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Emotional Intelligence.

When you feel too deeply, it is a scary world. Feeling deeply is confusing and all-consuming at times. Sometimes it can feel like the best moment of your life, the greatest sex of your life, or maybe the most amazing meal of your life. Other times it feels like you’re drowning and you suddenly forgot how to swim or like you have an elephant on your chest that is made up entirely by intense emotions you didn’t know you could feel all at once. Some call this being unstable, but I call this being emotionally intelligent.

My whole life I have been told to some degree that I feel “too much”. My reactions or coping mechanisms may be viewed as over the top. The first person who told me I don’t actually feel “too much” was my Dad. He told me that what I was feeling was reflective of my emotional intelligence – a term I had never heard of before. I didn’t quite understand until I began reframing my own emotional depth as intelligence. Once I started viewing it as so, I was able to stop feeling ashamed of the vivid spectrum of emotions I could feel throughout a single day. When my view shifted from feeling out of emotional control to development of my own emotional intelligence, I began to understand the wide array of emotions that I felt more clearly. They were no longer watercolor nouns of emotions bleeding together; instead, they seemed to fit together like a paint by numbers sheet. It all started to connect that what was happening was actually a blessing in disguise rather than a curse of mental instability.

Emotional intelligence is something unique that not all people can develop. I am a 45-year-old woman, and the life I have already lived feels like it was riddled with every noun depicting emotion in the dictionary. What’s scary is that I (hopefully) have an entire portion of my life left to live and, most importantly, feel. I have lived a large portion of my life already being frustrated and frightened by the emotional surges I experience. The emotional surges that have been both positive and negative in nature. I have stayed up all hours of the night searching for a way to describe my feelings while being crippled by the anxiety of not knowing if there are words to describe the overwhelming sensation of “everything at once.” My life has been beautiful yet sprinkled with moments of pure fear, sadness, grief, and anxiety. I feel like my experiences far outweigh the time I have been on this earth, which I am mostly grateful for but sometimes deeply mad about. For each experience I have lived, I have come head to head with combinations of feelings that felt utterly out of my control. Feeling out of control while still being able to identify what you are feeling is extremely confusing. It’s frustrating at times, but it’s all going towards the investment of developing emotional intelligence.

I am writing this in a moment of clarity where my thoughts don’t feel like they are bouncing off the interior of my skull and getting trapped in the 100 trillion synapses in the human brain. This is a moment where I feel grateful and lucky for the life I have lived and the chaos that has graced my complicated mind. In a sudden moment like right now, I can feel my thoughts becoming less and less clear, because writing about emotional intelligence is like opening Pandora’s box. You begin to think deeply into feeling deeply, and that is a scary rabbit hole to go down. I don’t quite think I have ever gone down that rabbit hole completely, perhaps because of the fear of the unknown. Maybe it’s the fear of revisiting painful memories or the fear of thinking you could have done something better.

I believe a key trait of someone who is emotionally intelligent is perfectionism. Perfectionism, in my terms, is striving to fulfill the wants and needs of everyone else in order to gain acceptance and praise while avoiding any and all disappointment. As someone who is emotionally intelligent, you are constantly striving to understand not just your own emotions, but everyone else’s. In some cases, your own emotions go to the wayside while your full attention goes toward understanding someone else’s. Emotional intelligence is meant to be independent, but sometimes it gets wrapped up in the feelings of other individuals. This leads to a great deal of confusion and sometimes pain. While neglecting to lean into your own feelings, you are trying to understand another’s emotions that aren’t yours to understand.

Being emotionally intelligent is not actually a thing you can learn from books or teachers. It generates through experiences and moments lived by that individual. I know I want to be with someone who is emotionally intelligent, but how could I ever determine if they are emotionally intelligent? There’s no way. There’s no grading scale or standardized test to gauge emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence on both ends, whether gauging your own or someone else’s, is based on trust. You need to trust your own sense of what you are feeling in order to progress your own emotional intelligence. You need to trust in someone else that they are in tune with their own emotions, but there is no way for you to do that for them.

One of the most prominent experiences in many individuals’ lives that triggers an enormous emotional cascade is heartbreak. My 45 years of life has been filled with what I already feel like is too much heartbreak, although in the grand scheme of things, it’s a normal amount of instances. In the initial moments of heartbreak, I hate that I can’t turn off my emotions or close the floodgates for what’s about to be a wild ride down Emotional Lane. I hate that I can’t just pretend that I don’t know what I am feeling, because I know exactly what I am feeling. I am feeling sad, unworthy, helpless, lonely, robbed, and heartbroken. Although I have felt all those things before, it’s difficult to see the other side of the tidal wave coming barreling into your life.

Those days, weeks, and months that follow heartbreak are some of the most unpredictable. For instance, today, four days out from heartbreak, I was content when I woke up, and then in a matter of minutes I felt like a part of me was missing – because it was. That feeling is overwhelming emptiness, and it flat out sucks but I recognized it and knew what I was feeling. Being able to identify what I am feeling in a moment like that, when you feel a sensation of quite literally nothing, showed me how far I had come with my own emotional intelligence. In moments like that, I don’t feel like crying or ignoring the world I feel familiarity, and with familiarity comes routine. You know you can get up and walk to the bathroom; you know you can go downstairs and make breakfast; you know you can go on with your day. By doing mundane tasks, you’re actually filling the empty space of mildly loud emotions with actions – and actions speak louder than words.

Every process involved in the aftermath of heartbreak has no rhyme or reason. There’s no good reason for not showering for several days or ignoring the house chores you should be doing. But it happens, and that’s just the unfortunate part of the process of feeling too deeply sometimes. Sometimes being a complete slacker is what you need in order to feel every emotion being thrown your way. One second you’re feeling fantastic, the next you’re taken aback by an overwhelming feeling of sadness or loneliness. Just because everything else in your life continues moving doesn’t mean you have to continue moving for that given second. You can stop and lean into the emotions you are feeling.

Feeling deeply is not something to be ashamed of — in fact, it’s something to be proud of because you have experienced enough in your life (and overcome enough) to have developed your own emotional intelligence. Being emotionally intelligent is phenomenally beautiful; it’s an incredible attribute that unfortunately not all people can handle. Perhaps that’s because they don’t connect with allowing emotions to take over, but that’s not our battle to fight. The only battle we need to acknowledge is our own which resides in our minds.

Emotional intelligence is an eternally evolving form of knowledge. It’s your responsibility to nourish it and allow it to grow through heartbreak. Continue to strive towards improving your emotional intelligence, lean into your feelings, and most importantly, don’t be scared to feel “too much.”

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When You Can’t Be With The Person You Love.

You know in your heart that there is a person out there for you. Maybe it’s one person, maybe it’s several people throughout your life. But right now, you know that one person is definitely out there, and yet, they feel so far away at the same time. You know they’re real, you know it’s real. But there’s something keeping you from being together.

And there’s nothing you can do about it.

It doesn’t matter how they’re unreachable. It could be something as simple and fixable as distance. Or maybe they’re with someone else. They could be gone altogether, passed from this earth. All you know is that you care for them, you want to be with them, but you can’t. The laws of physics and the universe are truly working against you.

It’s a helpless feeling, isn’t it?

You can’t do anything to change it. You can’t do anything to push towards progress. You just have to wait it out or get over it. Maybe the other person is pushing you towards the latter to save you both the heartbreak, but it doesn’t mean it makes it any easier. It doesn’t mean that your heart isn’t shattering into pieces at the idea that you know that you both care deeply for each other, yet there is nothing that you can do to bring you together. There is nothing.

You love them, you do. Yet, you feel nothing because you’re feeling everything all at once. You’re in mourning. Because there is nothing, nothing that you can do. There’s nothing you can do that wouldn’t seem rash or dumb. There’s nothing you can do, but sit and wait. You just wait and let it ride out.

But how about instead of feeling helpless, you work on finding the bright spots, the blind spots, and all that’s in between? You can work on yourself and work towards a goal. Sometimes I like to think of these situations like Michael Scott and Holly Flax from “The Office.” They had no doubt in their mind that they wanted to be together, but once they realized that they couldn’t, they didn’t let that stop them from moving forward in life and working towards their goals. Of course, they still loved each other. And of course, they still got together in the end. It’s a hopeful little thought we have when we’re missing that person, even just a little bit – that it’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to in the end. It’s something that fights our logic. It’s like your heart tugs at your brain, reminding you to still believe. Your heart doesn’t care how dumb it seems, it knows you’re supposed to be together. You know that they’re everything that you’ve been looking for, yet you can’t dive in and take it. You want to, but where’s the logic in that? So you sit and wait and think that maybe love isn’t supposed to be logical.

Maybe there’s no logic to it at all. Maybe you have to take the logic out of love to simplify it for yourself. Maybe you just need to let things happen, let them unfold in order to live your true happiness. And no, you can’t always live on the hope that one day it’ll work out, that it has to work out. But you can keep a little bit of that, can’t you? If you tell yourself “never,” it might come true. So take the time to love yourself and be open to inviting love into your life. You never know, you might find love where you least expect to, or it might’ve been there (at a distance) all along.

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You're Her Second Priority.

The ultimate love goal all of us aspire to is being someone’s first choice.

When we talk about healthy relationships, we always mention how partners should put each other before everyone else, among other things. 

And there’s nothing wrong with that. However, when you date a strong, independent woman, be prepared to always come second. 

Yes, you heard it right. You can be the best boyfriend in the world, you can treat her with love and respect, but she will never prioritize you. 

No, you won’t be her second choice when it comes to other men. In fact, her fidelity is something you should never worry about because when this woman chooses you, she’ll only have eyes for you. 

You won’t even come after her family, friends, or work either.

Yes, she loves her dearest ones and she is career-oriented, but she is also very well aware that you’re her life partner and that nobody can be more important than you. 

Except one person. And that person is herself. 

You see, as much as this woman loves you, she will always love herself a little bit more.

Life has taught her the importance of self-love and self-care, and she’d never allow anyone to take that place in her life. 

As much as she cares for you, she’ll never be able to put your needs in front of her own.

Yes, she’ll do everything in her power to meet you halfway, as long as those compromises don’t make her miserable. 

As much as she respects you, she’ll always have a little more self-respect.

She’ll never respect your time, friends, job, or desires more than she respects her own. 

This is a girl who knows her worth and would never stand idly by, watching you diminish it. She’d never put herself beneath you. 

No, all of this doesn’t mean that you’ll be emotionally neglected.

It doesn’t mean that you’ll be submissive in this relationship or that sooner or later, you’ll end up feeling unloved and unwanted. 

In fact, this woman will give you the type of love you never knew even existed. Most importantly, she’ll teach you how to love yourself the way you expect someone else to

She’ll cherish your relationship and do everything in her power for the sake of its future – as long as she considers it to be good for her own. 

The last thing she’d do is waste years of her life on someone who holds her back and keeps her from progressing.

On someone she isn’t compatible with and who stands a chance of making her life a living hell. 

She’ll fight to preserve your love, but never beg for it. Don’t expect her to chase you and settle for crumbs of your attention, because she has too much dignity for something like that. 

She’ll make sacrifices for your relationship as long as they don’t threaten her well-being.

She won’t endanger her own mental health, nor consciously keep on breaking her heart just to be with you at all costs.  

A strong woman will do her best to make you the happiest man on the planet as long as staying next to you makes her content.

So, don’t expect her to be with you if your relationship stops fulfilling her, and if you stop giving her what she needs and deserves. 

She’ll put all of her effort into your relationship as long as it doesn’t overwhelm and drain her to the point where she’s left without the strength she needs to run her life.

She’ll try hard to make the two of you work, but she’ll try even harder to help herself function. 

Therefore, if you ask her to pick between her romantic relationship with you and her relationship with herself, know that she’ll always choose the latter. 

Don’t expect her to stop existing as an individual, just because she’s a part of a couple now.

Don’t expect her to disregard her entire life, so she can be at your disposal at all times. 

Most importantly, don’t ever expect her to love you more than she loves herself.

This might sound pessimistic, but despite your relationship going great now, neither of you know what the future brings.

After all, you can walk away from her at any given moment. 

She can easily find herself in a situation in which she has to get used to living without you or any other person in her life.

However, the only one who’ll always stick by her side and never abandon her, is herself. 

You might call this woman selfish, but trust me, this is the only way things can work between you. The only way for her to be the best girlfriend is to be a happy woman first. 

On the other hand, if this is something you can’t accept, be honest and tell her on time. Yes, she’ll be hurt for losing you, but she’ll survive. 

Remember that this woman doesn’t need you – she wants to be with you.

But if you don’t feel the same way, she’ll be perfectly okay on her own. 

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How It Feels To Want A Baby.

I had that dream again. You know, the one where you and I are parents.

I know you hate that dream. Truthfully, sometimes I hate waking up to it, too. I start talking about how I crave a family and the bottom line is that, I know you don’t want any kids. I know you never want to talk about the tiny feet I can’t wait to grow inside my belly. I know you never want to talk about family vacations and sleepless nights. I know you don’t want a family, but I do. We have no space, no money, and only a quarter of our goals are barely yet accomplished. I know there’s time to wait – until we’re married, until we stop living paycheck to paycheck. You always have some kind of excuse.

I want us to be parents one day. By then, maybe life will be different. Maybe we’ll have paid off credit cards that we casually spent on our careless youth. The baby I so crave to do somersaults in my belly will come to literal fruition and we’ll be happy about it… then. We’ll feel better to have waited, to have given that child his or her best chance at life, with two parents who are finally ready to make the sacrifice.

But I keep waking up sad every morning after I have that dream. I wake up to a hollow belly and a hollow heart because I could see his face the night before. I could see your face the night before. I saw your smile, your heart opening to twice the size because for the first time, you were incorporating the very kind of love you’ve wrestled with wanting. I saw your face light up in time with mine, your hand caressing me, your life overrun by ten modest toes and matching fingers. I saw how life would be and for one beautiful and blissful moment, somewhere deep inside my subconscious, I was unabashedly happy. And so were you.

Kids will hopefully come one day, and my modest, late, fourty-something youth will eventually fade and maybe I’ll be glad to have wasted time on adventurous and outrageous pursuits. A switch has been activated inside me unlike a force I’ve ever come to reckon with. It bursts and tumbles and breaks at the very thought of becoming a parent, of enduring the worry, the pain, tje anxiety and the compulsory insanity that comes from loving that child from the beginning until the end of your days. I wear that love, that desire, on my sleeve for the world to see. I wear it like a lovely jacket, enveloping me and covering me in every aspect of my body, feeling its warmth on a bitter evening, giving me strength to endure the storm that I’d be powerless to face without it. This love fuels me,even though it’s just a blimp in a subconscious dream.

And maybe, one day, I plead that fate will intervene.

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My Toxic Dad.

I am staring at this title, and I can’t connect the word ‘toxic’ with the word ‘dad’.

No matter how much I try, I can’t believe that a father can be toxic to his child. But the longer I think about it, the more I start having flashbacks of my childhood.

And in the blink of an eye, I can feel anger captivating my entire body. I can feel myself start to shake and tears start running down my checks.

The reality hits me with an unbelievable truth—I have a toxic father!

And while I think about it, I see myself trying to run away from that thought. But you can’t run away from reality, right?

You can’t run away from something that hurt you so much that even if you are an adult, you still feel the consequences.

Do you see what you have done to me dad?

Don’t you feel sorry for neglecting me?

Don’t you feel sorry for not giving me the love I craved when I was a little girl?

Dad, don’t you see that because of you, I am emotionally unavailable for everyone who tries to love me?

Don’t you see that you ruined me for every man who comes into my life?

Because of you, I never felt beautiful enough. You would always tell me how other children were sweet and cute while I was standing next to you in my pink tutu dress I put on just so you would like me.

And I hoped that you would look at me and tell me that I was beautiful as well, and that you were proud to have a daughter like that.

Because of you, I never felt I was worthy. You would always tell me that other kids were better students than me and that I should go the extra mile to catch up with them.

You never said you were proud of me for a good grade, but you surely knew how to punish me when I got a bad one, though—like I wasn’t punished enough for not getting your love.

Because of you, I couldn’t come home and know I could count on my dad when I got my heart broken for the first time. You never wanted to know about anything that happened in my life. You never asked how I was and if I had problems.

You were never a shoulder I could cry on, dad. And for that, I will never forgive you.

Because of you, I will never walk down the aisle with my dad. I will probably walk alone or with my husband if I ever find one—since after you showed me what men are like, I simply can’t trust any man anymore.

I feel like I will never find a man who will cherish me and love me. I simply feel all of them will betray me like you did.

Because of you, my children won’t have nice memories with their grandpa. Maybe they will never meet you since you probably won’t make any effort to get to know them better.

And I won’t even try to tell them about you since you are not so important to me anymore.

You were never there when I needed you, and now that I am an adult, I don’t want you in my life anymore. So, don’t try to seek me when you realize what you have done.

That little girl who was crazy about you doesn’t exist anymore. She died the day you didn’t choose her.

She died the day you had and affair and chose other women over her. And no matter what you do, you will never bring her back.

Instead of her, there is another woman who knows what she wants in her life. And one of her wishes surely isn’t a lousy father.

You know why?

Because she deserves a lot more than that. Because she suffered, and now she wants a calm life without worrying about why her father doesn’t love her enough.

She doesn’t want to think that she made some mistake and because of that, her father couldn’t love her.

She can’t question herself every day about why she wasn’t enough for a man who was supposed to love and protect her. She simply can’t do that anymore. She is tired, tired to the bone.

And it is about time for her to move on. It is time that she lets go of a toxic dad who was never there for her.

Because she can’t continue like this anymore.

I know that you will maybe feel sorry for not being with me when I needed you. Maybe, one day, you will be proud of the woman I became, but you will never get an opportunity to tell me that face in face. I don’t want to see you.

I don’t want to have any contact with you. One toxic man was enough for my entire life, and I just want to get rid of the toxicity you brought into my life.

So, dad, if you are reading this letter, just know that I forgive you. You probably had some reasons why you were never there for me.

I couldn’t understand them then, and I can’t understand them now. But to be honest, I don’t give a damn about it anymore.

This time, I am finally moving on with a clean heart, knowing that your behavior wasn’t my fault. I am moving on surrounded by people who would give their lives for me.

I am moving on because life goes on, and I have to live it like I deserve. But, just know that, once upon a time, there was a little girl who counted on you.

Once upon a time, you betrayed her by not being there for her.

Once upon a time, you broke her heart. And I just hope that you will be able to live with that.

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Forgive Me, But I Love Me More.

I used to believe in fairy tales while growing up and watching all those romantic comedies.

Dreaming about my knight in shining armor and that one day he will come and save me from my horrible teenage years. Today this seems to be a blast from the past.

I used to be such a clever, yet insecure girl, looking for a guy to fill my insecurities and make me happy.

Growing up with a father barely around, it took me years to become aware that I was looking for him in all my men and relationships. I always had a pattern, finding the ones that were not available, just like my daddy wasn’t available for me and my mom.

I met you and that was so typical of me. I broke every textbook rule for you. I saw from the start that you couldn’t show feelings; you couldn’t express yourself verbally, in that way or be a part of an adult conversation.

I wanted to save you for me, so I pushed you for years into becoming what I wanted of you. I was so in love and scared of losing you. You were that unavailable type from day one.

But my ego and my pattern didn’t allow me to let you go. I should have, but instead, I struggled in the battle that was already lost from the start.

I often wonder where my destructiveness came from, why I was not allowing myself to take care of me first. I worried about your worries instead. I was fixing your problems first. And deep down inside, I was suffering like never before in my life.

Today I realize that I was blaming myself for my parents’ broken marriage and for the fact that I take the blame for everything that happened between them.

Just a small girl who had to take care of her father, instead of him taking care of his daughter.

Boy, was I in denial, even though deep inside, I knew I was making a mistake with you. But it didn’t seem like one at the beginning. Beginnings are usually the best form of denial.

At the beginning, you are mad about each other – well, mostly, you are head over heels for him. Now, let’s go back to the story of romantic comedies from the 90s.

Years passed and I got so tired of making all the right choices for us. Asking you if you loved me, putting my needs aside because you have to come first in my life. And the funniest part is, you didn’t even ask me to do all that.

Luckily, I was smart enough to take my education very seriously, to push my career and knowledge, to expand my horizons.

And this brought me here, where I stand today.

On my own two feet firmly on the ground and my hands in the air, trying to catch my own piece of heaven. It took my years to leave you, but through that process I have finally reached out to myself.

I have started a new chapter of my life, loving myself more than anything or anyone else. And guess what? I’ve let go of the past too.

Loving my mom and dad, that was one thing, but holding on to their lives and the past didn’t allow me to grab for my future.

I only have one life and if I can love myself for me, then I am not able to love a man for himself.

I do hope that this will be the next step of my lifelong journey. But I will not hurry to get to him. Like I did with you. I’ve let you go and it was the best decision of my life.

I can tell you one more beautiful thing – I didn’t even suffer. I just gave myself the time to walk on the beach alone, eat chocolate, and read a good book.

I put my phone away and didn’t wait for your message. I decided that the only person I should wait for is me. And for the first time in my life, being alone felt good.

At that moment, I realized that he will come to me and I will not feel the urge to change anything. He will be the one for me and, finally, I will be able to be the only one for him.

But first, no matter how long it took me to get there, I had to be the only one and the right one for me.

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If You Think You Need A Dog…You Do!

This is a story about a girl named Lucky. Okay, she’s not named Lucky, she is lucky. And that girl is me.

I adopted my best friend on Black Friday, 2015. Let’s rewind a bit.

My family has had pets my whole life. Mostly dogs, but also cats, fish, bunnies, and guinea pigs. I’ve always loved animals. When I got my first apartment in New Jersey at the age of 20, all I wanted was a dog. Instead, I got three roommates and a cockroach problem. For years I would visit local animal shelters and pet stores (boo) to play with dogs. While these visits filled me with unimaginable glee, my heart would break when I left dogless. I just didn’t think I was ready to commit to caring for another living being.

My immediate family (and our dogs) moved to Pennsylvania a few months before I did. I came because I thought I would have plenty of opportunity for work out here (ha), and I knew I didn’t want to be that far from my family. I got offered my first apartment and took it quickly because it was a great deal. I signed a year lease – but they didn’t allow dogs. I didn’t think it would be a problem. I was still settling into life in PA and didn’t have a job, let alone any prospects – how could I take care of a dog now, anyway?

I continued to torture myself by visiting shelters and looking at adoptable dogs online. Why couldn’t they all be mine? I finally realized I needed a dog. It may sound silly, and I know that when I told people they thought I was crazy, but it was true. I needed a dog. There was a literal dog-shaped hole in my heart. I needed to care for something, to feel that unconditional love and give it right back. I was depressed. I lived in a new city and was having trouble making friends. Not to mention my life-long struggle with anxiety. Being around dogs always seemed to make me feel better. Some friends even said that I was like a different person when I was playing with a dog.

In November, I heard that hundreds of shelters across the country were participating in a Black Friday event where Zappos would cover the cost of pet adoptions. I was still in the apartment that didn’t allow dogs, but I knew that I could make it work. Plus, my lease was almost up, and my parents lived close by. I looked online at one of my local shelters – Bucks County Women’s Humane Society – and that’s where I saw her: Presley. She was perfect. She was a crazy-eyed mutt and she was meant to be mine.

The next day, my family and I drove out to Bensalem to get her. I literally ran from the car to the entrance. I was so excited! But my heart sank when I saw Presley, the perfect dog – MY perfect dog – walking out with someone else. My mom stopped the woman to ask if she had just adopted her. It so happened that she was just fostering her. “Turn around,” I told her, “she’s mine.” I still thank my mom for stopping that woman. As I was adopting Presley, I learned that she had a slew of medical problems. She was on three different medications for an arthritic condition they weren’t even completely sure she had. I didn’t care. In fact, it made me want her more.

She had been in foster care for four years because no one wanted a dog with medical problems like hers. It broke my heart, but I was so happy to be taking her home. I’ve now had Presley for nine months, and in that time I have not once woken up in a bad mood. It’s impossible when I am so happy to wake up to something I love so much. Instead of crying from sadness, I cry because it physically hurts me to think about how much I love her. She has turned my life upside-down in the best way imaginable. I’m sure a lot of people think I’m crazy for feeling this way about a dog, but I don’t care.

I feel less anxious, less depressed, less lonely, and more loved. It has been nothing but a positive experience.

The other day she got poop on my shirt and I didn’t even care. My only regret is that I didn’t listen to my heart and get a dog sooner, but then I wouldn’t have Presley, so never mind. If I could offer any advice, though, it would be to get a dog (or cat, bunny, fish, guinea pig) if you think you need one. You’ll make it work. In the past few months, I weaned Presley off all of her medication because it just didn’t seem to be doing any good. She is now doing 110% better. She used to limp and be lethargic; now she runs and is full of energy. My friends have noticed the change and say that all she needed was me. Wrong. All I needed was her. Cliché, don’t care.