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Sometimes we all get caught up in only praying when we want something. We only pray when we are struggling or need hope. And God’s always there even when we aren’t giving him recognition during good times.
But I want to take a moment to say thank you.
It’s a word you don’t hear much when I’m on my knees praying on Sunday.
But I want to say thank you for everything right now.
Some of the things I have right now I forget I prayed for a long time ago. Whether it’s certain people who stayed, or where I am in my life or my relationships with friends and family.
Right now it’s a good moment. And during this good moment I want to count my blessings. Because I know things don’t always stay perfect, and I’m going to be faced with struggle, and my faith is going to grow weary when things grow wrong. And I might forget to say thank you.
There’s going to be moments I know in the future where I’m asking for things and wondering why you are ignoring me. But I know that you never ignore us and there is a time for everything.
So I want to say thank you.
Thank you for teaching me patience in moments I was demanding.
Thank you for giving me strength in moments I felt weak.
Thank you for not giving me what I wanted and instead what I needed.
Thank you for protecting me in moments I might not have been safe.
Thank you for being the light when I was in the dark.
Thank you for being my company in moments I wanted to be alone.
Thank you for healing me when I was hurt.
Thank you for forgiving me in moments I sinned and did things I wasn’t proud of.
Thank you for guiding me as you have.
Thank you for believing in me and giving me someone to believe in.
Thank you for loving me unconditionally when I couldn’t figure out how to love myself.
Thank you for everything in my life and all I have.
Faith is a strange word for me. It’s not something I talk about often, but it’s one of the some-what important parts of my life. People ask if I’m religious. I shake my head no, and don’t say much more. I don’t tell them I attend church almost every Sunday. That I have every word memorized. That I keep a bible close to my bed. But I do.
But right now, at this moment where I am eternally grateful for all I have, I want to say thank you for all you’ve given me. And I can only hope the choice I continue to make reflect both my own values and are things that would make you proud.
You connect with people emotionally, and when you do that and you let them in, they learn about you as you do them. You form this emotional connection. You wonder how you used to be strangers just passing through each other’s lives. How you used to just walk by each other so casually not realizing then how much this person would come to mean to you.
People come in and out of our lives, and I still don’t understand it fully. Maybe to teach us something. Maybe to help us at a time when we need it most. Maybe they needed us too.
The constant coming and going, you think you’d get used to. You think you wouldn’t get too attached or emotionally invested in the next person. But you do. Then there’s this bitter heartbreak of watching another person leave again, because how is it possible to become strangers with someone who took time to learn the core of who you are?
It’s a bittersweet cycle we never actually get that used to, because with every person we give them a piece of ourselves as they do us and even when they leave, so much of who we have become simply is because of their influence.
Sometimes I get angry at God when I lose someone who meant so much to me. Sometimes I sit back analyzing what did I do wrong that they didn’t stay? Sometimes their name gets brought up in conversation and it hurts a little to have lost them in my life.
Thinking back to where we were and where we are now. A stranger that at one point knew me better than myself.
Someone I spent so much time with and the only reason I am where I am today is because of someone I barely even say hello to anymore.
It hurts to miss those people who were just lessons, and meant to pass through when I thought maybe there was forever written in the sand that only blew away with the wind.
But then I think back to how lucky I am to have certain people, even if it’s for a short while. Because each individual had with them something I had to learn and I hope they learned from me too. I hope I made them better. I hope in the time I made them happier. Because they did that for me.
Each one of them was like a treasure map pointing me in the direction of where I was supposed to be. And in moments I thought they were the destination. The thing I was looking for. The one. But they were lessons. Arrows pointing me where I was supposed to go. So for each of them, I’m grateful.
I’m grateful in my moments of doubt as I prayed on my knees. Praying for each of them. Asking God what was He trying to teach me with every goodbye and every person I parted ways with. Seeking answers only he knew along this journey I was unsure of.
Left only to hold onto faith. Hoping the pain would fade and heal. Hoping these guys who were just lessons wouldn’t be some of my greatest regrets.
But I realize there isn’t anything to regret about loving someone fully even if they are the wrong one.
There were so many times in my life I poured my heart out to people. And it wasn’t a desperate attempt but rather a brave one, following my heart even in moments it led me to dead ends, because I still believe that if you care about someone who isn’t something you repress, and it’s something they deserve to know even if they can’t reciprocate the feelings.
And it’s there you learn. To invest as much as you are capable of into loving people and keeping your faith, the odds will be in your favor eventually.
Sometimes it’s people who come into our lives for only a moment who end up teaching us the most. Like a comet in the night sky lighting up every part of you only to dim again and disappear.
You don’t forget those types of people, and it’s those ones you learn from even if forever isn’t written within their fate in your story.
We lose people because we have to.
Because we have to trust God that even these men/women who touch our hearts and change our lives might be great. But what if you deserve more than that? What if God is setting you up for someone so wonderful to exceed your expectations?
It’s understanding and accepting just because someone’s part in your story might come to an end, maybe there’s a new beginning God won’t introduce you to until you’re ready.
It’s okay to hurt when someone leaves. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to not understand.
But eventually, you’ll come across someone who isn’t just a lesson, but rather the result of every lesson you’ve learned up to this point.
And your faith in love and relationships is going to be restored again.
You’ll find yourself on your knees one Sunday morning and the dialogue between you and God will change from a conversation of asking questions as your faith was tested to gratitude and the word thank you.
You find yourself grateful for every ending you never understood before.
You ruin your own life allowing fear to hold you back.
When you let fear hold you back, you’re missing out on the best part of life overcoming that thing. It’s scary to take a step towards something you don’t know. It’s scary to step out of your comfort zone. But what should scare you more is routine and staying in one place where you don’t grow and learn.
You ruin your life living in the past.
When you choose to look back, it’s always going to leave you depressed, you build up the past better than it actually was. You compare it to the present that you won’t appreciate until it becomes the past. It’s a cycle, but if you learn to just value each day you have, you’ll start living a better life for right now.
You ruin your own life by choosing people who aren’t good for you.
You see the best in everyone and think everyone has good intentions. A heart of gold who truly believes in always doing the right thing. With that, you get screwed over sometimes. But instead of wondering why the same thing happens to you with different people, I think it’s important to take a look at the type of people you are choosing.
You ruin your life being your own worst enemy and critic.
It’s good to be hard on yourself and hold yourself accountable for mistakes. But striving for perfection isn’t something you will ever attain. You are harder on yourself than you need to be. You aren’t as forgiving. In having these standards for yourself, you don’t even realize the pressure you unknowingly put on others around you. You’ll never find the right relationship seeking someone perfect because we all have flaws. And even those flaws you dislike yourself someone will love and accept.
You ruin your own life not making yourself a priority.
You’re a yes person who hates disappointing anyone. But it’s important to make your happiness a priority. It’s important to realize when you’re running yourself too thin. Realize that putting yourself first isn’t selfish, but essential for your own happiness and well-being.
You ruin your own life when you settle.
You settle not because you don’t know what you deserve, but you fear getting it and losing it. Lowering your standards both in parts of your life and relationships help you to not be disappointed or let down. But you aren’t living or fully loving doing anything that way. It’s about taking a chance on things and hoping for the best because that’s what you deserve.
You ruin your life going back to the people who hurt you.
People hurt each other all the time. But you hurt yourself more going back to that. You hurt yourself reopening wounds that haven’t healed. You hurt yourself thinking they are going to change. The truth is, you can’t change people you can only love them, and if they don’t love you back, you don’t keep trying.
You ruin your own life not living it to the fullest.
Be careful when planning your life and saving and organizing and striving for goals. In the midst of that, make sure you are actually living the life you can look back on. Make sure every day is one you are proud to live. And if you find you’re leading a life you aren’t happy with, try again and make it better.
You ruin your life comparing it to others.
It’s a generation where everyone is trying to compete with one another. But you have to realize the only competition you are in is with yourself and the person you were yesterday. If you better yourself and focus on your own track, that’s when you are going to improve. But if you keep looking at someone else and where they are you’re always going to feel a step behind. It isn’t about other people it’s about you.
You ruin your own life in states of isolation.
You’re guarded and afraid to let people in. You fear vulnerability. You fear someone getting too close and leaving. Your defense mechanism is to push people away sometimes when you need them most. But you have to understand you’re only hurting yourself doing this, because we all need people sometimes and it doesn’t make you weak for it.
You ruin your life by being too negative.
Negativity will destroy everything in its path. What you project is what you attract. So if you aren’t happy with the things coming into your life, take a look at how you talk to people, how you talk about things, the tone you use, etc. All of those little things influence your life. So if you have a negative life, there’s a chance you’ve brought that upon yourself.
You ruin your life holding grudges.
Forgive and forget isn’t your style. Even when you say you do you still hold onto things and struggle to fully move past it. It’s okay to be guarded around people and be weary of second chances. But sometimes people do make mistakes. Your greatest flaw is in only trusting yourself.