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Steps To Finding Your Voice.

Almost all thru my life I never had a voice. I never spoke up when someone belittled me, abused me, judge me, or talked badly of me. My mother always told me as a child; “Carla, you need to find my voice.” “It’s in there, you just need to find it.” So, I went to see a therapist hoping they’ll help me find my voice and not be afraid to speak up when I need to. Well, that didn’t happen till I was an adult, it took me 40 years to find it. Now that I’ve found my voice, I tell people what I think and how I feel. I never sugar coat anything, I tell it like it is. Even if it hurts your feelings. And now that I’ve found my voice, no one likes it because I’m aggressive, blunt, honest and straight to the point. As I became clean, I spoke up more. I no longer let anyone belittle me, judge me, abuse me, or bully me.

You see, the key aspect of practicing self-compassion is to recognize  and accept what you feel right here and now. This means that we do not try to control or manipulate our emotional truths. Allowing everything that emerges from ourselves to be here. In a nut shell, the practice of self-compassion is to be true to all of ourselves. In order to be true to ourselves in relationship with others, what do you think is necessary?

Speaking our truths – We feel restricted and frustrated when we are suppressing our true feelings. What are the costs of not speaking our truths? We will lose touch with ourselves. We will become confused about what we think, what we feel, what we like to do. We end up losing a sense of being ourselves for others. If you wish to live true to yourself, it is so vital for you to be able to cultivate the courage to speak your truths. In order to speak your truths, you first need to recognize and accept what spontaneously arises from within. Having said that, it is scary to voice our honest feelings and thoughts. It’s beneficial to explore what it is that makes us feel scared of speaking out.

Fear of conflicts? Fear of being rejected? Wanting to avoid upsetting someone and also you don’t want to be upset, either? In order to be able to find our voice, the most important thing is to “practice” the courage to speak your truths. Courage can substitute for compassion for yourself. Courage and compassion grow deeper through acting courageously and compassionately. It is like learning to play musical instruments and sports. So I want to share some tips I learned for practicing of letting your voice out.

1. Nurture your inner child (a three-year-old toddler) 

You know, three-year-old toddlers are a purely emotional being, right? They don’t worry about how other people think of them or how their behavor affects others, either. They express themselves without any hesitation. A fullness of our self-expressiveness actually brings out our life energy. It sets us free. A childlike spontaneity and innocence is like a “divine” child within us. As you nurture expressiveness of your inner child, a sense of being yourself will be nurtured. As you connect with your emotional truths and find a way to express them, you will come to like yourself

2. Find your voice – “Throwing a tantrum”

A next step is finding your voice. It’s like, again, a three-year-old toddler throwing a tantrum. I’m not kidding! Especially when you experience someone bullying you, hurting you, or unreasonably demanding you for something, it is so important to express your feelings of dislike and upset.

“I don’t like such a horrible person!
“It’s OK to say no!”
“I won’t forgive how she/he has treated me!”

This unbound self-expressiveness brings out the courage to stand your own ground. Speaking your truths doesn’t always mean that you say something to the person. What matters most is giving yourself a permission to have feelings of dislike and anger towards aspects of someone who hurts you. It doesn’t mean that you deny the whole person. Those who fall into mental illness tend to blame themselves for being treated badly. Turning against yourself diminishes your life energy. I hope you give it a try. Speaking from the heart like a toddler. It may take the courage at first, but you will feel a sense of emotional freedom and joy of being yourself by finding your voice!

This exercise took a lot of practice for me. It also took me a long time to find my voice and speak out. So, be patient. Whether you have a mental illness or not, you’re not to blame for anything., nothing is your fault, you’re not a horrible person. It’s just your head tricking you into thinking all that. Once, you find your voice, you will see how much more fearless and powerful you become overtime.

Keep in mind the better you become as a person, the better you attract. Finding the right person begins with you!!





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You Are As Sick As Your Secrets – The Need To Be Honest.

You do not need to attend very many 12 Step meetings in order to understand that honesty is an important part of recovery. It is spoken about at every meeting, it is woven into the Steps, and it seems that without honesty, recovery cannot be achieved. Yet this practical and easily understood principle is not always readily implemented into practice.

Many drug addicts and alcoholics have spent years living dishonest lives. Not only externally but internally as well. This comes with the territory of being addicted. There are lies needed in order to cover-up the addiction and lies needed to cover-up actions. There is self-deception necessary in order to continue the addiction, and with all of this dishonesty swirling about, finding truth can be difficult.

This is in part why many people who get sober find it hard to get honest in the beginning. There is an almost knee-jerking reaction to lie, even when it is not necessary. This is understandable because after years of having to build walls around yourself in order to maintain some semblance of a life, tearing down those walls and allowing others in can be uncomfortable and frightening.

However, as uncomfortable and frightening as it is, finally getting honest and exposing your secrets is the most important thing a person can do in their attempt to get sober. Without this exposing of secrets, the psychic change required to expel the obsession to drink or drug often remains elusive and many times people can relapse.

Logically this may not seem to make sense, and I would tend to agree. I mean why is it that exposing your secrets and getting honest allows you to achieve and maintain sobriety? The two seem to have nothing to do with each other. One has to do with the ingestion of substances and the other has to do with holding on to secrets, but when coming to the realization that alcoholism and drug addiction has little or nothing to do with the abuse of substances, but that these things are merely symptoms of a spiritual malady, the need for honesty seems to make more sense.

For one, a person cannot lead the life necessary in order to achieve sobriety while they are lying. A spiritual life and living a lie are not compatible and so, in order to overcome addiction, honesty must be achieved. But there is also another reason that honesty is necessary in order for sobriety to take hold and that reason can be found in the saying, “you are only as sick as your secrets.” Nothing is more isolating on this planet than believing that you are the only person who feels a certain way or has experienced a certain thing. This for the addict or the alcoholic has at many times fueled their addiction, leading to feelings of hopelessness and despair. At night, left with their own thoughts, they would review past events or prod their deepest secrets and usually this would result in a self-loathing, which would grant further power to these secrets. A secret kept in the dark grows, but once it is exposed to the lights, its power is lost and so this is why exposing them is so important.

It is interesting because many people when they get sober are downright scared of the 4th step (made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves). When people tell them, “you are only as sick as your secrets”, they think fine I’ll remain sick because there is no way I am telling anyone that. Yet, many people discover once they overcome this fear and actually do a 4th (made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves) and 5th step (admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs), getting honest and exposing your secrets also allows you have an accurate view of yourself. Being only as sick as your secrets is true not only because secrets grow in the dark, but also because you must lie to yourself in order to keep them a secret. For whatever reason, a person cannot recover from alcoholism or addiction as someone other than whom they are. This may sound confusing, but it just means that you cannot recover if you are attempting to be someone you are not. I don’t know why this is true, but it is, and so exposing your secrets allows you to see yourself accurately, which in turn allows you to overcome your addiction. ~CTW~


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Invisible Illness.

The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

I heard / saw somewhere that mental illness is an invisible illness.   That people with mental illness are not afforded the proverbial “ramps” they require in order to cope and survive in the world.  And whilst I would suggest moving stairs as a must have for anyone with mental illness, particularly up hill, it’s actually this suggested invisibleness which amuses me so.  You see, if you’ve ever met me, or anyone who is really chronically ill, let’s just say that there’s a lot you’d rather wish you didn’t see, because this chick with severe Bipolar is a very proudly uninvisible me.  Also, if you didn’t know, I would be worried about YOU,

I know that I am inappropriate, that I say the wrong things at the wrong time.  That my brain mouth filter does not work, no matter how many times I try and lodge the closest item into my…

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