Different Story, Different Lifetime.

In a different story, our past and our history is just fabric sewn into one another, making something beautiful together for the future. A tie to the past and a bridge to the future. Confident with one another lost in a world people tried to ruin for us.

In a different lifetime, I could tell them I told you so. That I was right about you and us. That all the time I spent emotionally, physically, mentally invested, was worth it. That we made it. Someone I believed in more than myself. Someone I loved more than myself at times.

In a different story, you would have been my plus one and not the empty seat at a wedding.

In a different lifetime, you would have been there for every holiday. The ones they struggled through alone at times because sometimes family is too much.

In a different story, I would have been the one going on your family vacations. Building relationships with your siblings. More than knowing names, I would have known who they were and they would have known me.

In a different lifetime, we wouldn’t have been each other’s best-kept secret.

In a different story, I would have been the one you came home to and not just some call along the way. The kiss when you walk through the door. The one you had dinner with. The one you talked about your day to.

I would have been the moving boxes we stacked. The walls that got repainted. The house we made a home together.

The nights we didn’t sleep lying next to one another. Learning how the right touch can change the way you love.

In a different lifetime, time would have been on our side and not always against us. Because we never could seem to be in the right place at the right time.

In a different story, I would have been the one you thought to buy a ring for and you would have known exactly where to ask me, and that I would have said yes.

In a different lifetime, we would have fussed over vows and you would be anxious, because mine were gonna be better.

In a different story, my dad would have handed me off with confidence knowing very well you would take care of me in every sense of the word, and he wouldn’t be scared to let go.

In a different lifetime, we would have told a room full of people our story and my best friend would stand beside me, laughing that we made it, but saying something like she always knew, because we never gave up on each other.

We never did quit.

In a different story, there would have been Sundays laying in bed and walks to the beach. Slow dances by the fire where we each realize how lucky we are.

In a different lifetime, you would have been the hand that held mine in the hospital. As we created something more beautiful than any words could describe. And we’d argue over names but finally agree, looking down at this person and realizing we made someone who is perfect.

In a different lifetime, I would have been the hand that held yours understanding your silence, not asking for words to comprehend the pain heavy in your heart. I would have been the strong one when you couldn’t be. The one beside you dressed in black. Mourning a loss that hurt me too.

In a different story, we’d sit by a fire worried about the kids. Wondering if we’d make our parents same mistakes. But knowing very well, neither of us would let that happen.

In a different lifetime, we’d find ourselves arguing because no marriage is perfect, but we’d always figure it out. Because we always have. And I know you’d never let me go to bed angry.

In a different lifetime, we would have been that relationship that grew old as our fingers aged holding one another’s hand, being this love story people could believe in. And when people ask how long we’ve loved each other the number 60+ years would give them hope.

In a different story, the words “forever” would have held its weight.

Being that love story, everyone else included me, wanted.

In a different story, we don’t break each other’s hearts or cause pain. We would have just made it.

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She Deserves To Be Loved.

It’s a simple touch under the table just grazing your hand across your leg and keeping it there for a while.

It’s pulling her in closer when you’re sleeping and kissing her forehead.

It’s asking how her day is and listening as she vents not taking it personally at all.

It’s the late night conversations where she tells you things about her past she struggles to get through with a straight face.

It’s having these little moments where you see her at her most vulnerable state and she’s shaking, scared, and you just want to tell her she doesn’t have to be scared with you.

It’s learning her. Learning every curve. Learning about every touch. Learning what she likes and what she doesn’t.

It’s watching her closely out of the corner your eye when she doesn’t realize you’re watching and there’s beauty to her being so natural.

It’s learning every quirk. How she hums when she eats, how she needs to sleep with her socks on and snores quietly. That she bites her lip when she’s thinking deeply and touches her face when she’s saying something that’s difficult, refusing to make eye contact.

It’s taking the time to really get to know her. Really value her. Show her that you care. Because she doesn’t have to say it, but you know she’s scared to let people in. You can see it in her eyes. You can feel it in her touch. You’re close, but she keeps even you at a distance. And you know someone must have hurt her so badly to be this guarded.

It’s taking things slow and following her lead, and you don’t care if you have to wait a while.

It’s committing without even having that conversation because there isn’t anyone you’re more interested in. And even without having that conversation or drawing any sort of lines, you know she’s just as interested in you and only you.

You see it in the way she looks at you. How you can be across the room and she just makes eye contact and smiles like you’re the only one there. How other people can talk to her and maybe even hit on her, but she’s not even interested. Or how she doesn’t even take out her phone around you. How the calls and texts that come in get quickly ignored, she’s showing you, you matter.

And in return, she has your loyalty too. She has your thoughts that wander in a busy day and next thing you know, you’re smiling and you don’t even realize, but she’s the one you’re thinking of.

Without even trying to, she won you over.

It’s the time you stare at wishing it would go faster so you could see her. It’s seeing her and wishing time could freeze. It’s that moment when you know, this little world you created among each other you need to leave for now, but you pull her in close not letting her go asking for five more minutes.

And you think about others and every ending. The word grateful crossed your mind for the first time ever, because it was with every ending, every failed relationship, and every heartbreak you found her.

It’s learning from each other, as much as you learn about each other, waking up every day just wanting to know more.

It’s the look she gives you and you’re both thinking the same thing.

It’s a simple touch as she grabs your pinky and leads the way.

It’s whisper in the darkness and you can’t see her, but you feel everything about her.

It’s not just a relationship, it’s the right one.

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Narcissistic & Empath Relationships.

What happens when a highly empathetic person is in a relationship with a narcissistic person who lacks empathy and has an immense sense of self-importance.The outcome? Toxic and painful (for the empath).

All narcissists have one common thing that you should be aware of, they are emotionally wounded people.

It is usually some childhood trauma that scarred them for life. Probably they have been feeling unappreciated and worthless in one period of their life, which made them  constant ‘seekers’ for validation and admiration from others.

Empaths, on the other hand, are the ‘healers’ of society. They are highly sensitive and empathetic, that they are even able to feel the emotions of others as their own. They want to help and protect everyone in need, and they will try to eliminate the pain and the emotional damage of the narcissists. However, these virtues that empaths possess may become their downfall if they are not careful enough.

So, when these two opposites meet the attraction is enormous, but toxic.

This is because the empath fails to see the narcissist’s dark side. A narcissistic person is a person who can suck out the soul from everyone they come in contact with. It is a narcissistic way to feel validated while making others fragile and unbalanced and use them for future needs.

This situation can be very confusing for an empath. An empath might not even be aware that they are dealing with a narcissist, because their sensitive nature makes them see only the good in everyone.

Empaths tend to think that everyone is like them, that people are actually good at heart. This gullibility however admirable can be damaging to them because not everyone is honest and good as they are, and different people have different agendas.

A narcissist’s agenda is to manipulate. They want to be in total control of others and use them as a ‘validation tool’ in their need to rise above them. An empath’s agenda, on the contrary, is one of love, care, and healing.  There can never be balance between these two contrasting natures.

If, however; they start a relationship, this relationship will soon become a vicious cycle that it will be almost impossible to get out. The more affection and love that the empath gives, the more in control the narcissist would feel, thus making the empath the victim.

The empath will soon become wounded and begin to feel like the victim that in turn may give them some narcissistic traits. When a narcissist sees that the empath is wounded, it may give them a sense of validation. Because the more unhappy the empath is, the happier the narcissist feels.  The unhappy empath will then start seeking for feelings of love and support from the narcissist.

At this point, the empath will focus solely on its feelings of pain and will seek for validation and love, failing to realize that they are not the one to blame for this, the damage is coming from the narcissist. It is essential for the empath to wake-up and realize this before they become self-absorbed and narcissist themselves; because the truth is, everyone who is deeply hurt is vulnerable to become a narcissist.

So, how can an empath stop the damage and put an end to this toxic relationship with a narcissist?

Every plan on having a conversation with a narcissist is useless, because the narcissist, while very charismatic, is a very manipulative person too, and will try to blame the empath for his/her and their pain as well. It will make the empath feel responsible for all the problems in the relationship.

The empath has a choice: they could remain the victim in the narcissist’s game, or they could find the needed strength to walk away and end the relationship.

The empath should accept the fact that the narcissist will never change. And the waiting for a narcissist to change is a waste of a precious time.

In the end, all that matters is that we let others treat us as we think we deserve to be treated. If an empath chooses willingly to stay in this kind of toxic relationship with a narcissist, it is their way of thinking that they do not deserve better than that.

This could not be further from the truth. Empaths have to understand that it is not their job to fix others, especially those who do not want to be fixed, as they are not aware of their disorder.

Empaths should realize that the treatment they get from the narcissists, is not a treatment they deserve and must find the courage to utterly walk away.

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Scared To Love.

She’s scared to love because she associates it with pain

Continuing to give and try only to realize it wasn’t enough. But she began to think it was her that wasn’t enough, not the other person who didn’t deserve her.
She became doubtful because every other time she put even a little bit of faith in someone, they walked away with the pieces of her heart she gave so carelessly.
She’s scared to wake up one day and just find out something that might not have even begun won’t, because it already ended for reasons she can’t even understand.
So she holds her breath, counts to ten, paces around a bit and reminds herself not everyone is going hurt you. And she wants to believe it.
She’s scared of anything too emotional, so she settles for physical relationships where she might be close, but she keeps herself distant out of fear.
She puts up walls not trying hard or hoping someone breaks through the, but doing everything she can to protect herself, because past relationships taught her she had to.
She’s scared to care too much out of fear of the other person not caring at all or suddenly becoming uninterested. Waking up one day to a text message or a unfollow, and again being caught somewhere between confusion and doubt.
She’s never been that confident in other people, because no one has given her a reason to be.
No one has ever looked at her that sure before.
No one has ever looked at her and talked about the future, so she dwells in the past. Fumbling for the right things to do and say she becomes paralyzed over-analyzing everything.
She’s scared of something going right, because all she’s ever known are these relationships that haven’t.
People who have taken her for granted and made her seem like she was the problem.
People who have deliberately messed with her head, sending mixed signals, like her heart was some pawn in a game they could just move as they’d like to.
So she looks at her reflection, analyzing flaws trying to master hiding them like she’s the problem, not them.
She stares at a phone that’s supposed to keep her connected, but it just adds unnecessary anxiety to everything. Every delay in a response. Every noise that makes her jump. Every word so carefully crafted. Apologies and explanations that aren’t even needed. Jumping to conclusions without any justified reason. Rereading things and saying to herself, “it’s going to be okay.” Needing so desperately for someone else to say that too.
Waking up taking a deep breath, staring at a calendar, looking at dates ahead and just worrying about the next 24 hours. Because she’s seen people’s feelings change that quickly.
Needing reassurance but not wanting to appear too vulnerable, so she stays silent not asking for it.
Needing to be confident in someone, but only trusting herself.
Needing love that isn’t one-sided, unsure of what something real even looks or feels like for more than a moment.
Clinging so tight to baggage and pain she doesn’t even know what it’s like to live without it. Happy almost feeling like a foreign word, because she’s trying to manage her expectations.
She’s scared let someone that close, so she pushes people away.
The truth is, she’s afraid to get anything right, because it’s only then she has something to lose.
She’s afraid to fall in love and care too much.
But it’s girls like her whose hearts are painfully on their sleeve.
Girls like her who fear love as much as they believe in it.
Girls like her who need something to believe in other than themselves.
Girls like her who deserve the right type of love more than anyone.
If you come across a girl like this and you can’t love her the way she deserves or be what she needs, let her be. Because she deserves someone so much better than everyone she’s settled for in the past.
She deserves someone who makes her realize she isn’t that hard to love.

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