Hard To Love.

We all have those days where we are hard to love. I don’t care how confident you are or what you look like or how secure you might be in every aspect of your life. I don’t care if you’re in the best relationship of your life with someone who adores you.

We all have those days where we look in the mirror and it’s hard to love the person looking back at us.

Maybe it’s a small flaw we wish we could change physically. Every time we look in the mirror that’s what we see first. That’s what we fixate on.

But the thing we have to understand about flaws, is most the time it’s something projected onto us. As children, we aren’t born hating ourselves. Hate is learned. And those things we don’t like about ourselves someone taught us to dislike. So it’s up to you to reprogram what you initially might have heard.

Even knowing that and understanding it, we still pick ourselves apart sometimes. Every outfit we try on for a big night we hate and next thing we know our entire room is covered in everything we own.

Maybe we aren’t confident in a choice we made or how we handled a situation. We keep replaying it in our mind how we could have done something differently. Beating ourselves up. If only you knew.

Maybe we aren’t confident in where we are right now because of where we think we should be. We look at where someone else is and it feels like they are winning. But the most important thing to understand is, the only race we are in is the one we have with ourselves. That’s the only person we need to compare ourselves to.

Whatever it is you are insecure about I want you to let it go.

You can allow yourself to feel through whatever you’re feeling, but when it’s over, start again. And you don’t have to start on a Monday or a new morning or a new month. Feel through your insecurities and start again.

Understand we are all going to have those moments that are setbacks. Those moments where we really don’t like the person looking back at us. The moments we make the wrong choice. The moments where we are really mean to ourselves.

I’m telling you it’s okay to feel that sometimes. It’s okay to be unsure. It’s okay that you are having a moment where confidence has completely escaped you. It’s okay if you aren’t where you want to be YET. This is all part of the process.

The truth is, we all struggle with different things internally. Things that no one even knows about. Things that we are still healing from. Moments of complete doubt. We all have baggage and regrets and things that keep us up at night. Caught between the past and present. Caught somewhere between what’s the next big step and security with where we are, knowing very well average isn’t where we want to settle.

On our worst days, we all want to feel so much better than we do.

We all have weak and insecure moments. And that’s okay. It’s what you do after that moment that counts for everything.

Strive to be better.

Strive to work harder.

Strive to be more successful.

But above all, strive to be a little kinder especially to yourself.

We all deserve to be a little kinder to the person looking back at us in the mirror.

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Abusive Relationships.

Leaving. Everyone talks about it like it’s so easy to do. 

How many times did it take you to leave before this? And how many times did you come back? How many times did he threaten you and you crumbled. And I’m sure you felt weak in those moments, and I’m sure he made you believe a lot of things that weren’t true. 

Telling you lies like you need him. What that translates to is, I need you to feel powerful because without that control I am nothing. 

Telling you lies like you’re ugly and useless. What that translates to is, I’m afraid of you realizing your own beauty and worth. 

Telling you lies like no one will want you. What that translates to is, I’m afraid someone will and they will treat you better. 

Telling you lies like you can’t leave. What that translates to is, I can’t let you leave I need you. 

An abusive relationship cycle of an abusive relationship, it changes you gradually in a way you don’t see it at first. But you end up turning into someone who isn’t really you, only you can’t tell the difference. 

And when given enough time in these types of relationships, it destroys you from the inside out until you get to a very destructive point where you stop caring. Caring about yourself. Caring about your life. Caring about anyone because the pain you feel seems so deep and unescapable that you might resort to self-inflicted destruction. 

People can only handle so much abuse before they end up resorting to a lot of horrible things just to cope with the pain. 

And if you’ve been there, I want you to know it’s okay. Whatever you did or intended to it’s okay. Whatever choice you made you might not be proud of isn’t a reflection of who you are, but years of abuse you didn’t deserve. 

And it’s going to take a while for you to unlearn all that. 

It’s going to take a while to build yourself up. 

It’s going to take a while until you get to a point where you are standing on your own two feet, because for so long you were leaning on someone who was so destructive. 

It’s okay you feel weak right now. It’s okay you feel unsure. It’s okay to even miss the person in moments. Because even if it’s the wrong love, feelings there are still present. 

Maybe you endured the abuse as long as you did because you wanted him to change. Maybe there was something you stayed for. 

Whatever that reason might be, and however much time you invested, there are two parts of strength that go unnoticed, the strength in enduring something you didn’t deserve for so long and then the strength of walking away.

Where ever you are in your journey to recover I want you know how proud I am of you. And there are always going to be bad days and setbacks and moments where you wonder if you did the right thing. On those days, I want you to remember you did. I want you to know how proud you should be of yourself. 

And as much pain you feel right now might be weighing on you, that pain comes from someone who deserves so much more. And walking away is your first step at getting that and winning your life back and regaining that control.

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I Want…

I want the type of relationship where the person looks at me with a lot of certainties. Not because they are sure they want me, but because I make them feel sure and confident in themselves.

I want to walk into a room holding their hand proudly, and they know how happy I am to have them next to me.

I want to show them through constant affection that I’m about them and into this.

I want them to trust me. And I know that’s something that will take time. And honestly I’m patient and I’ll work with it. I want to know their deepest secrets. I want to know the things that keep them up at night. I want to know their goals and ambitions and I want them to know I believe in them. And maybe if I’m lucky, I’ll be standing by their side watching their dreams become a reality.

I want them to not worry when I go out alone with my girlfriends. I want them to be so sure of me, they don’t even have to check in. I want them to know with certainty I shut down the person who hit on me because no one else matters but the one I’m coming home to.

I want them to know they don’t have to worry about who is blowing up my phone or news feed, because the only person that matters is them.

I want them to know that if an ex suddenly comes back into the picture, not to be worried. Because I am a firm believer in things ending for a reason. My past doesn’t compare to the present.

I want them to know that when I’m hanging out with my guy friends, they don’t have to think twice about it because chances are, I’m probably raving about them as I throw back another beer.

I want them to talk about the future with certainty because they want me a part of it, and I hope they smile when I bring up the next season in the year and mention something we should do because I see the future too.
I want them to know I’d choose them a hundred times again because I feel so lucky to have them. I want them to feel everything I feel deeply and not in a way that overwhelms them, but a way that they know I’m someone they can count on.

Someone who will be there when they need them. The arms to hold them when they are weak. The one celebrating when they succeed. The company during moments of confusion. Someone who feel their pain too.

If I do anything right in my life, it’s to be the type of person who enters a relationship when I’m ready and I can be the best version of myself that someone deserves.

That’s all I really want to be for someone else. I know what it’s like to be with people who are unsure of you and I don’t want to make someone feel that way.

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Love Her On Her Good Days, And Bad Days.

You have to love her at her best when she’s happy and smiling. Love her in all the good moments. The days where you look at her and you think you’re the lucky one.

Love her on the nights out where you are laughing and smiling like you are the only ones in the room. Love her on the nights where you’re holding her close and something about her touch just makes your toes curl. The mornings you wake up holding her. The naps where you’re just happy she’s there.

Love her in the moments she makes you laugh so hard you’re crying. Love her in the moments you’re watching your favorite show even though she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t say anything.

Love her in the moments she suggests hanging with your family.

Love her when she’s making you better. Helping to do the right thing. Giving you the advice you actually take. And being there to listen. Whether it’s problems with your family and she’s there to comfort you or things you feel you’re facing alone and she doesn’t let you.

Love her when she doesn’t do something well. Achieves something, or gets a promotion, or overcomes that hurdle you knew she could, but she fell so many times before.

Love her when she’s singing terribly in the car, but just looks at you smiling. When she leans in to kiss you at a red light. Love her in the little moments that come to mean so much.

But it isn’t just about loving her on her good days. You have to love her on her bad ones too.

Love her on those days she’s not herself and understand, it’s okay. Know that it’s not always your fault or something you can fix. You gotta love her when she’s depressed and struggling to get out of a funk because we all have those days. But it isn’t all of who she is.

You gotta love her when she’s anxious and worried. And try to understand the root of her fears. Understand it’s not something within her control.

You gotta love her when she falls flat on her face failing at something because she’s going to be harder on herself than anyone, and it’s up to you to pick her back up.

Love her on the days when she’s had too much to drink, and might need you to take care of her as she whispers words telling you exactly how much she cares.

You gotta love her when she’s frazzled and trying to figure things out and when she’s unsure of everything in her life, don’t make how you feel and your relationship something she has to be uncertain of or worry about.

Love her when she runs into people who use her and take advantage of her kindness and hurt her. And she walks away hurt from it thinking she did something wrong.

You gotta love her when she fights with her family and is holding back tears because you know what happened wasn’t her fault.

Love her in the moments where she does make a mistake and is wrong, and teach her it’s okay she’s not perfect because to you she is. But she’s always going to try to be better and beat herself up in moments she’s not.

You gotta love her when she bites off more than she can chew and chokes on it drowning the weight of others expectations and the fear of letting them down.

Love her in those moments where she struggles to love herself. Because that’s when she needs you most.

She not perfect. And she’s going to make mistakes. And she might say and do the wrong things sometimes. And there are going to be moments where it frustrates you and you might want to walk away.

But she’s going to give you a part of herself that’s more valuable than any flaw or even her best qualities. Her heart.

And who is to say if you’ll be her last love or just a lesson. But for right now, you matter. And right now, even in her worst moments she’s doing her best.

But if she can make you laugh when you need it. Think deeply and push you to make the right choice. Love her on her worst days and on her best.

Don’t hurt her. Don’t try to change her too much, unless it’s to make her better. Don’t expect more than what she can give. Because she’s folded trying to be good enough for others.

And enjoy her company. Because the girl you can love at her worst, will give you her best and she’s still going to walk away thinking she’s the lucky one.

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You Won’t Care About Making Your Ex Jealous, If It’s The Right Relationship.

At some point, we all want to get back at our ex or the person who hurt us and broke us most. We want them to regret what they did. We want to hear they miss us. We want to hear they made a mistake when they see us so happy. Whether it’s petty or not, we want them to feel a little jealous.

At least that’s how someone feels when they aren’t over the person.

You’re going to care if they looked at your story. You’re going to care if they liked your post. You’re going to care about those little things because part of you still does care. Part of you wants to know they do too.

But you are actually happy it isn’t something you care to advertise you just are. You’re not going to need to post things on social media because you get to this point in the right relationship where you don’t want anything to take you away or distract you from that person and their time and attention.

When it’s the right relationship, suddenly no one else matters but this person. And you don’t even care if your ex is jealous because you’re so engulfed in this person that you don’t even see them anymore.

When it’s the right person, there isn’t even a comparing to them or anyone because no one can light a match to them.

When it’s the right person, you’re grateful things didn’t work out with anyone before.

You go from hurting to healing to thank you God, and that’s what the right person does for you.

When it’s the right person, yeah, someone might be great, but you’re dating someone better.

The truth is, if you’re trying to make your ex-jealous, you aren’t over them yet and that’s not fair to the other person.

Because we all deserve a fair chance. We don’t deserve to be used. We don’t deserve to be some social media accessory to hang like cats yarn in front of one’s face.

At the end of the day, if you’re trying to make an ex-jealous, you aren’t ready for a new relationship.

Because the right relationship doesn’t include the word jealousy, but security.

It’s about finding someone who makes you feel so good that no one else from your past matters anymore.

That is the only thing you should be striving for.

Attempting to make someone jealous, is a phase in the healing process. But when you’re healed you won’t even care about that anymore.

One day you are going to wake up next to someone and you’re going to look over at them and have this moment where it just hits you, they are the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

And even if every ex and person who hurt you were suddenly standing in the same room asking for another chance, you realize the right man/woman, the best man/woman only needs one.

When it’s the right relationship, you’ll be grateful for even the most painful endings because it led you to someone so much better.

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