing in my life right now that I am proud of, it would be that I am a dog mom. Being a dog mom is great. The love my dog has for me and the love I have for my dog is not like any other. However, being a dog mom is not all playing fetch and kisses. Sometimes it can bring on some tough “mom” moments. If you’re a fellow dog mom, here are some things you should be familiar with.

1. Kisses

If you’re a fellow dog mom, you know that kisses are a part of every day life. My fur-baby finds any reason to kiss me. Good morning kisses are probably the best ones though. If you’re anything like me, you originally never liked kisses in the face, but now you can’t go a day without a kiss from your baby.

2. Dog Patrol

Probably the biggest downfall to being a dog mom is having to pick up after our little baby. Sure we love them will all of our hearts, but what comes out of them is not so lovable. Dog patrol is something that we cannot avoid, no body likes a poop filled yard.

3. “What are you eating?”

Asking my pup what he is eating is almost a daily occurrence. I’m always concerned about what he’s has gotten into. If you see your pup chewing on something and has that suspicious look I automatically ask him, “what are you eating?” Sometimes this includes chasing him around and finally taking it out of his mouth physically. But lets all be real, we also give our pups a little treat, which is probably why they get into everything.

4. Furry Clothes

It doesn’t matter if the clothes have just been washed, somehow there is always dog fur/hair on our clothing items. We can’t escape it. It is everywhere, hence the need to many lint rollers.

5. Time Outs

As much as we hate this part of being a dog mom, there has to be some structure in the house. The dog does not own the house. If he does something that is wrong, as much as it pains us, he gets himself put in a time out. However, he always looks so adorable with his “I’m sorry” face that his time out lasts a very short time.

6. Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is a real thing. We all know our little baby has a hard time when we are not around. Sometimes they go a little crazy and destroy the house (my dog doesn’t do destroy the house, thank God), sometimes they cry for hours, and sometimes they just patiently wait for us. Not only do they have a hard time, we as dog moms have a hard time being away.

7. Loud Noises

As a dog mom, we are always concerned about our little pup. Loud noises often scare them causing some anxiety. We have to get a little creative to help out our pups when it comes to those loud noises. Sometimes cuddling is enough, but sometimes we have to pull out some headphones and our laptop and put on a movie or music for them.

8. Constant Dog Posts

I cannot be the only dog mom who constantly has some post about their little baby. Everyone needs to know how adorable he is along with all the goofy little things he does. I alway am taking pictures, so I’m ready to post!

9. Extra Cleaning

Having a dog requires a little more than normal house cleaning. Although this is never a fun thing, my little baby usually helps me out and makes things a little more enjoyable.

10. Great Therapy

Whenever you’re having a bad day or feeling a little under the weather, your fur-baby is GREAT therapy. They’re always there to comfort you and make you feel better.

11. A Happier Life

Dog moms are absolutely so happy with their life and honestly, it’s because of our furry little baby!

(Me and my fur-baby, Joey)

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