If It’s Meant To Be, It’ll Be.

I’d love all the answers. I’d love to look a little ahead of time and know it’s you standing there as I walk down the aisle. But I’m not going to rush that. I’m not going to demand answers neither of us can give each other yet. To rush time when it’s not ours yet, would mean losing what could be.

So we’ll each go our own way. We’ll each live our own lives. Find ourselves before we can find each other again.

I truly believe that when two people are meant to be together, eventually they will be. And it doesn’t matter what the circumstances are. If there is distance and state borders and other people between us. Because I still hold onto this faith that none of those things matter. I still hold onto faith that one day we’re going to get it right.

I mean that’s all I really have. And when you believe in someone that much, suddenly everything that seems complicated isn’t. You figure it out. You make it work.

But knowing when the time is right isn’t up to you.

Maybe right now isn’t our time for forever.

Maybe I’m wrong here.

The only thing I can really be sure of is this connection that doesn’t seem to fade no matter how much time passes. A connection that doesn’t fade no matter how many things in our lives change or we watch as people come and go.

Because the root of it isn’t just a love that’s come and gone in the past, but an unexplainable connection. A friendship. A bond. A genuine concern for one another always. Something that has kept us a part of each other’s lives this long.

Maybe we’re meant to be because we built each other in a way.

If I pulled apart the pieces of myself there would be evidence that you were there. So in a way you’ve never been gone really.

As much as life fills me with doubts and fears sometimes the only thing I’m really sure of is you. I’m confident that as long as you’re next to me everything is going to be okay.

That’s all I have. And that’s enough for me. Enough to keep me going until one day it maybe becomes true.



Benefit Of The Doubt.

Half of me sits here wondering if I’m wasting my time. My time, attention, and patience are being tested with every excuse you make.

“Why do you believe him,” they ask?

As if seeing the good in someone is a flaw. As if wanting to believe you aren’t being lied to is bad.

I want to be right.

I want to believe that you care.

I listen to excuses not because I’m dumb or foolish or desperate for someone’s attention. I do it because I want to be right about you.

It’s tough though when you’re an honest person who means everything you say, you want everyone to have those same intentions.

I’m not naive to think that everyone is like me.

But I’m hoping maybe this time someone might be.

So I tell you “okay” when you want to reschedule.

I forgive you when you cancel the last minute.

I don’t think much about the delays in your responses, even though I answer immediately every time.

I’ve learned to not get my hopes up with you because all you seem to do is let me down.

I’ve come to expect the worst, while secretly hoping maybe I’m the one that will be wrong.

Maybe I’ll be the one who is surprised.

I sit here waiting by my phone wondering when you’ll answer.

Rereading what I sent and was it okay?

I sit here waiting thinking maybe you haven’t read it.

Giving you the benefit of the doubt.

Lying to myself just to not be so on edge.

I’ve learned this much about relationships, the right ones don’t leave you anxious or confused or needing too many chances.

My patience continues to grow thin, but I keep hoping you’ll surprise me.

Why do I waste time on people like you is the question I ask myself over and over again. Giving away chances like they are free samples at Costco. Lighting a match only to burn myself because I should know better by now.

It’s not me who needs to change.

As these mixed signals and leading me on, leaves me paranoid questioning myself, I know it’s you that’s unsure.

I enter most things with confidence. When I care about you, you know.

I don’t play coy or play some complicated game to get your attention.

So it isn’t me and how I feel you’re unsure of, it’s yourself as you wonder can someone like me fit into this life of yours.

You flirt with the idea taking two steps towards me only to retreat back. Because I’m not like the rest of them. I won’t lie to you. I won’t mess with your head. I won’t hurt you.

So as you fumble through excuses I’ve heard a thousand times, leaving me disappointed. I walk away upset but knowing very well putting faith in someone, having hope, even if I have no reason to is what it’s all about.

And if the worst thing you can say about me is, I cared too much and I wasn’t afraid to show it, I can live with that.

Because I know the right person will see the value in that, I just wish it was you and part of me still holds onto hope it might be.


What She’s Secretly Hoping For.

She won’t ask you to hold her hand in public, but she keeps looking down hoping you’ll be the one to make the first move. It’s something so little, but means so much.

She won’t be the first to kiss you, but she’s looking at your lips wondering if you want to.

She won’t tell you the things she scared of or why. But she’s hoping you’ll care enough to learn.

She’s afraid of uncertainty. She’s afraid of being used. She’s afraid of being played. She’s afraid to wake up and watch you leave and know you aren’t coming back.

The type of love she needs is someone who is sure of her. Someone who is honest.

Someone who cares about who she is, not just that she’s a woman who could appease a man sexually. She needs to know “see you soon” actually means you want to see her again and you aren’t just telling her what she wants to hear.

That when she texts you, you’re actually happy to hear from her. That when you talk to her, it isn’t just to kill time because you’re bored.

She won’t tell you she needs a relationship that is both physical and emotional. Because in the past, she’s seen one or the other, but never both.

She won’t tell you she really wants you to meet her family after you’ve been going out for a bit.

She won’t tell you what she needs out of fear those needs will scare you off.

So she’ll tiptoe quietly being too afraid to make any wrong move.

The type of love she needs is one where your words match your actions.

She won’t tell you her favorite flowers, and she would love if you got them.

She won’t tell you her favorite chocolate, but getting them would make her day.

She won’t tell you she wants you to make plans sometimes.

She doesn’t want to tell someone how she needs to be loved, she just wants someone who will love her without needing direction.

She needs someone who will show her it’s okay to rely on someone.

She needs someone who will show her it’s okay to need someone.

She needs someone who will show her it’s okay to want someone.

She needs someone who doesn’t mistake the fact she’s fragile with being weak.

She needs someone who realizes the greatest strength she has is who is she and what she has to offer someone, and that isn’t just because she’s a woman.

But most of all, she needs someone who is going to realize what she needs and respect her enough to step away if one can’t give her that. To step aside if what she’s asking is too much for you. To step aside if you aren’t going to give her everything she needs because there’s someone out there who will.

She needs the love she’s been giving away to everyone to be reciprocated.

She needs the love she won’t ever ask for, but is secretly hoping it finds her.

She needs a love that will make her whole, and not leave her empty.

She needs a love that is kind, honest, and real.

Because she deserves to believe in love again. And she deserves to be loved again.


Daddy’s Little Girl.

Father’s are a daughter’s first love. The first man who shows you by example this is what she can come to expect from someone. These are the lengths someone is willing to go for you. This is exactly how you deserve to be loved and to never tolerate anything less.

Father’s play a vital role in their daughter’s life, understanding that when she grows up, she’s going to come across people who will disrespect her, who won’t treat her the best, who hurt her and break her heart. But knowing it’ll never be him who does that.

She’ll come home one day crying at 17 over the boy she gave her heart to and all he did was use her. As a father, his heart breaks watching this young woman hurt because of someone else. Wishing and praying she saw herself through his eyes. Because then she’d see herself as truly the most beautiful girl there is.

Father’s teach daughter’s about self-respect. About self-love. What love really means, and that it’s not pain or someone talking down to you. She grows up, and while these expectations he has set for her sometimes feel few and far between with men that still act as boys, she knows there is at least one person who consistently loves, respects her, and treats her well.

From pulling out her chair to opening her door to never paying in his presence. Respecting her thoughts and her opinions, her goals, and ambitions. Believing in her more than anyone else, even if he’s the only one to do so.

Worshipping the ground she walks on and doing everything he possibly can to make her happy and her life better and easier.

Loving her every single day of her life and reminding her that’s what she deserves.

Pushing her to learn and grow and become the best version of herself.

And in return, she adores him more than any man she will ever meet.

How a father treats her, becomes the standard for what she expects of others.

She then enters the world of dating, and every father is going to say “no matter who she ends up with he’ll never be good enough.”

But it’s him she’s looking for in all of them. Bits and pieces of someone who reminds her of her father is who she’ll fall for. Because when you have someone who is the greatest person you know, someone who has treated you well your whole life, someone who has defended you and protected you and taken care of you and has loved you unconditionally no matter what you might have done wrong, that’s what you expect of everyone else. But you know how rare it is.

Because the greatest sign of a respect a daughter can have towards her father, is ending up with someone who is half the man he is. Someone she’s proud to introduce to him. Someone who can live in his shadow. Someone he can give her away to and know she’ll be okay.

Father’s set the standard for what she’ll come to expect, and she’ll spend the rest of her life trying to find a man who can love her at that length.

Knowing very well whoever she gives her heart to, it’s her father she loved first.


Avoid THIS Guy…

The guy who continues to reschedule or cancel because he doesn’t care enough to make you a priority.

The guy who messes with your head and sends you mixed signals about how he feels.

The guy who doesn’t tell you there’s someone else when “clearly” there is and he’s trying to hide it.

The guy who ignores your text then blows up your news feed.

The guy who says he likes you and cares about you but not enough to show it.

The guy who uses the excuse that “it’s not a good time right now.”

The guy who is an expert at sorry.

The guy who won’t take you on a real date. And would rather just “hang out.”

The guy who uses the excuse “he’s not ready for a relationship right now.” What he’s really saying is, he’s not ready for a relationship with you.

The guy who blames his ex for the fact he has trust issues like it’s your job to make him feel secure. The only reason he questions what you do is probably because he’s doing the same thing too.

The guy who doesn’t want you to meet his parents, and every time you bring it up, he  changes the subject.

The guy who only ever wants to see you after a night out, but never lets you stay long in the morning.

The guy who swears one day you guys will get it right, but not now.

The guy who has mastered the art of keeping lines blurry.

The guy who wants the physical parts of a relationship, but won’t emotionally commit.

The guy who is unsure about everything else in his life. Where he’s going? What he’s doing? If he’s not sure of things in his own life, he’s never going to be sure of you.

The guy who makes you feel like it’s a competition between you and someone else.

The guy who makes you wonder how he feels and doesn’t add confidence that you’re one he cares about.

The guy who leaves you in the dark about big decisions that might impact both of you.

The guy who has a bad rep. The one your friends don’t like.

The guy who has already hurt you many times before.

These are the types of guys you gotta stop waiting for.

The ones you might want, but even if you got them, you know you’d be settling.

The ones who make it about the chase, but that’s all it is some games.

The guys who break you down to build themselves up. Taking pieces of you to fill the void others have left them with.

These aren’t men. These are unsure boys. Because a real man knows one woman is enough. And it’s his job to make her feel secure in him.

But it isn’t up to you to prove your worth.

It isn’t up to you to earn their respect.

It isn’t up to you to convince them to care.

So when you come across boys who are unsure and keep you guessing, don’t waste anymore time on them.

Walk away with your head high because you deserve something more than uncertainty and mixed signals.

You deserve a little more than everything you’ve tolerated in the past.

And the minute you stop tolerating and buying into every excuse and giving them chances, they are going to go away. Because they don’t have it in them to try even a little, and you deserve a whole lot.


The Best Lines From Taylor Swift’s “Reputation.”

1. Ready For It

Knew I was a robber first time that he saw me
Stealing hearts and running off and never sayin’ sorry
But if I’m a thief, then he can join the heist, and
We’ll move to an island, and
And he can be my jailer, Burton to this Taylor
Every love I’ve known in comparison is a failure
I forget their names now, I’m so very tame now
Never be the same now, now

2. End Game

I don’t wanna touch you, I don’t wanna be
Just another ex-love you don’t wanna see

3. I Did Something Bad

I never trust a narcissist, but they love me
So I play ’em like a violin
And I make it look oh-so-easy
‘Cause for every lie I tell them, they tell me three

4. Don’t Blame Me

Don’t blame me, love made me crazy
If it doesn’t, you ain’t doin’ it right

5. Delicate

This ain’t for the best
My reputation’s never been worse, so
You must like me for me…

But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time
Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time
I’ve got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined
I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

7. So It Goes

You did a number on me
But, honestly, baby, who’s counting?

8. Gorgeous

If you’ve got a girlfriend, I’m jealous of her
But if you’re single that’s honestly worse

It was the best of times, the worst of crimes
I struck a match and blew your mind

10. King Of My Heart

Late in the night, the city’s asleep
Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

11. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted

12. Dress

All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation
My hands are shaking from holding back from you

Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me
Flashback to my mistakes
My rebounds, my earthquakes
Even in my worst light, you saw the truth in me

13. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

There I was, giving you a second chance
But then you stabbed in the back while shaking my hand
And therein lies the issue

14. Call It What You Want

My castle crumbled overnight
I brought a knife to a gunfight
They took the crown, but it’s alright
All the liars are calling me one
Nobody’s heard from me for months
I’m doin’ better than I ever was

15. New Year’s Day

You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi
I can tell that it’s gonna be a long road
I’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town, babe
Or if you strike out and you’re crawling home

Please don’t ever become a stranger
Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere.


Realizing The Real From The Wrong.

When it’s the real thing, you aren’t looking at your phone for bits and pieces of potential validation or interest. You put your phone down because the only person whose attention matters is the one in front of you.

Where you once believed every excuse someone told you, every lie, every reason plans had to change or something couldn’t work out, now you look at someone who tells you every reason it can.

When it’s the real thing, you aren’t paranoid or thinking too much about saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. Almost relationships tend to thrive on your self-doubt. They make you think it’s you that’s done something wrong. It’s you who messed up. But when it’s the right relationship, all the person cares about is making you feel sure of them.

Where you once thought it was your job to convince someone to fall for you as you overcompensated and tried every which way to get their attention, this person teaches you it’s about who meets you halfway.

Almost relationships are all about the chase and making sure you get close, but never close enough. Meanwhile, this new person pulls you in and holds you tight saying something so simple like, ‘I’m happy here.’

While these two relationships are almost completely opposite and you can’t even compare them, but you still manage to.

When almost relationships are all you know, what you’ve grown familiar with isn’t this healthy relationship, but the opposite. Good relationships are the ones that feel like it doesn’t fit but in actuality, it’s everything you deserve.

You deserve someone who is sure of you.

You deserve someone who answers.

You deserve someone who shows the fuck up.

You deserve someone who wants you as much as you wanted someone else.

And I know what it’s like to doubt them. I know what it’s like to be afraid. I know what it’s like to be comfortable alone you fear letting anyone in.

When you choose an almost relationship, you aren’t just choosing someone you are pining after, you’re choosing an ending you know. An ending you’re comfortable with. Wishful thinking and mixed signals make you want something to be there that isn’t. In your heart you know regardless of how much you try you can’t convince someone to care and be what you need.

There’s something weird and fun about that challenge. And girls who are used to choosing the wrong people at least have control in knowing they’ll get hurt so it won’t surprise them. They grow immune to disappointment and getting let down.

But pain and disappointment and let downs aren’t something you should get used to.

So when you stumble into the right relationship after so many that were wrong, it’s like a breath of fresh air, but it’s unfamiliar.

It’s suddenly having confidence in someone.

It’s suddenly including someone in your life.

It’s suddenly waking up next to someone and you remember how much it hurt waking up alone to a text wishing that person could have been something more.

It’s the kisses you used to think about just hoping.

The relationship you envisioned in your mind.

Suddenly someone is making it a reality.

Every first kiss. Every good morning. Every date. Every time they reach for your hand. Every time they include you in future plans and you get thrown off for a moment. Every time they bring you somewhere introducing you as their girlfriend or their date, not as their friend.

You think back to a time when a friend was all you were to someone you cared deeply for.

Every time they touch you and tremble in a way you didn’t even realize you could.

When this person so easily becomes a part of your daily routine and life.

When they want to meet your family and friends.

When they want you in their big moments.

You think back to a time where you used to wishful think about an almost love being and doing all of those things.

But after a while you stopped asking, because all it led to was another reason pointing at regardless of how you feel this will never be what you need.

And I’d be lying if I said that almost love doesn’t just disappear because you found someone you deserve. Feelings linger. And that’s okay. Maybe they couldn’t be what you needed, but emotionally they were everything you wanted.

Even when you’re going to bed with someone else, you think of them.

Maybe their name appears on your phone. And he asks who is it. You tell him no one important. Maybe they blow up your news feed and you still get that feeling sometimes just seeing their name. Maybe you meet up and you realize despite this new person in your life, you still feel a lot of old things for someone you can’t even define or put in some box of understanding what this relationship actually was because all you know is what it wasn’t.

It’s okay to think about them.

But you have to understand the difference between that person and this real relationship where you are feeling things you forget you could.

Showing up for you the way you showed up for him.

Loving you the way you loved him.

Trying the way you tried for him.

It’s okay to feel guilty sometimes for feelings you can’t control. But I truly believe that after a limbo relationship of giving them your all and they couldn’t reciprocate it, something good will come your way if you learn to let them go.

The greatest form of heartbreak isn’t pining after an almost love, but wasting your time on someone when in your heart you know it will never be what you need and deserve. There is no amount of time or effort that can change that. Because when it’s the right person, they will walk into your life very quickly and you’ll know this is different. This is right. This is what I deserve.

Understanding your worth and your value isn’t a reflection of the love someone couldn’t give, but rather their inability to see what you had to offer.

Suddenly you cross paths with someone who does. And you’re fearful to fall, but you let yourself. And the difference is, this time someone is going to catch you. Because this time someone is falling with you.

I wish I could say, that almost person is going to realize when you walk away, what they lost. I wish I could tell you, he’s going to show up at your doorstep saying sorry. That would be nice.

But you deserve someone who doesn’t have to lose you to realize what they could have had.

You deserve someone who walks into your life, and the only thing they are unsure of is, how do I get this girl to fall for me? And that’s the difference right there in black and white.