The Girl.

She’s the one who tries too hard for the wrong people. The girl who invests her entire heart into things. She’s the one who truly believes if you love and care for someone the right way, they can change.

She’s the one who gives too many chances to people who don’t deserve it. The girl who would give the shirt off her back to someone if you asked her. She’s the one who leads by example treating people how she wants to be treated, even if she’s seen the opposite.

She’s the one who is a little too nice. The girl people take for granted. She’s the one who gives away pieces of herself to make others feel whole.

She’s the one who sees the good in everyone. The girl who is patient with boys who are complicated. She’s the one who tries to break through their walls and overcome their challenges, even though they were designed so no one could figure them out.

She’s the one who isn’t afraid to send the first text and answer quickly. The girl who doesn’t care when you cancel. She’s the one who doesn’t take your mood swings or attitude personally, she just keeps being nice.

She’s the one who will never call you out or make you feel bad. The girl who handles things with poise and grace. The one who tolerates so much less than she deserves, giving without asking for anything in return.

She’s the one who gets those calls at 1a.m. that she hates herself for answering. The girl who falls for every game because she hopes the next time it’ll be different. The one who is there when the person isn’t worthy of her love and loyalty.

She’s the one who doesn’t see relationships because she constantly falls for the wrong people. The girl who has this type that keeps hurting her. The one who goes to bed every time hoping maybe tomorrow will be the day I meet someone.

Honestly though, it isn’t that she’s bad at relationships it’s that these types of girls are the ones people don’t get valued enough or appreciated.

As a result, she finds herself picking apart her flaws, because she believed one too many people who said she wasn’t good enough.

She tries to change to please everyone only to realize she lost herself so many times.

She thinks it’s her and something she’s doing wrong. She hates herself for caring too much and wearing her heart on her sleeve. She hates thinking she has to prove something because all these guys make it so hard. As a result, she puts her best effort in and goes above and beyond what most people deserve. And the reason her effort doesn’t feel good enough isn’t a reflection of her, but rather the person on the receiving end.

She’s not bad at relationships. She’s bad at the wrong ones.

Because the right relationship she deserves, will be one where she isn’t compromising her self-respect or trying too hard at all. It is someone who is meeting her halfway so she isn’t exhausted. It’s someone emotionally meeting her halfway so she’s not drained. It’s someone who looks at her, not as an option, but as a priority.

And when you meet that person who deserves you, that’s when you’ll realize relationships are easy. That’s when you’ll realize you’re actually good at them.

Because girls like these have so much to offer someone, they just haven’t found someone deserving of it.

Over-trying. Over-loving. So much effort and thought put into things. Analyzing every word making sure it’s right. Careful with every move. Never giving up on people. And above all, being kind. That’s who she is. And that’s who she’s never going to stop being despite how many times she gets hurt.

One day you’re going to come across someone who loves, cares, and gives the way you do, and every piece you ever gave away will come back to you making you feel whole in ways you’ve forgotten. Wait for that day.

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Stay Single.

Stay single until you meet a real man who doesn’t just open every door you walk through, but metaphorical doors in your life pushing you to try things new.

Someone who isn’t just going to hold your hand walking on the street or make sure you’re on the proper side of the sidewalk, but someone who takes your hand and wants to show you all these places and experience all these with you.

Someone who looks at you and is happy you’ve never been to a certain place or tried a certain food. They open your eyes to the grey areas of life when all you saw was black and white.

Stay single until you meet a real man who doesn’t just tell you how he feels, but is constantly showing you through gestures, affection, and effort you’ve never before seen.

And it’s almost like thank you isn’t enough.

Someone who kisses you just because. Someone who pulls you in close at night. Someone who doesn’t mind your hair in their face while sleeping, or the fact you’ve made his arm dead. He stays put because there’s something beautiful about you asleep and he doesn’t want to wake you.

Stay single until you meet a real man who brings you to meet his friends. And even though you’re nervous, he confidently leads the way because he’s happy to have you there with him.

Someone who makes you feel welcome even though you are new, everyone already knows about you because he’s probably mentioned it in their group text.

Stay single until you meet a real man who takes you on a proper date. And it isn’t meeting for drinks, it’s a real dinner at a nice place where he’s picking up the tab. Because dropping some money if you turn out to be the right person, he knows is going to be completely worth it in the long run.

Someone who treats everyone with this respect, kindness and generosity.

Stay single until you meet a real man who is going to text you back. Someone who isn’t afraid to pick up the phone and call you. Someone who will commit to plans in the future and isn’t intimidated by commitment.

Someone whose word you realize you can rely on because they mean what they say.

Stay single until you meet a real man who knows that games and messing with someone’s head and heart is childish, and shows an insecurity within that person. That will never be him, because he’s sure of himself.

Someone who realizes what they have to offer is something of value, and if you aren’t at that level or are still playing games, and he throws out the card, it’s either him and you stop or he leaves.

Stay single until you meet a real man who looks at challenges as something to overcome together because you are a team.

Someone who uses the word “WE” when talking about things, because that’s what a real relationship is.

Stay single until you meet a real man who introduces you to his family as his girlfriend. Because that’s what you are.

Someone who only takes that step with people he’s serious about.

Stay single until you meet a real man who makes you confident. Both in how you look and how they feel about you. Because it’s his job to make you feel secure, wanted and loved.

Someone who uses the word “beautiful” instead of “hot.” Someone who tells you honestly what you look good in and what you don’t. But, they are also someone who is going to say things like, “you look best in a backward hat with no makeup in a big t-shirt” and you feel the sincerity.

Stay single until you meet a real man who has a career, not a job. Someone who talks about what they do with such excitement, you feel it too.

Someone who has a plan and sees a future both for themselves and your relationship.

Stay single until you find a real man who knows the hardest part wasn’t getting you, but keeping you.

Someone who continues to prove you deserve as much effort and attention while he was pursuing you as you do now.

Stay single until you find a real man who still makes you blush with a compliment. Who still sends shivers from your head to your toes just by placing his hand on your leg. Someone who wakes up every day and you feel lucky to be next to.

Someone who loves you unconditionally and fully.

Someone who made you realize what it’s like to get it right.

Someone you can’t imagine your life without.

Stay single until you meet a real gentlemen.

Because fate, circumstances, and odd situations are one day going to have you cross paths with that person you’ve been looking for. And when it happens, there’s only moving forward from there, and it’s in that moment you stop looking back.

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The Right Man/Woman.

Someone who really wants you and really wants to be with you will make that happen. There is no grey area when it comes to interest.

There’s no “what-ifs” or “maybe” or “almost.” Someone who wants to be with you, will be. And if he’s/she’s sending mixed signals, then he/she doesn’t want you enough, and the only people you should want, and the only people you should invest time and emotion into, are the ones who want you.

It isn’t your job to convince someone they should want to be with you.

There’s always going to be obstacles when it comes to relationships and it’s up to you to find someone who looks at those things as something easy to overcome TOGETHER. It isn’t you making all the effort or them. It’s someone willing to meet you halfway with things.

If you ever find yourself exerting too much energy into someone, then it isn’t the relationship for you. Because the right relationship is going to come very easily.

And there isn’t going to be a moment of uncertainty.

If you ever find yourself rereading texts because you feel you’ve misread signals or are confused and hurt, they aren’t the one. There isn’t going to be a wrong time to text him/her because no matter when it is, he’s/she’s going to want to hear from you.

There isn’t going to be a time of the day to see him/her, just a schedule you each might have to work around sometimes, but he/she will because he/she wants to see you.

The person you deserve is someone who is going to desire you as much as you do them, and these feelings will leave you whole not empty.

You are never going to wonder how he/she feels because he’s/she’s going to want you to be sure and confident in him/her.

The right guy/woman realizes it’s his/her job to make you feel safe, secure, loved and wanted.

If someone isn’t doing those things, they aren’t meant for you.

There isn’t a feeling strong enough to change how someone feels about you, and if someone does not feel the way you do or they aren’t showing it, then you stop investing into that person because you’re only hurting yourself if you continue to choose someone who doesn’t choose you.

Guys/Women might try to mess with your head and your heart and send a hundred mixed signals, but it’s up to you to realize when someone is doing that and walk away. That isn’t a sign to try harder.

Boys/Girls play games. But, the right guy/woman won’t.

The right guy/woman will build you up and not break you down.

The right guy/woman will care and not make you wonder if he/she does.

The right guy/woman will take every flaw and shortcoming and push you to see what you can become.

He/She won’t use flaws against you like there’s something to win making you feel bad about it.

The right guy/woman will make you feel secure with how you feel, not walk away with the pieces you gave so carelessly.

The right guy/woman will value vulnerable moments and not look at you as weak.

The right guy/woman is going to make you one of his/her top priorities, because any real man/woman looks at a woman’s/man’s love and affection and doesn’t take it for granted.

The right guy/woman realizes how childish it is to hurt girls/boys and it isn’t attractive.

The right guy/woman realizes the most attractive thing he/she is able to do is find a single woman/man and make her/him feel like she’s/he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him/her. And it’s his/her job to win her/him over and prove he’s/she’s worthy of her/his time and attention.

The right guy/woman isn’t afraid of stepping into a relationship with both feet, even if he/she is nervous too.

The right guy/woman doesn’t use the word “busy” because there is always time. It’s just we all make time for the people who matter.

And it’s up to you to invest your time into someone worth it. And the person who is worth it is never going to be the boy/girl who messes with your head and walks away with your heart.

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Fall For The Person Who…

Fall for the person who isn’t just going to love you. But it is through their love you learn to love yourself. It is through their kindness you learn to be a little kinder to yourself. It is through their forgiveness you learn to forgive yourself for things.

Everyone says you are supposed to love yourself before you can love someone else. But sometimes I think it’s other people’s example we need to follow.

It’s someone else is showing us, this isn’t just how I’m going to treat you and talk to you and be with you. This is how you should be with yourself.

Self-love is kind of tricky sometimes when we are all programmed to look at our flaws and the things we think we fall short of. We look at ourselves every single day and get used to all of that. But knowing ourselves so well, we don’t know what it’s like to be seen through the eyes of someone who has never seen us before.

And they look at you and it’s just this moment they are taken back. And they aren’t looking at that thing you are insecure about. They aren’t judging you for the mistake you made last week. They are looking at how attractive are. They are looking at how pretty you are when you laugh. They are noticing those little details just watching you and blown away.

We don’t know what it’s like to look at ourselves through anything but judgmental lenses, so we are never going to know what it’s like to walk into a room and see ourselves the way a stranger seeing us for the first time.

Then as someone gets to know you and you formulate a relationship, what begins to happen is that initial attraction gets replaced with this emotional connection. And as they get to know you, they are realizing you aren’t perfect. They notice your quirks and habits and flaws. Maybe they are even seeing some parts of you, those little things you personally don’t like. But they aren’t focusing on that the way you do. What they are focusing on is despite whatever you think you lack, you’re still perfect in their eyes.

And as the relationship progresses and you fall more for each other, they see all of these sides to you and you really get to know each other and they aren’t looking at the flaws they now know of. They aren’t looking at your shortcomings, what they are seeing is, here is this person who despite all those things is still perfect for them.

You mustn’t look at your flaws as something bad. Because it’s those flaws that make you human. It’s those flaws that make you relatable. It’s those flaws that connect you with others. And it’s everyone’s deepest insecurity that makes them more likable. Because that thing is what keeps you real.

If we all walked around unflawed with big heads we wouldn’t connect to each other and we wouldn’t need someone else.

I hate when people say you shouldn’t need someone because there isn’t a single person in the world who is meant to be alone.

We all need each other and sometimes we need each other to teach us that self-love we sometimes lack.

Fall for the person who is going to teach you to be kinder to yourself.

Fall for the person who is going to teach you to treat yourself better.

Fall for the person who loves everything about you even if you’ll never get there fully.

Fall for the person who makes you better without changing you into something you’re not.

This is the person you are going to fall in love with. And it’s this person who is going to teach you to love yourself.

Don’t fall for that lie that you have to love yourself before someone else can. Because that’s BS.

You have to respect yourself.

You have to like yourself a little bit.

You have to care about yourself.

And that’s because if you don’t have those core fundamentals you’ll let people get away with treating you badly.

But love is learned differently from everyone. And sometimes all it takes is one person stepping up to the plate and teaching this is what you’ve deserved the whole time both from others and from yourself. And that’s the relationship that’s going to change your life.

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If I Only Knew.

When I think back to every almost relationship I was ever in and where I am now, part of me wants to hug the girl I used to be. I wish I could tell her the right relationship isn’t going to be this complicated and hard and painful. I wish I could tell her every person I know now that wasn’t good for her. I wish I could take her hand and lead her to the person she deserved. But it’s only because I am standing where I am now that I can look back knowing exactly what I know. That maybe, every one of those relationships needed to happen in order to get where I am now and appreciate it and love the person I am for having overcome that.

If I could tell myself anything about these relationships I invested so much time into I would start with a few things…

 1. You shouldn’t compromise yourself self-respect to keep them.

I can’t tell you how many times I would wake up next to someone and just lay there hoping that maybe that talk we had a 3AM they meant. That maybe this isn’t just physical. That maybe they will call and I won’t be the first one sending that text.

I would tell myself, “you don’t deserve to be some secret or some late night call.”

And even when I was doing those things I felt so guilty, because sleeping with someone casually isn’t who I am or who I wanted to be. Yet, I became that person.

The younger relationships were the ones where they say something like, “everyone is gone meet me here.” And I look back almost cringing that I went every single time. And maybe it was lack of confidence. Maybe it was caring about someone more than myself. Maybe it was being more hopeful than realistic.

But if I could tell my younger self anything, I would say it’s those texts that are hardest to ignore, they are the ones you should ignore the most.

 2. And honestly, you can’t keep someone who was never yours. And you can’t lose someone who wasn’t either.

I used to think every time that “almost” relationship would cut ties with me and duck out only to return weeks later, I was losing something. I thought how sad is it I can’t talk to him every day anymore because it’s over? What if no one ever knows me the way he does? What if I never feel the way I do about him as I do someone else?

I cringe thinking back to actually feeling that way.

I was comparing this guy to someone who wasn’t real. Because you can’t have a dating standard of someone you didn’t date. And it’s so unfair comparing someone to them who doesn’t deserve to be on that pedestal you put them on.

I would tell myself, “what should hurt more is you losing yourself every time he leaves and you let it affect you.”

3. You shouldn’t try so hard to prove you deserve them.

I think back to all the effort I invested in these relationships. Emotionally, I gave some of these people my all. Mentally, I’d go periods at a time where I wouldn’t talk to anyone else but them and it would go on for so long. Physically, I was giving them a part of myself I should have valued more thinking sex would make them stay.

Effort is something that comes very easy to me. Not just with people I wanted to date, but every relationship in my life. But there are a lot of people who don’t deserve it.

I think back to the lengths I went to for some of these people and I wish I invested that in myself instead of someone who didn’t deserve me.

 4. The right relationship isn’t going to force you to change

These people shined so brightly in my eyes that I didn’t realize I was taking that away from myself. I was suddenly not seeing myself for who I was but rather the things I lacked. I thought how can I change to be better? What can I do to make them like me? And I tried so hard to be what I thought these guys wanted. Honestly, I lost myself in moments trying to appease them.

If I could tell my younger self anything it would be, “the person who makes you feel like you aren’t good enough is the person not right for you.”

We get so caught up in thinking we aren’t good enough for someone but the word we should be focused on is “right.”

 5. History does not mean a future.

I used to think just because I had so many memories I clung to with people I knew for so long, they owed me something. Because I was loyal to them that they owed me a relationship one day or a date or anything. And I kept reliving the past and those best moments hoping maybe they’d remember what was good, and would think about what could be.

But the what-ifs and the maybe and the one days were all just fiction.

I spent so much time hung up on what used to be I didn’t think about this moment and all the people I probably missed out on focusing on the wrong things.

 6. Investing time into someone won’t change how they feel.

I would tell myself that, “you can’t change how someone feels. They either like you or they don’t.” And that’s something you are going to learn very early on because if they aren’t making moves and taking you out and calling you up in that first month, they never will. Sometimes I wish I could take back the time I wasted on those people and that relationship, but it was all a learning process.

7. The confusion and games and blurry lines does not mean they like you.

I used to get so hung up on the games. But I realized it’s so simple someone who wants to be with you will never fuck with your head or make you feel insecure. And those people who do those things, the ones who call you too late or blow up your news feed and all that other shit we’ve disguised as flattery, is complete bullshit.

If I could tell my younger self anything it would be, “to put down your phone and wait for the person who shows the fuck up, not that one who says he will.”

 8. While falling for them wasn’t something you can control staying there was.

I can’t sit here and say those feelings weren’t real just because there wasn’t a label attached to it. Every time I said “I love you” to one of those people, I meant every word. The feelings were real. And don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise or make you feel guilty for it.

But if I could tell my younger myself anything it would be, “you might not have control in who you develop feelings for and if they hurt you, but you can control how long you invest in someone who causes you pain.”

Even after these people hurt me or told me they’d never be with me, I stayed.

 9. Take responsibility for the relationship too.

I used to pin things on them as I played the victim card. But I am just as responsible for staying invested in relationships that hurt me. Because all I had to do was ignore a text and walk away and maybe these “almost” relationships that last months to years I would have healed from earlier if I made that choice.

Instead of making a choice based on my wellbeing, I made a choice based on what I was trying to prove.

 10. Someone not wanting to be with you doesn’t mean try harder.

Rejection does not mean keep trying. It’s admirable. But people aren’t something you are supposed to persevere with. You get rejected and you move onto the next person. You don’t stay there.

If I could tell my younger self anything I would say, “it’s admirable how hard you try for people.” I would say it’s “thoughtful how much you put into these people.” Because you did so much from buying things, they didn’t deserve going so many places and going so far out of your way for people who wouldn’t even answer sometimes. I’d tell myself, “it’s admirable to love as deeply as you do, but there are some people who don’t deserve that.”

There are some people who don’t deserve your best.

And I think I knew that all along. Even staying in relationships I shouldn’t have, I knew these people were bad for me. But “almost” relationships and toxic people become habits that are hard to break.

If I could tell myself anything it would be, “before you become addicted to these people, walk away because all toxic people and habits do is destroy you.”

But as much as I hate the person I become in some moments or as a result of these relationships, I’m also eternally grateful. Every wrong relationship and every bit of pain I’ve ever felt led to me by someone who didn’t have to hurt me to show me they cared. Someone whose love and patience healed me in a way all those other relationships would have never been able to if they worked out.

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