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Tidal Wave Of Emotions.

It is utterly overwhelming to experience so many emotions at once. Ever feel frustrated, sad, motivated, irritated, and overwhelmed at the same time? It’s okay if you do. We live in a time where our emotions feel like they spread throughout our body like wildfire. So read on if you are a tidal wave of emotions.

Your emotions are strong. At times they are overpowering. That’s okay. You are a force to be reckoned with. Don’t try to ignore these emotions, let yourself explore them instead. 

Perhaps you struggle to understand your conflicting emotions. You are terribly angry, bitterly sad, and utterly empowered all at the same time. Use this to be the change you wish to see in the world.

If you are a storm of emotions right now, channel your strength and energy towards justice. Start to actively understand the world around you and breakdown the things that are sparking your conflicting feelings. 

You are strong. You are brave. You are unapologetic. Never let anyone make you feel bad about your emotions. They are yours to express and no one’s to control. Feel angry, sad, happy, nervous, scared, or excited. Feel them all at the same time, or just once every now and again.

Let your body tackle these emotion and know that there is strength in emotionally defending yourself. You are not being dramatic. You are authentic, proud, and honorable. 

Your tears can stream down your face. Your hands can get clammy and your face can get all red and hot. Don’t hide yourself and don’t feel embarrassed. 

Don’t play dumb with your emotions. The more you are in denial about how you feel, the more your emotions will control you. You control your emotions.

Never let who you are define how you feel. Whether you are the biggest fish in the pond or the smallest of guppies, your emotions are equally valid. It doesn’t matter who you are and where you come from, you have a great strength inside you. Your feelings deserve to be heard and respected. 

Focus yourself on the eye of your emotional storm. Always search for peace throughout the tidal wave of your emotions. Find your eye and let that be your emotional home-base. 

If you are a tidal wave of emotions, know that you will experience the ups and downs of the storm. Some days will be worse than others. Whether you are a Level Five Hurricane or a calm sunshower, your emotions are always worthy. 

There is an unbelievable power in you. You can change the tide, calm the waters, move the seas, and create tornados with your words. Above all, your heart is an undeniably amazing force. So if you are a tidal wave of emotions right now that is okay…

Always remember to express your emotions, truthfully process your feelings, and love the tidal wave that is you.

yourlifesjourneysblog.wordpress.com
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A Man To Love A Broken Woman.

To her, love seems like a game of power and she’s the one who hands it over. Because love to her, is something worth living and fighting for.

Love is something she’s ready to lose herself in without even skipping a beat. It terrifies her to death, but she’d do it any day and anytime.

You can see the fear in her eyes and hear the tremble in her voice, but the strength of her love and the heat of her passion, is what knocks you off of your feet. You can see that she’s scared to the bone and she goes for it anyway.

Love her for the fact that she’s standing while she’s falling apart inside. For the fact that she gets up every morning, facing the sunshine, while fighting with the darkness in her. And for being the harbor you can seek safety in.

To her, sweet words are just a weapon to lure someone in, only to break them. To her, love is as sweet as it is terrifying.

And every time someone promises her love, she nods in agreement but deep down, the doubt is tearing her apart, warning her of another break that’s to come.

Hugs are just there to ease the pain and to make it harder for her once you’re gone. Because you ought to leave. Everyone else did, why wouldn’t you?

Love her for facing her fears every single day while she’s loving you. Love her for tumbling her walls down to show you that she trusts you.

Love her for the fact that she’s the fiercest and gentlest heart there is. Not the broken one, but the beautiful one. Because she is so much more than just broken.

To her, the idea of not loving you is way more painful than the idea of you walking away. Because she knows the pain of not being loved.

She knows how it hurts when you give everything and get so little in return. She knows how it hurts to be neglected, and how it hurts to be lied to.

So she will never, ever play with your trust. She will never leave you in the dark if she can be the light. She will never leave you in the cold if she can be the flame.

Love her for bringing color to your black and white life and warmth to the freezing caves of your mind. For putting a smile on your face and having a laugh so contagious, that you’re left wondering if sadness even exists next to her.

To her, brokenness is something she hides away with a smile. It’s not because she’s embarrassed, it’s because she’s afraid it’ll seem too much to you.

She’s afraid that you will see the woman she once was. The woman who let others take away her worth and her smile.

The woman who trusted everyone would keep her heart safe, just like she kept theirs.

She’s afraid that you will run away because you can’t fix her. But the thing is, there is no point in fixing something that doesn’t need to be fixed.

Love her for the amazing mosaic of all the battles and victories she’s had. Love her for all of the pain she endured with that smile that would put the sun to shame.

Love her for the fact that broken looks good on her.

To her, every day is the last one, so she holds nothing back. Because waiting for the people who never came, is what killed her in the end.

Hoping in vain is what destroyed her. And giving her heart is what broke her.

But you see, she lives every day, one day at a time. She gives herself completely, every second of the day.

When pain pins her down, she whispers, “We got this.” When fear tries to hold her back, she whispers, “One more time.

And when memories come hunting her, she screams, “Not today.” Being broken is part of her and if you leave her for it, you’re not the real man she deserves.

Love her for her. Breathe with her, cry with her. Wait for the sunrise next to her and appreciate every second you get to spend with her.

Admire her and watch her in awe. And if you’re not ready to do it, let her go.

To her, being set free is better than being locked in a gilded cage with no love. If you’re not ready to love all of her, then let her go.

yourlifesjournesysblog.wordpress.com
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Happiness Is A Choice, Not A Feeling.

What is happiness? People have debated this question for ages. But although you may not know how to define it, you definitely know what happiness is when you feel it.

And although happiness is not the same for everyone, there is no person alive who doesn’t strive for it. We all desire happiness but those who know how to really, achieve it are rare.

Most of us spend our life waiting for happiness to knock on our door and for it to magically happen to us. But what we don’t know is that happiness will never choose “us,” until we choose “it.”

If you want to be happy, you are the one who has to choose to be happy. Your happiness lies in your own hands.

Happiness, although being the final goal, is not a destination. It is not a result, it is a journey and a way of life.

You live a stressful life, surrounded by different kinds of negativities and you think that it is impossible for you to be happy in these circumstances.

Your family is always criticizing you, you are not satisfied with the relationship you are in, your job doesn’t fulfill you, you have financial problems and your friends are not the best either.

And you blame destiny for everything. You think that you are simply not born to be happy and although you won’t admit this to yourself, you’ve come to terms with it.

You’ve accepted that you will have good and bad moments in your life, but that you will probably never achieve the ultimate happiness. So, you’ve given up.

You’ve decided to handle life the best way you can, without expecting to ever be truly and completely satisfied with it. You are actually just going with the flow, thinking you wouldn’t be able to change anything, even if you tried.

And I am here to tell you, that this is the worst decision you could ever make.

Maybe you don’t know it but, you are the one who gave up you’re own happiness. You are the one who forbids yourself to be happy and you are the one who chose to be unhappy.

It is not that you were not born under a lucky star, it is not that the universe hates you and it is not that you suffer from bad luck.

You are the one who chooses whom and what you allow into your life. You are the only one with the power to choose how different things and people affect you.

And most importantly, you are the only one with the power to choose how you react to everything life puts you through.

It’s time to understand that you’ll never be happy until you realize your happiness is in your hands. You are the creator of your own destiny.

You are the only one who has the power to influence and to direct your own life.

I know it is probably easier for you to blame some higher force for the way you are feeling, but it’s time to carry some responsibility on your shoulders as well.

Life will always be stressful and it will always put you through difficult situations, but it is only up to you how you will let it affect you. Your attitude toward life determines your happiness.

You can choose whether you’ll focus on the bad things that are happening to you and keep youself from being happy, or you’ll think of them as valuable lessons.

There is good and bad in everything and that is something you can’t have an impact on but it is up to you whether you’ll choose to see the good in everything or vice versa.

It’s up to you to train your mind to think positive thoughts and when you accomplish that, you’ll be happy—not because everything is good, but because you chose to see the good in everything.

Sometimes, things will not be OK, but that is all a part of life and that is not something you should run away from.

Sometimes you’ll experience negative emotions, but it is your choice whether you’ll allow those negative emotions to take control of you and to completely consume you, turning you into a bitter, pessimistic person or you’ll face these negative things that are happening to you, embrace those emotions as a part of life and focus on making the best of things.

But remember, happiness is not something that you can just choose to feel, without working on it. It is not a gift from the universe, it requires effort and time.

Eventually,, when you experience it, you’ll see that everything was worth it.

yourlifesjourneysblog.wordpress.com
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Negative Coping Skills

Trigger warnings: self-harm, mental illness

Words are never really just words, and how we use them as we progress in our recovery is critical. For over two decades, I self-identified as a “cutter.” I felt this was a key part of my entire being, often describing the behavior, itself, as a coping skill; years later, it was a medical professional who helped me to adapt that cutting was a negative coping skill. Today a mentor of mine blew all previous concepts of this out of the way by simply explaining, “These aren’t negative coping skills; they are, in fact, self-destructive behaviors.”

The first issue I need to address is something, we as a community, struggle with in identifying as being mentally ill instead of a person who has a mental illness. There is in fact a difference, a huge difference, as my existence cannot be so easily simplified to a label. As long as I allow my illness to be my sole or primary identifier, I have cheated myself and others from knowing the reality of who I am. And as long as I am mentally ill verses someone with a mental illness, I am allowing that illness to take control of all that I am, as well as shirking all responsibility for any damage that may ensue.

There is power in language; part of my recovery is reclaiming that power and making it what I want it to be. Making me who I want to be. I am a person with a multitude of traits, qualities, faults and talents, yet no single one of those things can completely define all of me. I was never a cutter; I was a person who used cutting as a self-destructive behavior while claiming it was a coping skill.

Coping skills are the methods a person uses to deal with stressful situations. These may help a person face a situation, take action, and be flexible and persistent in solving problems.

The term negative coping skill seems like a bit of a contradiction. In my case, how did practicing “self-harm” help me solve any problems in my life? To put it bluntly, it didn’t. I didn’t learn conflict resolution, stronger communication skills, or ways to evolve into a better version of myself in any capacity. Explaining my behaviors as negative coping skills allowed me to alleviate some of the guilt and responsibility associated with the behaviors. It also allowed me to remain in denial that these “so-called” coping skills, were in fact, only exacerbating the very stress I was trying to resolve. When someone told me what I was doing was in reality a self-destructive behavior, I immediately went on the defense, feeling judged. It was what made sense to me, what felt safe, and to have that questioned by anyone left me in a place of vulnerability I didn’t want to confront.

Coping skills take time, patience, and a whole of a lot more effort that I’m often willing to give. These self-destructive behaviors feel good right away just about every time I do them, requiring minimal effort, if any. So I dress up my self-destructive behaviors all fancy in an effort to masquerade them around as an attempt to cope with my challenges, the justification being simply that a negative coping skill is still a coping skill, so what’s the real harm in the end? The harm is that in refusing to face my stresses in a constructive way, I am moving further away from the healthier life I ultimately want to achieve. If I chop off my leg, reasoning less of me will get there faster, the irony will be that all along I needed ALL of me to make it happen. A wounded leg will get me there faster, than no leg at all. Stopping to treat my leg and letting it heal will give me the best possibility of success.

Yourlifesjourneys.wodpress.com
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To The Rest Of The World (Part 3.)

Yet, there is so much stigma, so many misconceptions and unhelpful attitudes around suicide.  What if we likened it to cancer? Like cancer, suicide does not discriminate on the basis of gender, race, or socioeconomic status. There is no stereotypical face of it and no one single path that leads to it. For some, it is a sudden, intense phenomenon that takes life rapidly and with little warning. For others, it is a war waged internally for years. And, like with cancer, what if we did not blame the sufferers, even if their actions seemingly contributed in part to the outcome, and instead understood that they, tragically, lost their battle?

Suicide is not a selfish or cowardly act. It is not due to a lack of discipline or religion or to a weakness of character. It is caused by a number of factors, a perfect storm of biological vulnerabilities and environmental elements that results in circumstances that are beyond someone’s ability to cope. In that final moment, there is no alternative, no way out. Like when a heart no longer has the capacity to keep beating during a heart attack, they die of a brain attack.

“Suicide is just a cry for attention or a cry for help,” you may say. Maybe it is sometimes. That brave soul is fighting for their life! LISTEN TO THAT CRY! Help if you can.

I urge you to be kind to others. You can not tell by looking at someone if they are struggling with suicidal thoughts or who they’ve lost to suicide. Arm yourself with education and compassion. Suicide is a public health issue and affects us all.

Know that it’s ok to ask someone about suicide. There’s a common misconception that asking someone if they have suicidal thoughts will implant the idea. That’s a myth. If someone is not suicidal, asking about it will NOT cause them to be. And, if they are, asking about it may just save their life. By asking and listening without judgment and without anger, you’ll let them know that the door is open to talk about it, that you are a safe place for them, and that you will help them take the first steps toward preventing it.

Be in Peace,

Yourlifesjourneysblog.wordpress.com
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To The Contemplators (Part 2.)

I feel your pain…at least I want to. I want to listen, to wrap my arms around you, to tell you that you are NOT alone, that people care, that this will pass, that life CAN get better, that there IS hope, that NOTHING is unforgiveable or irreversible.

Know that brains lie, and yours is no exception! Question it. Challenge it. Fight back! You DO have worth! Things CAN get better! It will not always feel like this. These thoughts and feelings will pass if you can hang on. You are strong. The fact that you’re still here is a testament to that. Even the strongest need a hand sometime, though, so share your burden (and know that YOU as a person are NOT a burden). It will be easier to carry, possible to endure, with help.

Please find some tiny ray of hope and cling to it like the life raft that is. Things can get so much better!

Be in Peace!!

yourlifesjourneysblog.wordpress.com

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To The Grievers (Part 1.)

I feel your pain. I, too, have lost a loved one. I know the initial shock as your mind strives to process the news that seems so unfathomable, so impossible. We know that it happens, but we just didn’t see it coming.

I know the heartbreak that sets in as the shock wears off and you realize that your person is gone. This is not a bad dream. You’re awake, and it sucks. I know the deeper layer of heartbreak that comes with the realization of just how much pain your person must have been in. The weight is crushing.

You’ll want to go down the If Only path, but don’t. That will only result in endless loops of anguish and no real clarity. Know that it is not your fault.

You may be struggling with wanting to understand WHY this happened. Know that you may never fully understand your person’s state of mind or the factors that led to their death. You may never have a satisfactory explanation.

Know that it’s ok if you feel angry, but understand what happened. In the mind of someone who dies by suicide, they are a burden to others and do not belong. You and I know that’s not true, but in their mind, riddled with the insidious lies of Depression, they did not. They believed, TRULY believed, that their existence caused pain and that the world would be better off without them. From their perspective, their last act was a selfless one or one of mercy to end suffering. That’s the tragedy of suicide.

You feel lost and stuck as the rest of the world continues on like nothing has changed…but things will never be the same. The waves of grief that crash over you now, buckling your knees and taking your breath away, will gradually slow down. They will begin to come less often and with less intensity.You’ll find yourself feeling (almost) normal for increasing periods. You’ll stop feeling like you’re drowning, but it will never completely stop hurting.

Know that you WILL be ok. It’s going to hurt…a lot and for a long time. There’s no way around it and no way to avoid it. But know that you CAN get through this loss.

Yourlifesjourneysblog.wordpress.com

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Understanding BPD.

Today is the day that I finally say ENOUGH! Enough of the judgement, Enough of the stigma, Enough of the prejudices, Enough of whatever you say about what you clearly know nothing about!

People like me have had enough of you talking about what’s going on with us like you scholars of the internet, know everything about it. You call us dangerous, irrational, impulsive, and the worst of it all, a word we almost come to believe, HOPELESS! But it’s time to see how it’s like to walk in our shoes.

To many of you, we may just look like victims of borderline personality disorder just trying to prove something online, but I’m here to tell you what we really are and what it’s really like to be us, In Real Life. Most of the articles on the internet on Borderline Personality Disorder throw light on all our negative symptoms and characteristics and a whole lot of you out there simply buy it without question, knowledge or experience. Even we did until now, cursed and criticized ourselves for even being that way. All our dark sides were so beautifully written off on the internet that we had started becoming all of it.

The darkest of us, we had ever seen had all started coming to life, just as we had read. And before we knew it, we became our own worst enemy, trying to hurt ourselves on the outside just so that we can kill the ghosts living within. Some of us started cutting open our skin so that the light from the outside could seep through and make the darkness within disappear. We started hating ourselves every second of the day, trying out new ways to get away from ourselves.

Emotionally unstable you said, had you ever questioned why? Some called us crazy, loony, psycho, some even pitied us for being so self destructive, some feared us, some hated us, but all misunderstood us. Being around us, is like being around a ticking bomb, unaware when it would explode. Fearful. But do you even know what it feels to be us? Have you ever held a gun down your throat but then put it back in the drawer? Or popped pills and then walked to a crowded hallway to finally lose consciousness? Or have you ever cut your skin but hoped for the courage to cut deeper? That is exactly what it’s like to be us. We are constantly debating life and death, only hoping that we either had the strength to face life or the courage to just end it all at once.

Have you ever wanted to kill yourself because you couldn’t complete a task at school or because you got into a fight with a sibling? That’s the intensity of how we do things. We look at everything with extremities. Everything is either black or white, but that’s just how we perceive things, not who we are. We are filled with thoughts and ideas as colorful as it can get. But when the bad days kick in, and the ghosts start to haul, how does one knock down an enemy when it is nothing but the face in front of the mirror? This is where our struggle lies. This is what makes us fight, for our own life, against our own self.

It is like rope walking over hell. If you don’t push yourself to complete the walk, you’re bound to burn. This is how we live every single day. But even with all its miseries, there are still days like these when some of us decide to write stuff like this, wanting to show the world what we really are, something that they don’t tell you in those textbooks or on those online pages, things that can never be explained unless experienced, first hand.

Having to survive BPD every single day, what we come to learn is that we are the most resilient people, batting temptations to resort to most likely addictions like drugs and alcohol, suicidal thoughts, self harm and eating disorders. We have the ability to resist our impulses, which is why we are still fighting.

Our levels of Empathy drive us to being kind and sensitive, and make us understand everybody’s issues without judgement, irrespective of their struggles. We are the kind that wants to uplift every person who comes to us for help. We always provide a helping hand or a listening ear to those who turn to us, which often makes us attached to many people around us.

Our Creativity is directly proportional to our emotional intensity. Our constant over thinking and emotional vulnerability always gets the best of our artistic side. When we create, we are not only creating a piece but we create a part of ourselves, using the platform as a reflection of how we see the world. This is also why most of us stop the use of medications we are prescribed as we always complain about how they don’t let us feel so deeply anymore. Passion is another driving force behind our survival. We are so passionate about something that interests us, that we usually find our solace in things that interest us. We find ourselves losing sleep at night or waking up early to do tasks we love to do.

Our Passion is the only thing that motivates us to get out of bed every single day, even on the lowest of days and the only thing that keeps our mind out of things that bother us. It’s the most important driving force and energy behind our survival. We are extremely passionate about what we love. Although our hate is often feared and understated, including our fears of abandonment and attachment which are just manifestations of our unskilled way of dealing with love, we still are very loyal, trustworthy and compassionate. On our good days we could be the best of companions, most loyal friends and life of the party, full of fun, happiness, intelligence, enthusiasm and wit. But sadly, we are most often just looked upon as the textbook definitions of a disorder. Our superpowers, failed to be noticed.

We are warriors, fighting each day, and with every war won, we become survivors, and our biggest victory is finding the will to live.

I write this today, to remind you that we are lovers, we are healers, we are thinkers, we are learners, we are art brought to life, we are creators, and we are everything that they forget to scribble on our diagnosis.

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Worry Less.

There is no doubt about one thing: everything that has happened to you has turned you into an over thinker and a worrier.

You analyze every little thing, you dissect people’s moves, and you trust nobody.

You’ve learned that it’s better to always expect the worst outcome. If you don’t get your hopes up, you won’t be disappointed.

It’s better to try to predict all possible scenarios, so you aren’t caught off guard.Sounds like a heavy burden, right?

Well, you haven’t always been like this. The truth is, that you’ve been betrayed more times than you can count.

Those you sacrificed everything for stabbed you in the back when you least expected it.

They left you hanging when you needed them the most and gave you nothing in return, after everything you’d done for them.

Your exes, your friends – everyone took advantage of your kind heart. Consequently, you had no other choice but to become extra careful about absolutely everyone.

You decided that you had to change your ways before it was too late.

You had to stop letting everyone in and allowing the wrong people to enter your heart.

You had to stop believing that there is good in everyone and face the harsh reality that life is not all sunshine and rainbows.

So, instead, you’ve started worrying obsessively.

You’ve got this urge to control every detail of your life because you see it as the only way to prevent something unpredictable from happening.

Let’s be honest here: when was the last time you truly relaxed?

The last time you followed your gut, without thinking about all the possible consequences of your actions?

When was the last time you went with the flow? When you did something spontaneously and impulsively, without overthinking it first?

When was the last time you enjoyed the moment, without being overwhelmed about what the future might bring?

When was the last day you spent as if it was your last?

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that you should go through life completely recklessly.

Of course, there are times when you have to think things through and when your worry comes in handy.

However, if you’re honest, you’ll admit that you’re overreacting. You’ll see that your worries have just made your life more difficult.

They stand in the way of the many beautiful things that await you. They shut out numerous people who are worthy of your love and attention.

The truth is, that your worries have changed you. You’ve become paranoid and negative.

You’ve turned into a woman who is afraid of taking chances. You’ve gotten yourself trapped in your comfort zone, out of a fear of being hurt again.

You don’t take risks and always play it safe. You think it’s the only way to rescue yourself from potential disappointments and failures.

It sounds like a plan to me. It’s definitely one way to go through life in the hope of reaching the end unharmed.

However, have you ever thought about how much you’re missing out on because of your constant worrying and overthinking?

Have you ever considered the fact that you’re actually holding yourself back, while trying to protect yourself?

That it might be better to put yourself out there and face the worst outcome rather than spend your entire life being afraid?

That by wasting all of your time and energy on building this invisible shield around yourself, you’ll end up depriving yourself of the possibility of being unhappy?

Has it ever occurred to you what lately you haven’t been living?

In fact, you’re just existing and trying to survive, which is definitely not the same.

I won’t lie to you: if you put yourself out there, nobody can guarantee that everything will go smoothly.

Nobody can predict the future and promise you that everything will be alright.

Nevertheless, even if you fail, at least you’ll know you tried. You’ll know that you were brave enough to step into the unknown.

You’ll be proud of yourself because of your courage. That you didn’t hide from a challenge.

Instead, you did your best and you risked everything.

You put away your fears, doubts, and overthinking and you stopped running away from challenges.

After all, you only have a perception that you’re in charge. Things that are meant to happen will occur, whether you worry about them or not.

So, what’s the point? It seems that you’re stressing out in vain.

Remember that everything in life is a risk. However, some risks are worth taking.

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Milestone.

My life was turned upside down on this day at age 24, the first day I took that hit. I was hooked and had to have it 24/7 so I wouldn’t get sick. That’s when the devil 😈 entered and took over my soul and numbed all the pain, shame, guilt and anger I was feeling all my life. It was such an amazing feeling at the moment bc I was numb and didn’t feel anymore. But….before I knew it, this smart, funny, radiant, beautiful woman had turned into someone evil with a dark ugly soul 🖤. This person was my dark evil shadow that I been carrying my whole entire life and that would never leave and always encouraged me to get high and do my loved ones wrong. I heard numerous voices in my head tugging me in several directions, to a point I couldn’t handle those voices and I had to get high to make them stop, but temporarily. I was trying to drown out the voices of my inner demons. They play off of my deepest fears, of inadequacy, inferiority, abandonment, loss, rejection. They’d tell me that I’m not good enough, that I wasn’t deserving of love, I was inferior to other people, I don’t measure up. They are so convincing that I grew to believe them. I’d break down crying bc I felt so weak and helpless at the moment. I mean, it was an indescribable kind of pain. When people tell you all it takes is that one time, believe them 1000% y’all. I would never wish this on my worst enemy. But yeah, I had people try to help me get clean but, they were so forceful and pushed me to my limits that my mind was thinking a million and one things and I was confused, lost and felt like no one loved me…. I wanted to run far away and I didn’t care where, only if I can leave my shadow behind. . I had to be ready to get better, but I wasn’t ready, it only made me wanna use more and become more of an ugly monster. To make a extremely long story short…on this day today, July 5, 2011, that I remember clear as day. I made a drastic change that I thought was never possible or I couldn’t do. I had 2 choices: live or die?? I thought about it for a few hours 🧐…and in my state of mind I was in, I thought I’d be better off dead so I can not feel all this agony and pain no longer. So bad that I wished I could tear my eyeballs out and stomped on them so I can’t see all this pain I’ve caused to every loved one, including my lost self. BUT..as I was sitting on my couch crying out my eyes I weighed my options and chose lived!! So, I went through withdrawal for 2 weeks. The 2 longest weeks ever of sweating profusely, not able to sleep and eat bc I was vomiting every 2 minutes. That’s right folks my, I got clean ON MY OWN!! 👏🏻 Don’t get me wrong, I did learn a lot while in rehabs and took the tools they taught us how to get clean and applied them to my life. I’m still adjusting to the sober life, and have to face all those feelings I mentioned and then some. Feelings I’ve NEVER felt before while using. And it hurts like hell. All I think about is self medicating, but I look around me and see all I have that I don’t want to lose, especially when my dog looks up at me with his cute, loving self 😪. Life is a huge challenge for me, I know I can’t win every fight, but this one, I got it by the balls and I’ll keep on fighting the fight that I CAN win. I never was able to speak about this dark part of my life bc I was ashamed, but today, I say fuck it, I’m not ashamed of this dark path bc I grew stronger. And if y’all wanna judge, be my guest bc your words will never hurt me. I am stronger than my demons, this I now know.
I. AM. A. WARRIOR!!

iamsober #believe #beautiful #keepfighting #strong #sobrietyrocks

“𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑎𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑜𝑎𝑑 𝑤𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑑 𝑤𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑛𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑓𝑢𝑛𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑠 𝑎 ℎ𝑢𝑚𝑎𝑛 𝑏𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑒𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑜𝑟 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑑𝑟𝑢𝑔𝑠, 𝑤𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑓𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑚𝑚𝑎. 𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑙𝑒𝑓𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜? 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑒𝑒𝑚𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑙𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒: 𝐸𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑔𝑜 𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑤𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑜𝑟 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑑 𝑎 𝑛𝑒𝑤 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒. 𝐼𝑛 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑔𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑏𝑦, 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑓𝑒𝑤 𝑎𝑑𝑑𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑠 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑙𝑎𝑠𝑡 𝑐ℎ𝑜𝑖𝑐𝑒. 𝑇ℎ𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑑𝑑𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜𝑑𝑎𝑦 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑢𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑒. 𝐹𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑟𝑠𝑡 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑎𝑛’𝑠 𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑟𝑒 ℎ𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑦 𝑎 𝑠𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑦 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑡𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑎𝑑𝑑𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑠. 𝐼𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑣𝑎𝑖𝑙𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑢𝑠 𝑎𝑙𝑙. 𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝑠𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝑠𝑝𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑙–𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑔𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠–𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑔𝑟𝑎𝑚, 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑎𝑠 “𝑁𝑎𝑟𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑠 𝐴𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑦𝑚𝑜𝑢𝑠”

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Old Souls, Young Bodies.

Old Soul – A spiritual person who is wise beyond their years; people of strong emotional stability. Basically, someone who has more understanding of the world around them. ~ Urban Dictionary

There are people out there who are experiencing the gap between physical age and the emotional evolvement known as ‘old souls’. Upon hearing this phrase, people often experience a negative connotation picturing a gray-haired grandma, but what they fail to realize is the fact there are also young bodies that carry old souls in them.

Why are they so different from ‘ordinary’ people? There is only one explanation for this…different life experiences. Sometimes, life can play like that with us. It gives us more curve balls that to our friends and we grow up into a more serious person than them. We look at everything from a more mature point of view.

We don’t engage in relationships that are not taking us anywhere. We see ourselves as human beings who value this life to the point where we don’t engage if we’re not looking for something that’s not serious. This is why we’re often perceived as loners. Let me tell you a secret: being a loner, is not a bad thing at all.

We’re looking for forever. This is because we understand the damage of toxic relationships and we choose not to waste our time on shallow friendships or shallow people. This often comes as a consequence of the experiences in our lives. It’s what we’ve been taught while growing up.

Not many people see their purpose and there are a lot of lost wanderers in this Universe. The catch with us, the old souls, is that we genuinely understand who we are and where we want to go in life. This has been since our young age. When everybody else wanted to be princesses or singers, we wanted to be writers, doctors, astronauts, etc. We dreamed big.

Maybe this is one of the reasons why people put a lot of trust in us. They trust us with responsibilities and, believe it or not, we like responsibilities. It’s what we’re best at. We’ve been Dr. Drew, or a shoulder to cry on, for so long that we could help others just by virtue of our experience—no degree needed.

Old souls tend to see the bigger picture in everything. We observe things in life from a bird’s-eye view and we often search for the most meaningful way to approach life.

You won’t be loved for what you have but for who you are because that’s just the way we roll. Materialism means nothing to us. We always seek the deeper bond in people and we’re restless until we get it.

You might freak out at first and search for someone to ‘have more fun with’, but that’s where you’re mistaken the most. All the people you ‘have fun with’ won’t stick around. And you’re merely having fun. You’re just doing a bunch of random things that might make somebody laugh, but often might not.

The real treasure lies within the old souls and do you know why?  Old souls are keepers. We stay when the times get rough. We are the ones who’ll be there forever because forever is what we’re aiming for. We’re a safe haven for people, a shoulder to cry on, the people whom you trust. That’s why old souls are so worth your time.

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Don’t Mistake My Kindness As A Weakness.

I’m a nice girl. In fact, I was raised by my parents to be one. I believe many girls were raised the same way.

When I was a little girl, both parents and teachers were telling me how I should behave. Respect everyone, be polite, don’t say bad words… And I did. Well, I still do.

I always try my best to be kind and not to hurt people. Honestly, I feel way better when I’m kind to others. Being mean is just not my style.

But, there is one thing that makes me freak out sometimes… I’m sick and tired of people seeing my kindness as my weakness.

No, I’m not weak if I let my friend cry on my shoulder at 2 AM. No, I’m not weak if I give my seat to an elderly person.  No, I’m not weak if I treat and respect waiters the way I respect my boss.

I always try to go through bad times with a smile on my face. I try to express my opinions without hurting anyone’s feelings. It’s just who I am.

I’m not saying I’m perfect, because nobody is. I have made so many mistakes in life, just like everyone else has. I have a bunch of flaws.

If you’d meet me more often, you’d know me better. I can be so insecure and exhausted sometimes, but that definitely doesn’t mean I’m weak.

Nice girls are much stronger than society thinks. It takes so much courage to find strength to be good around toxic people. No matter how hard people try to bring me down, I will shine brighter. I will always find strength in me.

I try to live my life to the fullest. I have goals and plans, and I’m keen about pursuing them.

Being nice doesn’t mean I will let you take advantage of me. Growing up, I learnt my lesson. I decided that I won’t let anyone be mean to me just because I’m nice. I will definitely fight back.

Just because I’m sweet, it doesn’t mean I will be quietly putting up with your bullshit.

Listen, I’m not foolish. It took me all of my life to stand up for myself. I realized that I must love and accept myself in order to be respected by others. I’m still learning to say “NO” and to stop feeling bad after I say it out loud. I have my flaws and weaknesses, just like everyone else.

Maybe this is wrong, but I tend to judge people based on their behavior towards others. I don’t like being in a company of people who seek a better position simply by walking over others.

I don’t want to be surrounded by people who are bothered with my kindness. I have no plans to change for anyone’s sake!

We need to stop treating niceness as some kind of disorder. I’m so tired of everyone’s misunderstanding.

I believe being nice doesn’t mean, you let yourself be degraded. I assure you—I’m not the one who will guard your back if you repeatedly disrespect me. I have my limits. I’m nice, but not stupid.

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Paralyzed

I know a lot of us are suffering from mental illness, addiction, Suicide, suicidal thoughts, etc. etc. etc. that we have a hard time explaining to others how we’re feeling. Especially to people who will never understand. So with all this being said, I put together this video and remember no one is better than the next. We are ALL human but with different personalities. The name of the song is Paralyzed by NF.

Yourlifesjourneysblog.wordpress.com
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Victim Of Abuse.

When you hear the words “abuse” and “victim,” you automatically connect it with getting physical.

You immediately see a picture of someone with bruises all over their face and body, with scars, open wounds, and blood all over them.

Well, I’m different and there are many just like me. When you see me, you won’t see marks or any other visible signs of abuse.

However, I was still a victim. Even though my scars are not visible, they still exist.

My wounds and bruises are hidden under my skin. They’re all over my heart and soul. I’m bleeding internally and that doesn’t make it any less painful.

For the first time ever, I’m able to say this painful sentence out loud: I’m a victim of abuse.

My ex never actually raised his hand to me, he was never physically violent, but he emotionally abused me and that doesn’t make my suffering any less important.

Even though I’m not trying to devalue anyone’s suffering, there is this trick with emotional and mental violence all abusers are perfectly aware of: People will rarely see you as a real victim until they see physical evidence of all you’ve been through.

Moreover, it will take you a long time before you, yourself acknowledge your abuse. Trust me, I’ve been there.

The first time my ex started insulting me and calling me names, he was also simultaneously convincing me that neither of these things was a big deal. It’s not abuse until he hits you, right?

With time, I started believing him. I thought I was overreacting and exaggerating.

When he began gaslighting me, I started questioning my own sanity instead of seeing this man for the hidden beast he actually was.

I thought I was imagining things and he made me think that I was the one misinterpreting everything, instead of seeing that he was actually successfully playing with my mind all along.

When he started putting me down, I didn’t see it as his attempt to reduce my worth. When he assured me that I was good for nothing, I believed him and adopted the idea that I wasn’t enough.

Nobody saw me as a victim and it took me years to acknowledge my abuse. After all, it’s not abuse until he hits you, right?

I know what you must be thinking right now. You may not say it out loud, but you can’t help but wonder why I didn’t just walk away.

No, I wasn’t financially dependent on him and we didn’t have kids. In fact, the truth is that I had somewhere to go.

However, he did make me emotionally dependent on our relationship. He did cause me to crave his approval and convince me that I was unlovable.

He did emotionally blackmail me into staying with him. He did convince me that I was completely incompetent and incapable of going through life without his guidance.

Besides, every time I tried to leave or dared accusing him of being an abuser, I was told I was looking for too much.

Even when I tried confiding in my closest ones, they didn’t see the real picture.

In fact, everyone implied that I was too sensitive. Instead of advising him to change his behavior, I was told to toughen up and grow up.

Nobody saw me as a victim and it took me years to acknowledge my abuse.

Years for me to see that I wasn’t overly emotional, that I wasn’t the one causing all of this mess because I take everything too personally.

It took me years to finally realize that I was involved with a narcissist who was ruining my life and mental health.

Years before I saw that I wasn’t weak for feeling like a victim because – guess what – I’d been a victim all along.

You see, actually abandoning your abuser is in fact the easiest step. The hardest part is seeing the reality and finding the strength to face your awful truth.

And for the rest of the world? Well, I can just say that I don’t give a damn about what anyone might think.

No, I’m not looking for people’s sympathy. I don’t want them to perceive me as a victim because I’m much more than that. I don’t expect anyone’s approval anymore.

After all, nobody has walked a mile in my shoes and nobody except me has fought my demons.

However, I do hope that one day, the hell I went through will be acknowledged. 

I hope that this pain will stop being downplayed, and that emotional abuse will finally be classified for what it really is.

yourlifesjourneysblog.wordpress.com
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All Or Out. Not In-between.

Love isn’t just good days. Love isn’t just anniversaries and gifts. Love is everything in between.

Whoever imagines a flawless, laughter-filled relationship with cutesy couple stuff, they’re about to be disappointed.

I’m not saying that relationships are disappointing. I’m saying that people often have high expectations and weak effort.

Everything is way easier when you imagine situations and scenarios in your head. However, reality is a different story.

Strong love requires strong foundations and it isn’t found – it’s made. Love like that doesn’t childishly ignore problems, but says let’s fix this.

I want to fix what’s broken over and over again and glue it with gold. A struggle means a better foundation.

I want to make a mistake and then never make the same one again because I know better. I want to give a damn.

How many times have you rolled your eyes after something your significant other said or did because of objectively insignificant things?

Start with that and then slowly progress towards more complex problems, because that’s what relationships of any kind have – problems.

Now, what I want for myself isn’t a relationship without problems, but one with endurance and character. A relationship that doesn’t depend on anyone else but the two of us.

I don’t want to doubt my partner; I want to trust him completely.

I want to be in one of those marriages where they have been married for 20 years and are still so in love with each other, taking care of each other, and lifting each other up.

I want the father of my children to be my best friend and someone I can count on – one who’s going to constantly invest in our relationship and have the same goals as me.

I want to be immersed in my partner completely – and that includes through good times and the bad – the times when we’re full of love and happiness, and the days when I feel broken and mad.

I want to fight for love and not give up when it comes to the first little obstacle. I want passion and romance, 3 AM conversations, and feeling the love at all times – even when we fight.

I know I have the capacity to love BIG and I don’t want to pretend like that’s not something to be proud of.

I’m a ride or die, and that’s why I need to know you’re the one before I give all of myself to you.

I’m tired of almost relationships, fake relationships, and immature men – people who don’t understand me, who misunderstand my words, and who blame me for things I never did.

I need to know you’re not afraid to be vulnerable. They say men shouldn’t be vulnerable, but I disagree. A man who can address his feelings is a man who’s always in control of himself.

I need to see your actions speak louder than words. I don’t want to beg for things or constantly have to explain myself.

I need you to be proud of me and accept me as I am. A man who won’t wave his hand at me when I bring up things that interest me.

I need to know that you have the capacity to love as big as me, because that’s what I love about myself.

I love being in love with love, and wanting things to work and be the best they can be.

I don’t want halfway love. I want it whole, because I’m deserving of a whole, real love.

My work and effort deserve to be recognized. It’s crazy I ever believed I was anything less than good enough just because other people didn’t care as much as me.

I am good enough and the love I’m giving is always more than good enough. My love is refusing to give up on you, no matter what.

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Feeling Like A Burden Is The Worst Part Of Anxiety.

Having anxiety is like constantly having someone whispering thoughts into your ear. Intrusive thoughts.

They come out of nowhere and repeat themselves again and again.

You can’t do it. That’s too hard for you. Stop, you’ll just complicate things. They’re looking at you. Maybe you shouldn’t have done that. Why didn’t you do it?

It goes on and on. With anxiety, every part of your life becomes a struggle. Everything is a potential trigger.

Talking to cashiers, answering the phone, ordering food, paying the bills, small talk, going to work, bumping into people from your past and don’t let me even start on crippling 3 AM thoughts about that one time when you embarrassed yourself in fifth grade.

Every single thing takes so much time to do because you need to rewind and fast forward all of the possible scenarios in your head before you do anything… and then you worry about wasting your time.

It’s simply exhausting. It never stops. You feel like an outdated, overworked engine; using energy but for what?

At the end of the day, you’re exhausted by seemingly doing nothing. That’s where the guilt kicks in.

Anxiety makes you feel abnormal. Living with anxiety is like going through life doing everything everyone else does but for you, it’s ten times harder and you don’t know why.

Why does it seem so easy for everyone else? There must be something wrong with you.  You’re such a difficult person.

Maybe you should go and talk to someone about it? Or rather not, as they’ll think you’re just making a scene over nothing. Does this train of thought sound familiar?

Little by little, you distance yourself, start canceling events and making excuses and you end up alone in the little bubble your anxiety has created for you.

A lack of understanding, loneliness, a sudden feeling of being unlovable and forever broken all start to overwhelm you.

You feel like a burden to everyone around you… and you barely talk to them about your problems. This is where the self-hate kicks in.

For that reason, I’m writing this to tell you: Your mind is blatantly lying to you.

You are not unlovable; in fact, underneath your think-twice-before-you-speak, procrastination because of fear, letting others finish their sentences and never saying yours is an extremely lovable and very observant person.

A person who feels and notices everything; someone who is sensitive and attentive to other people’s states of mind and feelings.

Besides that, you’re very aware of yourself, introspective and living in an environment that makes you (and most other people) overstimulated.

Your mind is under pressure almost all the time and since it’s not an on/off thing, you can’t just stop feeling altogether.

What you can do is start making an effort to choose which things are worthy of your attention and your energy. Start being more selective.

Give yourself permission to slow down, relax and take things more lightly.

It’s easy to forget that life shouldn’t be so serious all the time. Try exploring your priorities and making some sort of list that’s going to remind you to be more mindful of the energy you spend on certain things or people.

Having anxiety isn’t something you’re sentenced to. You can prevent it from taking over you and for that, you need will, effort and trust in yourself—all things available.

It’s not going to be easy, but it is one hundred percent possible. Awaken your fighter spirit and fight your lying mind.

Instead of controlling your thoughts, stop them from controlling you. Let them go. Let them go and continue on your way.

Thoughts are temporary and they don’t make you. You make you.

Be gentle with yourself and thank yourself for being strong.  Look at yourself in the mirror every day and say: You’re enough.

Don’t let irrational fears kill the beautiful in you because the beauty in you is what makes the real you.

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It’s Not You, It’s Me.

It’s not you, it’s me—the biggest lie ever!

Does it ring any bells?

I bet all of you have had an awkward situation like this.

You think everything is okay. You think you have found your soulmate who is a caring and loving person.

Until he comes one evening and says: “We need to talk”.

Then, he pops up those 5 nasty words: “It’s not you, it’s me”, wearing that puppy-eyed look.

You start to feel a roller coaster of emotions overwhelming you and you start to cry.

But after he says that, he thinks everything will be okay. Yes, it will be okay if I am a fucking retard!

But with my common sense, I can’t accept the fact you are leading me on.

Why are you such a coward?

Why don’t you stand in front of me and have your heart on your sleeve?

Tell me if you are not attracted to me anymore. Tell me if I gained some weight and you don’t consider me hot anymore.

Whatever the reason is just tell me, okay?

Because I won’t buy that cliché that it’s all about you.

The relationship is made of two people (3, 4, 5…as you like it) and the point is, that each and every person has something to do with the breakup.

It’s not as simple as you think. Just pump your brakes and think about your partner for a second.

He or she would like to know where the problem was. For days to come. For partners to fall in love with.

So, just be honest. That’s the least you can do for the person you shared everything with.

You should bear in mind that everything will be revealed eventually.

Every lie, every secret.

Everything will be revealed and you can’t do anything to make it stop.

That’s the way that cookie crumbles.

So, my dear, if you don’t love me anymore just say so.

I am strong enough, and I know I can handle the truth. We were just not meant to be and that’s okay with me.

I know it was difficult to live with a girl who wanted all or nothing. And I know you were fighting badly to keep us alive.

Unfortunately, our hearts stopped beating for each other.

And the game is over now.

So go ahead, find a new love, a new sky to live under and forget about the one who didn’t know how to keep you close.

And me….I will get over it, with a strong drink and a cigarette. I will cry my heart out and start again.

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Thank You For Pulling Me Out Of The Darkness.

To the person who saved me from the dark: thank you.

Before I met you, I was messed up, depressed with nothing left to live for. I was hiding in the corner of my room, afraid to be seen or heard.

Emotionally, I was hiding in the corner of my mind afraid to be ‘touched’. I was a prisoner of my own toxic thoughts.

Each time I tried to escape that prison of mine, something pulled me back even deeper—something that reminded me how fragile and incapable of living I was.

I was helpless.

I was a spectacle of dust carried by the wind with no control over my life. I was a puppet in a theater waiting to play the role someone gave me.

The sun was shining, but in my life, it was always dark and cold until the day I met you.

So, thank you.

Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being there for me through thick and thin.

No one asked you to pick up my broken pieces and put them back together, but you did it anyway.

No one asked you to deal with my fears and frustrations, but you did it anyway.

Only you had the ‘Hercules strength’ to pull me out from the darkest corners of my mind. Only you had the power to make me believe I am my own worst enemy. You made me understand that it all began and grows inside of me.

You told me I am the one in charge of my life. You are the one who told me my thoughts cannot control me because I’m controlling them.

You were my friend when I needed one the most.

Thank you for being my lover. You are the first person I have ever blindly and entirely trusted.

Not only that you gave me shelter with your friendly embrace, but you also released me from my dark and dull prison with your love. You are the one who had the key of my cell.

You took my hand and we stepped into the light. I stepped into the light. Do you know how hard it is to accept light after all those years of darkness?

Of course, you do.

Thank you for keeping on loving me until my ‘eyes’ got used to the light. That was a dark period for you. I’m sorry my light brought you to darkness. I know you only made it through so you could save me.

Thank you for releasing me from my prison.

Thank you for teaching me how to love.

Thank you for returning my faith in people.

Thank you for being the one I love.

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Toughest Lessons, Push You Towards Greatest Blessings.

I won’t lie to you: nobody’s life is all roses and butterflies. Yes, there are some people who pretend that they have it all figured out and their every day is perfect, but that is nothing more than deception. 

In fact, the truth is that we all have bad moments, days, weeks, months, or even years. We all go through some things we would rather not experience, if we had the option.

The truth is that we all have our share of sadness. We have our battles nobody knows about, our failures we hide from the rest of the world (including ourselves), and our defeats we would love to forget. 

The worst part is that sometimes, life isn’t fair, whether we like to accept it or not. 

Sometimes, you do everything by the book, you’re extra careful about other people’s feelings, and you make sure that you don’t hurt anyone, but you simply don’t get the same treatment in return. 

As hard as you try to be the good guy, there are moments where you go through some things you don’t deserve.

You experience a tough heartbreak caused by a man you gave all of your love to. You get fired from a job you made so many sacrifices for. 

That best friend you treated like the sister you never had stabs you in the back when you least expect it.

You can’t seem to make ends meet when it comes to money, even though you’ve been working hard ever since you can remember, while it seems that other people’s cash is falling from the sky without them ever doing anything to earn it.

When you look at things from this point of view, you can’t help but see yourself as cursed.

It’s like you are some kind of a magnet for all the misfortune that exists in this world, even though you don’t deserve it.

You can’t see the point of life. Where is the justice and why do bad things have to keep on happening to good people?

Well, let me reveal to you a little secret: Everything you’re going through now, will at one point serve as a lesson.

You don’t have to see it at the moment, but eventually, when time passes, you’ll notice that each one of your experiences, including the bad ones, taught you something.

You will learn that all of your pain, sadness, and heartbreaks happened for a reason. That they all shaped you into the person you’re today.

Most importantly, one day, you’ll realize that what you initially thought of as your worst curses, actually turn out to be your toughest, yet most valuable lessons.

At the end of the day, these lessons push you towards your greatest blessings. 

They teach you to be grateful for everything faith sends to you. To be thankful for all the people who cross your path, even when their intention is to hurt you. 

These lessons shape you into a better, improved, and updated version of yourself. They build you into the woman you’ve been destined to become all along. 

All of your bad experiences make you wiser and smarter. Moreover, they make you stronger than you ever imagined yourself being. 

And that is the biggest blessing of them all: Becoming more powerful and having the strength and the capacity to get whatever you want from life.

Everything you went through will help you open your eyes. Your curses will teach you that you can live without all those people you thought you could never survive without.

It will help you take off your rose tinted glasses and see reality. It will make you realize that you’re way better off without all those toxic people in your life.

These curses will give you the most valuable lesson out there: Sometimes, when you think that you’ve lost someone or something, you’ve actually won a lot. 

After all, you can’t open your heart or your path to the ones who deserve you, until you get rid of those who don’t. 

Basically, you can’t have happiness until you go through sadness, and you can’t receive your blessings until you show that you have what it takes to truly understand your curses.

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I Should’ve Listened To My Heart.

You had me at “Hello”. To be precise, you had me as soon as our eyes locked. It was your eyes, your heavenly deep blue eyes that made me fall for you. 

It was also your smile, your charm, your perfect hair… Seriously, how could I resist you? How could anyone resist you?

Before I knew what was happening, the never-ending battle between my mind and my heart started.

I could almost hear my heart whispering that you were the one, while my brain was screaming how it was a bad idea, and that falling for you would be one terrible mistake.

It was all so intense. I knew what I had to do, but I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t ignore my feelings. I finally understood the power of love at first sight.

Unfortunately for me, my heart was winning. I chose to listen to my heart and I muted my mind. My heart was already doomed. It was set to be broken right from the start.

I understand that there is a good reason why we should listen to our minds over our hearts. It’s there to protect our hearts. 

I wish that I had learned that sooner. It would’ve saved me all this pain. But at least I know it now and I’ve promised myself I’ll never make such a bad choice again.

I still don’t know what the deal with you was. From that first glance until it was all over I was under your spell. I forgot all about what I wanted and who I was and I focused solely on you.

I went against my better judgment and ignored all the red flags. I was hooked on you and there was nothing I could do about it.

Really, what’s the deal with good girls and bad boys? Okay, I get that opposites attract, but why do we fall for bad boys so often?

You were so unpredictable, I never knew what you were going to do next. Every day with you was a new adventure. You gave me an adrenaline rush every single day.

You were so exciting and different from all the other men in my life. Trying to keep up with you was fun at the beginning. 

But then I realized that I need something else. Someone more serious. Someone who knows what he wants from life and who isn’t afraid to settle down one day.

Someone the complete opposite of you. I knew you liked who you were, and that you wouldn’t change. That’s why I never asked you to. It would have been wrong.

I could never control you and it made me want you even more. You always did everything the way you wanted to. You were the true alpha male.

I admit it, you were my biggest mistake. But, you’re also my most beautiful and favorite mistake. I felt so alive when I was with you and you’re definitely someone I’ll never forget.

I think you cared for me, too – more than you would ever admit. You are too afraid of commitment, though, and too used to your bad boy ways to do anything about it.

Our breakup is killing me right now, but I have to be honest and say that you’ve changed my life. You taught me that I have to appreciate life more. I’ll forever be thankful for that.

https://yourlifesjourneysblog.wordpress.com
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When Anxiety Makes It Impossible To Focus.

When your anxiety makes it hard to focus, you aren’t able to accomplish as much as you would like in a single day. And that can cause even more anxiety. It can create a vicious cycle where you want to get things done and end up mad at yourself because as hard as you try, you aren’t able to get things done. You aren’t able to keep your mind focused. You aren’t able to concentrate on the right thing. All of your attention is being dragged in a different direction. Your focus is placed on something else, something you wish you could stop thinking about but is eating away at you, consuming you.

When your anxiety makes it hard to focus, it’s difficult to explain your issue to anyone else because they will act like it isn’t a big deal. They’ll simply tell you not to worry about it, to take your mind off it, but it’s not that easy for you. You can’t just turn your thoughts off like a light switch. You can’t just forget about the main thing that has been on your mind. It doesn’t matter that you know you shouldn’t be thinking about this specific problem right now. It doesn’t matter that you know you have all of these other things you should be thinking about instead. You can’t control your brain. You don’t have the power to make yourself stop caring. You’ll always care, whether you want to or not.

When your anxiety makes it hard to focus, the easiest thing to do is procrastinate. To give up. To say you’ll do it tomorrow when your mind isn’t as panicked. And sometimes, that’s the right move. Sometimes, you should give yourself a break until you feel better again. But life doesn’t always wait. Sometimes, you’re going to have to get shit done anyway. You’re going to have to push yourself. You’re going to have to prove yourself wrong. You can do this. You do have what it takes. You aren’t going to let yourself down.

When you have anxiety, you might think the worst of yourself, but the funny thing is, that you prove you are capable each and every day. You’re always surprising yourself. You’re always doing things you never thought you could.

When your anxiety makes it hard to focus, you might have moments when you feel like you are a lost cause. Like you’re never going to do anything right. Like your brain is programmed to fail you. But that is not true. Your anxiety isn’t going to stop you from succeeding. Your anxiety isn’t going to stop you from living a beautiful life. Right now, you might have a little trouble concentrating, but you’re going to get past this moment. You’re going to be okay. You’re going to accomplish whatever it is you need to accomplish — and you’re going to accomplish a million more things after that.

But for now, take it one step at a time. Breathe. Go easy on yourself. Don’t rush yourself. Believe in yourself.

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I’m Trying My Best Not To Break Down.

I might break down every once in a while, but that doesn’t mean I’m not trying. 

I’m putting in effort every single day. I’m staying hopeful. I’m staying as positive as my mind allows.

I might burst into tears at times, I might have trouble getting through the night, but I’m always going to pull myself back together again. I’m always going to continue forward. I’m not going to let my fear slow me down.

I’m mature enough to realize releasing my emotions isn’t a sign of weakness. Bottling up those emotions would be much worse. It would make my pain linger. It would breed resentment. It would make me even more miserable in the long-run.

I would much rather be open with myself about my feelings. I would rather be in touch with my emotions. I would rather feel deeply, than pretend I don’t feel anything at all.

I might break down when I give myself too much time to think, to worry, to wonder, but that doesn’t make me any less independent. It doesn’t make me any less strong. I’m allowed to have moments where I feel like I’m losing control. I’m allowed to have doubts about my past, my present, and my future. I’m allowed to fall apart sometimes.

I’m never going to be embarrassed about my low points. I’m never going to feel ashamed about my whirlwind emotions. I’m never going to act like there’s something wrong with me for feeling this much because my emotions are valid.

I’m allowed to sob. I’m allowed to complain. I’m allowed to feel sorry for myself.

But I will never allow those feelings to linger for too long. I will find a way to push past them. I will find a way to raise my hopes again. I will find a way to survive.

Even though there might be times when my heart drops, when my tears fall, when my expectations plummet, I’m doing the best I possibly can at the moment. I’m putting in as much effort as humanly possible. I’m working my ass off to better myself. I’m putting in the work. I haven’t given up faith in myself. I haven’t lost belief in my abilities.

Yes, there are times when it feels like the world is crashing down around me, when it feels like my effort has been getting me nowhere, but I’m confident I’m going to get through this negativity.

I know I’ve been in plenty of rough spots before and have made it out okay. I know I’ve been through worse and survived. I’m going to survive this, too. I’m going to survive every breakdown. Survive every question. Survive every doubt.

My breakdowns might make it impossible to get anything done today, but they aren’t going to hold me back tomorrow or the next day. I’m going to put them behind me. I’m going to keep going even when it’s hard, especially when it’s hard.

There might be more moments when I break down right around the corner, but that’s okay. I’m not giving up on myself. I’m not going to stop trying. I’m not going to quit. 

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Busy Catching Blessings, No Time To Hold Grudges.

They say that you attract what you think, which basically means you’re responsible for the things that happen to you.

Well, I disagree. I say that you can’t control your surroundings.

You can’t control everything that’s happening to and going on around you. As much as you try, bad things will happen.

You can be the most careful person in the world, but toxic people will sneak up on you.

They will find a way to lure you into their spider’s web.

You can protect your heart with all of your might but somehow, it will get broken into pieces.

No matter how loving and caring you are, there will always be people who will use you.

People who will not treat you the way you deserve to be treated, and people who will break your heart.

Whether we accept it or not, life is not always fair. There are some things you simply can’t run away from.

However, even though you can’t control the world around you, you can control the way you react.

Even though you can’t control people’s behavior, you have the power to control yourself.

So, at the end of the day, everything really is up to you.

You can decide whether to let one bad thing ruin your entire life, whether one toxic person will ruin all of your potential relationships, and whether one negative thing will destroy all the positivity.

Will you be sad because of your failed relationship?

Or you will be happy that you got rid of the man who obviously wasn’t meant to be yours?

Will you see your heartbreaks as the end of the world? Or will you be grateful for the lessons it taught you?

Will you be devastated for not getting that promotion you wanted so badly?

Or will you be thankful for having a job that puts food on the table, which is a privilege many only dream about?

Let’s look at things from this perspective: if you had 1440 dollars but someone took away one dollar, would you throw away the rest? I’m sure you wouldn’t even contemplate it.

Well, one day has 1440 minutes. Therefore, every time you allow one minute of sadness and negativity to ruin your entire day, you’re actually doing the thing mentioned above.

You’re wasting the rest of your minutes. And, I’m sure you’ll agree that time is much more valuable than money.

So, I’m begging you to change your focus.

Stop overthinking everything bad going on around you, and concentrate on the good things.

Don’t allow a moment of sadness to destroy your happiness. Don’t allow one tear to ruin all of your potential laughter and smiles.

Instead of focusing on your curses, focus on your blessings.

Be thankful for all the good things and positive people you have in your life, instead of wasting your energy on the negative.

Most importantly: forget about the past. Yes, you can and should learn from it, but you can’t change it.

There is absolutely no point in holding grudges. There is no point in replaying some previous scenarios in your head.

No point in thinking about all the what ifs. No point in being angry and resentful about some events that went the way they did.

The truth is, that you can’t do anything about it now – besides allowing your past to ruin both your present and the future.

Look around you: I bet there are many things you should be grateful for.

There are many people you should consider yourself lucky to have in your life.

Focus on these things. Focus on your blessings and the little things which can make you happy.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not trying to minimize whatever pain you might be feeling.

I’m not trying to tell you that you’re not allowed to be angry or sad.

I’m just trying to remind you that there are people out there who would love to have your bad days.

People who are struggling in battles you can’t even imagine, and who would give everything to have your worries and hardships.

https://yourlifesjourneysblog.wordpress.com
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I Am Stronger Than My Insecurities.

I know it’s cliche, but there is power in self-acceptance. In being able to look in the mirror and accept yourself for who you are.

Self-acceptance is about accepting your life for what it is, not for what you want it to be.

But it isn’t easy. Nothing worth working for is ever easy, right?

It’s easy to say “I love myself,” but at the end of the day, these are just words. It takes strength and determination to truly believe it and to be confident in spite of insecurities.

By having strength to love ourselves, flaws and all, we give ourselves the power of self-acceptance.

Everyone struggles with insecurities. Some more than others, but no one is 100% confident ALL the time. Understanding the root causes of insecurity can be helpful in figuring out how to deal with insecurities. Knowing how to deal with it is the first step to overcoming them.

I love myself, but there are days I don’t.

When I wish that I looked different or had better fashion sense, whatever that even means. When I wish I was more outgoing, or that I could actually flirt to save my life. Sometimes, I wish I was anyone other than who I am.

When these feelings creep into my mind, I have to remind myself that I am stronger than my insecurities. That what I consider to be my “quirks” are actually my biggest strengths. My looks, my personality, make me undeniably who I am. And I don’t have to be ashamed of that. I don’t have to be ashamed of who I am.

No one deserves to feel less than for simply being who they are.

We are all unique. Isn’t that amazing? Sure, we all share similarities, but at our core, there is no one else on this Earth quite like us. And when I think about that—like really, truly think about that—it’s actually really, really cool.

Growing up, I wasn’t very confident. I felt different and awkward and out of place. The funny thing is, what I didn’t realize then, is that everyone else felt the same way.

Everyone has their own battle to overcome and find self-acceptance. For some people, it’s easy. For others, it’s extremely difficult.

It’s taken me a long time to be able to look in the mirror and say that though I have my share of insecurities, I am confident, strong, and I love myself for who I am.

There is a power in being able to say that. In having strength to just live life unapologetically. To be able to say I AM ME and not worry about what others think.

I’ll be honest, it’s a daily battle. But for most people it is. Figuring out who I am and what I want out of life has helped me accept and love myself, but there’s no magic solution. It just takes time.

I’m confident, but not all the time.

I’m beautiful, but I don’t always feel that way.

I’m moving toward my dreams and goals as I try to figure this crazy life out, but sometimes it feels like I’m not going anywhere at all.

And that’s life. Some days are better than others. It’s a journey.

Life is like a novel, not a short story.

Characters take time to develop. Themes aren’t always clear until a few chapters in. I’m not even entirely sure where this plot is heading.

I’m still early on in my journey. I’m still finding my way.

But I’ve learned that’s okay.

Because everyone else is finding their way, too.

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Nothing Compares To You.

Let go of whatever and whoever hurt you. Choose to heal, choose to recover, choose happiness. You are NOT defined by the failures of your past, the people that hurt you, or the mistakes that you’ve made. You are not defined by the missed opportunities that you gave up because you were anxiously waiting for something better to arrive, that never did. You are not defined by your imperfections, insecurities, and inadequacies; they are what make you who you are, and darling, nothing compares to you.

You are more than just the continuously contemptuous demons inside your head screaming for a way out; you are more than just the insolent internal hurricanes of your self-collapsing mind and the emptiness inside your tender soul ceaselessly craving for something “more”.

You ARE allowed to feel lost, broken, and apprehensive. It’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to feel sad and not understand why, but you do not have to sit with your damage and make a home out of it.

Do not forget the person that you were, as it is because of those inconspicuous versions of yourself that you have grown into the resilient, daring warrior that you are today. Remember the things that once made you crave so deeply for the briefest taste, yet stung with irremediable sharp pain when you got too close.

Remember your young, naïve heart and how it felt to dive head first into the waters of the unknown to love so deeply and live so avidly without limitations. Remember each and every version of yourself that you used to be and remind yourself that without all of your faults, setbacks, and failures, you’d never be half the person that you are today.

Your past does not define your future, your scars do not determine your worth, your failures do not border your undying potential—they make you dauntless and undeniably sagacious.

You are not a tormenting weed amongst perpetual beauty, you are a winter wildflower waiting patiently to blossom when the sun reaches your roots and proclaims your time to flourish. Eclipse your hindrances, unshackle the chains of your reservations, and set free your fearlessness.

Be you—unfiltered, raw, and vulnerable.

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Tired Heart.

You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to be weak at times when you have to. You are human and you are flawed, and no one expects you to be full of bright positivity all the time. Maybe things would get worse, perhaps even heavier. But I know for a fact that all these will pass, and soon, you’ll wake up and realize your heart is strong enough to wither through its darkest nights.

I know the urge of ripping yourself apart is too strong, because the world gets too much to breathe in. The ones whom you could run to is never there for you in the ways that you need them, and the ones you used to trust have shattered all those bridges. Darling, these are some of the things that we simply can’t control in life, and whatever they did to you, is not your fault. It is tiring, so very tiring, to not have anyone be there for you the way you were for them. Sometimes, people can be disappointing.

But there are some things that won’t let us down – your favorite song, the skies, the words you write. That cup of coffee in the morning, a hug from your pet, that music from your playlist . These are things that can make our days, no matter how little they seem, somehow bearable. And that’s okay, darling. It’s a lot better than blatantly talking to a wall and expecting a pair of arms to fall into in return. You get to choose how to heal and you get to choose what heals you.

So wipe your cheeks and hug yourself. Breathe. Today is simply a day. It will never pass through you again. Once you curl yourself up to sleep and wake for dawn, you can take comfort in the fact that you’ve survived your storms for now.

Darling, I know your heart is tired. But that’s okay.

Today is just another day.

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Aliexpress.

Y’all I simple LOVE this site. You get EVERYTHING you can think of at discounted prices. Go ahead check it out. 👇👇👇👇👇

When you click or copy & paste the link, just click “SKIP AD” on the first page in the upper right corner, and hen you’ll get connected to the site .

http://raboninco.com/hL7A

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Thing I Know Now, I Wish I Knew Then…At 16.

Dear 16-year-old me,

I’ve grown up a lot in these past few years and boy, have I learned a lot in that time. I’ve changed so much. I’ve loved. I’ve lost. I’ve cried. I’ve partied. There’s been incredible times and there’s been times when I didn’t know if I’d make it through the day. I know so much about life and about myself now, that I didn’t know then, so I’m writing to you to tell you everything I wish you knew.

1. Don’t live to work, work to live

You will spend so many hours worrying about work. About what you’re going to do—where you’re going to end up. You’ll put endless pressure on yourself to achieve and to make people proud, but in the meantime, you’ll forget to focus on things that truly make you happy.

You’re supposed to work to live—earning money to supplement a life that makes you happy. Never get in the cycle of living to work, unless your work is what truly brings you joy. You can have all the money in the world but if you’re not happy, you have nothing.

2. It’s ok to grow apart from your friends

There will be friends you have right now who you can’t ever imagine not being in your life. Sadly, you’ll grow apart from some of them. Some will change, some will have different priorities than you and some you’ll just drift apart from.

Don’t waste your time getting upset over this because it’s just a part of life. Some people don’t grow up to be who you wanted them to be and that’s fine. People grow apart; it’s sad, but it happens.

For every friend who walks out of your life, you’ll gain another incredible one at a different stage—I promise.

3. You don’t need validation from anyone but yourself

When all’s said and done, the only person you’ll have left is you.

The only person who truly needs to validate you is you. Don’t listen to fuckboys who will bring you down. Don’t listen to bitchy girls who are jealous and ignore anyone who doesn’t want the best for you.

If you’re happy, then that’s really all that matters. Pleasing you should be your number one priority.

4. It’s normal to be a little lost

There are times where you’ll feel so lost and alone with absolutely no idea where your life is headed. It will be scary and it will be hard—but here’s the secret: Absolutely everyone is lost!

You won’t realize it just yet, but everyone is in the same boat as you are, and that’s ok. Things will always work out in the end, and being lost is part of the journey.

If you don’t know what career path you want to take, what boy you like or where you see yourself next week—let alone in the next 5 years—it’s cool, you’ll work it out.

5. You’re perfect just as you are

The hours you’ll spend crying over boys hurts me to think about to this day. Thinking you’re not good enough is the worst thing you will go through, and you are—you so are good enough. You’ll do crazy fad diets trying to lose a few pounds and juice cleanses to clear your skin, and spend nights out worrying about how you look.

You are perfect and you are so loved—I promise you. The sooner you start to realize you’re amazing just as you are, the happier you will be.

You’re going to have some tough times ahead, but so many wonderful times, too. You’ll be blessed with incredible memories, and you’ll grow into someone that I think you’ll be really proud of.

Stay strong, be true to yourself, and don’t EVER Forget. Your. Worth.

www.yourlifesjourneysblog.wordpress.com
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Why Do Men Love Bitches?

Alright y’all, I’m about to change things up just a tiny bit on something. We all always say that guys fall for the girl next door, right? WELL..thats not the case here…keep reading!!

I’m sorry, but I have to be explicit here. First of all, I’m not saying ALL men like bitches, but there are a few types of men that prefer them.

It seems that being a good girl doesn’t pay off sometimes. Despite having good qualities, you’re still single. Perhaps that’s because some men go after bitches instead of nice girls.

Here are some reasons why men really like bitches, so keep reading.

They love their vibe.

Whenever an Alpha Bitch enters the room, the atmosphere gets hot. Everyone notices her presence and they try to soak up her energy.

Maybe she doesn’t look like Miss World, but there is something inexplicably attractive about her. She holds her head high and her every move is sexy. Men like that, and they will immediately try to catch her attention.

Guess what? The more she acts uninterested, the more they want her.

Nice girls are not a challenge.

Sometimes “easy” means “boring”. Men are hunters, that’s in their nature. They are competitive beings, and if you tell them they can’t have something, they will not quit.

Nice girls seem to be boring because guys don’t have to make any effort to winning these girls’ hearts. Bitches have a “Hard to Get” factor, and most men are players who will not give up until they win the prize.

Nice girls will always be there for them, but bitches, won’t. Hell no, because bitches are too busy with satisfying their own needs.

They want sex, not relationships.

They get the impression that nice girls are marriage material ONLY. But, they just want to have sex, and that’s it—no strings attached, no tears, no drama!

Nice girls usually want something more than sex and physical intimacy. They want stability and real relationships filled with love and romance. Well, some men are running away from all of that.

The only thing they want is satisfying their sexual appetite, and they are more likely to get it from women who have similar thinking. Period.

Bitches are more exciting.

Some men are addicted to excitement. There is no room for boredom in their lives, and they look for someone who can keep up with their crazy lifestyle.

Men are attracted to bitches because they are independent and free-spirited. These man-eaters don’t ask for anyone’s approval; They just do whatever they want, and that’s something which makes them so exciting.

You never know their next step; they are so unpredictable. That certainly leaves men hungry for more.

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I Loved Drugs More Than You.

My boyfriend was the one who was keeping me alive when I didn’t give a damn about my life.

Trying all possible and impossible tricks to win me over again.

To actually stay with me.

I remember him texting me and calling me thousands of times. Because he thought I would come if he says we have an emergency.

But no. He didn’t get an answer to any call or any message. Something else was more important than him.

I chose to live a life like this. I chose drugs over him.

And he was stupid enough to put up with all that crap I did to him.

He stopped thinking about himself. He stopped taking care of himself. The only thing he was thinking of, was me.

But I didn’t know I should cherish that.

My top priority was drugs and my next fix. I just wanted to feel high again no matter what he would say about that.

He hated the new me. He hated the woman I transformed into.

I wasn’t the same woman he once fell in love with.

I want her back, can you hear me?
I couldn’t see how desperate he was because I ruined everything we built so far? He doesn’t want to give up that easy. He is a fighter; I should have known that by now.

He still can’t understand how I could say that I love him and then vanish for days.

While I was crying in front of the mirror, watching the mix of mascara and my tears, I was high. And that was the best feeling ever for me.

It took him some time to actually see that I will always love drugs more than him.

And unfortunately, he couldn’t do anything about that.
He hated me, but he loved me at the same time.

Every time when I would come home, he wanted to slap me so hard but instead of that, he hugged me, telling me everything will be okay.

I was such a good actor. I deceived him so many times. But after all those years of agony, he realized no matter how much he fought for me, he couldn’t help me if I was pushing him away.

And that is what I did. I pushed away all those nice moments spent together. I didn’t give a damn about him anymore. And anything he did will not convince me of the opposite.

He couldn’t sit there any longer watching me ruin my life. And even this is breaking his heart. He had to leave me.

Maybe I will realize that I am alone when I come back to an empty home.

Maybe I will actually think about my life. And maybe I will give myself another shot.

‘Cause baby, he knows he won’t, he said!!

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This Is What Love Should Never Be Like…

It happens at times that you confuse the biggest mistake of your life for your forever person.

You lay all your hopes and dreams on him just so he could walk all over them.

You couldn’t imagine your life without him in it. However, he had other plans.

He took as much as he could from you and went on his way, leaving you crushed.

And how wouldn’t you be when you gave your best to someone who wasn’t worth it, to someone who didn’t deserve you?

But what if being severely broken is the best thing that could have happened to you?

Maybe you would never have moved from a shitty relationship if you weren’t forced out of it.

Sometimes, we get so stubborn, so persistent in holding onto something we believe is love, that it only hurts us even more in the end.

Maybe there was no other way. This was the push you needed to move from something that wasn’t meant for you.

Maybe you needed to be broken, so your pieces could be put together differently.

Maybe you needed to find yourself first, so someone right could find the real you.

What we don’t see is that our ex is there for a reason. He was the mistake you had to make, so you could learn something; so you could see what love should never be like.

Love shouldn’t be one-sided. It has to go both ways to be real. All the investments, feelings and efforts should flow between two people.

Love shouldn’t be begged for. The one who wants to be in your life will find the time—no matter how busy he is. Anything other than that, is an excuse.

Love shouldn’t be cold. It should keep you warm no matter the season. You should never be deprived of all the cuddles, hugs and kisses you desire.

Love shouldn’t be deaf to your problems. You should always have somebody who is there for you, who will at least listen even if he can’t help. You shouldn’t feel so alone in a relationship.

Love shouldn’t be torture. It shouldn’t make you cry more often than it makes you smile. It shouldn’t be violent in a physical or emotional way.

Love should hold you tight enough that you feel like you belong to another human being, but you are nevertheless free. You are free to be yourself.

Be grateful for the mistake of your life. It prepared you for what’s yet to come. It prepared you for the real deal. It prepared you for the love of your life.

Your mistake enabled you to recognize “the one” when he comes. And you will recognize him—there is no doubt about it.

Your eyes will sparkle because he just remembered to send a simple text that will make your whole day better.

When he is overwhelmed with work or life, he will take a minute to call you because you are on his mind no matter what.

You will feel that inner peace you searched for so long because you will finally be with someone who cares for you as much as you do for him.

The connection and the chemistry you will share, will be magnetic. It will pull you closer and closer together.

It will be easy to make plans and spend time together because he will want to see you as much as you want to see him.

All will be reciprocated, and you will feel like you are floating on cloud nine. At the same time, that love will keep you grounded. It will make you feel safe.

It will make you feel like you finally found your home, and you will have no doubt about it. For the first time in your life, you will be sure.

All of that will be thanks to the mistake of your life, the one who drained you emotionally, abandoned you and broke you completely.

Your mistake made you pick up those pieces and assemble them in your own unique, beautiful and stronger style—a style that only the love of your life will recognize and cherish for eternity.

Open Topic

Live For Right Now.

Once we become full-fledged adults, life goes fast and we become too caught up in the hustle and bustle to stop and appreciate life and all it has to offer. Before we know it, we’re 40- somethings that don’t understand how it all happened so fast. With that said, it’s hard to slow down our brains and be utterly and wholeheartedly present. Why is it so hard to let go on the past, while we also worry too much about the future? It seems silly really, because the only thing we can control at this moment is the present. Somehow, living in the present deems to be more difficult when really, it’s easier than we all think. The point is, is that living our lives right here, right now, is a hard thing to achieve if we’re too busy looking behind us or too many steps ahead.

Ask yourself: why do we often live in the past, reminding ourselves of our regrets and our actions we wish we could change, when we can better ourselves and move on right here, right now? Why crave the future and for what’s to come when we need to get through today to even get there? Life is weird, and this is just one of those moments that all of us have been suspect of at some point in our lives.

For example, looking back on a failed relationship and how it didn’t work out won’t help you move forward alone or with somebody else. Being too focused on things like that won’t let you live in the moment and will make you miss something good that passes you by. Our minds are a beautiful thing, but it can literally trick us into thinking things that simply aren’t true. Feeling hurt in a past relationship is normal, but when you consistently beat yourself up over it, it’s not good. One of the silver linings about this transition is that we can stop and figure out how to love ourselves again, before anyone else. It may sound like some foo foo bullshit, but it’s actually true.

Living in the past or the future won’t help anyone or anything. Now, that’s not to say that those thoughts will never fully go away because they were a part of our lives at some point. Focusing on one day at a time, learning, letting go and just living our lives is the key to everything. So enjoy those precious moments, love yourself and those around you, because it’s exactly what we all need.

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The Man Who Destroyed Me.

Dear “Asshole,”

First of all, I want to thank you for showing me what I didn’t deserve.

I didn’t deserve those nasty words you screamed at me and the spitting in my face that I got. This only made you feel more of a man and it destroyed me completely.

I didn’t deserve degradation and being called names. You made me feel like I was nothing, only so you could feel the power—the power you tasted when you made me helpless to do anything to save myself.

I didn’t deserve waking up in the middle of the night covered in sweat because I had nightmares with you playing the starring role. You weren’t there by my side to see me in agony. You didn’t care what happened to me. The only thing you cared about was satisfying your needs and your selfishness.

I didn’t deserve all those anxiety attacks every time I thought or heard of you.
I didn’t deserve the lack of love I got from you and most of all, I didn’t deserve you cheating on me.

Now, what I have to say to you is thank you.

Thank you for making me realize YOU didn’t deserve ME!

Thank you for that night of horror when you beat me to an emotional death. Only then was I able to be born again. That night was the night you gave me the courage to finally leave you. I know that you thought that everything that you had been doing to me was right, but you were so wrong. You don’t treat the woman you love like shit. You don’t bring her to the edge. You don’t destroy her every wish to keep on living.

Instead, you kept her like the most valuable thing in your life. Because deep down, you know that she is a woman to love and that you were one lucky bastard to win her over. With a woman like that, you don’t play mind games nor do you do all those horrible things to her. You cherish her and you thank God every day that you have her in her life. But you didn’t do that, did you? You took advantage of her and you destroyed her life forever because even when she managed to get away from you, she wasn’t the same person anymore.

You killed that woman she used to be, and you nurtured a new one, perfect for you, just the way you liked it.

You swore that you loved her. Every time you did another horrible thing and she wanted to leave, you begged her to stay. You swore on your life that you loved her and that you wanted to help her. What a bunch of lies!

But still, there is something I cannot understand. How can a person like you dare to say ‘I love you’ to anyone? Those three words represent something you can’t comprehend. I don’t even know why you said that you loved me when you didn’t feel that. Maybe you wanted to deceive me and take advantage of me. Maybe deep down, you were a broken man who didn’t know how to love a woman, so you did all those nasty things to me. Maybe you really thought you were right, that you are doing the right thing. Maybe you are that much of a psychopath.

I was always wondering where your conscious lies. I was always wondering is it hard for you when you go to sleep? Are your mind and soul at ease? But I never got an answer to those questions. I’m not even sure you ever thought about it because everything you did to me seemed so natural to you.

You DIDN’T love me. You can’t love anyone. Maybe you just liked the idea of love, so you gave it a try and I was your ‘guinea pig’. But, let me tell you something. You failed and you failed hard.

Foolishly enough, I was the one who loved you truly but I shouldn’t have loved you at all. I was the one who was prepared to move mountains for you and all I was left with was a chunk of one of them that broke off and hit me. I was the only one trying and the only one fighting for what you called ‘eternal love’. And what did I get in the end? I got emotional scars that are never going to heal. I got memories that are never going to disappear.

I still hear the echo of your harsh words in my head. I feel them haunting me and making me shiver. I get cold for no reason and then I remember I was thinking of you. Back then, I started feeling numb every time you insulted me. I thought it was because I was getting used to it. Only now, when those words from the past haunt me, I realized I was bottling up those feelings to be able to survive. I locked what was left of me deep inside, in the hope I will find it one day soon. That was my defense mechanism, and now I know what kind of horror I survived because of you. Now that I’m far away from you, I’m finally aware of how lucky I am to be able to go on living.

I finally realize how lucky I am to be getting another chance—not just for love, but for life, too. Now I realize, how strong I am and this time, I promise myself I will never let anyone hurt me the way you did.

My behavior, everything that I did and what I was, was never good enough for you. To you, I was a piece of clay ready to be molded. Today, I realize I was already a masterpiece until you ruined me by trying to ‘improve’ me.

In the past, when I loved you, I thought you were the light at the end of my dark tunnel. But, you were the darkness holding me back. You were the shadow that was pulling me deeper in, every time I reached for the light to save myself. All this time you were the man who was holding me back to reach my goals and to make my dreams come true. And the saddest part was, that you wanted me to believe that you were helping me rise up, and all that time you were shoving me deeper into a vast nothing.

Even if I thought that you were the love of my life, you were actually my worst enemy. And truth be told, I still don’t understand how you could do that to the woman you were living with. How could you tell me that you loved me if you didn’t mean that? I guess you were that kind of a man who actually doesn’t give a damn what people think about him. And in this case, you didn’t care what I thought of you because if you had, you would have thought first before doing it but when we were together, you always acted and then thought. But, then it was too late for forgiveness.

A person can take just enough. When you think you’ve reached your limit, you’re not there yet. When you think that you can’t take it anymore, you’re not there yet. But, when you don’t care anymore, when it’s all the same if you live or die, when the days and nights look completely the same, that’s when you’ve had enough.

You made me believe in things that are not real. You bullied me into trusting you. You told me I was impossible to live with. You told me I was crazy, that I needed help. You told me I was unlovable, but it was you who couldn’t handle me. You said that because you saw me doing things that you weren’t capable of. Just because I was stronger than you, you wanted to belittle me and gaslight me. You wanted to have control over me. You wanted to rule me and sadly, for a moment, you did. You were my necessary evil: the narcissist in disguise and the man who knew how to make me feel like shit only by using words. You knew exactly where to hit. You knew exactly how to destroy me.

After years have gone by, I need to tell you just one thing.

The girl you ‘molded’ into a pitiful, meaningless NOTHING has become a woman who is a powerful and unbreakable SOMETHING.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

Thank you for making me realize I was the only one that could save me.

Open Topic

Infertility Warrior.

“It’s a journey I never signed up for, a journey I never in a million years saw coming. But God did. Before I was even born, he saw my life as it looks today. 45, and childless. At times I’m so angry at my body for not doing what I believe it was created to do.⠀

It’s been years of hurting at this point, and I wish I could say it’s gotten easier. But it hasn’t. I’ve just gotten accustomed to the dull ache whenever a new announcement pops up on my timeline, or a cheeky baby coos at me in church, or the beautiful glow a friend has as she touches her bump.⠀

I had gotten to a point where I was so fixated on “fixing the problem” that I wasn’t slowing down enough to listen to the lesson God might’ve been teaching.⠀

Today it still hurts. I hate this journey but I love the way Gods changing me. I hate the pain, but I love the process of detaching joy from things that aren’t promised & re-attaching it to the only fulfilling source: Jesus ️⠀

I hate that every month I’m reminded of the truth, and every month that passes, I feel my hope fading like a mist.⠀

I know God has a plan.⠀
Most days I’m so happy with where God has us in life right now. But just one day a month, I let myself fall apart, ache, mourn, hurt & sit at Jesus feet; me & Him just to listen.⠀

The pain is welcome here.⠀
Pain can be a megaphone to teach us who God is, why He sent his Son & what we were created for. It reminds me that the world is not right, it’s not how it should be and one day, there will be RESTORATION. So that in these moments when life HURTS, and my heart shatters, I can find true, eternal healing & hope renewed.⠀

It wasn’t meant to be this way, for this life to have so much pain or suffering, and that’s exactly why I can choose joy in the hardest of spaces.⠀

Heartache proves God exists, sin exists, and the gift of grace through Jesus Christ is so desperately needed, because through Him he is making all things new. I look forward to the day I don’t ache for what I can’t have & my needs will be fully met in the presence of my Creator; the way it was always meant to be.” 

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Just When I Forgotten You.

There was this guy you loved more than anyone else in this world. And there was nothing you wouldn’t do for him.

You were not just his girlfriend—you also tried to be his best friend. You were someone who always pushed him forward, trying to make him a better man.

You knew all of his flaws but you accepted him, despite them.

You were the only person this guy always had by his side, the only one who never turned her back on him. And most of all, you loved him like he was the only man in the world.

But obviously, even that wasn’t enough for him. Obviously, he didn’t know what he had.

He didn’t appreciate everything you had to offer, so he walked away from you. He didn’t see the fact that you were one in a million and he thought he’d find someone better than you.

And that ruined you. It broke your heart and it broke you into pieces. He ruined your self-esteem, and he made you blame yourself for everything wrong in your relationship.

You wondered why you weren’t enough for him, and if there was something else you could have done to make him stay. You spent months crying and waiting for him to come back.

Although deep down, you knew this guy didn’t deserve you and you were ready to forgive him for all the pain he put you through.

And although you don’t want to admit it to anyone, you still are ready to do so.

People think you’ve forgotten all about him, but the harsh truth is completely different. You are still ready to take him back and to forget everything he did to you.

Because you hope this time will be different. And this hope is the only thing that keeps you going, the only thing that keeps you alive.

You hope that there will come a moment when he’ll realize that he loves you, when he’ll realize that he made a huge mistake by leaving you and when he’ll understand what he lost.

And that moment will come. But when it does, it will be too late.

This guy will come back to you and that is something you can be sure about. But it won’t happen now.

And when it finally happens, it will be too late.

The same way he destroyed your confidence, you boosted his ego. You were the wind to his wings and after you, he thought there was nothing he couldn’t do.

Now, he is certain that every woman will love him the way you did. He is still not aware of all the sacrifices you were making for him, and all the love you were giving him.

And most of all, he is not aware that this love was one of a kind and that he won’t find anything similar with any other woman.

And for years, he’ll search for you in every woman he encounters. But he won’t find you anywhere.

In time, he’ll think he forgot about you. But he will always have this void, this huge emptiness inside of him, reminding him that he lost the only valuable person in his life.

And that is when he’ll realize, he wants you back. That is when he’ll try to come back to you.

But it will be too late.

Because this is when you’ll be happier than you ever were. This is when you’ll finally have forgotten about this man, and when you’ll think of him as a distant bad memory.

This is when you’ll finally have moved on with your life, as if he never existed. But be careful—this man will try even the impossible just to win you over.

He will try to convince you he is a changed man and that he has become everything you always wanted him to be.

He will try to tell you that this time will be different, and that he would never do anything to hurt you again. But you should never believe him. Because he is only doing this to get back under your skin.

Yes, he is very well aware of what he lost, but that doesn’t mean he’s changed. And even if he has, he doesn’t deserve a second chance from you.

What you deserve is, a second chance in life, and that is something you will never get if you take him back.

So when this man comes back (and trust me, he will), just keep walking away from him and don’t even think of looking back. 

Open Topic

Practice Social Distancing.

Wherever you look around, everyone is pointing out the importance of social distancing.

They tell you that it’s crucial for you to keep as far away from people as possible because that’s the only way to save your own as well as others’ lives.

But I’m not here to talk to you about this. I’m not here to help you get through the lock down or inspire you to do something with your life during this time.

However, I am here to talk about social distancing regardless of the virus.

Here to tell you the significance of distancing yourself from the ones who never deserved to be near you in the first place.

For a change, stop giving access to the ones who keep on hurting you. The ones who are doing you harm and making your life miserable.

I don’t care if we’re talking about your emotional partner, about someone you think of as your best friend, or even one of your closest family members, be it your parents or siblings.

Forget about feeling guilty, because you don’t owe anyone anything. Don’t let your history with someone prevent you from making the right choice.

Stop thinking about how you kicking them out of your life would make these people feel. After all, they don’t think about the consequences of their actions when they treat you like shit, do they now?

Stop worrying whether they’ll make it without you. You’re no one’s guardian angel and it’s not your job to save others, especially those who clearly don’t want to be saved.

So please, start focusing on yourself. It’s not selfish to get rid of everyone who is upsetting your inner peace.

It’s not selfish to move away from those who are doing everything they can to put you down. Those who are holding you back from reaching your full potential.

The people who keep on telling you that you’re not enough.

Cutting toxic people off doesn’t make you an awful person. Instead, it means that you’re a woman who loves herself more than she loves others – and that is exactly how things should be.

Escaping from everyone who plays with your head and heart doesn’t make you a horrible person.

Remember: Abandoning those who don’t love you back the way they should, don’t respect you, and don’t appreciate your sacrifices is an act of self-care.

There is nothing bad in distancing yourself from their negative energy and bad vibe. In fact, it is probably the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself.

Let’s get one thing clear: Whoever is not treating you the way you deserve, needs to be cut out as soon as possible. Whoever is taking advantage of you in any way whatsoever, shouldn’t have that privilege anymore.

Now is the time to learn the importance of putting yourself first. The importance of not allowing others to have an effect on your happiness and not letting anyone who doesn’t deserve you be a part of your life.

It’s time for you to learn how to love yourself before expecting someone else to do it. To learn how to respect and appreciate yourself.

It’s right now that you have to finally realize how much you deserve, and that settling for less is not an option.

Therefore, even when this self-isolation passes, please keep on practicing social distancing. Don’t build high walls around you, but be cautious about who you give access to your heart.

Be careful who gets the entrance pass into your life. Be wary about the ones you’ll let close to you.

After all, if this lock down has taught you anything, it’s that you don’t actually need that many people to get through rough waters. Despite what you might have thought, the truth is, that you can make it by yourself just fine.

You’re capable of facing life’s difficulties without anyone holding your hand. Therefore, you certainly don’t need someone to shoot you in the foot on your path to progress.

Remember: It is always better to be alone than in bad company.

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What Does Love Mean??

What does love mean? Many people say that the world revolves around money – and the rest of them say it’s love that makes the world spin.

Keeping that in mind, we can confidently say that love is a pretty important thing to humanity. If not the most important.

Love is something universal, known to everyone, yet unexplainable and mysterious. A generally acknowledged contradiction.

Yes, there are many definitions of love, but it’s impossible to say one definition of love is completely and utterly true and right for everyone.

It’s safe to say that love is a lot of things for a lot of people. It can’t be removed from individual experience.

Human beings know many types of love: romantic love, best friend love, family love, pet love, and other million kinds of love.

The English Oxford Dictionary defines love as a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit and deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure.

And while that sounds pretty clear at first, I know from my experience, it translates into everyday life in the form of various and somewhat poetic sayings about love we hear all the time.

So, here I wanted to gather some of the most frequent everyday sayings and try to get to the core of their true meaning.

Here’s what love is when it’s not just saying simply I love you, according to… all humankind.

1. Love is unconditional

We hear this phrase a lot, but do we know what it means?

Unconditional love means appreciating someone despite their imperfections – body or personality-wise.

It means accepting your loved one as he or she is, without looking to benefit from them.

Unconditional love doesn’t look for something in return. It supports and respects regardless of one’s success, appearance, or social status.

The most important thing is the relationship itself. Just by existing as it is.

It’s a choice to stay with someone no matter the circumstances, it means putting someone else’s needs before your own, prioritizing their happiness.

Some say that unconditional love is simply what we mean by saying love, a true love.

Unconditional love means your partner encourages you to be the best version of yourself.

They don’t shame you for your actions or needs. They don’t judge you for your choices.

Instead, they respond with empathy and care for your well-being.

It also means you can talk freely, without getting uncomfortable.

And even when you get into an argument, you try to understand each other’s points of view and have no hard time forgiving each other.

You want to find a resolution that will make both of you happy.

When you’re loved unconditionally, you’re not afraid to be yourself completely – because there’s nothing to prove, you know you’re not being judged.

There’s no expectation you need to fulfill. You can let your guard down. Even on your bad days!

There’s no mind games or compromises that make you feel bitter. Every decision is respective to your boundaries. You bring out the best in each other.

2. Love is blind

Blind love is often a theme in various types of art.

The lovers are portrayed as blind to their partners’ negative traits and with a tendency to idealize them.

Why do we so often love the idealized image of a person rather than the real one? What keeps us believing in it?

It’s strange to think that in the early stage of romantic relationships, people tend to have and maintain what is called positive illusions in regards to their partner.

It’s almost like an attempt to live out their dream, their fantasy seeing only what they perceive as desirable and ignoring the rest.

Other than that, it’s not unusual for people to tend to keep justifying something they invested so much time and put so much attention into, and disregard everything they don’t really like yet won’t admit initially.

After the original infatuation comes the reality check.

Suddenly, a person feels like they misinterpreted their partner qualities, while in reality, it’s more likely it was partly their fault for not wanting to see anything but the good qualities.

Oftentimes, romantic love is confused with plain lust, especially in a new relationship.

And while sexual desire is an important aspect if you’re in for a long-term relationship, still, sometimes it’s just an easily extinguished fire with no real meaning.

3. Love is all you need

While this saying sounds quite sentimental, for many people it’s the truth they live by.

Apart from sounding gushy, if you start thinking about it more thoroughly and really ask yourself “why is love all we need?,” some interesting answers start to appear.

It’s pretty clear that we need love to feel valuable and accepted, which then gives our lives meaning. Love isn’t just sweet words and hugging.

It’s something we need in order to go about our everyday life not feeling devastated and miserable.

We feel devastated and miserable when our needs aren’t met. It affects our quality of life.

The way we do things – the way we eat, sleep, make connections.

It all boils down to love. That’s why it is essential to us.

Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s also an action. It motivates you to do things in life. It gives you purpose.

It makes you commit. There’s nothing people can stick to if there isn’t some aspect of love involved.

4. Love is eternal

Speaking of sentimental sayings, this too is one of them. However, this one has a slightly more philosophical meaning.

Eternal love is love that has no end, obviously.

What that means is, there’s no obstacle that can stop the people who love each other from loving each other.

You might ask yourself if eternal love is really possible, but let me tell you – we all witnessed that long-lasting, Notebook-type, loving relationship at least once.

You know you saw that cute older couple holding hands and thought to yourself, “Real love exists and it doesn’t get old. I want that kind of love.”

Throughout human history, there were so many proofs of eternal love, so many legends, fairy-tales and real historical stories about undying love, so it’s most likely true.

Maybe it’s not as frequent because it requires a lot of work and sacrifices, but it’s wrong to say it doesn’t exist when it clearly does.

5. Love knows no limits

Every person has their own love language.

For one, it’s coming home from work and having dinner prepared for them. For others, it’s constant words of appreciation and encouragement or receiving a love song.

However, when you truly love someone or something, all of your personal preferences are put aside; there’s no thing that is off-limits.

Time has shown so many selfless, fascinating, almost impossible things people have done in the name of love.

From risking their lives in extraordinary situations to astonishing sacrifices they’ve made in everyday life, such as dedicating their life to greater a purpose of making the life of others more humane, healthier and happier.

Everyday, people’s lives are changed and saved solely because of love.

No interest could make a person risk their own life for somebody else’s. It can only be love.

And that’s where the mystery of love lies.

6. Love hurts

A slightly darker view on love. After I’ve said everything I’ve said about love and it’s importance in the life of a person, it’s needless to say that not having or missing it hurts like hell.

When it’s good, it’s great; but when it’s bad, it’s the worst thing you can imagine.

Pain can cause total eclipse of one’s seemingly healthy mind. There’s so many things that could go wrong.

The person you’re in love with, doesn’t love you back. The person who supposedly loves you – abuses you.

The person you loved has passed away. You’re unable to help your loved one while they are suffering from life threatening illness.

Your best friend for life, has betrayed you. Your love at first sight, turned out to be a high-functioning narcissist. You’ve been cheated on or lied to.

There are so many ways to break a heart. Sometimes it takes just one person – just one relationship to change your views on love forever. For better or worse.

A heart is so fragile that sometimes you don’t even need someone else to break it.

You can do it yourself by putting yourself in situations that cause you discomfort and pain, by not caring for yourself, by putting yourself last and being your own worst enemy.

After the trauma, it’s hard to believe in love again. Your perception of love becomes distorted.

You no longer connect love to feelings of safety or happiness, but feelings of fear and loss and at some point inevitably ask yourself: “What is love, anyway?”

7. Love is the meaning of life

As I said before, while we can write off sayings like this as being sentimental, it’s still true that when people are confronting the difficult experiences in life such as dying or surviving some type of trauma, they suddenly start asking themselves about the meaning of life.

And according to the experiences of many psychologists around the world, there’s one answer that keeps popping up in the life of many when it comes to searching for the meaning of life, and you might have already guessed what it is – it’s the love.

And so often, everything else we thought was important in life, our jobs, money, recognition, looks… it all steps aside.

For some people, that’s the first moment in their life when they actually start living.

Love is the meaning of life because only love has the power of connecting us to our true purpose.

8. Nothing is possible without love

Living in a materialistically inclined world we’re often faced with problems of materialistic nature.

It seems impossible to live life without money, without a job – without some guarantee we’re going to survive. And it’s true that we do need those things to survive.

But behind every action we take, there’s constant need for fulfillment, different from just a physical need.

Many famous and rich people admitted that at the peak of their success, they were often feeling completely unhappy and unfulfilled.

In order to feel happy, we need to fulfill the need. Something we long for. And that need is love.

It doesn’t have to be obvious. It can be masked as need for attention, need for approval, need for safety… all kinds of things.

But ultimately, it’s always love.

To wrap up this hopefully insightful and useful text, I need to say a few more things.

In today’s world where life is happening on social media, traditional dating is replaced with dating apps, everything that was considered the norm is being put on online, and people in general are becoming more closed off, it’s important to always recognize the true face of love in all its forms.

The meaning of love can’t be found in a book or heard in a class. It can’t be learned.

It can’t be magically understood in just one moment – it’s something we learn about the whole time, it’s something that has to be lived out every day of our lives.

To be in love is the need of the soul, same as food is the need of our body.

It’s important to understand that love doesn’t really need to be defined, but rather felt and given.

Feeling loved and giving love always comes from some type of thoughtful action. That’s how love expresses itself – by what we do.

What does love mean? Why does it matter?

To be moved by a song or a sentence is a wonderful thing, and there’s nothing better than seeing your action has made a world a better place – even for just one day – and you don’t need an explanation for that.

After everything I said, I just want to share a few quotes about love, hoping they will inspire you to find love in everything you do:

”I already love in you your beauty, but I am only beginning to love in you that which is eternal and ever precious – your heart, your soul. Beauty one could get to know and fall in love with in one hour and cease to love it as speedily; but the soul one must learn to know. Believe me, nothing on earth is given without labour, even love, the most beautiful and natural of feelings.” – Leo Tolstoy

‘’Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.’’ – Lao Tzu

‘’In the flush of love’s light, we dare be brave. And suddenly we see that love costs all we are, and will ever be. Yet it is only love which sets us free.’’ – Maya Angelou

‘’The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.’’ – Victor Hugo

‘’I’m not saying that love always takes you to heaven. Your life can become a nightmare. But that said, it is worth taking the risk.’’ – Paulo Coelho

‘’When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.’’
Jimi Hendrix

‘’Just in case you have forgotten today: You matter. You are loved. You are worthy. You are magical.’’ Unknown

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Maintaining Sobriety During Quarantine.

In a Zoom meeting of Narcotics Anonymous last week, a waifish figure with rheumy eyes assumed the center of the computer screen. “I have several hours clean,” the person said, grinning and lurching screen left. “I need help.” This was my first online experience of the fellowship that has been a cornerstone of my life since 2011. Like many N.A./A.A. members, I found I needed the meetings more than ever when the coronavirus quarantine canceled the in-person ones. But internet N.A., at first glance, was uncanny. I caught my breath to see someone so addled, probably still drunk or high, make this disclosure to a crowd of internet strangers who couldn’t, not really, look one another in the eye. In my experience, N.A. is about bodies in space — hugs, pats on backs, a tissue when you need it.

“I just need help,” said the troubled person on my laptop. At that, the small streaming videos of members across the top of the Zoom interface burst into applause. It’s our habit in N.A. to heap praise on anyone courageous enough to make a start. Of course, the applause was silent, since we were all streaming the meeting and we were all on mute.
But it was a relief to see the familiar ceremony, right here, in the corner of the internet now staked out for sober addicts — and anyone, in any plague bunker, with what we call a “desire to stop using.” A quarantine is indeed a trying time. Where “people who can use/drink normally.”

Though a few days since the lockdown, its chairs spaced six feet apart, my regular ones now convene on Zoom, the same videoconferencing software many schools use. In the best of times, many N.A. members suffer from what traditionalists call “RID,” for ”restlessness, irritability and discontent,” same goes for alcoholics, and we’re now confessing to every manner of itch. Some want to use/drink. Some suddenly despise their roommates. Some are eating Lucky Charms out of the box and wondering whether, with a knack remembered from druggie days, they might snort the marshmallow dust.
In short order we have grown used to disclosing our intimate secrets into our laptop cameras, like a bunch of extremely earnest and fully dressed camgirls. It has been weird. Eight and a half years ago, I attended my first in-person meeting. It’s common at the start to try to perfume away desperation; later I learned no one is fooled. N.A. members, as their minds and lives clear up, are instructed to wear their sobriety “like a loose garment,” and on Zoom we’re in state-of-the-art loose.

Still, knowing I’m on the internet discussing the most shameful part of my life, and changing my profile hastily to delete my last name, makes me freshly nervous about how candid I can be in this setting.

But I keep going, and the online meetings are packed. In one Zoom I attended last week, a woman with a fake tropical beach background surveyed the images of the 50-plus people who’d showed up. She talked about cultivating acceptance of the pandemic, not “future-tripping,” and instead taking the “next right action.” N.A. is like a freaking cockroach,” she told the virtual assembly. “Like, you can’t kill us.” There was a pause. “I mean ‘cockroach’ in a good way.” When New York City on Sept. 11, 2001, happening, in my nightstand drawer I kept a giant shoe box — it once held knee-high boots — filled with drug paraphernalia whr others were giving their blood, I studiously adulterated mine with enough substances to cost me any trace of good judgment. What if someone mistook me for a functioning human with an idea about Al Qaeda or, worse, asked me to help? Active addicts tend to find ordinary life events intolerable. If you know your solution (a drug), you tend to retro-engineer your problem (anything) to tee that solution up. It’s a bad day, a good day, a Friday: drugs.
When I was active, especially at the end, I tended to give myself no choice but to call my dealer and imagine that my drug of choice was the only way to endure life on earth. So when something is truly intolerable, like a global pandemic, active addicts know just what to do.

Today my 9/11-caliber anxiety sends me to Zoom. Meetings that used to gather once a week offline now meet twice a day. Most of the time, we listen to speakers tell their stories — how the drugging started, how bad it got, what happened to bring them to their knees, and what their lives are like now. Barring a few jokes about the tech, these presentations are fluent, wry and moving, similar to the ones you’d hear in a traditional meeting. Many people who speak in meetings say they’re overwhelmed with relief to find these online gatherings, which are indeed coherent and powerful. “Part of me wants to shut down, to make the world as small as my bed,” said someone from a placeless quarantine the other day. “But in sobriety I find I can be of service to my mother — actually call, ask her about what interests her, make sure she’s OK.”

The quarantine in Pennsylvania is only about 1 month old, and I must have attended a dozen meetings, although I’ve shared only once. Was my diffidence because I missed the real-life meeting? The folding chairs, the musty smell, the corny “Easy Does It” placards, the hand-holding, the reliably status-leveling quality of the basements where I got sober? All the iconic N.A. machinery reminds me of my bottom — when things were so bad, and my humiliation so high, that I received what some call “the gift of desperation.” The memory of that gift, of how bad it once was and how, to my daily astonishment, good it is now, is what I get from the global network of rudimentary 3-D meeting spaces known as “the rooms.” “I’m just having trouble, during this virus, with all the change,” I said when I shared. On Zoom, an icon appeared: another “hand” was raised, and the chair of the meeting unmuted someone, who displaced me in the center of the screen. “I heard that addicts fear two things:

Change. And the way things are right now. The trick is accepting both.”
The muted videos across the top of my screen laughed. Soon after, all of us, freshly unmuted, recited a hurdy-gurdy version of the Serenity Prayer in something far less than unison. Only then did I get a little teary. I took the deepest breath of the day as if to take in — something. The sense of oneness. It occurred to me that all of us addicts— really, all humans with shortcomings, meaning everyone — were breathing in and out, our fragile mortal lungs, puffing away near our hearts, now so vulnerable to this novel virus that could stop them any minute.

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Mental Health Awareness Month.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. 1 in 5. The number of people who will be affected by mental illness in any given year. This person is sitting next to you. This person is living in your house. This person is a part of your family. This is you. Even if this disease is not yours to fight, you are impacted by knowing and loving someone who is.

A semicolon. A pause. An indication of connection between sentences. Often causing confusion yet important to empathize relationships. A pause to let the reader know there is more to the story.

The semicolon can be described as stronger than a comma but weaker than a period. An apt description. However the semicolon is more than just this. It continues the sentence where a period could be placed.

And I am stronger than depression and anxiety. I am more than what it tells me I am. It will not be my ending period. My disease makes me pause in my day. It makes me stop and care for myself. But it doesn’t end me. I have more to my story. And so do you. Share it. Talk about it. Reveal it. Display it.

There is no shame. Don’t let it become your end. Let it be a part of your story. One that you overcome everyday.

Support your 1 in 5. Show them that you see them. You hear them. You love them. Show them that their disease does not make them less of a person.

My name is Carla. I am 1 in 5.

Www.yourlifesjourneysblog.wordpress.com
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Fuck Love And Fuck You!!!

I am currently in a phase of my life when I don’t give a damn about love anymore. Probably because of all those bad things that have happened to me. To us. I’ve realized I am an independent woman and I can handle things alone.

So, love, I have a message for you: “Screw you for leading me on all these years!” I trusted you and you stabbed me in the back. I gave you all my youth and all I got was remorse. Remorse because of the day when I said “YES” to you. Remorse because of the life I am currently living.

Nothing is right anymore. I feel so distant from him and every single action that he does makes me believe all is in vain. But you know, we were a happy couple once. He was my first love. He was the man who made butterflies in my stomach every time I saw him. And we spent so many great years together. Years of hope, love, trust, and support. But somehow all was gone when we got married.

He didn’t like my job. He didn’t trust me. He thought I am cheating on him. He did everything to make me feel bad. Even if I spent hours and hours explaining to him that I have nothing to do with anyone except him, he didn’t trust me. One night he came back home and said he wanted a divorce. My whole world started falling apart. I just stood there in a state of a shock. Because I didn’t know he thought that way.

He was actually willing to destroy all those years of love just because he was insecure. And nothing I did could make him trust me again. I was powerless. I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t cry. I was just angry at myself for marrying him.

I could have had a better life without him. With someone who was worth my stay. With a man who would support me in my job and my decisions. With a man warm enough to send me a text for good morning. With a man who is as successful as me and doesn’t have problems if I go to business lunches with my male coworkers.

I wish I had him, but unfortunately, I have someone who is totally the opposite. I have a man next to me who is jealous when I dress up. He acts like a child when I don’t answer his calls because I am in the middle of a meeting. He blackmails me that he will ask for a divorce if I don’t change.

He knows I will do anything to make them feel protected. But he also knows that in all that mess, I always forget about myself. I forget that I also have a heart. And I’m tired of all those storms that are going through my life. My heart doesn’t have any fuel to continue beating. It doesn’t have love to feed it. There is only a constant feeling of guilt and remorse.

And it is not fading away.

So, late at night when I stay alone, I sit and think about everything. I am trying to find a solution to my problems but nothing smart comes to my mind. I just think how you won in this game again. You made me feel like shit again. I am looking at my wedding ring and it doesn’t bring any nice memories. I don’t feel special because of you anymore. I just wonder if love makes us weak or it just looks like that.

I can’t stand the fact that I need a strong drink every time I see you because I know you will tell me different bullshit again. And the same story continues every day. But now I have changed my mind. I don’t want you in my life anymore. I don’t need a toxic man to destroy all my dreams.

I worked my ass off to get where I am now, and if you think you can destroy that, you are wrong dude. I don’t need you or anyone else to make me happy. I don’t need a man to make me fulfilled. I can do it myself. And thank God for giving me the common sense to leave you and start a new page in my life.

You?

You will probably know what you have lost when memories start to attack you late at night while the rest of the world is asleep. Even your strong drink and cigarettes won’t be able to help you to get over me. My signature is on your heart, but you are not aware of that, baby.

You can’t just get rid of your feelings like that. But I started that process a long time ago.

And finally, I can say: “Fuck love, I want to be single again!” And I will!

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Sincerely “The Mistress.”

This is a story from a long term mistress to a loving wife. Enjoy!

I never wanted to take him away from you. He came to me, all broken and tired, asking for some love. So, I gave him a shelter in my heart and my bed. I made all his bad dreams go away. He was so happy when he was with me but I saw in his eyes that he was not completely satisfied. I knew he was thinking about you all the time. About the pain he was doing to you. But at the same time, he didn’t want to stop. I don’t know why he is cheating on you with me. Maybe I have something that he misses about you. Maybe that is the one piece of the puzzle he needs to be completely happy. And he found it in me.

I want you to know I didn’t want to be the SECOND one. I wanted to be the one and only, but life didn’t give me that opportunity. So, I accept every invitation to be someone’s first choice, even for one night. Because being the “second” one, hurts me a lot. 

I want you to know that I have feelings too. 

I am not a cold-blooded bitch like you think. I felt frustrated when he couldn’t come because you were having your friends over. I was upset every time he canceled our meeting because the two of you had an emergency

Then I would take off my lace underwear and put out the candles. I did all that in silence.

In those moments, I became aware of the fact that I am the “second” one. Probably, I will always be in that position because I don’t know how to be monogamous. It is in my genes and I can’t do anything about it. A leopard can’t change its spots.

I am trying to fall in love with one man only, but after some time I realized he is not the one I need. I start hating him for the things he does and the ones he doesn’t do as well. And I can’t get away of that circle because I am not doing anything to escape. 

I would love to change, and I hope that I will make it one day. But until then, I will probably sleep with every man who pays attention to me. So sad, right?

You know, your man was not the only one who was cheating on his wife with me. Plenty of men went through my life and all of them left with emotional scars.

Frankly speaking, I don’t know why guys cheat.

Those are not some macho guys who jump from one bed to another, but dedicated husbands and loving fathers. There is some reason, unknown to me, that makes them sell their true love for a one-night stand.

But no matter how exciting it is to be a forbidden fruit, in the end, I get sick and tired of being the second one. Because every man in the end, chooses his wife, the mother of his kids and I always stay alone. They don’t care about my feelings and my needs, since they were with me just to please theirs.

So, I just want you to know one thing: if you ever find out that he has been cheating on you, please treat him in the same way that he treated you. It will be his wake-up call and he will realize what kind of treasure he lost just because he was thinking with his dick instead of with his head.

And me?

I will get over this alone. I am strong enough to endure all the pain and tears after he leaves me to go to comfort you. It is not my first time, and I already got used to these slaps life is giving me.

I will find a way out of this living hell. And things will get better for me.
They have to be…

The Broken One!

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Now What?

After I have sex for the first time with a guy I really like, there’s always a part of me that feels very sad. Sure, we might have had a great time together doing what we did, but I know the second that I walk out that door, it all changes.

It changes because I’m terrified that he’s not going to want to see me again. I’m terrified that I’m just another notch on his bedpost. But mostly, I’m terrified of the fact that I meant nothing to him, and that all this time that I’ve invested in him was a wasted effort.

I thought about this last night after I cuddled with my newest guy and we finished the movie we had been watching. I stared at the door, because I didn’t want to walk out, I wanted to stay there with him, because I wanted him, I had wanted him for so long. I thought about how every time before when I had slept with a guy (not that it has happened very often), how hurt I got afterwards. How they didn’t call, they acted like nothing happened, and how low I felt.

But this guy, this guy is different, and that’s what scares me as well. This is the most genuine guy I’ve come across, and I don’t want to lose him before we start something that I believe could be truly amazing. I kept thinking to myself, he’s not going to be like the other guys, he’s different, everything’s going to be fine.

So here lies the question: we just had sex, now what? What happens now? I think it’s so sad that in our generation we always have to ask ourselves that because there is a 99.9% chance we will never hear from a guy again. But, then there’s something in us that believes that this guy is going to be different, he’s going to call.

He’s not going to ghost us, leave us in the dirt, make us shed a heavy amount of tears on our pillows. On my way home last night, I decided just to be forward with this guy and tell him how I truly felt. I told him I know what we did tonight will change things, but I didn’t want them to. I told him how I liked him, and wanted to continue to see him and get to know him. He agreed with what I was saying, and we’ve been talking all day per usual, but I’m still scared. I will be perfectly honest with you all, I’m terrified. Although I got an okay answer, I still didn’t get the reassurance I wanted.

What I wanted was for him to tell me he’s not going anywhere, that he’ll call me tomorrow, and that everything will be okay. I wanted him to make me feel like we had a future since last night. And in some ways, he did, but in other ways he didn’t.

And of course, as a woman and someone who wears her heart on her sleeve, I analyzed it all day. I talked to my best friend about it, getting her opinion, and did everything I could to get my mind off it. I know guys will always have a hard time bringing up ‘the talk’ with us woman, which is why we need to bring it up ourselves. I need to know if I’m wasting my time, if this is going anywhere or if I should leave. As a woman who doesn’t sleep around, and is very cautious of her heart, it’s a scary feeling to think about right after sex with someone whom I really like. Especially someone who I didn’t expect to like this much—that’s even more scary. I don’t want to lose him, we have so much more to do.

Have you ever asked yourself the question I did last night? I know I can’t be the only woman who’s questioned it. The only woman who’s thought as she walked to her car, all right, so I guess I’ll never see him again. I can’t be the only woman who has prayed to God that things will work out, and fell asleep dreaming that it actually would. To each woman who asks themselves, we just had sex, now what, I pray that you get what you want, and that he doesn’t leave you hanging. However, if he does leave you hanging, know that he doesn’t deserve you then.

Any guy who just has sex with you for the hell of it, and decides to play with your emotions for the hell of it, is not a real man. A real man will call you back. A real man will not leave you hanging, and a real man will assure you he is not going anywhere. You may feel completely fooled and brokenhearted for the moment, but remember that as many douchebags are out there who will treat you like that, there are plenty of nice guys out there who won’t. It just might take a little longer to find one, but remember, you have time.

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Make-Up Sex.

Have you ever had make-up sex? It’s really the best way to finish the fight and reconcile all your differences.

Make-up sex doesn’t solve a fight, but it serves as a reminder that there are more important things in life than fighting. It reminds you just how close you are to that person and that a petty fight is not something that can tear you apart.

All couples fight. It’s an integral part of any relationship. Those who say they don’t care are either lying or keeping a lot of things bottled up inside, and it’s only a matter of time before they explode.

Constructive fights are even healthy, and they teach couples to put their love in front of all the differences they might have.

But there is nothing that says I am sorry as make-up sex. It’s better than flowers and all the words. It’s all about making up, but it’s also about getting down which is always a good idea.

If you are still wondering why make-up sex is so much better than regular sex keep on reading:

1. Passion overflow

Even if the anger wore off and you are all good now, there is still some rage left inside of you. That gives you an adrenaline kick like no other.

That’s why regular vanilla sex will not be on the list. You are in for something more passionate and hardcore. Something that involves hair pulling, biting, grabbing and back scratching.

2. It gives you a fresh start

Fighting can be really exhausting. It can drain you emotionally and make you feel bad even when you worked out everything. However, make-up sex will make all those feelings disappear.

The closeness of your bodies will be enough to spark the euphoria you will feel. You will enjoy one another wholeheartedly, forgetting that the fight ever happened.

3. You are concentrated on each other’s pleasure

Make-up sex is a whole different level. You will probably think of things you only saw in movies, and you will want to try them to make the whole experience better.

You will both try harder to please each other. At this point, you will feel like you are both to blame for the fight, and this will be your sweet redemption.

4. All your emotions are channeled into sex

You feel everything from love to hate. Every possible emotion runs through you and you are one big mess.

The upside of it is, if you engage in make-up sex as your solution, all your emotions will be channeled there. That sex will probably be one of the best ones you ever had because it will be filled with mutual desires and raw lust.

5. Nothing says “I am sorry” like an orgasm

All is forgiven after a good orgasm. Don’t you agree? You get into that blissful state where you really don’t care what the fight was about or why it had to happen.

All you know now is that everything is good, and that you are over the moon. The mixture of emotions made the climax even more intense than it would normally be. You are just full of happiness.

6. It brings you closer

You both could be emotional wrecks after the fight and feel like you are getting distant, but there is nothing like make-up sex to fix that and bring you closer than you ever were.

You are becoming more intimate at both physical and emotional levels. You feel as though there is nothing stronger than your bond.

And it’s no wonder you feel that way. You are experiencing all the signs of sexual tension when you’re lighting the flames of chemistry that brought you two together at the beginning.

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Why You Should Never Give Up On Him.

He’s not being clingy, it’s just that you are the best thing that happened to him so far. People hardly give up on things that make them happy and that’s the reason he holds on to you so tight.

You are everything he ever wanted. You complement him. You are his other (better) half. You attract him on the inside as well as on the outside and it’s just a perfect match.

You may have differences, but that’s not big of an issue because you are not trying to change each other’s personality. You rather enjoy each other’s differences.

And the way he looks at you- Oh my God!

You get shivers from the intense desire look in his eyes. You also melt when you catch him staring at you with eyes filled with love.

You are everything he ever wanted. You are his biggest desire and he’s not a guy that can be easily saturated.

He needs you.

He needs to see you often, to talk to you, to feel you in order to feel like a whole human with you.

Jealousy doesn’t come from his distrust in you but from his previous experiences. Only you know what kind of history he has with other girls and what have those toxic relationships done to him.

He’s dated a few wrong ones before he got to the right one. To the one he should really be dating. With whom he should spend his time (and perhaps the rest of his life).

It was an ugly path, mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood and played God knows how many times before.

It might have left him broken, but he wouldn’t be able to recognize your true worth if he hadn’t made a few wrong turns.

He holds on tight because he is afraid of losing you.

How many times did he show you he’s thrilled to have you by his side. How many time did he make you laugh and make you happy?

How many times were you his #1 priority and how many times has he gave up on his wishes just to please you?

He’d do anything in his power (and more) for you. He’d died to see you happy by his side. He feels like he can conquer the world, but only if you’re holding his hand. Only with you by his side.

He treats you right, regardless if you deserve it or not.

There is no such thing as your credit, you get it all.

And he never gave up on you. No matter what happens, leaving you is never an option. It never was and it will never be.

No matter what shit storm hits you, he’s there to withhold it with you.

This is why you shouldn’t give up on him.

His emotional damage will vanish only with the help of your love.

If you decide to stay and love him in the right way, you’ll get to the same page eventually.

Don’t withhold the love he deserves, because of a few bad days. Everybody has to have those in life occasionally. They serve to make you stronger and not to make you give up.

It’s a test to see if you’re going to pass and if you’re going to stay.

Kiss him goodnight and good morning regardless if you had a fight or not. Hold his hand. Hug him. Try to understand. Do the best you can not to judge.

Once his emotional damage vanishes and the storm is over, there will be nobody more loved than you in this world.

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Thanks For Pulling Me Out Of The Darkness.

To the person who saved me from the dark: thank you.

Before I met you, I was messed up, depressed with nothing left to live for. I was hiding in the corner of my room, afraid to be seen or heard.

Emotionally, I was hiding in the corner of my mind afraid to be ‘touched’. I was a prisoner of my own toxic thoughts.

Each time I tried to escape that prison of mine, something pulled me back even deeper—something that reminded me how fragile and incapable of living I was.

I was helpless.

I was a spectacle of dust carried by the wind with no control over my life. I was a puppet in a theater waiting to play the role someone gave me.

The sun was shining, but in my life, it was always dark and cold until the day I met you.

So, thank you.

Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being there for me through thick and thin.

No one asked you to pick up my broken pieces and put them back together, but you did it anyway.

No one asked you to deal with my fears and frustrations, but you did it anyway.

Only you had the ‘Hercules strength’ to pull me out from the darkest corners of my mind. Only you had the power to make me believe I am my own worst enemy. You made me understand that it all began and grows inside of me.

You told me I am the one in charge of my life. You are the one who told me my thoughts cannot control me because I’m controlling them.

You were my friend when I needed one the most.

Thank you for being my lover. You are the first person I have ever blindly and entirely trusted.

Not only that, you gave me shelter with your friendly embrace, but you also released me from my dark and dull prison with your love. You are the one who had the key of my cell.

You took my hand and we stepped into the light. I stepped into the light. Do you know how hard it is to accept light after all those years of darkness?

Of course, you do.

Thank you for keeping on loving me until my ‘eyes’ got used to the light. That was a dark period for you. I’m sorry my light brought you to darkness. I know you only made it through so you could save me.

Thank you for releasing me from my prison.

Thank you for teaching me how to love.

Thank you for returning my faith in people.

Thank you for being the one I love.

https://www.yourlifejournesysblog.wordpress.com
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Girls Like Me.

Girls like me get lost in this universe. Girls like me struggle to find their places in this world because we refuse to look like every other person.

We hate to be put in a box and we hate to be limited by the times we live in. We hate to be empty or have superficial feelings. We’re ‘go hard or go home’ kind of girls.

We don’t get mean people. The pain of ‘the other’ hurts us, too.

Throughout the whole of high school, we felt like outcasts because we didn’t like bullying or laughing at someone because of a few extra pounds, the funny hairstyle, or the way somebody dressed.

It’s just not fair to laugh at someone for what he is. That’s why high school was hell for us.

People take more from us than they give.

That’s why we often feel used. All the kindness is just sucked out of our bodies because ‘we’re the nice people’. Just because we’re nice doesn’t mean you get to use us.

Just because we smile often doesn’t mean you can invade our happiness. Just because we appear tough doesn’t mean you can leave us broken.

We’re always there for everybody—no matter their value in our lives and yet, in the times of our need, we have few people to rely on. Isn’t that a bit ironic?

We hate to be ignored because something on your phone is more important than the person sitting next to you.

You have us in real life—you get to ask us whatever the hell you want, you get to laugh in person with us, and you get to be as awkward as it gets and then get over it, but you refuse because you’re too busy staring at your phone.

We still believe in love, romance, and what not. We believe there are good people out there—there is a guy who’ll know how to love a woman, there are still printed books that have a unique smell, and there is a warm blanket to touch the body and cup of coffee or glass of wine to touch the soul.

Kindness is everything to us and it’s painful to see it fading from the face of the earth.

We’re always the ones to love and care more.

There is nobody out there willing to compete with us in love. There is nobody to say ‘I love you more’. We don’t even get half of the love we give. It doesn’t even matter if we’re talking about the family, friends, or the guy we’re dating.

People just don’t get our efforts.

We’d sacrifice our own happiness to see people we love happy. We’re often asked ‘Why are you so affected by x events’ or ‘What does it have to do with you?’—and it has everything to do with us. It’s just our empathy thing—we feel everything. And it’s intense.

Girls like me don’t get to be happy because we’re misunderstood.

Because we’re a disappearing species and people forgot about the existence of the girls who care and who love.

We don’t care about the size of your wallet, the car you drive, or if your daddy is famous. We care about how you behave towards others and how you treat us.

We don’t get to be happy because we love more than we’re loved.

We live in some different times with different values. We don’t get to be happy because we’d like to change the world but we can’t.

Open Topic

This Is What Kind Of Girlfriend You Are (Based On Your Birth Month).

January

You are the true aloha woman. Everyone is looking at you when you enter the room. Guys think you are ambitious and strong. Your man loves you because you always motivate him to be a better person.

He looks up to you. You are always well-prepared and organized and your boyfriend must make lots of efforts to surprise you. Sometimes, you can be really stubborn and too proud, but he is lucky to have such an amazing woman like you.

February

You are a super sweet dreamy girl with an adventurous spirit. You can’t sit and do nothing and that’s why you always take your guy to do some activities.

You have a lot of interests and hobbies and you always want to try new things. You are definitely not the kind of girl for everyone. You want your man to be a free-spirit like you, so you can explore the world together. One thing is for sure—it never gets boring with you because you always have new ideas.

March

You are emotional and affectionate. Even though you may seem distant to some people, you are actually a very empathetic and sensitive girl.

You are a very determined girlfriend because you know exactly what you want from your man. When you are in love, you are a true fighter and you never give up on your man. This huge amount of love can even cause you to make quick decisions. People shouldn’t mistake your kindness for weakness, because you are very tough.

April

You are a true gem because you’re friendly, fun and intelligent. You are very picky when it comes to men, but once you fall in love, you love wholeheartedly.

You never rush into a relationship because you don’t want to get hurt. You choose wisely and that’s why you end up with good guys. In the beginning, it can be difficult for you to trust your partner and relax, but when you do, he is the happiest guy on Earth.

May

You are the artistic type of girl who enjoys beautiful things in life. You always look for someone who can inspire you and with whom you can be creative. You want a man that you can always rely on. You avoid liars and bad boys.

You want full honesty and respect. It’s difficult for your guy to impress you with anything because you have a very specific taste in everything. You are someone who wants to enjoin life to it’s fullest.

June

You are a lovely, romantic girl. You are so sweet that guys can’t help but fall in love with you. Your heart is huge and your partner always feels loved next to you. You easily get attached to your boyfriend and you can be very jealous sometimes. 

A person who is in love with you must be ready to move mountains for you because anything less wouldn’t fit you. When you love, you love like crazy.

July

You are very independent and you always listen to your inner voice when it comes to relationships. It’s very difficult to catch your attention. Your guy must be perfect for you, otherwise you want to stay single.

You have a very strong personality, but you are very protective towards people you love. If your boyfriend has a bad day, you will do anything just to cheer him up. You are something like a best friend and a girlfriend all in one.

August

You are the heart and soul of the party. Guys love your excellent sense of humor. You are very confident and observant. When you fall in love, you can turn into a very childish but super passionate woman.

Loving you is not easy, but it’s worth it because being with you is the adventure of a lifetime. Other couples like to go on double dates with you because you are so fun to be around. Your guy is such a lucky man!

September

You are a very neat and sophisticated girl. When it comes to relationships, you are the perfectionist type of girlfriend. You want your man to be a mature and intelligent guy who is ready to commit.

Since you are a very responsible and smart girl, you don’t want to date douchebags. You don’t want to settle for someone average. You are a very practical, objective, and stable person. You avoid conflicts with your boyfriend and you hate drama.

October

You are such a positive girl and spending time with you is always pleasurable. Your smile can make anyone fall for you. You always look on the bright side of life and guys love your sunny perspective.

Also, you are very opinionated and nothing can bring you down. You have very firm attitudes and your guy needs to be a strong man so he can keep up with you. Your optimism is very beneficial for your relationship.

November

You are very intuitive. You always know when is the right time to do or say something. You certainly know how to make your man happy and satisfied. But also, you know how to fight and use words as weapons. 

You always have great advice and you are very wise for a young woman. Men like you because they feel they can relax and be themselves without pretending to be someone else just to seduce you. You appreciate honest conversation more than anything.

December

You are a real fire. You easily get bored, and that’s why you always look for a guy that can make your day active and interesting. Guys are crazy about your free spirit and spontaneity. 

Your man is supposed to be someone who will always support you in your hopes and plans, because your dreams are big. You love men that are slightly different than you. You are looking for someone patient, someone who can challenge you and inspire you to be better.

https://www.yourlifesjourneysblog.wordpress.co
Open Topic

Beautifully Broken.

Behind all the walls, behind the mask of a happy girl stands a woman. A woman broken by the world, we would say. Someone broken by an abuser, left by her friends and her lover whom she thought would be her saviors.

You might remember her as the little girl with the loud laugh and happy attitude, the girl who is now hiding inside of you. Behind everything you’ve become today. The person who broke you for whatever reason doesn’t matter anymore. The only thing mattering now, is yourself.

To be a beautifully broken girl means to see our brokenness not as a punishment but as someone’s misuse of our own empathy and kindness. It was never our fault! We were just too good for that person or for this world in general. It’s the only thing that can happen when you’re giving yourself away when you’re being vulnerable. It’s what makes us strong.

It’s the time he told you that you’re worthless that gave you the most worth. You might be confused now, but wasn’t it the moment you realized you were worth more than he could ever afford? It did hurt, I know dear that it did, but let me tell you that all those times he told you how ugly you look while wearing your favorite dress, the time he looked at another girl telling you how much prettier she was, were actually moments in which your brokenness was leading up to the being you are today. And you are wonderful!

It’s amazing to see what a smile can hide. To never show how hurt you are and to still live the life you want. That’s true courage. Don’t you think that that’s the main thing that makes you so beautiful? The way you tell your friends to be positive about life and to live and love like everything is OK—although you’re not OK.

Being a broken girl in this world means to learn to trust people again one day. To love again and to let someone love us is the hardest part about all of it, but we’re trying! We’re taking our time of course, because time is needed to heal all our wounds. But no matter how slow we’re going, we will still overcome all the obstacles and traps life has for us and we will rise above it all.

I know that your heart and soul are suffering, but by choosing to be kind and caring, you are better than anything that has ever come your way. No matter how many times he broke you, you stood up!

Your experience is what made you into an awesome lover, girlfriend, wife. Because you know how hard it is to not be loved, to be lied to, to be abandoned by the people you loved the most is why you will never behave like that to someone precious to you. You will love again and again with no intention to hurt anyone, because you know, too well, how terrifying it is.

One day, someone will help you on your journey to healing completely, someone who will show you how you should be loved and cared for, someone who won’t abandon you when you need them the most. That’s when all of it will pay off! All the times you chose kindness over bitterness paid off! Because you will be standing in front of a man, who came like an angel, to be there for you and to let you know that there are good people in this world. Just like you.

Open Topic

Strong, Sensitive.

Every time I walk away from an argument, I wish I could just go back. I sit on my bed and I relive the situation over and over again, thinking what would have happened if I said something different?

Or I come up with a good comeback and I hate myself for not thinking of it sooner—like at the moment of the fight. But, of course, now it’s too late.

These things get to me so hard. I even can’t remember all the dirty and disgusting things that someone said to me. I just block them out because I’m not sure I could handle them.

I don’t handle confrontations so well. I get really upset when someone is out to get me. It really makes me anxious and it bothers me to the point I can’t think straight. I’m scared.

Every time someone picks a fight with me, I lose this strong mask I’ve put on or it starts to fade. I become transparent, and my voice starts to slowly shake like I’m going to cry—and I walk away. I walk away because I am about to cry and I don’t want anyone to see how sensitive I am. They would eat me alive.

I can’t handle getting the smallest hint that someone is upset or angry with me because I never know why. How could anyone be angry with me? All I’ve ever wanted and all I ever want is good. For everyone.

It bothers me so much. I can’t sleep at night. I repeat the situation in my head millions of times. I over-analyze every little detail and I dwell on it for hours. It’s insane how much time I spend obsessing over a few details that others wouldn’t spend 2 minutes on.

I get so annoyed with the fact of how sensitive I am. I try to hide it because I won’t accept it. I cannot let others see it. Every little detail gets to me like it’s the most important thing in the world. I don’t know. Maybe I’m overreacting even now while I’m writing this. But that’s me—taking things to heart and too seriously.

Even if I’m sure that the person who offended me or verbally attacked me is a complete asshole, it will still get to me. I will feel bad like I did something wrong either way.

I hate that I want to cry and run away instead of staying and fighting for myself. I do stay for as long as I can, but I leave because I can’t take it anymore. Sensitivity is my biggest burden. It’s the first emotion that takes me over, the first one I feel—it’s my instinct.

Only after I calm myself down, anger takes over. An enormous rush of thoughts and sentences overwhelm me—the things I could have said but didn’t.

The worst thing is that I make myself look like a badass—as if nothing can touch me. But in reality, underneath this mask I’ve put on, hides a soft and sensitive heart. And when all passes, when everyone leaves, I let my soft side come to light. I let my emotions run wild.

I pretend I don’t care what others think, but I do. Hurtful things that someone says or does to me consume me. They bother me, but I make sure no one sees that.

I constantly feel this burden pressing against my chest because I have to pretend I’m something I’m not. I’ve mastered faking smiles and cracking jokes just to cover up how I really feel. And believe me, it’s an Oscar-winning performance each time.

I always ruin my chances for happiness. I scare men away and I refuse giving anyone the slightest chance of trying to get near me. I pretend I don’t care. This is how I break my own heart every time, and I’m the first one to do it because I don’t want to allow anyone to find out I’m actually completely opposite from what I pretend to be.

I’m really bad at showing how I feel. Letting my emotions out in the open scares me the most. I will never say ‘I love you’ because I’m not comfortable with it and I assume the other person knows that. So, there’s no need for me to put myself in a difficult situation.

This is why I look like I’m cold and heartless but I’m not. I know how to love and I love even a bit too much. And that is what scares me.

That’s why I pretend I’m strong because I wish I was. I wish that nothing would get to me. I wish my heart was bulletproof.

It would be easier,

It would be better.

Open Topic

Nerds.

If you like nerds, raise your hand. If you don’t, raise your standards. (Violet Haberdasher)

Before I go on about nerdy guys, here’s something that needs to be said: Not every girl dreams of a ripped bad boy on a motorcycle who’s going to sweep her off her feet.

Yeah, it sounds nice but in reality, most of those smooth-talking, sexy, smirking guys end up being players unable to have a serious and committed relationship.

If you’re looking for more than an initially promising but progressively underwhelming hookup (yes, that’s exactly how it goes 90% of the time), find yourself someone who’s interested in more than meets the eye, lives authentically and loves passionately; in other words, find yourself a nerdy man.

Firstly, let’s clear up the meaning of the word nerd. Many people use the words nerd and geek interchangeably, which is totally wrong because they don’t mean the same thing.

A nerd is someone who is seen as overly intellectual and very interested in non-mainstream activities which are generally very technical and often relate to topics of science fiction or fantasy.

Nerds are often portrayed as socially awkward, shy guys who are extremely smart.

Unlike geeks, they are more inclined toward reading books and studying science subjects such as mathematics, physics and computer science.

A geek is an enthusiast of a particular topic or field. They are collection-oriented and gather facts related to their subject of interest.

Now that you know how to correctly categorize your socially awkward high school peer who crosses your mind every time you see something Star Trek- or Star Wars-related, here are the things to show you why he also might have been a better boyfriend than your high school sweetheart but never stood a chance:

They are obsessed with the newest things that their subject has to offer and are often seen as hipsters. They are not typically studious and achievement-oriented, like nerds.

He is passionate about the things he loves

To be a nerd is to be passionate. There is no other way a man can know that much about one very specific and non-mainstream topic without being passionate.

OK, a lot of the time, those topics are video games and comic books but nevertheless, passion means curiosity, love and commitment; the same thing you are looking for in a serious relationship.

If he is passionate about the things he loves then he is passionate about you. That is one thing that makes nerdiness feel so damn sexy.

He is a person you can learn from

A nerdy boyfriend is a boyfriend you will learn a lot from. I can guarantee that you will hear about something you have never heard of before already on your first date.

I don’t know about you but to me, a knowledgeable and smart man can be the sexiest thing ever.

Suddenly, you will have so many new perspectives and things to think about. He will always challenge your views in a healthy way.

He doesn’t really care about impressing anyone, that’s just how he is.

There is the term sapiosexual that describes a person who is sexually attracted to the intellectual and mental qualities of another person and that is exactly how a nerdy boyfriend makes you feel.

He is very understanding

A person who knows a lot understands a lot. He is able to view things from more than one perspective and search for logical solutions.

Being obviously different has made him more understanding when it comes to people’s personal preferences and interests and what they do with their free time.

He is also eager to understand things he doesn’t know about, which is a very important trait!

The will to learn about things you don’t understand is very underrated and rarely talked about trait in the dating world.

Nerdy types love to grasp the true causes of things and truly understand everything they can; including you.

He is authentic

Unlike your typical fake nice guy who starts off with sweet-talking and going out of his way to do some chivalrous thing and ends up being the pettiest, most frustrating asshole ever, a nerdy guy doesn’t care about impressing you.

I already said that being nerdy means being passionate; the same goes for authenticity. There’s no way someone can call himself a nerd and fail to be authentic.

These guys don’t care about the opinions of other people, they don’t care about social media or any type of objective criteria for being successful in a field they have no interest in.

If they cared about all that stuff, they would never be a nerd in the first place. The best dating advice when it comes to dating a nerd is to be as authentic as they are.

He is serious about the relationship

He’s the type who knows what he wants. He approaches everything by giving it some thought in advance.

They’re not players and they don’t like drama, so with a nerd, you can live free of mind games and unnecessary doubt.

For example, he won’t ignore you or your calls to make you feel miserable, send double-meaning texts to upset you or tell his friends about his irritating girlfriend.

Unlike boys who are used to girls falling all over them, he will appreciate your efforts and your care.

A nerdy boyfriend will value the way you treat him and he will know he has got a good thing going on.

He prefers staying home

This is the best thing ever. The chances are you are going to spend your Friday nights cuddling and bingeing some sci-fi Netflix TV show or rewatching your favorite nerd-leading movies like Spiderman.

Yes, Spiderman is a nerd too. He is perfectly fine just being with you without having to leave the house.

It is not like he hates going out but he usually prefers spending time at home with you.

Who wouldn’t want a boyfriend who prefers spending time with you instead of going out to a club with his homies?

He is incredibly smart

He is like a walking, talking Google. He knows everything about any topic you can think of.

It is true that nerds hate being a novice at anything. This quality might be surprisingly positive unless it is about a new video game he cannot stop playing for a few days in a row.

Why is that? Well, they want to become an expert at all of their interests and hobbies and that includes your interests and hobbies too.

For example, they will read your favorite books and listen to the discography of your favorite band so they can understand you better and have a meaningful conversation about it with you.

That’s pretty adorable, right?

He is dedicated

He remembers all the details you share with him so he never forgets important dates and always remembers the first time you did something.

He has a great sense of humor

If you’re into dry humor and lots of puns and references, you need a nerd in your life. Nerds are not always serious or studious, they like to have fun but they’re specific about what they find funny.

Researchers discovered that funny people, especially ones who enjoy dark humor, have a higher IQ than their less funny peers.

Apparently, it is argued that one has to have both a cognitive and emotional ability to understand and produce humor.

The analysis shows that funny people have higher verbal and nonverbal intelligence and they are less aggressive.

Not only are funny people smart but they’re also good company.

Having a good sense of humor is linked to high emotional intelligence, which is obviously a highly desirable quality in a partner.

In studies about attractiveness, both men and women rate funny people as more attractive and claim that having a good sense of humor is one of the most important traits in a long-term partner.

He has skills other people don’t have

A nerd guy is basically, along with being a great boyfriend, free 24/7 tech support. He might be a little bit socially awkward but when it comes to the things he knows, he is like a superhero.

He always knows how to fix stuff and you don’t have to worry about anything technology related.

Not only that, but he is also handy when it comes to mechanical things. Even if he doesn’t know something, you can be sure he will learn about it faster than anyone else.

A bonus is that he always has some kind of useful gadgets you will have never seen before, but they make a big difference to your everyday life.

He won’t find your weird interests weird

Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for nerdy people to be bullied throughout school. Being called a nerd, geek or dork really affects your life in many ways.

One of them is learning to be open and understanding of other people with atypical interests—the same reason they were once bullied for.

You can look forward to receiving no judgy comments from him when it comes to your guilty pleasures.

He’ll probably take some time to understand them and maybe even eventually adopt your guilty pleasures. Now that is always a win.

He will adore you

If he is really set on being with you, that means he really, REALLY likes you.

Nerds do not waste time on something or someone they find uninteresting. In order to be dedicated, they have to be passionate, so basically, he is your fan.

All in all, nerdy guys make fantastic boyfriends! If you’re bored with empty relationships, people who don’t treat you right, online dating and meaningless hookups, find yourself a nerdy boyfriend.

If you want to keep learning new things and seeing life in a whole new way, he is the one for you.

Don’t let preconceptions of what your boyfriend should be like drive you away from a nerdy boyfriend. Let go of prejudice, broaden your horizons and see what you’ve been missing out on.

Underneath their shyness and awkwardness, nerdy guys are real husband material and incredibly sexy.

Open Topic

The Power Of Kindness.

“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” — Desmond Tutu

Wired For Kindness

Can you recall a time somebody was kind to you?

Now change the scenario and think of a time you were kind to another person? Call to mind their reaction and how you responded.

Move into your heart and notice the feelings there.

If you read no further than this point, you know that kindness affects the user and the experiencer – leaving a lasting impression.

In this fast pace world, kindness and compassion takes a back seat to selfies, self-interest and expendable human interactions.

Every person is waiting to be discovered or become rich, believing that holds the key to their happiness. Yet when they attain success, they long for their former life having underestimated the trappings of fame and celebrity.

“The plain fact is that the planet does not need more successful people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success as we have defined it.”—David W. Orr

Kindness is fundamental to human existence. We are thrust into the world as newborns and enriched with the kindness of our parents’ nurturing for the following years.

Humans are the only mammals with a prolonged gestation period. Other creatures rely on support for a brief time before becoming self-reliant. We are powerless at birth and depend on our caregivers to provide for our needs.

Therefore, kindness is sewn into the framework of our DNA. We are literally wired for kindness.

Each individual has opinions on how to improve the world, though no one wants to practice kindness.

Do No Harm

World peace will not arise from overthrowing dictatorial powers or ending conflicts between nations. It will happen when humanity raises its consciousness beyond that of fear and hatred.

I’ve often repeated that Peace Is Only A Thought Away. Its motives emerge through kind thoughts towards oneself and others.

“Unconditional love flows through specific channels of respect, integrity, purpose, meaning, value, response-ability, forgiveness, kindness, and compassion — and these form the foundation of our new, naturally ethical lives.”

Kindness is not something that demands hard work. It originates from the simple act of doing no harm to others.

It involves judging less, however compelled you might be to do so.

The ego is quick to judge because it is victimized and hurt, so it retaliates in revenge.

Kindness, however, bites its tongue. It does not seek to be right but rather to preserve peace of mind.

You gain little by giving someone a piece of your mind, other than inciting conflict and separation.

“I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.” —Khalil Gibran

“Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”— Mark Twain

It might be clear to you that fighting force with force is not the way towards peace. But you might ask, does that mean allowing others to treat me unfairly?

No, not by any means. Though you needn’t retaliate with overwhelming force. I’m not implying you become a doormat, however I urge you to accept the lessons contained within the experience. Are you letting others treat you unfairly on some level? Or unconsciously giving them permission to do so?

“No matter how anyone responds to your kindness, just by repeating out loud the words you didn’t hear often enough or never heard at all, you guarantee yourself to be the one who exits each scene of life more healed, aligned and expanded than the moment before,” affirms author Matt Kahn in Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You.

Benefits of Kindness

Kindness has many benefits including increased happiness and a healthy heart. It slows down the aging process and improves relationships and connections, which indirectly boosts your health.

People believe kindness is particular to those of religious faith because of their moral vows. Kindness does not require you to be of religious faith or even spiritual. Demonstrations of kindness are observed in man’s best friend, the dog. Cats show kindness and are treasured for their emotional connection.

Kindness broadens your life’s frame of reference and is a symbol of respect to value the receiver.

It influences the giver more than the receiver and has correlations with enhanced mental, emotional and physical well-being.

People believe kindness signifies weakness and being taken advantage of. It’s important to delineate between kindness and being a doormat to others. You can be kind and assertive when others attempt to profit from your kindness.”

You should in no way undermine your self-worth at the expense of others, but simply practice kindness while upholding your integrity.

“When human interactions become a way of practicing self-acceptance by treating others with more patience, kindness, and respect, a constant need to be heard shifts into listening as an act of love.”—Matt Kahn

Be Kind Anyway

It’s no surprise wicked acts have a greater impression on us than acts of kindness. We are alerted to fear more than goodness.

Psychologists believe we are wired to detect that which threatens our survival and happiness. We give attention to acts of cruelty in the news because it is perceived as a threat to our survival.

In these times of disingenuous social media interactions, unkindness abounds as people hide behind screens.

This does not make it appropriate to abuse others. There is a person on the other side of the screen with feelings we must take into account.

An important lesson in kindness involves asking yourself: ‘How would I handle being the recipient of this?’ If it doesn’t feel good avoid the behavior.

“Hurt is hurt, and every time we honour our own struggle and the struggles of others by responding with empathy and compassion, the healing that results affects all of us.” —Brené Brown

I wish to leave you with a passage from Mother Teresa’s poem titled Anyway, in which she states: “People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centred; forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.”

Incorporate the smallest acts of kindness into your everyday life and notice the ripple effects. The Butterfly Effect in Chaos Theory asserts that a tiny event in one region of the globe can have a substantial effect somewhere else.

Armed with this knowledge, it is the Dalai Lama who reminds us that if you can’t be kind, avoid harming others.

Open Topic

My Impulsive Moments.

I suspect that desire starts as a warmth in the hands. Or at least it does for me. Not that my hands themselves are warm, but a warm energy kind of passes over my palms. I feel it before I even realize what it is that I’m drawn to. I think that in this sense the word ‘impulse’ does a good job of defining itself (and I’m usually not so quick to acknowledge a word for sufficiently encompassing meaning). Impulse. ‘Im’ as it’s used here is a root for ‘from’ or ‘before’ and then coupled with ‘pulse’- a word emulating the heart pumping blood, giving life. Could this feeling be a desire from our inner pulse, the heart, a feeling maybe of life before logic? And even beyond its roots, the word itself takes on impulsive character- quickly moving from inside you through the back of your mouth a brief moment the lips close before it almost seems to spit itself out into the air.

We can’t quiet all noises, stars won’t hide their fires, and to a certain extent, I have to believe that if impulse stews beneath the surface it can start to burn us from the inside. But like most things, I can’t claim this to be a black and white issue. I’m not here to tell you that acting on every impulse won’t get you into trouble. I won’t say that throwing logic to the wind is always healthy, or this sort of thing will certainly better your life. Honestly, I don’t know much.

Rather, I’m here to take the space for a brief love letter to my impulses, right or wrong. Because I love the tingly warm energy that blows over my palms. I love biting into a buttery soft chocolate cake, or dancing in the street, or the crash of an uncontrollable belly laugh. I love spending the money I was going to save on something I might never have seen again. I love the kisses and ‘I love you’s’ that could have waited for a more perfect moment (or maybe should have been avoided altogether). I remorsefully love the middle fingers and ‘what the hell’s’ that I probably would have fizzled with a deep breath or a good night’s sleep. I love the free falls, and a part of me even loves the crashes… gosh, some of them are so stupid, but hey here we are.

Impulse doesn’t always steer me in the ‘right direction’. In fact, I would argue that it has royally fucked us all over at one point or another. So yeah it should probably be loved from a distance. But even so, this is me providing a space for that feeling. This is me sitting down for a coffee with my inner desire in hopes that if I treat it gently, with just enough love and empathy, it will grow to be kinder to me and the outcomes it dawns.

Open Topic

Overcoming Fear.

So here’s how I overcame my fear…

Not my fear of heights, not my fear of demonic horror film children, but the fear of day to day life.

My story starts as a young girl. Always anxious, always afraid of the “what if’s.”

So much so that I missed out on so many opportunities that I might not get again.

I was so anxious every second of the day even before I knew what “anxiety” was or that the feeling even had a name.

I remember thinking to myself “I’ll always feel this way,” afraid and feeling lonely. It seemed impossible to me that I could ever change, mainly because anxious thoughts were all I had ever known.

I became so fearful through school, college and eventually at work. Always feeling down about myself and unconfident.

One day I’d had enough.

I didn’t know how I’d change the way I was, but I knew there must be a way. Anyone can change right?

My ultimate fear was living a life of anxiety and depression.

The Fear Was Motivation Enough

I knew that I didn’t want to live the rest of my life the way I had been and so that fear motivated me to change.

Instead of letting it cripple me, I harnessed it to swing my mind back around and into a productive state.

Here’s how I saw it. There were these two options;

Be depressed forever

Or

Use the fear

The compounding effect of nearly 40 years of anxiety on my brain reached a critical mass where I didn’t care about feeling stupid or exposed anymore.

I was going to overcome my fear one way or the other. I was determined.

You see, I think everyone needs to reach what I call a ‘critical mass’ where the way you feel goes beyond depressed and into ridiculousness. When you reach that point like I did, it becomes a joke that you’ve lived that way for so long.

Not a “haha” joke but more a “Do I seriously wanna live that way forever?” kind of joke.

When you can step back and look at yourself you can start to get a bit of perspective on things.

I overcame my fear of a life of anxiety by doubling down on productive activities. It was only when I took the “risk” to do what I truely wanted that I felt mentally free.

I started to learn that most people are afraid of being judged by others and so they never really try for what they really want.

We Get Suppressed Everyday

I realized when I stepped back to look at my life, I had become side-tracked. I was living on autopilot ignoring what my mind craved.

It craved the soul food that it needed to fill its belly.

This meant making time for what I was passionate about.

Not going to bed late, waking early, going to work, watching TV all evening and repeating the cycle.

You have to say enough is enough.

A mundane cycle of life is enough to give anyone an anxiety disorder.

Yes, we have responsibilities, however; when I remembered back to my childhood self, I didn’t have the same levels of fear that I ended up having in my early teens.

I’d forgotten how to play.

So that was it. I was going to carve out the life I wanted because I knew that no-one could change my life but me. Not my mom, not my dad, not my boss.

Only you can do that. But you have to want it.

And why wouldn’t you? Why wouldn’t you want a fulfilled life? Surely that’s what it’s all about?

I wasn’t going to let my passions in life be suppressed and not be a priority anymore. The things that made me come alive and simply “feel” needed air time of their own if I was going to find meaning in my life.

Here’s what I did;

I listened to my heart and;

Embraced the fear of an anxious life to use it to motivate me

Starting blogging

Started to appreciate the small things

Started practicing mindfulness

Started to educate myself in what I’d always wanted to learn about

There’s so much more to it though. When I started to make time for myself and stopped pushing down on what my mind craved, I found meaning and became more fulfilled in my life.

I also set goals. I started to understand that setting goals and milestones was something powerful in the battle against anxiety and fear.

It gives you something to aim for, something in the future to get excited about but also gives you a long term feeling of productivity.

It All Starts From Within

The journey from fearful to productive started from within me. It started by making a decision by saying “enough to this.”

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You Saved Me From My Demons, Only To Become One.

I have to admit something-for most of my life, I’ve been unhappy. It’s not that I’ve experienced tragedies most people would consider significant, I just wasn’t happy.

Most of my misery came from the one thing that should have made life more beautiful, it came from love.

Maybe it’s my fault but ever since I can remember, I’ve made the wrong choices when it comes to men.

I haven’t been perfect in my relationships but I didn’t deserve the cheating, abuse, emotional neglect, or any of the other mistreatment I’ve been through.

Most of all, I didn’t deserve all the consequences that it left behind. I didn’t deserve to go through life as a zombie, constantly on the lookout for who is going to hurt me next.

The catch is, that barely anyone knows this about me.

In fact, most people in my life will tell you that I’m a strong woman who isn’t bothered by a simple breakup.

They don’t see the deep scars on my soul, they don’t see the rooted traumas, the insecurities, the depression, and the anxiety.

They don’t see the pain hidden behind my smile, nor do they notice the big hole where my heart should be.

However, you knew. Somehow, you made me open up to you.

For the first time in ages, when I met you, I thought I’d found someone I could trust.

Someone I could expose my vulnerabilities to and someone I could show my true self to.

You made me tell you about the demons which haunt me. You got me to reveal the little, naive girl who I managed to hide from the rest of the world.

No, I never asked you to save me. I never wanted you to take over my burden or to fight my battles.

However, you promised to be there for me.

You promised that you’d be my guardian angel – the man who would heal my heart, fix my mind, and chase away my demons.

You were the one who saved me from my past. The one who got me to face my inner fears and who showed me that I was stronger than I thought.

For a while, I saw you as the light at the end of the tunnel. I saw you as a gift sent from heaven, as the compensation for everything I’ve been through.

I believed every single word you said. I thought that you were the silver lining to my cloud.

Remember how you kept convincing me that you would never leave my side? That you would hold my hand through all the storms?

Remember how you promised to be there for me through both the good and bad days? That you would help me build myself back up and that you would never do anything to hurt me?

However, what did you do? You abandoned me when I needed you the most and left me alone in the wind.

So, I guess you didn’t mean to save me from my demons all along, your intention was to become one.

You didn’t cure my wounds, you just made them deeper. You didn’t heal my shattered heart, you just crushed it into even more pieces.

You didn’t fix me, you broke me even more.

However, I forgive you for that. I forgive you for the way you left and for walking away on me. After all, that’s exactly what I’m used to.

Nevertheless, there is one thing I can’t forgive you for. I can’t forgive you for all the pretense, lies, and deception.

I can never forget how you tricked me into believing that you were someone you’re not. How you made me think that you were different, only to prove that you’re actually worse than everyone from my past.

I will never forgive you for raising me up to the stars just so you could knock me down to the bottom.

I will never forgive you for giving me hope just so you could later kill it.

At least all those other people who did me harm, never gave me false hope. They never pretended to be my savior only to end up being my destroyer.

That is exactly what you did, you pretended to be my blessing, when in fact you were my curse.

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Always Choose Losing A Man Over Losing Your Mind.

I’ll be honest with you here: Love is important. Whether someone likes to admit this or not, it’s nice having a man whom you care for and who cares for you back.

It won’t magically put your life in perfect order, but a healthy romantic relationship will make you happier – there is no doubt about that.

However, you know what is even more important? The relationship you have with yourself.

That is the relationship that simply must be healthy, successful, and fulfilling if you want to even think about romance.

So, why exactly do you keep on putting your man in front of yourself and how long do you plan on continuing to do so?

I know you think of yourself as tough. You’re strong and, at first glance, it appears that you’re handling this awful situation you got yourself dragged into surprisingly well.

Somehow you manage to deal with all the breakups and makeups.

You keep your head above the surface despite all the insults, arguments, and toxicity. But let’s be real.

You can’t go on like this forever. Sooner or later, you’ll see the damage all of this is leaving on you and you’ll start feeling the consequences of this hell you’re going through.

So, ask yourself if it’s really worth it. Is keeping a guy worth losing your mind?

You see, there will be plenty of men in your life, even though you probably don’t think that way now.

Sooner or later, you will forget about this man and start loving someone new with the same intensity you loved him.

However, you can never replace yourself. Time will do its trick and heal your broken heart. Sooner or later, you’ll stop missing this guy.

But you can’t find a new woman to live your life, once you lose yourself.

I promise you one thing: You can make it without anyone, including this guy. But you can’t make it without yourself.

Remember that you don’t need him – you chose to give him a place in your heart – but you do need yourself.

You will survive even if you let him go, even though things might not appear that way at this moment.

I know that right now you want to keep this man by your side.

You’re ready to do whatever it takes just for him to remain in your life.

However, instead of doing that, for a change, focus on keeping yourself sane. Focus on preserving your mental and emotional health.

Focus on making yourself happy and see your inner peace as the number one priority.

Please, be smart enough to choose losing a man over losing your mind.

Trust me, nobody – and especially not someone who doesn’t appreciate you – is worth you going crazy over him.

That is exactly how things will go on if you stay trapped in this never-ending circle.

That’s what will happen if you stay in this toxic relationship, full of emotional abuse, gaslighting, and constant fights.

You know, if it happens, he won’t stick around to help you.

He won’t be there to give you a hand or pull you out of your darkness.

He won’t put an effort into fixing your heart, even though he’s the one who broke it.

He won’t be there to glue you back together, even though he’s the one who crushed you.

He won’t have your back to catch you when you start falling.

He won’t stand by your side to help you heal, even though he is the one who destroyed you.

He won’t be there to bring you back to life, even though he’s the one who spiritually killed you.

Before you know it, this man will be gone and you’ll be left all alone to fight with your demons and traumas.

You won’t just lose precious years of your life, you’ll also have to deal with depression, insecurities, and anxiety, which is much worse.

Sooner than you might think, you’ll look around and see that the girl you used to be is nowhere to be found.

She’ll be replaced by a negative and bitter woman who’ll need ages to fully recover from everything she’s been through.

So please, save yourself on time. Ditch his sorry ass and pull yourself out of this misery before it’s too late to be sorry.

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Something So Wrong, Seems So Right.

Whenever something you didn’t wish for happens in your life, you see it as the worst thing in the world.

You see it as failure and misery. After all, you’ve always tried to be a good person.

You’ve played by the rules and done your best not to hurt anyone along the way.

So, why exactly do you have to face all of these hardships?

Isn’t there a thing called karma that should repay you for all of your good deeds?

It’s like this with everything bad you experience in life.

You feel as if everything is pointless when a guy you cared for dumps you, when you lose a friend you trusted, or when you don’t get that promotion you worked so hard for.

You can’t help but get the impression that life is simply unfair.

Bad things happen to good people and vice versa and you don’t have the power required to fight it.

After all, who could blame you for feeling like this? In fact, it’s perfectly natural for you to be shaken by the world’s injustice.

However, I’m here to ask you to reconsider your point of view.

I’m here to beg you to look at the bigger picture and bear in mind that everything happens for a reason.

You see, sometimes, certain things have to go wrong so better things can go right.

A man who doesn’t deserve you has to walk away from you in order to clear the way for the right one.

He has to show you what you don’t want and need so you are able to recognize true love when you see it.

Maybe you didn’t get that job you applied for because your dream career is waiting for you.

Or it would only have ended up being a distraction from something greater?

It’s possible that your best friend stabbed you in the back because it was the only way for you to see her true colors.

The only way for you to finally kick her out of your life and to realize that you shouldn’t trust everybody.

Sometimes, you have to go through darkness to see the true colors of the stars.

You have to lose something unworthy of you so you can get much more valuable things.

Besides, all of this provides a lesson and a new experience.

Every storm you go through is there to prepare you for the sunshine that’s about to come.

Every challenge is an opportunity to be better and every battle a chance to become stronger.

It’s there to build you into a mature, self-sufficient woman. There to show you that you can make it without anyone’s help.

It’s there to test your faith. To help you believe and always hope for the best, even when everything looks hopeless.

So the next time you think that you’ve had it rough, remember that every curse can actually be a blessing.

It’s simply up to you how you perceive it. Sometimes the things you see as the worst, turn out to be the best.

You just have to be patient enough to let time work its magic and make you see everything for yourself.

I promise you one thing: every tear you cry will be rewarded with tons of smiles.

Sadness will be replaced with so much happiness you can’t even imagine it. You just have to be ready for it.

The timing has to be right, and everything will fall into place. Sooner or later, good things will start happening.

Once they do, you’ll finally understand my words – that you probably don’t believe right now.

When you get everything you deserve, you’ll understand that this was the only way to acquire happiness.

You’ll realize why you had to go through all of your hardships and why you had to experience so much pain.

Finally, you’ll perceive that your entire life was actually a sequence of events that were meant to bring you exactly to the point you are at now.

You’ll figure out that all the bad things you went through, happened for a reason.

Just like that, in one instant, everything will make perfect sense.

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Can’t Forgive Once More Because You’re Hurt.

No matter what someone does to you, everyone advises you to be the bigger person and to forgive.

People put you through hell, which you have to find a way out of alone, and then everyone expects you to just get over it, as if nothing has happened.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not talking about giving second chances or letting the people who hurt you back into your life.

I’m talking about the kind act of forgiveness.

Well, when you’re the victim of abuse, cheating, backstabbing, or manipulation, or when the person you trusted the most broke your heart or abandoned you, this is much easier said than done.

In fact, in this case, forgiveness looks like mission impossible. It’s not that you’re unaware of its perks.

It’s not that you are deliberately refusing to forget everything that you’ve been through or that you are actively seeking revenge against those who broke your heart and hurt you.

You know everything that should be done. After all, you’ve heard it a million times.

You should forgive the ones who’ve done you harm because it’s the only way towards your personal liberation.

It’s the only way to free yourself from the chains these evil people put on you.

Everyone keeps telling you that it is the only way to live in peace with yourself.

That the ability to forgive is the attribute the strongest among us have.

They even advise you to accept the apologies you never got.

That forgiving is the only way to truly let go of the past and move on with your life.

People will tell you that you don’t stand a chance against your demons if you hold onto anger.

That you can’t expect to heal and retake control over your life if you hold on to grudges from the past.

All of this is true, there is no doubt about that.

Forgiveness is something you should definitely strive for, despite the magnitude of someone’s misdeeds towards you.

However, what happens when you simply can’t forgive, as much as you try?

What if you don’t have the strength to forgive those who have done you harm, despite all of your efforts?

Well, in that case: just don’t.

Yes, you heard me right: don’t forgive someone unless you feel the need to do so deep inside of you.

Don’t do it because it’s the right thing to do, because others expect you to, or because you want to prove that you are a nicer person than those who ask for your forgiveness.

This is nothing but a sign that you’re still not ready for this merciful act.

It means that you still need time to process and accept everything you’ve been through.

Most importantly – it means that you still haven’t understood your abusers.

You can’t find a reason for their toxic behavior, nor do you have an explanation for it.

And that is perfectly okay. It doesn’t make you weak and it definitely doesn’t make you a bad person.

Remember: you’re the victim here and you’re allowed to feel whatever you might be feeling.

Yes, the emotional baggage you carry around probably makes your life more difficult.

However, you can’t forcefully get rid of it if you still feel it’s tied on your chest.

So please, don’t feel guilty for your inability to forgive. Don’t judge your pain and let time do its magic.

Don’t forget that we all heal at a different pace.

Therefore, just because it’s taking you longer to reach your goal, it doesn’t mean that you won’t get there.

Nevertheless, I want you to know that this is not permanent.

In fact, I promise you one thing: the moment you have enough strength to forgive whoever broke your heart will come when you’re completely ready for it.

No, you don’t have to give your abuser a taste of their own medicine for this moment to come.

You don’t have to seek revenge, nor do you have to enjoy their suffering in order to feel like you got even.

You’ll just wake up one morning and there will be no more bitterness and no more anger.

Just like that, you’ll see that you successfully let go of every negative emotion you had and that is when you’ll be completely cured.

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On Days I Do Not Love Myself.

On days I do not love myself, grief shows up at my front door like an uninvited guest. It touches the walls of my house, disrupts the silence that once existed in its confines and tries to break into it.

It sits through lunch with me and offers to buy me coffee. It won’t seem to go away and for some reason; I find myself being unable to say no. Suddenly, waffles don’t taste as good as they did. Coffee tasted a lot more bitter than it did yesterday.

On days I do not love myself, a wounded heart carries itself inside my home. Like a soldier who just arrived from the battlefield. It tells me that there are wounds inside each one of us no one knows about. Some days, great stories of valor are born from it. Other days, there is the lingering trauma of the war that dwindles. I learned something that day.

Loneliness comes after, making its presence known in the cold, flamless fireplace. Its presence is so prominent I can feel it crawl under my skin. Sadness seeps right through the walls, banging against my heart like a loud song on repeat.

They say it’s supposed to bring me a sensation of searing pain. And I try. I try to absorb the pain it brings but I am just numb to the core. I walk the corridors of memories in an attempt to steal all the sunshine. But I’m left with only streaks of light.

Nothing about this is beautiful.

On days I do not love myself, I wake up feeling afraid of myself. This body sometimes still feels like an intruder in the same home it built. I attempt to breathe, but my lungs give out. I try to say something, but words fail me. The walls I have created for myself, have betrayed me.

On days I do not love myself, I watch as hours tick by until music becomes a dying symphony. I’ve decided that the presence of it has always been alive, but when the time comes and it dies, I do not know how to grieve for it. I do not know how to become without music. So when my own existence corrupts my love for it, it breaks me twice as much.

On days I do not love myself, love no longer fits me like my favorite hoodie. My cereal tastes like insecurity. When I look at my reflection in the mirror, I see an enemy. And it tries to rage a war inside my head. I despise it now more than ever. The shadow has grown larger than me.

Etched into my skin like tattoos are all the words that attempted to tear me down, all written on my skin like an art piece on canvas. My torso splits in half and you can see all the curves, all my valleys, the entire journey this body has been through.

On days I do not love myself, I write.

I write and write until my body has collapsed. I write and write until flowers are drawn in and they dance to the beat of every stroke of my pen. I write and write until words are beautiful again. Until they do not try to hurt me again. I write and write until I learn to love myself again.

I am not proud of this pain. But I am proud of my battles. Loving myself was never easy, but sometimes just being alive is all that matters. Just waking up, even with a heavy heart, is all that matters. Just knowing everything is going to be okay, is all that matters.

And even though the process is slow and agonizing at times, I’m realizing that I could handle it. Even when there are days when grief shows up at my doorstep unanticipated, when loneliness stays by the fireplace just to make me cry, or even when the mirror is my enemy and my body never seemed enough, I still matter.

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Fall Back In Love With Yourself.

It’s time to take your love back from those who hurt you; from those who never understood how to protect someone who cared as deeply as you did. It’s time to take those pieces, the shards of heart and hope, from the hands of those who do not deserve to hold them any longer. It is time to believe that you are worthy of being whole again; that you are worthy of knitting yourself back together, day by day, fragment by fragment.

It is time to understand that you never had any say in how long someone stayed; you never had any say in how long someone loved you. There was nothing you could have done to stop them from walking away. Whether you silenced the thud of your heart against your rib cage, whether you spoke in a softer tone or made yourself fit into their lives like a square peg in a round hole, you never had any say in how long they were going to appreciate you. How long they were going to try.

However, you do have a say in how you rise; in how you pick yourself up from the debris of it all. You do have control over how you grow, how you build yourself from a foundation of ash and flame, from charred pieces of past and weathered old names.

So take it slowly. Start by taking back your favorite songs, the ones that always made you cry when they left. Take back your favorite coffee shop, the one you always went to together. Take back your favorite sweater, the one that always smelled like them. Then, calmly, take back your quiet — the thoughts you have when you are asleep, the conversations you share with the moon. Take back your beauty, the confidence that was once built on the bedrock of their approval. Take back your heart, no matter how battered and bruised it is, no matter how much it hurts.

I promise you will bloom again. I promise you will flourish. Trust me when I say that wildflowers grow in the oddest of places, between the cracks of memories, they gather strength within scar tissue, stretching toward the light, saying “We deserve to be here, no matter where we have come from.” Now it’s your turn.

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When You’re Scared Of Being Vulnerable.

Sometimes people mistake vulnerability for weakness, because while others build walls up to prevent anyone from coming in, you bring walls down to let yourself be free.

But it takes more strength to free yourself than it does to stay caged in.

And while those who consider themselves strong, tough, or hard, carry on as though nothing bothers them, as though nothing can break them or make them waver, you wear it on your face that you’re no stranger to being broken. And although you let others see the fact that you’ve been hurt before, you still carry on.

Because you don’t let vulnerability defeat you or define you, you let it guide you.

And you’re in a place where you’re susceptible to be hurt again, because that’s the position you put yourself in when you acknowledge that your head and your heart are of equal importance, but the benefit of being vulnerable is that you don’t allow the fear of how others will respond to prevent you from showing them a part of who you are.

Vulnerability is such a fragile term, but while those who are vulnerable are easily broken, they are also fearless. Because it takes a tremendous amount of courage to put yourself out there. Vulnerability involves taking chances. It means you’re willing to risk destruction for something greater.

You’re aware that everything could fall apart, but you do it for love, you do it for life itself, because you’d rather be fragile if pretending to be strong means constantly wondering, ‘what if?’

But being vulnerable is being strong, because if everything does fall apart, you realize there’s nothing left to do but clean up and start over. It takes strength to admit you’re not indestructible.

Being strong isn’t being fearless, it’s admitting fear’s presence and allowing it to push you forward rather than hold you back.

Vulnerability uses fear as fuel because you sacrifice hurt for haven. And in acknowledging your fears, you’re acknowledging a part of who you are that maybe you’re reluctant to express.

Because all the times you wish you could convey the things you’re feeling and say the thoughts you’re thinking, vulnerability comes in and gives those thoughts the voice they didn’t have. Vulnerability is insecurity’s microphone.

Vulnerability is accepting the part of yourself that you buried the deepest, and it’s an attempt to share that part with someone else. The benefit of being vulnerable is that you finally begin to realize no one expects you to be perfect, and you begin to understand that you don’t have to be.

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Hero’s Journey.

This post is about a story. It’s a story that changed my life, and throughout history has changed the lives of many other human beings. This story has been told since the beginning of time. It has appeared in different forms in every culture and country of the world, but the essence of the story always remains the same. The story is about a hero who undertakes a courageous journey on planet Earth.

The setting of planet Earth is an exquisitely beautiful one – filled with vast oceans, mountains, jungles, breathtaking coastlines, sweeping plains, and spectacular animals and creatures of every kind – and along with the beauty of the natural world, is all of the joy that is experienced by the human beings who inhabit it. But as the hero discovers, life is also very challenging for human beings on earth. Growth is painful, from childhood to adolescence, adulthood, and eventually old age, and there are the experiences of physical suffering, poverty, and grief, and eventually death for everyone.

There is both joy and suffering on planet Earth because this beautiful world is a world of duality – a world of opposites. There is an opposite side to everything. There’s light and there’s darkness, near and far, up and down, left and right, hot and cold, and these opposites are experienced at every level of life. There are friends and enemies, falling in love and falling out of love, security and uncertainty, wealth and poverty, bliss and despair, and in every human there are positive and negative qualities. On planet Earth, everything has its opposite.

And it’s this world with its equal potential for great joy, great love, great challenges, and great suffering that you wanted to come to. It’s you who wanted to come here and experience the adventure of living in such a beautiful but challenging place. It’s you who were determined that there was no difficulty so great it would stop you from discovering the hero within you. It’s you who wanted to take the Hero’s Journey… for you are the hero of this story.

You are not left unequipped when you undertake the Hero’s Journey. You were born with immensely powerful abilities within you that would enable you to realize your dreams and overcome every trial, obstacle, and challenge you would encounter. But in being born into the limited material world of planet Earth, your mind and consciousness became limited too, which meant you wouldn’t remember your true nature, and you wouldn’t remember the powerful abilities within you. You would have to discover them for yourself.

Only through completing the Hero’s Journey and allowing your highest human qualities to arise within you, will you finally become the hero. And then a new purpose will overtake your heart – to help those who are beginning their own Hero’s Journey, with everything you discovered on the path.

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The Aftermath Of Emotional Abuse.

Even if he used words instead of fists, it was still abuse.

Maybe he never hit you but his words hurt you more than any slap in your face or any kick with his leg. And the worst thing was that you thought that he would change.

You thought that you were just having a crisis in your relationship and that after some time, he would figure out how much he loved you. But you know what? He never did. You were never important to him and that’s why he abused you so much. For every problem that he had in his life, you were the guilty one.

For every slap that life gave him, you were the guilty one. For all his moments of sorrow, you were there for him to put the blame on you.

And you, blind in love, put up with all his shit for years.

The day when you left him, was the worst one of your life because he always told you that you wouldn’t make it unless he was there. He brainwashed you and all you could see in the mirror was just a shell of the girl you had been before.

I just want you to know that I can understand how you feel. Just like you, I’ve been there. Just like you, I gave second chances. And just like you, I ended up broken and in tears. It took me some time to recover from that abuse and to settle down. But I was no longer the same me. I could still love, but this time I loved differently. And that is something that you will go through too.

You will constantly live in a state of being on-guard.

For a long time, you won’t be able to relax because you will think that every man who comes into your life will do you the same thing as your abuser. It will be hard to win you over and most of all, it will be hard for you to trust people again. You will feel that something is wrong every time someone approaches you, so you will pull back.

You will wonder how you are coming across.

While you were being emotionally abused, you had the constant feeling that your partner didn’t understand your actions or your words. That made you so confused but the truth was, that he was telling you to do what he thought was right.

He never took care of your feelings and needs. For him, you were just a doll and he was the master of puppets, controlling you the way he liked.

Now, after everything has finished, you will realize that people around you understand you perfectly well and that only one man couldn’t do that.

You will feel that something is wrong with you.

After you break free from your abuser, you will feel that you are too damaged to love someone again. But when you spend some time with the people you love, you will see in the end that you are not so broken.

Of course, you will have emotional bruises but all people who have been fighting have them. The most important thing, after all, is that you were still standing and that you never gave up.

You will wonder what went wrong.

Every victim of an emotional abuse will think about the things that she was doing in the last relationship and how they affected it. You will sometimes ask yourself if things could have been better if you’d had a different defense mechanism.

You will think about things that you did or didn’t do and you will have a constant feeling that you could have done things better. Please, stop doing this because it wasn’t your fault. Not a second of your relationship with him was your problem because your abuser was guilty of everything.

You will be anxious and depressed. And frankly speaking, this is something that every victim of emotional abuse goes through.

At some point, you will think that you are crazy but that feeling will soon fade away. The only person who was crazy in that relationship was him. So stay strong when going through this period of your life and bear in mind, that you finally saved yourself from the one who could have ruined you.

You will have distrust in future relationships.

It is not that simple to give your heart to someone new, not knowing if he will hurt you like the man before him. That’s why you will look like someone who plays hard to get but inside, your world will be falling apart and you will crave the love that you need so much.

This feeling is a constant battle but somewhere along the road, you will see that not all men are equal.

Nothing about your healing process will be easy.

The aftermath of emotional abuse is characterized by different behavior moods. One day you will be happy and cheerful and the next you will feel depressed and you won’t get out of bed. You will think that nobody will ever love you again because you are broken.

You will have a rush of negative thoughts here and there and they will dictate your life. Only when some time passes will you see that things are not so bad after all and that there is some hope for you.

You will wish that you were not so sensitive.

After any trauma, a person will feel bad. Every single comment can hurt them because they are so sensitive. This will happen to you too. Sometimes, you won’t be able to react to the simplest situation and you will just run away from all those things that make you feel like that.

You will want to be alone because in that way people won’t be able to hurt you. I just want you to know that you should take all the time in the world to heal. If you don’t like going out, don’t do it. Do things that you feel comfortable with.

You were putting up with someone’s wishes for a hell of a long time and it is time to finally put yourself first.

I know that you are an amazing person who just met a guy who ruined your life. If you could have been amazing before, I am sure that you can bring your old spark back. I won’t lie to you and tell you that the healing process will be fast; it won’t.

You will need a lot of time for yourself to fight those nasty demons of yours. You will cry yourself to sleep every night until you see that after that you will feel much better. And when you least expect it, you will meet someone who will bring you faith in love again. You just need to be patient because good things don’t happen overnight.

And your abuser?

You will probably never forget him. After all, he was a part of your life for a long time but all that he did to you made you the person you are today—strong, independent and definitely not ready to settle for less than she deserves.

In the end, I ask you for one thing only—forgive him for all that he did to you. Not because he deserves that forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.

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Never Apologize For Feeling Too Much.

You are a beautiful piece of art. You know why I’m saying this? Art always shows us parts of the world which can’t be seen by everyone, understood by everyone or even be present in everyone’s mind as something worth exploring. It’s the same with you and your emotions.

Emotions, emotions, emotions.

They keep the world spinning, although you can’t see them.

In relationships, you might encounter someone who doesn’t appreciate your way of feeling things so deeply. Please, don’t be ashamed of that. Run away from those kinds of people. If they don’t love you as much as you’re prepared to love them, leave them. They don’t deserve the universe inside of you.

I want to see you running barefoot when the sun is rising above the horizon. I want to see you cry in front of the TV because your favorite character has found the love of his life. I want you to laugh – loudly, fully, happily. Where every word and every action goes straight to your heart, you shouldn’t deny that.

I want you to love.

If that’s what you are feeling, embrace it and acknowledge it! You deserve so much credit for all those times you cried in the corner of a room because you were too afraid to show your tears to anyone. But now, you see, you don’t need to do that. PLEASE! Listen to me.

You are a wonderful piece of art. You deserve to feel alive.

You are not too much. You are not too little. You are just enough. So don’t ever apologize for your loud, uncontrolled laughter. It’s something that makes you so special and lovable.

Too much is always better than too little.

Open Topic

Follow Your Heart.

Throughout my life I’ve often heard people say ‘Follow your heart.’ I have to admit, looking back I never really knew what this meant. I was taught to use my head; to think about things rationally and logically. I was taught to use perspective and weigh things out before making decisions. I was also conditioned to follow the crowd and do what other people do. I see now that my guidance system was out of alignment with my true self and my passion, purpose, and calling. I see now what following your heart really means and why this is so important.

Your true guidance system is your heart as we say. If you truly want to follow your passion, purpose, and calling and connect with the happiness and success you will always be searching for elsewhere; then follow your heart. Following your heart means following what FEELS good, and what FEELS right. Throw logic out the window. Just kidding, no but seriously, logistical and realistic thinking is based on your subjective perspective and cannot see the bigger picture. Your heart seems to be connected to universal intelligence and therefore can guide you more accurately; and then your thoughts can help get you there.

When you are in alignment with your true self life happens naturally and with ease. There are minimal struggles, everything feels right, everything works out great, and new opportunities present themselves constantly. When you are out of alignment you will find yourself forcing things, struggling with conflicts and frustrations left and right, and nothing you want to happen is happening very easily. When you ignore your heart you will only get side-tracked longer making your journey more of a struggle until you listen. To stay in alignment simply follow your heart.

To follow your heart you feel your way through life. You can literally ask yourself, “What does my heart say?” Or you can pay attention to what feels right. If you become resistant to things, or irritated and frustrated easily, your heart is telling you no, don’t go that way. If you are happy, or laughing, full of positive emotion, your body is relaxed and excited, and everything feels right- your heart is saying yes this way. It is easy to confuse your unwavering determination to be, do, or have something, when the right choice sits in opposition. You are told to be strong and persevere through anything in pursuit of your goals. This can make it difficult to distinguish between an obstacle in the road and a sign telling you to turn around. This is why it is even more important to listen to your heart, so you can tell the difference between a normal obstacle and a sign saying no don’t bother.

Summary: If you ever question the path you’re on or a decision you are making, ask your heart. It gives an immediate answer and you instantly know it is right. You just have to remember to ask and then listen to your inner guidance system, your heart. Your heart knows the way; your mind will get you there.

Open Topic

I Want To Feel Peace Within.

You know, when I was younger I had so many New Year’s resolutions. All the way from losing a couple of pounds to making myself look more beautiful.

Then, somewhere down the road I realized life is not about the things that I can affect. Life is all about the things I can’t affect. So, this year I only want things that money can’t buy.

First of all, I want to feel peace within. I want to feel good in my own skin. I want to be a woman who can accept a compliment and not blush because I deserve it. I want to walk proudly down the street knowing that I didn’t do harm to anybody. I want to feel that I am worthy.

I want to feel that I am enough. And no matter how much time has to pass for that to happen, I will be patient because that is important to me.

Secondly, I want to feel love so deep an ocean would be jealous of it. I want to be loved and respected because I deserve that.

Every time I love, I give myself all in. This time, I want others to show me how much they love me and appreciate me because I am not going to sell myself short anymore.

This year I will put myself first.

Thirdly, I want to feel happiness in my heart. For some reason, there isn’t much happiness in my life.

I was thinking that maybe I didn’t have enough time for my private life and that’s why I didn’t feel that happiness. But when I think twice about it, I don’t think that was the problem.

The problem is much deeper inside of me. The problem might be all those calls I never got while I deserved them. The problem might be all those messages nobody sent me while I never forget them.

The problem might be all those kisses and hugs I never got. And finally, the problem might be all those warm words that I never had a chance to hear. But I want to leave all that in the past because it belongs there.

I want to get rid of all those people who pretended to be my friends and who betrayed me in the first bumps in the road. This year, I want to dedicate more to myself and find that happiness in my heart and my soul that is fighting so hard to come out.

So, this year, my only resolution will be things that I am hungry for. I am hungry for love, peace, hope, care, happiness, harmony and all those positive feelings I craved so much.

No matter what happens, I will try to give my heart and my soul everything that they need. Because just like our body needs food to be healthy, our soul and our heart needs spiritual food to be alive.

And believe it or not, I want peace within more than love. You probably wonder why, right? Well, in order to be good to someone else, I first need to be good to myself.

And I won’t be able to do that if I don’t have peace inside of me.

Once I decide to give myself all in to someone new, I want to be okay with myself. I want to be a woman who accepts all my pros and cons.

I want to know that I am not perfect, but that I am trying to be. I want to know that I did everything in my power to be satisfied in my own skin.

And most of all, I want to be a woman with self-worth. I want to tell myself every day that I should be happy because I am doing something good for myself.

I want to tell myself that I am doing much better than I think and that no matter how much some people want to see me down, I will never be there. Because I am a fighter and heaven helps those who fight.

And in the end, when I get that peace within that I crave so much, I won’t selfishly keep it only for myself.

I want to share it with my family and friends. I want to help all people to feel this blessing that I will feel and I want us to enjoy it forever.

So, 2020, here I come—more beautiful, more stubborn, more goal-oriented and much smarter. I hope you are ready for me because I am sure as hell ready for you!

Open Topic

Just Because You Love Them, Don’t Allow Someone To Treat You Poorly.

Everyone’s common sense tells them they shouldn’t tolerate people hurting them.

If your friend was in a bad relationship where a guy treated her poorly, you’d be the first to tell her to call it quits.

No matter how much she loved the guy, you’d know that her place is not next to him.

Why is it so hard then to notice that the person you love is treating you badly, and why is it even harder to stop allowing that from happening?

Love can make us blind, that’s true. Loving someone can make us idealize everything good they do. And then when they do something wrong, we end up making excuses for them.

You weren’t born into this world to waste your energy, good heart, and love on someone who doesn’t appreciate you.

Start loving yourself and caring for your own well-being, and things will begin to unfold for you.

Let’s take off the blindfold love has put over our eyes and try to see things clearly for once.

If they don’t answer when you call them and never even apologize, that’s not right.

If you wait for hours before they answer a simple message, that’s not right.

If they’re never there for you, no matter the reason you need them, that’s not right.

If they can’t find the time or energy to participate in your life, that’s not right.

If the person you’re with can’t seem to respect, support, and love you the way they’re supposed to – that sure isn’t right.

We don’t want to think badly of the person we’ve given so much to. We want them good, pure, and perfect in our minds.

That’s why we never let ourselves confess they are actually treating us quite poorly.

Realizing and confessing that someone is hurting you with their behavior is step one in solving this huge issue.

No matter how much you love someone, you can’t let them break you apart.

Love can’t be one-sided. If you love them, they should love you back, right? If they loved you, would they hurt you? Absolutely not.

The person who truly loves you will always have your best interests at heart. The one who cares will never intentionally hurt you.

If someone keeps treating you the way you would never treat them and you keep forgiving them, now is the time to break that vicious cycle.

No one gets to hurt you, no matter how much they mean to you.

Would you ever do bad things to someone you love? Sure you wouldn’t. Then, why do you let someone do that to you?

I know you find many reasons to explain them hurting you in a way that makes it seem less important and like it’s not even their fault.

Not only are those malicious actions important, but they are also crucial to your self-esteem and for your future happiness.

They take your trust and sincerity and they toss it all away, making it seem like you’re the less important person in the relationship.

I wonder how they would feel if you did the same thing to them?! Would they forgive you? I’m pretty sure not.

I’m quite sure they’re constantly apologizing to you, asking your forgiveness. Well, let me tell you something: An apology that doesn’t come with changed behavior is just lip service.

I’m also guessing that if by any chance you choose to actually stand your ground and show them you’re no longer putting up with their shit, they will make you feel bad for being angry at them.

This is the kind of toxic person you don’t want in your life. They might have you believing they will change, but they won’t!

You might be thinking about giving them a second chance, but I can tell you right now, that any chance you give them, will be wasted.

Someone who claims that they love you, yet, still decides to treat you poorly isn’t worth a second chance.

Yes, forgiveness is a beautiful path to choose, and sure you can choose to forgive them for every way they’ve harmed you.

I’ve said forgive, not forget.

Don’t let them treat you like you are unworthy of love, and don’t let them ever harm you again.

Open Topic

A Woman Who Silently Fights With Illness Everyday.

Before I say anything, I want to apologize for all those times I hurt your feelings because I didn’t know better.

If I assumed you were healthy just because your illness is not visible – I’m sorry.

If I told you that you looked tired when you were suffering from chronic fatigue – I’m sorry.

If I reminded you of something you had to say goodbye to because of your illness – I’m sorry.

If I acted recklessly regarding something your illness has taught you is valuable – I’m sorry.

If I said something to bring you down instead of lifting you up – I’m sorry.

If I thought of the worst when I didn’t know better – I’m sorry.

It took me some time to realize what it means to confront the fact that your body’s working against you; what it means when your body simply refuses to listen to you and you can do nothing about it.

I still can’t comprehend it fully, but I’ve learned so much by listening to what you say instead of making assumptions and listening to those who don’t know what you’re going through.

Even though I can’t know everything you’re going through, I understand that the moment you realized you were ill, your life changed forever.

Your illness gave you new eyes and now through you, I too have started to see life differently.

Through you, I’ve realized there are so many things I pay attention to daily that are not worth my attention at all.

Instead of being thankful for everything I have and living my life to the fullest, I’m concerned about unimportant things.

An ill person once told me that for her illness was a blessing in disguise and, at the time, I didn’t understand why, so I asked in confusion: but how?

This is what she explained:

‘’My illness, for the first time in life, has helped me realize how much unnecessary pain I was inflicting on myself daily, by choice. I let myself be hurt by the things that didn’t matter and now, when I’m faced with something I cannot control, I have learned to stop inflicting pain on myself because that’s one thing I can control. Everything else I can’t control I must accept anyway.’’

She chose not to be her own enemy.

That’s something I want to share with everyone else. Stop postponing things and stop accumulating pain.

Don’t be your own enemy. In every given moment you can choose to stop hurting yourself.

Don’t let your mind bring you down and don’t let other people control your life either. You’re not here for them.

Let go of resentment and let go of guilt. Stop poisoning your soul with something you are not.

You are not your pain, you are not your shame, you are not your jealousy or your sadness.

You may be experiencing those feelings, but they don’t define you and they shouldn’t control your life.

Show respect for your life, show respect for the person you are. This is done by choosing everything you can do, instead of everything you can’t.

It’s scary how easily we forget how fragile we are, yet at the same time, don’t let ourselves be strong either.

It might be because we never know how strong we are until being strong is our only option.

However tragic, sad, and hard it may seem, life is indeed something miraculous.

I’m not saying this to spread nonsense positivity, but to remind myself and others there’s more to life – something we all feel once our life is somehow threatened, physically or emotionally.

I want to thank all the loved ones in my life who have suffered from illness for reminding me what life is about.

While fighting your silent battles, you didn’t give up on life but let it flourish.

Whatever your fate may be, know that with your courage you brought peace to other people’s lives, and for that reason alone, you will never be forgotten.

Thank you for proving that life is, after all, a miracle.

Open Topic

What Does “To Be Anxious For Nothing” Mean?

Stop worrying! You are not accomplishing anything constantly worrying. I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve heard those words. My husband is famous for asking me, “Can you change it?” Usually followed by my low mumble of a “no.” “Then let it go!” He reminds me over and over again of the serenity prayer I learned so long ago.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

For my entire life, I had heard “Be anxious for nothing,” followed by “just pray.” The problem I had with that is that it usually came from someone who didn’t battle with extreme anxiety. They weren’t walking in my shoes, living with an emotionally abusive parents who had convinced me I was never good enough. Over the years I became that co-dependent daughter who learned to do her very best to manipulate every situation for the best possible outcome.

A nervous, desperate, controller of situations. I was a fearful perfectionist desperately trying to make things ok. Never was it good enough, and if I stopped juggling the plates I had in the air for even a moment, it all came crashing down on me. I tried support groups. Nothing ever came from those. I went from an anxious, worrisome daughter, into a wife and mother with the same characteristics. I made everyone crazy, including myself.

God changed my life. The serenity prayer became real to me. A true mantra in my life, reinforced by my loving husband who willingly walked beside me in my recovery from living a life of anxious desperation.

Each time I read Philippians 4:6-7 I’m reminded to be anxious about nothing, but I could never put the scripture into my own words…to really own it until now. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” I needed to go deeper, to honestly look at the commands God was putting forth for me, and then to truly understand what He was saying. So I broke it down.

As I read scripture, I always look for directions God provides me. It’s a list for me of the command, and how to accomplish it or the frequency at which to do it. My study page looks like this.

Once those commands and the “how to” are boxed and underlined, I get the definitions. Yes, I’m looking up words to which I already have an understanding. I need to break them down further. I need to look at the true definition of the word, not simply my perceived understanding. And so it breaks down more.

After my study time, God allowed me to create my paraphrase of Philippians 4:6-7, and suddenly as I’m walking in this new phase of anxiety called healing, God provided me with the greatest understanding of this passage I have ever had. My interpretation became, “Don’t worry about anything. In all things, big and little, significant and insignificant talk to God. Make your worries and concerns known to Him. Be polite and thankful when you make your requests. Humble yourself and know that the calm tranquility that comes on from God and makes no sense to man will be upon you. That peace and comfort will overcome you. Protect your heart and mind from attack knowing that in Christ Jesus, you will have all that you need.”

I finally get it, Lord! He didn’t tell me never to worry, for in this human flesh that would be impossible. What God did say is when I worry, turn it over to Him. Talk to Him. Be respectful and polite, I mean He is my Father. But let Him know the things that worry me…the things that scare me, and shake me to my core. Then, rather than holding on to those things, and trying to fix them, or orchestrate my path around them, GIVE them to GOD and never pick them up again! He will bear my worries. He will carry my burdens, and He alone will provide me peace and comfort that truly can never be explained in any way other than it comes from God.

Dear One, emotional hurts are I believe the most difficult hurts to carry. It’s not a broken bone that needs to heal. It’s a broken heart, its wounds to the very core of our soul. But let me make this very clear. God can heal those! He can heal to the deepest places of your heart, mind, and soul. There’s only one catch. You have to be willing to let Him.

I pray you find peace, and that each day you can make a baby step toward putting your fears and worries on God. His shoulders are broad enough for both of you, and He’s ready, willing and able to carry your burdens. Just let Him.

Open Topic

Anxiety Is A Bitch, But I’m A Bigger One.

Living with anxiety is like being followed by a voice. It knows all your insecurities and uses them against you. It gets to the point when it’s the loudest voice in the room. The ONLY one you can hear!’
Healthyplace.com

Anxiety is one of the most popular diseases nowadays.

It can happen to anyone, no matter which age or gender they are.

It is a treacherous, quiet killer. It comes to your life without an invitation and stays there as long as you let it stay.

It also came to my life.

I started feeling strange symptoms overnight.

I was like a cat on hot bricks all the time.

Even though I supposed to feel relaxed and enjoy things, I couldn’t.

I tried to talk to myself. I had an inner monologue full of hope. But nothing worked.

What made things worse was the fact that I had a child along with the anxiety.

And trust me, it is not easy to be a full-time mom when your whole world is falling apart.

I couldn’t go out for a walk with my baby because I thought something bad will happen. Going to the park with him gave me the heebie-jeebies.

And I couldn’t find a valid reason to feel like that.

What made things worse was the fact that I had a child along with the anxiety.

I couldn’t go out for a walk with my baby because I thought something bad will happen. Going to the park with him gave me the heebie-jeebies.

And then I decided it is enough. I couldn’t stand my life passing by without me enjoying it.

That was tearing me down.

Even though my anxiety was a bitch, I decided to be a bigger one.

The day I made that decision was the best day of my life.

I decided to be over my problems.

Ok, I am anxious. So, what?

Half of the world suffers from anxiety and they can still function normally.

So, why would I be an exception?

Every time I wanted to enjoy my life, I started sweating and feeling butterflies in my stomach.

Those symptoms were part of my life. But not for long. As I started thinking positively, I felt that they were fading away.

After so much time spent suffering in my 4 walls, I became the old me.

The woman who laughs. The one who cares about others. The one who accepts invitations for lunches or coffee.

I must admit, it was very difficult at the beginning. I still remember the first time I went out to a coffee shop with my friend.

My palms were sweating. I was looking around, trying to see where the exit was.

I wanted to sit close to the toilet in case I get sick. I thought I will die if I don’t get out from that place.

I said to myself: “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!”

Then, I stopped for a second. I took a deep breath.

And then I said to myself: “Die if you want! I will just sit here and watch myself die. I want to know what it feels like!”

That was the moment when I defeated all my fears.

Somehow, my heartbeat was normal again and I wasn’t feeling dizzy at all.

That was the first time in 2 years that I felt like the old me again.

Every day I have been fighting more and more. And one day, I totally defeated my anxiety.

I am aware of the fact that I will always be a little bit nervous and anxious. That’s the way that cookie crumbles.

But it won’t be as bad as it was before.

While I am writing this letter, I am thinking about all you guys out there who suffer from this nasty disease.

I just want to say: “Hang in there! If I could beat this, so can you. You just need to think positively.”

Please bear in mind that anxiety does not define you!

You are doing your very best!

And don’t think that the game is over once you start suffering from anxiety.

The game is over when YOU say so!

Open Topic

He Was A Lesson, Not A Life Sentence.

We’ve all been there. We know how much it hurts. But please be brave. Life shouldn’t stop just because he left you.

Pick up the pieces of your heart. Glue them back together. You will heal.

Choose to learn from the past, not to regret it. If you focus too much on it, you’ll miss out on a beautiful future.

The experience will leave scars. They’ll be there all your life just to remind you to choose yourself more often.

They’ll mold you to become a better person in every possible way. They won’t let you go back to that man ever again.

Love is addictive.

And if you are suddenly deprived of it, you have to go through withdrawal.

Be stronger than that. Don’t get high. Think about the long-term side effects.

But don’t ever let that past define you. You aren’t a girl with a broken heart who can’t trust and love anymore. No, you are not.

Remember, you will love again. And more importantly, you’ll be loved as you never have before.

It’s hard to finish a relationship with someone you would have done anything for.

It’s hard, and it may get harder—but it will pay off. All the pain and tear-soaked nights will pay off. You’ll be free and happy.

Don’t give him more power over your life than he deserves. He is now just an ex, and that’s all.

Maybe you’ll say hello to him when you see him on the street. Maybe you won’t.

He’ll surely suggest that you two stay friends. Don’t do that. Don’t even respond.

He’ll move on much faster than you, and if you keep in touch with him, you’ll have to see him with his new girlfriends.

Maybe he asked to be friends to keep you available from time to time when he misses you.

If you show him you’re okay with that arrangement, he’ll enjoy those little make-up-and-cuddle sessions, and before you know it, you’ll be so far in that you won’t be able to stop.

You shouldn’t call him—not even to return his things or ask for yours. Be fair and give back what’s his, but send it via someone else.

If you come home one day to find a box of your stuff at your door, you should immediately get rid of it.

Throw it away—no matter what’s inside. Whatever it is, it will slow your healing process.

Leave him in the past. Don’t look back. What if Cinderella had gone back for her shoe? She would never have met her prince.

An ending doesn’t have to be a bad thing. An ending simply means that something else is about to begin.

The best thing you can do is devise some mechanisms for coping with your new situation.

For example, you could write a letter to him and set it on fire, along with your mementos and photographs.

Life is a journey, and it’s just taking you somewhere else. Buckle your seat belt and enjoy the ride.

To heal your wounds, you need to stop touching them. He wanted to leave, so show him the way out, and close that door forever.

He is now in the past. Your past is a history of victory. Learn from it. It’s the biggest lesson of your life.

Break your illusions about him. He was never your forever. Stop collecting stones when you deserve diamonds. You deserve the truest love of all.

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What Is Marriage?

Everything that leads up to your wedding day is very romantic: planning a big reception, a beautiful dress, and of course, your Prince Charming.

Deeper into marriage, though, life can seem less romantic. Less exciting. Less interesting.

Taking care of your home and organizing your life after the wedding might even make you wonder if you did the right thing.

Wonder why it is so much less than you had hoped for.

You need to trust me on this one. Marriage is in no way less. It’s so, so much more.

Marriage isn’t always rainbows and butterflies but it beautifully deepens the bond you’ve created with your soulmate.

Marriage is letting go of the expectations of what you thought marriage should be and realizing that it is way more than you could ever dream.

Marriage is cuddling up on the sofa and realizing there’s no one else in the whole wide world you’d rather be with.

Marriage is being able to imagine a future together, whatever it may bring.

Feeling ready to deal with anything that comes your way because knowing you get to do it with your soulmate makes you fearless.

Marriage is learning that one fight doesn’t mean the end. A fight is just one of the ways you grow better and stronger together.

It is saying something intentionally hurtful and regretting it the moment it leaves your mouth, hoping they will forgive you.

Marriage means having someone to support you even when you are at your worst. It means having someone to laugh at your silliest jokes.

It means always being around. Forever. For better or for worse. It means he has your back and you have his, even when you screw things up.

In marriage you share everything.

Your home, your bed, your secrets, and your most intimate thoughts – the ones you thought you could never share with anyone.

Marriage is feeling secure, loved, and taken care of and making sure the other person feels that exact same way because of what you do for them.

Marriage is spending a huge portion of the night uncovered but refusing to get separate duvets anyway because you want him as close to you as possible for as long as possible.

It is singing and dancing to the same tune – one that only you two can hear.

Marriage is wanting to prove that you’re right so badly but choosing not to because it’s less important than creating a healthy atmosphere between you and your partner.

It means having a best friend who can read any face you make and know just what you’re up to simply by the way you look at them.

Marriage is showing each other that you care in your own unique way.

It doesn’t have to be roses, chocolates, and gifts.

It can be a home-cooked meal, a fixed sink, or calling in the middle of the day to check on your loved one.

Marriage is rarely grand gestures.

More often than not, it’s a messy web of short moments, memories, and beautiful things you say and do to each other.

Marriage is realizing that beauty, perfection, and social approval have nothing on your little community.

It is making a secret pact that guarantees it will always be the two of you against the world.

Marriage is disagreeing over many things but always being certain about one: making sure you never, ever give up on each other and your love.

It means enjoying each other’s differences and loving your partner for their flaws, not despite them.

Marriage is falling in love over and over again, each time with the same person but in a different way.

It is not only loving each other, but also liking and respecting each other as people. It means working together towards the same goal.

Marriage isn’t a necessity in life but it is an amazing luxury, bringing the promise of friendship, love, and support forever.

It is not something you simply get. It takes hard work.

Marriage is something you do – learning to love and care for your partner each day of your life.

Marriage does indeed begin when you marry the one you love, but it is built by loving the one you marry.

Open Topic

Thank God For…

We all have days when we take a deep gaze into the sky and ask, “God, why is this happening to me?”

Why is life so unfair? Haven’t I deserved better?

This happens through all stages of our life but somehow the aches of the heart tend to hurt differently.

The pain that comes with a broken heart is its own kind of sharp.

We can’t wrap our mind around why our feelings and efforts and investing our soul weren’t enough to make things work.

We can’t understand why someone we gave our best to treated us like crap, played with our love and betrayed everything we once had.

But God understands and He has a plan for us.

A plan that’s better than everything that we could ever imagine.

So no matter how hard it is for you now and how broken your heart is, trust in God’s plan; trust in His reasons.

That rough patch, that ugly relationship that had a bad break-up, are just tough trials, lessons you had to learn even though you didn’t want to.

They were there to show you what love is not.

They were there to teach you to approach love differently when it finds you next time.

You are heartbroken because you deserve someone better.

God knows it and with time, you will know it too.

As you continue your life’s journey, you will see what you want from life and love.

You will realize you deserve someone better and when the time is right, God will send you a man you deserve.

You just need to have patience and trust His will.

Never doubt God’s infinite mercy, even though He gave you this temptation.

Don’t immediately forget about all the good things in your life and don’t focus only on the bad.

Don’t feel hopeless because no matter how many times you prayed for relief, nothing got better.

Many people think that they are being punished for some past transgressions and that God wants to teach them a lesson through that suffering.

You may feel anger and bitterness. You are a good human being, so why is something bad happening to you?

It’s a natural and common question asked by many people when they’re faced with sudden trouble.

We are always thanking God for the good times in our lives but we forget to thank Him when hard times come.

He is the one who sends us both good and bad days and those bad days are here for some purpose.

You just have to find out their purpose.

Do you know what the greatest emotion of all is? It’s gratitude.

And despite all circumstances, you always have to be grateful.

Always be aware of all the things God gave you and always show your gratitude for them.

He had his reason why He gave you those moments and you have to find the right way to respond to those temptations.

God is our strength and the key to our salvation is in His hands.

Never stop thanking Him and praying for His mercy.

Those days won’t last forever. They will pass sooner than you think.

However, it’s important how you’ll behave.

You have a choice to make; whether you will be grateful to God for sending you those bad days to remind you of the good things in your life, or if you’ll be bitter and angry.

If you are overwhelmed by everything that is happening, you feel like your world is crumbling down, then there is only one right thing to do.

Show your gratefulness to God and He will show you the path out of your worries.

Thank God for bad days as because of them you will be able to understand real happiness.

You’ll be able to appreciate what’s really important in life.

Thank Him for putting you through some hard times because you’ll cherish every moment of your life.

You’ll cherish your family more. You’ll be able to cherish everything in your life.

Thank Him for making you realize how wonderful life can be and how ungrateful we can be.

Thank Him for giving you a lesson. The bad days really do help us grow and give us something to learn from.

Our life is designed with ups and downs.

Thank Him for helping you to embrace even those bad days.

There is no point in fighting it. Be aware of the fact that you are not alone.

We all have bad days and we are all learning to cope with them.

Thank Him for teaching you that there’s a lot of good to balance out the bad.

You are surrounded by countless good things; God gave you so many blessings that it’s impossible not to see them.

Thank Him for giving you an opportunity to see and learn new things.

Whenever something bad happens to you, try to see something positive in it; that’s the only way you’ll have the strength to cope with the bad days.

Thank Him for making you a stronger person.

Those bad experiences shape you to be better.

They make you tough. Nietzsche said ‘That which does not kill us, makes us stronger’.

That should be your life slogan.

Thank Him for making you believe in yourself. You didn’t quit and that is the most important thing.

You didn’t lose hope. Those bad experiences made you doubt yourself but you were stronger than that.

You found a way to make things better.

The bad days are the time to fight, they are here to remind us that we should be grateful to God.

To prove to ourselves that we are capable of fighting them. To believe that everything happens for a reason.

The bad days are a time to become a better person, to understand that only God can help us and to be patient in order to overcome those bad experiences.

Changes can’t happen overnight. After all, it’s just a bad day, not a bad life.

Always remember, God won’t give you more than you can handle.

And after every storm, He will send the sun to come out and shine on you again.

Open Topic

Read This If Anxiety Is The Boss Of You.

Silence the voices in your head. Ignore them completely. Nothing will change if you let them upset you. You know you’re not getting anywhere if you just give in.

You’re aware of that, so stop panicking and listen to your realistic side.

You’re only making things worse… for you… and everyone around you.

I feel like I need to tell you something… something you’re probably not aware of. And it’s important for you to know.

Anxiety shows up in different ways. Every person experiences anxiety at some level multiple times during their life.

Some live with it much more easily than others but life is almost never fair, so don’t bother yourself trying to find out why that is so and why you are not one of those people.

You’ve been handed the anxiety card, so live with it and stop asking: “Why me?!” The answer will never come. Let’s move on.

Believe it or not, there is a brighter side to your condition—only if you choose to see it. Anxiety is actually not a bad thing.

Yes, I said it and now listen to why!

Anxiety is not a bad thing once you learn to control it. In fact, anxiety is only a quick response from a healthy brain when you’re in danger.

Your brain is trying to find the best possible solution for the problem at hand. You’re experiencing instinctive thoughts and movements designed to save you from getting into trouble.

In other words, you’re always ready to handle whatever comes your way, whether you know it or not.

Is being prepared for the worst such an awful thing?

Well, it is when it’s ruining your life, when you have no power to restrain your thoughts. It is when you’re letting your anxiety take the wheel and be the boss of you.

Then you lose all control and that survival mode you naturally have quickly grows into panic, which leads to failing.

Please, read this every time you feel like a prisoner in your own mind…

You’ve made it through another day.

You’ve slept through the night although you woke up several times covered in sweat. You were in a place between sleep and reality during the whole night.

This feeling of unease bothered you like you forgot to do something or like something bad was going to happen, but you didn’t know when and you didn’t know how.

The only thing that your brain was telling you was that you needed to be on the lookout. You survived that night and you woke up to live another day.

You’re scared you won’t do your best. You’re scared you’re going to fail miserably and then fail again tomorrow.

But then, you go to sleep and you wake up the next morning… knowing you’ve survived another day.

You’re scared to fail and that’s more than okay.

Your biggest mistake is striving for perfection when it’s impossible. You don’t need to be perfect and you can’t be perfect—at least not to everyone.

That’s why I want you to read this message every time this feeling overwhelms you. There is no point in beating yourself up every time you fail. You will fail and you’re not the only one.

Don’t you understand you need to fail if you want to learn from it and be smarter and better the next time? Don’t let it discourage you. You can always try one more time.

You’re meant to be flawed like any other person in this world. The only difference between you and those who don’t care about perfection is, that they understand it’s impossible to achieve it and it only pressures them, while you’re still obsessed.

Stop apologizing when you don’t need to.

It’s all happening in your head. Out of nowhere, you create a scenario which is anything but the truth. You convince yourself that the outcome is somehow your fault.

So what if you made a mistake? No one is going to judge you solely on that. We are all human, we are all flawed and we all make mistakes.

Enough with the over analyzing of every little thing you do. Enough with the apologies for the things you aren’t even guilty of. That’s just your anxiety playing tricks on you.

Stop thinking too much… it’s killing you. You deserve your own love and understanding.

You are not alone.

Although you might feel like it often. Everyone’s dealing with something. We all have problems and issues buried deep inside, that we don’t like to talk about.

Don’t even for a second start to think you are alone in all of this mess. You are just struggling like the rest of us and you are amazing and worthy of admiration for all of it.

The only way your anxiety will win is if you allow it to be the boss of you. So, keep on fighting and never let it win. Be the only ruler of your life.

Open Topic

The Lies Anxiety Tells You.

“Shake it off,” “Get over it,” “It’s all in your head,” are lines that have never helped anyone fighting anxiety or depression, yet people say them often.

They probably mean well, but they’re not helping and probably making everything worse.

You simply cannot control your anxiety and your helpless position makes you feel even more desperate.

You feel like you have this pessimistic intruder inside of your head who is affecting every single word that comes out of your mouth and every move you make, and you’re completely powerless to it.

Somebody who has never battled a condition like this doesn’t know that anxiety is quite similar to a little voice in the back of your head you can’t chase away, as much as you try.

It’s like a naggy parent who follows you around, telling you that you won’t make it and you’re not enough.

The one who keeps telling you that you should give up before you embarrass yourself.

One who convinces you that everyone will abandon you sooner or later, that everything will turn out for the worst.

It’s this voice that’s making all of this chaos in your head.

What they don’t know is that anxiety is telling you it’s completely pointless for you to put your hands to something, when it’s more than obvious that you’ll fail.

It manages to convince you that you’re good for nothing and that you can’t succeed in anything, so it’s better not to try at all.

Anxiety whispers in your ear that you’re not meant to be loved and that nobody could ever truly care for you.

It’s telling you that your friends are still in your life out of pity, that your boyfriend is only leading you on and taking advantage of you, and that even your closest family members are sick of you and want you out of the way.

It convinces you that sooner or later, everyone will cut you off and replace you.

That people around you will get tired of your condition and are already slowly pulling away from your life.

And anxiety doesn’t stop here.

You hear those kids playing across the street? I bet they’re laughing at you.

You know that great guy you’ve just met?

Well, he’s too good to be true and it’s just a matter of time before when he walks away and leaves you heartbroken.

What about that job you applied for? Well, you couldn’t land it in a million years.

After all, there are much better candidates than you.

There are much prettier and smarter girls that guy would rather date.

And the list goes on forever.

I’m not here to tell you to magically shut this voice inside of your head up.

After all, I know that’s impossible for now and that you would be the happiest person in the world if only you could make it happen.

Nevertheless, I’m just begging you not to believe it.

If necessary, hear what it has to say and leave it behind you.

Remember: Anxiety is your enemy. It does everything possible to mentally destroy and spiritually kill you.

However, it’s your job not to let it.

The question is: Why would you listen to someone like this?

If it were a real life person, would you really follow their advice or take their opinion into consideration?

Would you allow someone this mean to get the best of you and control you completely?

Don’t forget that you’re in charge. You’re the only one with control in your hands.

You are stronger than your insecurities, self-doubts, and overthinking because they’re a part of you – not the other way around.

Your voice is louder than everything your anxiety is trying to sell you.

Your optimism is above its pessimism.

Your light has what it takes to conquer its darkness.

And deep down, under all those damaged parts, you know very well that you’re enough.

You see that your anxiety is deceiving you and that none of its claims is true.

Deep down, you see your worth. You know you’re loved and, most importantly, you love yourself.

Open Topic

A Letter To The Girl Who Takes Care Of Everyone Else, But Herself.

My Dear,

I know that you are giving your best to satisfy all those people around you. But in all that mess, you are forgetting to take care of yourself. So just stop for a second and breathe. Your life mission is not to save the world, so don’t do it, okay? Take some time for yourself only and enjoy the things that you didn’t have time to do for a while. Listen to your favorite song or go to the movies with your friends. But don’t let other people’s problems affect you so badly.

You don’t need to save all of them.

If they want to, they can change their own lives. So, just leave them to handle their problems alone. Because you can’t carry all their problems on your shoulders. If you continue doing that, you will burn out. And then you won’t be good to yourself or to your friends.

Maybe you are doing all that to get away from your own problems.

Because it is much easier to give advice than to get it and to follow it in your own life. Maybe you are so focused on others that you forget your own problems and think that somehow, as if by magic, they will fade away. Maybe that is just your way of dealing with all that stress accumulated inside of you.

No matter how much you want to save the world, you can’t do it.

You are not a hero who will save all those who suffer or take their pain away. Your heart is too small to store all those feelings. You will end up in tears, completely broken because you didn’t think about yourself in time. Please, remember that some things can’t be fixed. The same is with people. Some of them don’t want to be fixed, and some of them are simply not ready to do that yet. So let it go. It is okay to let it go and leave others to decide about their lives.

You set your expectations high, thinking that if you are goodie, others will feel the same way.

But in most cases that is not true. People are self-centered and selfish, and most of them wouldn’t help you if they saw you suffering.

I know that you want to help everyone, but there are times when you need to say, ‘No.’

You need to make yourself a priority and not an option. Because if you don’t do it, nobody else will. If you continue doing all this, you will lose yourself in the chaos. And once you lose yourself, it is difficult to be the old you again. So, be smart. Help people, but don’t forget to help yourself in the first place. And every time you feel like not getting out of your home, stay there. You need yourself and others can wait.

What you have been doing is amazing and I just wish there were more people like you in this cruel place.

I wish that all those you helped so many times, would take your hand and go through life with you when you are experiencing a bad phase of your life. I wish that others would be so careful and caring like you are.

You are worthy. You are amazing. And above all, your heart is made out of gold. I hope you will find a person who will be with you in better or worse, treating you like a queen, because that’s what you are – a queen.

I hope someone will see that brightness and honesty in your eyes and provide you with the same.

And I hope he will be worth the wait. So, continue doing what you are the best at – spreading the love and affection – but don’t forget to keep some of that for yourself.

The world is lucky to have a person like you!

With love,
One who has been there

Open Topic

Abuse is Not Love.

I have no idea what they told you while you were growing up, but let’s get one thing straight from the beginning—abuse is not love.

Just think about it, how many women would be spared of torture if only we stopped romanticizing abuse?

No, love shouldn’t be hard. It does require a lot of effort, but it should never require for you to bend over backward to receive it.

No, love shouldn’t hurt.

Longing for someone, missing them when they’re away, aching for their embrace and touch are all normal things, but this is all considered as sweet suffering.

True love never questions your worth, never makes you wonder if you’re good enough or makes you feel like your heart is being shattered into a million pieces day after day.

See, we all need to stick one thing in our head—real men don’t make love feel hard, they make it feel like it’s the easiest thing there is.

Real men don’t hurt their women, they protect them. Everything else is just a lie we tell ourselves in fear of letting go of our toxic partner.

The truth is, a real man would never do anything to deliberately hurt the woman he loves.

He’d never do anything to make his woman feel insecure or threatened or do anything that could break her heart.

There is a list of things real men do and abusing women is never one of them.

Men who abuse women are nothing but cowards hiding behind their manhood. But they’re not real men.

They’re just the mere shape of men, but there is nothing but rotten souls on the inside.

If you told a kid to draw someone who abuses women either physically or emotionally, do you know what they’d draw? A monster, and that’s exactly what they are.

The thing is, a real man respects himself enough to never tell lies, to never play games, to never break someone who gave him their heart. As simple as that.

Real men cherish their women. They know that whatever you give to a woman, she returns it double. If you give her your heart, she’s gonna give you all of her love.

If you give her a house, she’s gonna give you a home. If you give her your love, she’s gonna make you feel like the only man in this world. What more could you possibly ask for?

Real men protect their women. But they don’t just pretend to do it in public and then abuse them when they’re home and nobody is watching.

They protect their women even from themselves. They make them feel safe and they never allow anything bad to get to them.

The catch is, that real men are aware of women’s strength, they don’t consider them the weaker sex at all, but they’re there for them in the moments when life knocks them down.

Real men hate to see shattered women on their knees, begging for love or for mercy.

That just makes their stomachs turn. That’s just something a sadist is turned by on.

What hypes a real man up is seeing his woman with her head held high, happy and confident in her own skin. There is no bigger turn-on for true men than this.

A happy woman is the biggest strength of a real man. Only cowards enjoy abusing and bringing down women who chose to give them their hearts.

Sometimes, because of the circumstances we might find ourselves in, or because of the pressure of society, we settle. And settling is one of the greatest friends of abuse.

You just start going with the flow. You start ignoring your wishes and desires. You forget your worth and you think you deserve all the pain you get.

But that’s so wrong. So, please don’t ever settle. Instead, love yourself to the point where solitude will be a better option than allowing someone to treat you with disrespect.

Self-love is the key to dodging the bullet called abuse. When you think about it, it does make sense.

Because if you love yourself, you know what you deserve.

You are aware of your worth and you know how you deserve to be treated.

When you love yourself, you open doors for others to love you too.

So, whoever you are, whatever you stand for in this world, regardless of what you’ve been through in your life or the amount of love you feel for a man, always know that real men protect their women, they don’t abuse them. So, please, don’t ever settle for an abuser.

Know that the man who’s worthy of you will make his love feel like home.

A real man will be there for you when times get ugly, he’ll be your shoulder to lean on when things get tough and he’ll do everything to protect you and to make you feel safe.

Open Topic

Never Break a Woman Who’s Already Broken.

You know that someday he’s going to wake up overwhelmed by sadness and betrayal and ask himself: Is this how she felt?

Yes. Even worse, it’s how you felt so many times in life that you almost lost all your hope. You forgot what safe felt like.

You asked yourself: What did I do to deserve this? Why can’t I just have a normal, loving relationship, full of trust?

It’s the only thing you ever wanted. It should be so simple.

After some time, you realized it wasn’t about you or what you wanted.

It was always about him and you didn’t even mind it until he violated your boundaries and transformed your whole world into such a lonely place.

You worked so hard to make yourself vulnerable again because you knew that was the only way a relationship could work.

You were facing your fears one by one, you wanted this to be pure. A new beginning.

You tried to understand. You didn’t think it would be easy to deal with all your fears and insecurities.

Looking back at it now, you realize you were just trying to justify his selfish behaviors.

It’s crazy how love can blind you. You didn’t have anyone to reach out to—because he was all you knew.

You poured yourself into him. The person you adored became your worst nightmare.

Everything you shared became just aching memories and more pain. You felt so alone.

Is there anything worse than sharing all your fears and hopes with someone just to see them use them against you, use them to hurt you more?

How is that possible? He said he cared so many times.

He said no one came close to you. He said no one could hurt you.

There’s nothing scarier than thinking those words were straight-up lies and he was the one who hurt you the most.

The worst thing is, you stopped trusting yourself and this is because you couldn’t believe you fell for the same thing again.

It made you feel so insecure. You lost all of your confidence.

A voice in your head kept saying it was all your fault and it wouldn’t go away.

Every day, you would wake up in fear, with a weight on your chest and disbelief that this was now your reality.

You just wanted to go back to sleep because that was the only time the pain would go away.

You prayed to be yourself again one day. It took so much time just to make yourself do normal things.

You wanted to enjoy the small things again, so you started with everything that didn’t remind you of him.

I want you to know that there’s life after this.

I know this made you guarded but you must know there are people who understand you and who are going through the same.

Little by little, you will start listening to what you want, what makes you feel comfortable and safe.

You will decide that you want to know yourself better.

You will start knowing yourself outside of your pain.

Firstly, you can start by accepting your pain and forgiving yourself for not knowing better.

Secondly, you can take all of your life goals seriously and start making progress in becoming yourself again.

Let yourself fall in love with all you can do and all you can be.

Make a decision to see everything you went through as motivation and a learning curve.

Learn to accept that everything in life happens for a reason, one you don’t know in advance.

This realization will make you at peace with yourself. There’s no other way than to let go and try again.

Your strength is in your life story. Your sense of power comes from always believing, trying and moving on, despite the pain people have caused you.

Once you realize that no person can take your power if you don’t let them, you’re invincible. Stand in your power.

This life is yours and yours only and it’s you who gets to decide what you’re going to do with it.

It’s never too late. It’s just one decision away.

Do it all not to prove yourself to anyone, but yourself because you’re the one who deserves it all.

Open Topic

When Depression Is Your Middle Name.

I am one of many faces of depression. No, depression is not always obvious. People seem to think that depression looks like something gloomy or frail, thrown together with the last thread of care, but sometimes depression is the brightest person in the room. It’s the person who makes your day enjoyable with their charm, the lady in the office who glows with excitement, the man in the church who you admire for his seemly ways. You’d never know in a million years that sometimes behind the smile… is a person with so many complex emotions bottled up inside. A person who is trying so hard to be strong for everyone, when they can barely manage to be strong for themselves. They know the feeling of loneliness, being unworthy, or not feeling loved. They protect you and shower you with so much kindness, so that you do not have to feel what they feel every day.

Struggle with depression means that today, I’d wake up like any other person, except the moment I opened my eyes, reality would instantly set in. A river of emotions could possibly flood my mind. Even though I was thankful to be alive, depression would still make me unsure of how to face the day. When I finally got out of bed, I would most likely be weary or afraid. While getting ready, I’d force a smile and silently reassure myself that I could fake it another day, if I needed to.

See, depression is like a social mask that you slip on. A mask that helps you greet people most days, even though you’re secretly drowning in your sorrows. Please understand that depression is a constant struggle. You’re trying to look sane for society, when really your mind is a complete mess.

When they asked me if I was okay, my response was, “I’m tired,” a reply mistaken time and time again for sleepy. I wasn’t sleepy tired, I was tired of fighting my own mind. Yet, they missed the hints, the signs, the clues. Not because they were oblivious, but because they didn’t understand. What’s the use in replying that you’re good when you’re not? I was always afraid to come out and openly admit my problem to the world, from feeling like they would reject me. So this is why I’d never answer anyone honestly.

Don’t get me wrong. There are good days. Days that are great. I laugh, I talk, I enjoy things. And sometimes I even think to myself that I’m perfectly okay. Feeling like maybe, just maybe, things are going back to normal. You have to realize though, at times that feeling fades as quickly as it comes. It’s like a switch clicks off without warning. I may have smiled today, but that doesn’t mean that I’m completely okay. I’m fine for the time being.

Confusing, isn’t it? Well, that’s my mind, day in and day out. I’m trying to explain this the best way I know how. If you’ve ever dealt with depression, then these words may make sense. If you haven’t, please spare me the harsh comments or snide remarks. Be mindful of how scary opening up can be. Exposing myself puts me at risk of getting hurt or being judged. Your careless remarks are liable to add onto my list of already growing insecurities.

I need your ear to listen, because for me, crying is therapy. I don’t want you to tell me I’m suicidal or that I need medication, because that is not always the case. I just need a person to trust in, someone to turn to. We are not crazy people. We need time to heal, time to think, time to fix the brokenness inside. We need support, we need love, we need reassurance.

Remember, we just cope differently with what life throws our way. Yes, we pray, we fight, we try. We are just people searching for the light at the end of the tunnel. A trace of hope. Something to save us from our despair.

Open Topic

Reset Your Life.

Sometimes, it’s a good idea to reset. You know, when your computer freezes and doesn’t want to respond in any way, then it’s time to hit that reset button.

A computer is ‘refreshed’ and given a chance to start over.

Basically, it’s the same thing with us. Sometimes, we get stuck in life and we have to do something that will get us out of there but you don’t know absolutely anything about it.

You know that you desperately need a reset but you don’t know how to make it happen. We usually wait until some higher power gets involved and we are left without a choice.

When we are faced with something unpleasant or painful – sickness, the loss of a loved one, an accident – then somehow, magically, things get prioritized and everything becomes crystal clear to you.

The things you need and want in your life. The people you need and want in your life. Everything seems to be in order.

You made amends with yourself. You are now in a place you always wanted to be. You are satisfied with your life finally.

And all that took one moment. One moment where you realized what the point of life is.

One moment to learn how to live in peace and harmony. And you can’t do that unless you ‘refresh’ yourself just like you do with your computer.

Just stop. Stop doing all those things you think are essential to your life even though they are making you unhappy.

Stop chasing responsibilities, jobs, lunches, people, whatever. Take time for yourself.

It’s time to reevaluate your life.

Are you satisfied? What is missing in your life? What do you want to do? What makes you truly happy?

Look at your life objectively. Make some major decisions.

Sometimes, this can be uncomfortable and you won’t know what is the right thing to do.

Maybe it’s time to let go of that almost boyfriend who is making you miserable.

Maybe you should decide to forgive a friend who has failed you.

Maybe you could gather the courage and start the project that has been on your mind for a long time.

Or maybe you will dare to take that journey which you have delayed for a long time.

Something needs to change in your life. It doesn’t have to be any radical changes. It needs to be something that will make you feel peaceful and happy.

You feel like you don’t have enough energy to deal with life? You feel like you are burned out? Then take a break. Take a break from your life.

Make yourself a relaxing bath or go to the place that has the most calming effect on you. Breathe mindfully.

Make yourself feel like you are the only person in this world, or at least that you are the most important one.

No worries, no pain, no stress. You break free from everything that is making you tired and exhausted.

Life isn’t all about constant fights or struggles and running after things that in the end aren’t so important. Sometimes, it’s about resting and letting things be.

When you feel like you are stuck in life or you are too burned out to continue with everyday responsibilities, you must hit that reset button. Find time in your schedule for you.

Here are some tips to refresh your life. I hope this will help you.

1. Fall in love with yourself again

You are important! Your needs are important. Your feelings are important.

If you don’t value yourself enough and take a stand for yourself, you sabotage yourself that way.

Look yourself in the mirror. Put your make-up on and wear the best dress in your closet and the highest heels you have.

Do you see that girl? She is full of life and only she has the power to rule her life.

Remember, it is possible to take care of your needs and at the same time take care of the people around you.

Once you fulfill your needs, you will be far more capable of helping those who need help.

2. Postpone all work for a week

If you feel overwhelmed, don’t accept any new jobs during the week. If you happen to get some new projects, kindly decline them.

If it is a job that you cannot refuse, say that you have to complete your ongoing projects this week and that you will return to the job assigned to you next week.

Then choose two or three projects (depending on the complexity) and concentrate on completing them this week. Take care of any new projects next week.

3. Plan a trip

This is the journey we mentioned before. You planned it a long time ago but you always had something more important to do, so you postponed it for some other time.

Don’t postpone it any longer. Do it now.

I mean, right now. Pick a destination, buy the tickets, pack a bag of clothes and the things you’ll need. And that’s it.

You deserve to rest. Bon voyage!

4. Try a new hobby

Hobbies often provide a creative outlet that you might not get in your everyday life.

They allow you to do something that’s just for you. Or you can try to get out of your comfort zone and try something new.

Maybe you’ll discover something new. Maybe you’ll get to like something you never even wanted to try.

However, it will brighten your life. Any new thing you try can get the spark back into your life.

5. Break your routine

We all have some kind of routine but it gets so monotonous. You feel trapped in a life of routines.

Fortunately, you can get out of it. One of the best ways to stay ‘alive’, engaged and full of energy is to experience new stuff and new opportunities every day.

Shake up your usual routine. Remember—less routine, more life.

It all depends on you. Don’t wait for life to reset you and put you in a corner. Maybe then it will be too late.

Only you can change your life. Only you can repair your system.

It’s all in your head. All you have to do is push the button.

Slow motion camera stabilization shot of a young girl having fun throwing buckwheat flowers up in the air in the middle of the field in the countryside. Low angle view.
Open Topic

A Goodbye Letter To My Bestie.

Break-ups are incredibly painful, no matter what kind of a break-up it is. Losing somebody who meant a great deal to you and suddenly having to live as if they were never there is difficult to say the least.

Friendship break-ups are something that is on a whole other spectrum of emotions. Having a true, genuine friend nowadays is one of the most precious things one can have.

Having somebody who will stand by you, sometimes all the way back from high school, through college and to today, when you are finding yourself and figuring yourself out is something never to take for granted.

Not everybody gets to have a friend like that, one who withstands the test of time and has proved to be the best shoulder to cry on, the best ear to listen to and the best person to have the most amount of fun with.

I can proudly say that I had that and while it lasted, it was the best thing that I had going for me in life. Until it was over.

We were two best friends, the best that anyone could imagine together. We were so in sync and no one would ever see one without the other. We were like each other’s better half.

If you cried, I cried, when you were sad, I was feeling sad, and when one of us was happy, the other one was over the moon!

When I was going through something extremely difficult a few years back, you never let me out of your sight. You were there whenever I needed you and you made sure I never felt alone.

You would cater to my every need and I was left in awe of how patient and considerate you were, knowing that I was not easy to be around.

I often think about those times, when it was just you and me against the world, overcoming every obstacle together and always landing on our feet.

I could never imagine not having you with me, it was simply not an option. You were like a sister to me and I knew you felt the same about me.

So this is why it’s so difficult for me to write this letter to you. I never in a million years thought I would ever be doing this but here I am…

I will never be able to forget the day when I started realizing something seemed off.

I was so adamant that it must be just my imagination and that everything was peachy but it wasn’t.

You were no longer the person I knew. It was a complete shift in our relationship. Our closeness and our ability to get through anything together suddenly felt compromised and I was in complete and total disbelief.

You started distancing yourself from me. With no apparent reason, no explanation and no warning, you were suddenly so distant.

I cannot tell you how hurt I was. It was like I was watching from afar, not able to understand that this was you and me in question and that this was MY reality.

There are few things in this world as painful as realizing that your best friend is no longer in this with you.

It is an indescribable feeling, like you are slowly but surely being replaced in your person’s life by somebody different, somebody who is not good for her but you had absolutely no say in the matter.

All I could do was take comfort in my bed and cry myself to sleep, praying that I would wake up and this would all be a nightmare.

That you would still be a huge part of my life and we would laugh together about this horrible nightmare I’d had.

But it was all too real.

Before I knew it, we went our separate ways and I lost you to somebody new.

A part of me died that day. A part of me is so numb right now, because the pain it took realizing that it was over between us almost ended me.

One day, we were so happy, full of life and planning the rest of our lives, always by each other’s side, feeling like nothing could break us but now, it was like we never existed.

I felt like I imagined our entire friendship. If it was that good, how could it have ended so abruptly and inexplicably? What did I do so wrong that you suddenly stopped loving me?

That is when I realized something. God has a way of taking things and people from us when they no longer serve a purpose in our life. And that hit hard.

And as difficult as it was to grasp this and come to terms with it, I had to make myself believe this in order to keep my sanity.

There was no other way for me to keep going.

I will never forget the feeling of knowing somebody loved me that much and asked for nothing in return except my friendship.

I will never forget what it was like having somebody who was down for anything. I never had to persuade you to do anything with me. You were always down for an adventure; even if it was a little risky, it didn’t matter, as long as we were a team.

You truly were my best friend and while you were, it was the best thing in my life. I loved you like we were blood and felt comforted by your mere presence.

Many people pray to have what we had and I will never take for granted how special it was and how rare it is to obtain.

You may no longer be a part of my life and I may never fully understand or accept it but I will always look back on our time with a smile on my face.

I refuse to be bitter about it. It is too easy to let myself be consumed by profound sadness, sorrow and self-pity… but I will no longer indulge in any of these emotions.

I am strong. I am capable. And I WILL move on. It will be hard without you. But I will learn to find my way again.

I am aware that it will be hard to replace you, so I won’t try. But if somebody enters my life and it is anything like what you and I had, I will welcome it with open arms.

Who knows, maybe it will last a lifetime, or maybe it will be there to teach me a valuable lesson.

Either way, I’m ready. I love you and part of me will always love you… but I’m letting you go.

I wish you nothing but the best and if you ever need a true friend again, you know where to find me.

I miss you.

Goodbye my friend, it was a wild ride.

Open Topic

The Value Of Friendship.

“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school.

But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.”  – Muhammad Ali

The Core Of Friendship

When you think about it, true friendship is one of the most meaningful and long-lasting relationships of your life.

One good friend is worth more than ten fake ones! And if you’re lucky, you’re stuck with that friend until you are here no longer.

What friendship is really all about is loyalty and commitment.

It’s a promise to stand by your friend through thick and thin. It’s holding their hand through all of their storms and wiping away their tears when life throws them a curve ball.

Friendship means forging a bond so strong that nothing can break you apart.

It means knowing that there will be moments of anger, hidden grudges, and periods of not talking, but at the end of the day, when your best friend calls on you, you’re there in a heartbeat.

Nobody can really explain the peculiarity of a friendship, but one thing is for sure: great friends make life that much more enjoyable.

Knowing that you have your small circle of close friends who would do anything for you is beneficial to your well-being and mental health.

Real friendship means you’ve got a rock and a partner through life. And guess what?

That’s all you could possibly wish for. Having your closest friends means having a support system through difficult times, who are without a doubt going to make you feel good again.

And yes, a lot of times it’s going to be beautiful, enjoyable, and full of secret-telling and over-sharing.

But the kind of friend who can listen to you talk about makeup and guys, and immediately afterwards about your deepest insecurities, is a friend to keep in good times and bad.

I’m sure we all have our own experiences where having a real friend helped you through a really dark period of life. I know I do.

And that particular period of my life is when I realized the unbelievable importance of having your loved ones around and how crucial it is to have that one best friend who will love you when you forget to love yourself.

That One Friend That Makes It All Worth It

I like to think that I have a nice little circle of friends that I can call real ones.

Through different stages of my life, I’ve encountered many people, of which some have become an irreplaceable part of my life.

Of all those people, there was always that one person (I call her my best friend, but she is honestly everything to me) that was just there through absolutely everything.

Every heartbreak, every failed exam, every shitty job, every drama with my family.

She was my constant through it all.

You know what I’m talking about? Do you have that one person that means the world to you and you couldn’t imagine functioning without them?

This best friend of mine is the most beautiful human being I have ever met, inside and out. 

There isn’t anyone else who knows me the way she does. Of all the meaningful friendships in my life, she is the one that stands out.

When I was going through all kinds of crap in my life, she was the only one that I could rely on.

And honestly, if not for her, I don’t know where I’d be right now. 

Do you know that feeling when you just want to cut contact from everyone?

Life gets just so fucked up and you can’t deal with talking to anyone and explaining it. It’s too painful.

You’d rather just be on a desert island and alone with your shitty thoughts.

That is what I was going through, and to be frank, I wasn’t being a really good friend.

But she never gave up on me. She never stopped loving me. She never got angry with me for never initiating conversation or texting her that I was okay.

She never had anything but complete understanding of all the shitty things that were happening and all she wanted was for me to know that I’ve got her!

And that made me realize how incredibly important and helpful it is to have a friend in the shittiest times of your life.

Not everyone sticks around when you’re difficult to love, but the real ones do. 

And after having gone through absolutely everything with this amazing woman, I realized that taking a friend like that for granted is one of the worst things you could do in life.

If You Need A Friend, Be A Friend

Taking care of a friendship and nurturing it should be something that never leaves your mind. It’s so simple.

If you are in need of a friend, then simply be a friend!

Call your friends and ask them how they are. Shoot them a text out of the blue and let them know you’re thinking about them.

All those friendships that are now entering your mind while you’re reading this are the exact ones that you need to preserve and take care of.

We are all grownups here, we all know that constant contact is but a thing to long for.

Lives become so messy, everybody has jobs, families, kids, and as you grow older, you realize that having that 2-hour phone call with your best friend simply to catch up on everything is now a dream.

And it makes you sad for a second, but then you remember: It doesn’t really matter when the last time you two talked was.

It doesn’t even matter when you saw each other last.

This friend is somebody who gets that life is too complicated to expect those long chats over wine and weekly gatherings is unrealistic.

She knows you’re best friends for life and vice versa.

And no matter what happens, when you DO call, she’s going to answer it as joyfully as if you were in your early twenties all over again.

Friendship is so pure. You can go days, weeks, and months without much communication.

But when you meet up with those people that have made your life richer by being in it, there’s nothing but pure, genuine, all-encompassing love.

And in those moments you realize that having this bond trumps almost anything.

So be a friend, and you’ll have a friend. Be a shoulder to lean on and you’ll have it back.

Nobody expects you to be at their beck and call, but when you’re needed, don’t hesitate, just be there.

And one day, you’re going to realize that those people were the ones that made your life worth living. 

It’s that college best friend you were so close with way back when, but life took you very far from each other.

You may be in different places in your life now, but in your heart, you’re right there with each other where it all started.

Yes, life takes you for a spin and for a moment there, we all lose sight of who we are and what we’re supposed to do.

But that’s okay. Your best friends are there to remind you of the person you’ve always been and give you a push so strong that you instantly remember why you have them around.

Open Topic

Today I Opened My Window.

Today I opened my window.

Nobody warns you when you’re diagnosed with depression, or any other mental illness, how difficult some small tasks can be. Watering the plants is draining when you don’t have the motivation to keep yourself alive. Cooking a meal is a chore you don’t have energy for when you’d rather lay in bed and starve. Going to work can seem like the end of the world some days.

You see, depression drains you. Spending all day in your own mind with only negative thoughts about yourself is exhausting. You know it’s not healthy, but you can’t stop yourself. You know people are getting tired of you, so you isolate yourself.

Then sometimes, you feel better. You’re on top of the world and you think “I can beat this. My depression isn’t bothering me.” And it’s a good day. Those days are great, but they’re numbered. You can take your medication, do your yoga, hang out with friends all you want, but some days it’s not going to work.

So today I opened my window. As difficult of a chore as it was, I opened it and let some sunlight in. I felt so guilty still. I thought, “well yesterday I went to the gym and I ate 3 whole meals! Today I only opened my window, I must be falling back.” And I felt like a failure. Today I couldn’t make myself breakfast, but I could yesterday. Today I couldn’t change out of my pajamas, but I planned a whole outfit yesterday.

Doing something is better than doing nothing. Even if it’s small, even if it’s all you can manage at the time, even if it’s a microscopic difference in your life. Because even when it’s small, you’re a small step farther than you were earlier.

When your heart has to consciously work hard to continue beating, when you have to force yourself to keep breathing air to your lungs, when you have to convince yourself to keep living, doing anything at all hurts. Anyone with depression will recognize the feeling, the feeling of heaviness in your stomach to put socks on.

Your mental illness takes over your life. Your mental illness wants to control what you can and can’t do. Your mental illness convinces you you’re worthless. Even when you’re hearing from everyone you love that you’re not, your mental illness has the last laugh, because it’s literally in your head.

Your depression doesn’t have a linear timeline. It doesn’t get better every day, like some people will tell you. Those people have never fought a battle in their own mind. Just because you had the energy for daily tasks yesterday, doesn’t mean you will today. Hell, yesterday you could’ve felt like you could win the Olympics, and today you feel like a bum on the side of the road. You can hit one extreme from another so fast it’ll give you whiplash.

On the days you can’t get out of bed, on the days you can’t escape your thoughts, on the days you took your medication and it should feel better but it doesn’t, don’t think about yesterday. Don’t think about last week. Don’t think about what you could accomplish back then because today is a different day and today is hard. Take it one day at a time, take it one hour at a time, take it 5 minutes at a time if you have to.

Open Topic

My Anxiety Made Me Do It.

I remember the television playing like a blur in the background of my mind. I’m always miles away from my current reality. Two weeks after I had recovered well from Dengue a type of flu that happens in the Indian subcontinent, I was obsessively checking my cheek to feel for fever. A flushing in the cheeks indicating fever was a common symptom of Dengue.

A maddening search on Google was pointing me towards my obvious death. But why was I consumed by a disease that I had recovered from? Was the warmth in my cheeks really there?

I reached the point where I had to check my temperature using a thermometer. The uncertainty was killing me. On checking, I found that my temperature was completely normal.

Slowly my surroundings started to come into focus and I saw where I had been all this time.

In an abyss of my obsessive thoughts. This is what anxiety feels like for me.

It began after I was diagnosed with Dengue; a fairly common disease that has a recovery period of about two weeks. Not exactly a life-shattering moment.

And yet it was like an unknown avenue of my brain had come to life pushing me to constantly worry about my health even after I had physically recovered.

Constantly imagining phantom pains; I was living my life with flashes of unreasonable paranoia characterized by heart palpitations and feeling of dread in my stomach. Imagine feeling like you have a big exam coming up or that feeling before the drop on a roller coaster.

Except there was no exam. There was no roller coaster.

The solution probably seemed so easy to someone else and yet impossible to me.

Just don’t worry. The worst-case scenario that’s ticking in your mind is beyond the realm of reality.

But to me in that moment of panic, calming down seemed unimaginable.

One month after I first experienced anxiety, I walked into a therapist’s office.

I was the type of person who liked to plan for things, I had made careful notes about what I wanted to talk about. Bullet points from my overthinking mind.

It all seemed a bit a ridiculous on paper. I was a jumble of thoughts when I went there.

My mind was like a train station, I kept changing trains but somehow I just couldn’t find my way back home.

Talking about it for the first time made it so real. I think I had convinced myself that if I never talked about it, if I never said the words out aloud, then it never happened.

I think I have an anxiety disorder.

The words hung in the space between me and my therapist in all its devastating and cathartic glory.

I always hoped I would wake one day with this certainty pulsing through me, just knowing that I would be free of my anxiety disorder. But that isn’t what healing is.

Healing is acknowledging my problem, finding my triggers and taking steps to calm myself when I come across these triggers.

It’s a work in progress, which is to say I am a work in progress but with each passing day I feel a little bit more like myself.

Open Topic

Do You Know How It Feels?

I don’t know how to explain what it’s like. The definitions you hear of, the descriptions you read about… It’s not enough. It’s nowhere near enough. So what’s it like?

It’s like you can’t breathe.

You aren’t in control. But you’re fighting for it. You are fighting a long, exhausting battle that no one will ever get to see but you.

There are days when you just don’t want to move, and you don’t know why. And you don’t know what to do about it. You’re sick of shaking, you’re sick of crying, too many thoughts are racing through your mind, too many feelings, too many arguments all with yourself, all in your head. Each thought is cancelling out the last faster than you can feel, and you don’t know why you’re thinking of all these things RIGHT NOW ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

You’re sick of thinking but you don’t know how to stop.

You want to reach into your chest and just pull your goddamn heart out, or what’s left of it. Surely there’s something left of it, because it keeps beating like you’re running a race you didn’t even know you were in. Can they hear it? They’ve got to. It’s so loud, it’s too loud.

You can’t be insane, surely. But maybe you are. Your life is not a bad one. You have a job. You make money. You have a roof over your head. Your life isn’t such a bad one. So why are you still so restless? When did you become so ungrateful?

You don’t know how to talk about this. When they catch you having an off day, your voice rises. You’re not shouting. YOU SWEAR IT. You just want to be heard. But lately it doesn’t seem to be worth it anymore. Because when you get emotional, you start shaking. Not just your voice. But your whole entire body and you don’t even know what goddamn business your hands and shoulders have shaking, when they haven’t even solved the problem of whatever seems to be running lose under your skin.

So you shut up. And have the arguments in your head. And even then, you lose. And the more you retreat into yourself, the more frustrated you get.

Some days, you feel too much. Some days, you feel nothing at all. But most days, you cry. And scream. And scratch. You’re hysterical, for no reason, or for reasons you can’t seem to predict. Or understand. All in your head. All at once. And that’s scary.

But it’s nowhere near as frightening as the days when you feel nothing at all. When you just don’t give a rat’s ass about anything. When you’re staring off into space and thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. How can you feel so much one day and turn to stone the next? But at least then you don’t shake. At least you don’t cry. Is that good or bad? Don’t answer that.

You’ve tried to talk about it, but you sounded like a whiny kid even to your own ears. So you stop at the surface. And. So you stopped trying.

Don’t they see it, though? Your skin is CRAWLING. Your nails are BLEEDING. You’re scratching, and YOU JUST WANT TO GET THIS OFF. Your eyes are tired. Your bones are tired. You don’t know what’s under your skin, but you just want to cut it out of you. Can they see it? Of course not. It’s all in your head, at least the scratching and the bleeding. But the creepy crawlies that seem to live just under your epidermis? The discomfort is (almost) physical.

And that you cannot get up? That you’re failing at everything? That’s all on you. That’s all because you have so many excuses. SO MANY GODDAMN EXCUSES. Don’t feel. Just do. Your anxiety is all in your head. You just didn’t try hard enough. But you are trying, don’t they get that?! You’re TRYING. Not enough, obviously. And you will always be the one to blame.

So in the darkness, you cry. And eventually sleep finds you, even when rest does not. You’re so tired. You keep sleeping but you’re always still so tired. You keep dreaming of things that make you anxious when you wake up, but you never remember what they are.

And so you cry. And sleep. And wake up. And take a shower, brush your teeth. Draw on your eyebrows, and your lips. And there. Don’t you look decent? Like something that’s still very much alive, even though there are days when you feel dead inside. But there’s so much to live for. Right? Like a normal human being. So you smile, and you laugh, like you swallowed a bottle of sunshine. And when you break down, you keep it all on the inside. And that takes everything you have, if only they knew.

You can’t breathe.

Your skin is still crawling.

Your head hurts.

Why is your whole body shaking?

Why are your thoughts still trying to outrun each other?

Do you get it now?

Have I said enough, even though none of it still seems to make any sense?

I’m SCREAMING!

Do you hear me?

Of course not. This is all in my head.

And they will never know that there are thoughts living and breathing in my skin. Maybe one day I’ll tell them. When I find the right words. More than these. And when I’m more than this. Maybe the right words haven’t been invented yet.

But I hope they will understand. Because I still don’t.

Open Topic

Sorry I’m Difficult To Love.

I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember—there are definitely times I handle it better than others. I struggle with managing my emotions and keeping them separated, but it always becomes increasingly more difficult when someone else comes into play with my own.

I try convincing myself that I am better off alone, it’s safer for me and for those around me. No matter how little or much I share, I feel like I am a burden on those around me. I’m naturally a bit of an introvert, but the more time I spend alone lately, the more I start to spiral. I need interaction to distract me from the disruptive, dysfunctional thought processes that come up when I’m alone. I think about whether I will make it to 50, if someone could love me, or even if I should lose weight. I pick myself apart until I’m this broken shell of a human.

I am sorry to the one who loves me. I’m sorry for the many, many doctor visits, nights you are left to help pick up the pieces, and the nights I’m forced to just fall into you. I know this is probably not what you thought you were getting yourself into. I’m sorry if this ends up being too much for you and you think it wasted your time. I never meant to be a burden or to put this weight on you. It wasn’t fair of me.

Once I find love, my mind picks it apart. Coming out of an emotionally and physically abusive relationship causes you to question every single move. I’m constantly in fear that it will end because for once I’m genuinely happy. I stay up late telling myself I don’t deserve this and I should just let him go before it breaks my heart. I became so accustomed to cheating, declined calls, and stood-up dates that no matter what I do or he does, I don’t feel good enough. I’m not enough.

I do not want to live my life in fear of losing the people I care about because of this. I don’t want to overthink and break my own heart over a scenario or a past relationship, causing me to push a real love away. In the end, I want to be open to love, to the love I’m in. I want to learn that I can open up without being a burden, that it’s okay to let my walls down, but it’s understandable that they are up. I hate that it’s controlled me for so long, but I also have to remember that it is an illness and that I am not a failure because of my imperfections.

Open Topic

Coping With Depression.

Sometimes when I find myself in a stable mood, I catch a glimpse of what it might be like to be “normal.” You know, the normal that doesn’t include having to fight a mental illness every moment of every day. The normal that doesn’t analyze a good mood or agonize over a bad one. The normal that would allow me to have a career without the intermittent leaves of absence due to the invisible illness of bipolar disorder. The normal that doesn’t have to work hard to get out of bed or work even harder to pry myself from the ceiling when I’m riding a hypomanic wave. At times, I crave this “normal,” but no matter what I want, dream or desire, at the end of each day, I am still afflicted with a disease that is anything but normal.

Lately, I’ve been finding myself in defense mode, making every effort to combat even the slightest indication of sadness. Because I have learned all too well when depression sets in, it takes my brain hostage and starts feeding it all kinds of lies. So, instead of dwelling on a negative thought, I focus on the numerous joys in my life. I am trying to do just that right now, but you know what? Once again, I’m finding myself falling into that inevitable black hole, and for the life of me, I can’t figure out why I can’t force the transformation of negative thoughts into positive ones.

Why can’t I make all the knowledge and experience I’ve gained over the years work toward transforming my mood? I know and understand the benefits of cognitive behavior frontwards and backwards. All of those truths make perfect sense too! So, why can’t I put them into action? Because once my mood shifts, I am simply unable to think my way out of it. I have tried time and time again to refrain my thoughts from negative to positive, but it just doesn’t work. So, I find myself once again, battling the demon of depression. I’ve held it at bay for about a month now and don’t have any plans to give in, but it just lingers, waiting to swoop in and rock my world.

As I am navigating through the negative thoughts (since I was unable to turn them around), I started questioning my self-worth. When entering this line of thinking, my bipolar brain scrambles for something, actually anything that may evoke excitement and distract me from heading down that harrowing lane of self-loathing.

Some people turn to cigarettes, food, alcohol or drugs when the ins and outs of daily living throws them off kilter. My go-to for any inkling of distress is shopping. The thrill of a purchase spikes my adrenaline like nothing else. But, just as I’ve been told, once the high gained from the purchase of the new ring, lip gloss, handbag, etc. wears off, I’m right back where I started. This time I even found a new car to buy as a distraction! I mean, if the purchase is big enough, my dark mood would certainly lift, right? Well, in reality, not so much. I may be enjoying a smoother ride and have more cargo space, but I’m still carrying the same tepid thoughts as before.

So, if I can’t alter my mood by changing my thoughts, what can I do? Instead of giving in and stopping my life in its tracks, I can keep moving. I can continue to work my shifts at the gift store in the mall. I can go ahead and take those 30 minute walks in the evening. I can reach out to my friends for support and set up outings. I can continue to attend support group meetings.

None of these things may affect my mood, but by maintaining my daily routine, I am taking action and forging through. By accomplishing the everyday tasks, I will feel good about myself for persevering. I can relish in the positive behavior, even as the negative mood is hovering, relentlessly.

And, each of these minute activities are actually building blocks of progress. Individually, they may be baby steps, but their big picture value is tremendous. I may be stuck with the dark mood at this point, but I’m not going to sit around and bask in the middle of it. I will stay connected and participate in the land of the living. I will continue putting one foot in front of the other until that one day when my mood does make the switch. And, that glorious mood shift, which is well worth waiting for, won’t even cost me a dime…

Open Topic

God Give Me Strength.

Whenever someone new walks into my life, they all think one thing: that I could be declared to be the happiest woman in the world.

People assume that I have absolutely no worries on my mind and that I fall asleep and wake up with a smile on my face.

However, the truth is far from that. In fact, I’ve had my share of misfortunes up till now just like the next person.

Life hasn’t been treating me as kindly as everyone might think. I’ve had more downs than ups and I’ve cried more than I have laughed.

My heart has been broken more than once, I’ve dealt with some devastating losses, and I had to find a way to rise from the ashes numerous times.

There were times when I felt hopeless and helpless; moments when I felt like I’d hit rock bottom and moments when I was surrounded by darkness.

Nevertheless, do you know what helped me? Faith. That is actually the thing that kept me alive all this time.

The only thing that helped me see the right path even when I felt like I was trapped in a tunnel, that didn’t allow me to give up and which gave me optimism in the toughest of times.

You see, no matter how far I have fallen, I have always known that God was on my side.

And He was the one who kept me going, no matter what; the one who gave me a hand when I needed it and who pushed me forward in all of my battles.

God was always there to give me the strength I didn’t even know I possessed. To tell me that I can make it and to show me how powerful I actually am.

Through thick and thin, He was there to give me optimism and hope. There to teach me the importance of believing in myself and to assure me that I will manage to overcome every obstacle I encounter.

God was there to give me comfort and reassurance when I needed them the most. To show me everything I was capable of and to help me move forward.

He was there to give me a push every time I thought of giving up, to turn my open wounds into scars, and to remind me never to lose faith in Him or in myself.

I won’t lie to you—there were times when it appeared that He was treating me without mercy. Times when He was testing and challenging me.

However, every time God closed one door for me, he opened a few more. Every time I thought I had reached my spiritual end, He gave me something to be grateful for.

Every time He didn’t answer my prayers, He replaced it with something even better.

Every time He removed some people from my life, He was sending me a sign that they didn’t deserve to be there in the first place.

So, now I realize that it was all for my own good. Even the losses, the ungranted wishes and the tears had a purpose.

They were there to teach me a lesson and to clear my path. Most importantly—there to show me how strong a woman I actually am.

They were there to teach me that I can’t be broken so easily. To help me understand how to heal my broken heart and how to glue myself back together, without anyone’s assistance.

So, no, I’m not happy every single moment of my existence. I’m not always content with everything going on around me, nor do I consider my life to be perfect.

However, I am at ease. I’m peaceful because I know that even when something bad happens, things will find a way of sorting themselves out.

I am optimistic because my faith is guiding me.

Because I know that God will never give me more than I can handle and most importantly—because I know He will never leave me to fight my battles on my own.

I’m calm because now I’m finally aware of my inner strength and moreover; because I’m thankful for all of my blessings.

Open Topic

Being A Strong Woman.

Are you okay with someone telling you what to do? Are you okay with someone being in charge of your life?

Since when do people have the idea they can change someone’s life and direct them on a path THEY think is the best? Or, more importantly, since when do women listen to that shit?

Honey, do whatever the hell makes you happy!

You are a woman who has been through ups and downs. You’ve seen hell and you’ve tasted happiness.

Still, you stand tall with an uncorrupted heart and neverending hope. Still, you stand filled with love, all fierce and mature.

No one – listen to me… NO ONE has the right to change who you are. NO ONE has the right to tell you what to do!

Taking advice from someone is a two-way street. Unfortunately, most of us find ourselves becoming targets of jealousy and false pretenses.

It’s not uncommon to get stabbed in the back by the person you thought you could trust.

Advice coming from those people – the ones who pretend to be your friends – is toxic and dangerous.

On the other hand, advice from someone who sincerely cares for you is a blessing.

Sadly, no one knows for sure when a piece of toxic advice is disguised as a warm and loving one, and when it’s the other way around.

Having said this, I guess my point is: The only person you can trust is yourself. A strong woman knows that.

A strong woman knows she can only trust her own intuition and her own actions. She knows her judgment is, in the end, the most reliable one.

Some may interpret it as being stubborn, but the truth is, a strong woman knows what she wants, therefore, she does whatever the hell she wants.

A strong woman wants to…

Be undefinable by society. She doesn’t want to be a stereotype – a beautiful, classy, and extremely feminine woman who is supposed to do girly stuff and act according to what society thinks is acceptable.

No, a strong woman – a woman who wants to be whatever the hell she wants – will watch football on Sundays and drink beer with the guys.

She will even get shit-faced drunk in a bar refusing to go home. And none of these things will look ridiculous on her; no one will judge her.

The reason for that is more than simple. She is super confident and she will never force herself to do something she doesn’t feel comfortable doing. And that’s visible from the outside.

Be nothing less than completely honest. There is no place for mind games in her life. She thinks playing around is a complete waste of time – and her time is far too precious to waste.

Whether in a friendship or in a relationship, she will always tell you the truth and never be ashamed of it.

A woman like her does whatever the hell she wants BECAUSE she can.

Hearing the truth from her can feel like a cold shower, but that cold shower is responsible for bringing you back to reality where problems are waiting to be solved. Thank her for shaking you up!

Be nothing less than completely honest with herself too. If she’s hurting, she’ll find the strength to accept it and, more importantly, get over it in time.

She is woman enough to confess what’s going on in her head and what she’s feeling.

She isn’t concerned with appearing silly or crazy. The secret to her sanity and healthy spirit is honesty and embracing what she feels.

Only mature and strong women are ready to make that move.

Be independent. And she is. She doesn’t need anyone really. She doesn’t need your love that badly that it will make her reach the borde