I Randomly Blog About Not Only My Personal Hardships, Experiences, And Journey Thus Far, But Also Topics Others Can Relate To. I Want Others To Know That You Are Not Alone, And Never Of Ashamed Of Your Story Or Where You Come From.
Stop waiting until you lose weight to love yourself. Stop waiting until your hair grows longer. Stop waiting until you can afford fancier clothes. Stop waiting until a boy loves you. Stop waiting until you get older.
Love yourself now because you deserve it. The relationship with yourself is the precedent for all the other relationships you have in your life. When you don’t love yourself, you will allow others to treat you badly, because you think you’re not worthy of better treatment.
When you don’t love yourself, the mirror becomes a billboard for all your insecurities. No matter how you many times you try to change yourself, it will never be enough. Because you will always find something else to be unhappy with.
When you don’t love yourself, there’s always this voice in your head telling you all the ways your unloveable. Telling you you’re ugly, fat, stupid. Blaming you for every failure you’ve ever had.
When you don’t love yourself, you can’t ever be comfortable in your own space. So you fill it with people that don’t encourage you to love yourself, but rather teach you how to further distance yourself from self-love.
Self-love is the best love because it’s one that is guaranteed. When others walk in and out of your life, you will always be left with yourself.
Life is too short to spend it hating yourself, because it only makes you miserable. It feels so easy to love others rather than ourselves because we know everything about us. We know our flaws, weaknesses, and failures. But despite it all, we are all deserving from the love that comes from within.
Love yourself at every stage. Love yourself in your darkness. Love yourself through the pain. Love yourself even when it feels impossible.
Don’t procrastinate loving yourself, because it’ll only make things that much harder. Love yourself now. At this very hour and this very minute.
With everything that has been going on lately, I never forget to pray at night before I sleep. I always thank God that today has happened and that everything is happening according to His will and His plans. I was never quite sure about all the plans He has in store for me. I was always focused on my plans and my own journey through life.
There were times when I questioned Him about why I was rejected from the dream job I applied to, or why I had to be far away from home just to earn money to survive, or why I had to reject something I thought I wanted and needed. It took time for me to accept that some rejections and some delays were actually blessings in disguise.
Sometimes it is really hard to accept that some things are really not meant for you. But in time, you will come to know that those things, the things you thought would really make you happy, are the same things that will bring you down. Acceptance of some things that are not meant for you, will always set you free.
I know how cliché it sounds when people tell you, “If it is meant to be, it will be.” But truth be told, it is actually right. Rushing into things and situations that you are clearly not ready for yet will only cause you more damage than you could imagine.
This life taught me that God always knows my heart’s desires and my goals in life. Even when you thought He was quiet, the truth is, He was planning the future you deserve.
We may think that His response is sometimes late, but He is never late. He is always on time. Our perspective of things or jobs or news delivered late is actually us rushing through the course of life. Life has its own way of surprising us, and God is the only way.
The minute I accepted that I am not in control of everything and I surrender my plans and goals to Him is the same moment I felt free. So to anyone fighting battles or waiting for something, remember this: Everything that is meant for you will always come to you, regardless of the time.
Remember when you were 8 years old and lying in bed and your ankles hurt so much? Your parents told you that they were called growing pains and that you’ll have to go through them for a little bit, but then you’ll be bigger and stronger soon. Yeah, they definitely hurt for a while but then they eventually stopped and you were finally grown. This exact phenomenon happens to people when they’re ready to change.
Whether it’s moving to a new city, starting a new job, cutting out bad habits, or really any change to your usual lifestyle, it’s not going to be easy. The beginning of it, you’ll have growing pains. And the reason you’ll feel this pain, is because you’re letting go of something that you have right now. Whether it’s friends you have outgrown, bad habits you need to overcome or a new lifestyle you want to live, you’re going to have to let go of something in order to change. But the beauty of it is, that although you’re letting go of something, it’s going to be replaced with something even better. Something that will make you a better and more true version of yourself.
They’re called growing pains for a reason. It’s hard to let go of what you already know. It’s painful. Change can be painful. But that’s also why they’re called growing pains. It means you’re growing. It means you’re changing. It means you’re going after something you want. And that’s pretty awesome. So if you’re going through these growing pains, remember that the next better version of yourself is coming soon. It’ll hurt for a while, but nothing will compare to the feeling of knowing that you’ve finally grown.
You don’t even remember your growing pains when you were a little kid, right? You only remember them when they’re brought up. The same thing will happen again. You won’t remember the hurt you’re going through now. You’ll only remember the growing. So keep going. Keep growing. You’re almost there.
No one really prepares you for life. Sure, you can be taught a great deal of things, but the things that matter in life, the things that will make or break you as a person, can only be learned through experience.
Knowing about something and living through it are two entirely different things. When you haven’t experienced something but know it exists in the world, you think it’ll never happen to you. You only know it from the surface—you are aware of the words that are associated with it, but none of that holds any meaning to you. You’re able to just forget it even exists.
However, when you experience something, it slowly seeps into your being, changing everything about life as you knew it. It feels like you have opened your eyes for the first time and now you’re forced to see the world for what it really is.
All experiences, good and bad, mold you into a slightly different version of yourself. I believe that you truly can only grow from what you go through on your own. Warnings don’t mean much to you when you haven’t been living your life. Many people talk about the pain of their heartbreak, but that is not going to stop someone from wanting to experience love on their own.
The struggles of others are not enough to get the message across to those who have not tried it themselves. You need to have experiences yourself in order to figure out how you handle certain situations. Not to mention, that every human’s experience is different from the next. There might be a few similarities, but essentially nobody is living the exact same life as you. Someone’s bad experience might turn out to be a great one for another, and you just won’t know until you get out there and try it.
Perfection. That unattainable goal people fixate on. A goal people strive for, but can never truly achieve. Turn on your TV or open social media and you’ll be flooded with how “perfect” some people’s lives appear to be, from their appearance to their family life to their career.
You forget that what you’re seeing is actually a facade, some false narrative that someone has worked tirelessly to create. It’s time for the real moment of truth: perfection doesn’t exist. But if you really think about it, why would you even want it? Perfection is monotony, the same thing day in and day out. It’s knowing your exact moves and having things planned out to control the outcome. It’s flawlessness, being untouchable, almost saintlike. So fuck the idea of being perfect, because it’s boring.
Fuck perfect, be bold.
Speak your mind; own your truth. Stop suppressing your voice because you’re afraid of how your words will be received. You have the power to say what you feel and be firm in what you believe. Stop letting those who oppose your views or beliefs stifle your voice. They have their own voices, and you shouldn’t give them the power to take away yours. Those who try to elevate their own opinions by crushing down those of others are an entirely different level of fucked up. Leave them be, and just do you, bold and proud. Most importantly, be an advocate for yourself and those who cannot fight for themselves.
Fuck perfect, be flawed.
In order to grow, we have to make mistakes sometimes. We learn this at an early age, the first times we disobey our parents when we’re old enough to know better. We make the choice, experience the repercussions, and learn the lesson from our actions. When we decide to go down a certain road, we are taught why that road was or wasn’t the best idea. Simply strive for the goal of always being better than you were yesterday, because a better you is the only competition that matters.
Fuck perfect, be messy.
A life that is uniquely yours and beautifully messy is a life worth living. Instead of striving to have everything done in the correct or acceptable manner, do things in a manner that suits you. Do things in a way that makes you proud. Don’t pretend to have everything together all the time, because no one really buys that.
Life can be a shit show at times—embrace that and roll with it. The people who truly enjoy life are the people who look at conflicts that arise and tackle them with purpose and ease. They don’t overthink or go crazy trying to solve dilemmas because they understand that not everything is in their control.
Fuck perfect, be real.
Allow yourself to sometimes share your “inside voice.” Be inappropriate when appropriate and let your personality shine. Cry, laugh, love, get angry, grant yourself permission to feel all of your emotions. Accept the truth that you will never have a perfect life, because no one actually does. No one actually has a perfect family, home, or career, and you shouldn’t want that, because that’s not really living. Live for yourself, in your own way, and never hide who you are with the hopes of impressing others. Instead, share your vulnerabilities and try to be as transparent and honest as possible, showing the good as well as the bad.
Fuck perfect, be perfectly imperfect.
Embrace your flaws, your messiness, your voice. Own your choices and decisions and know that every step you make is a step towards your personal growth. It’s a step in becoming the best version of you. It’s a step in having a life of blissful balance. Be imperfectly perfect and simply be you in your lovely, messy, unique way.
I had a dream last night that I was driving really fast down a highway. I knew I was going way past the speed limit, so I placed my foot on the break but didn’t press down, I could feel the car speeding up. I remember thinking to myself “I need to slow down” but for some reason, I didn’t. Ahead of me were some hills, I continued to speed over the first one, then the second one I felt my car lift up from the ground, but on the third hill, my car went up and began to flip forward. In that moment, everything slowed down as if it was going in slow motion, I knew once this car hit the ground I was done. So I began to pray that somehow God would save me from this accident, that I would make it out alive. After saying Amen the scene sped back up, I flew to the back seat, and the car landed on all fours; No broken bones, not even a scratch. I survived, God saved me. Unfortunately, my car flipping and stopping in the middle of the road caused a collision behind me.
When I woke up from the dream, all I heard was God telling me, I’m getting ahead of myself and most importantly, Him. I’m gonna end up hurting myself and others surrounding me. It’s time to slow down and allow Him to take back control of the wheel.
God has called me for a purpose but sometimes I tend to get too excited or distracted and end up losing focus on the big picture—God. I have to remind myself that the purpose is bigger than me. Gods plan and His ways are higher than mine. The spotlight doesn’t, nor will it ever belong on me.
Like any other person, money, success, and maybe even fame, for some would be great but if I’m being honest, all the money in the world still wouldn’t bring the fulfillment and joy that comes from God.
Now, I’m not gonna lie and say that I don’t want to enjoy the good fruits of life.
I would love to experience a well-off life. I would love to be able to go shopping and not have to worry about checking my bank account after every transaction. I would love to drive a car without any of the dashboard lights on. Most importantly, I would love to be able to just give, bless others with more than what they need.
See, I believe that He has set up a bright future for me, I know there will be better days. God’s plans for His children are to prosper them and not harm them. I’ll be in a better position from now on, but when I get in my different position and I receive what God has promised me, I don’t want to lose myself. I don’t want to lose sight of His plan, become arrogant, or forget where I came from, and who it is that brought me there. I want to be completely satisfied with God and God alone.
That’s why it’s so important for Him to change us and prepare us for what He has planned.
So before God can give you something, He has to see that you are worthy of having it. He’ll give you small portions of blessings and test you. Make wise choices during this time. He will give you what you qualify for when it’s time. We all know the saying “God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle”, which is true. So until He sees that you’re capable of handling what He gives you, you’re gonna have to prove yourself..
I had to go through a toiling season, the testing of your faith. This season consist of hard times, making mistakes and learning from them, facing many challenges, and becoming a new being. It’s not necessarily bad though, I realized toiling would cause development in all areas of my life so I had to go through this season. God is getting you ready, building your character, and strengthening you. He has to remove the dead parts that are keeping us from pressing forward. It’s all causing you to grow spiritually, mentally, and physically.
God has placed something special on the inside of you which will request you changing.
Experiencing those difficult times created something on the inside of me. It gave me the wisdom, strength, and courage I needed to step out of my comfort zone. It’s not always going to feel good, you won’t always like it but it’s necessary.
I’m walking into my destiny, I’m becoming who He’s called me to be.
It’s a process of healing and restoration. When you get what you’ve been waiting for, you’ll get the satisfaction of saying, I’m an overcomer, I waited patiently, I survived, I’m stronger, I’m wiser, and better than I was before, Thank God. If it wasn’t for Him helping you along the way, you wouldn’t have made it this far. Always remember to thank Him, especially during the bad times because those bad times are producing perseverance. Keep the faith. Glory to God! You are now ready to step into your purpose.
One night and everything changed, suddenly you were like every other person who had ever hurt me or lied to me or led me on.
I didn’t want you to be that person.
The truth revealed itself like some storm hitting, and I was caught in the eye of it. It was like some hurricane and after it blew through, I was standing there with every broken piece of the destruction you caused trying so hard to just build myself back up.
But the hardest part about building yourself back up is, when you’re so good at pretending things didn’t hurt you in the first place, no one realizes. No one realizes how much you are just so hung up over the past you thought would lead to a different future.
I truly believed things would play out differently than they did. Or maybe that’s what I told myself and wanted to believe. Maybe I looked for every reason to lead myself to that conclusion. We see the signs we want to in life, not the ones that are right in front of us sometimes.
I believed you cared. I believed every text was because you wanted to talk to me, not because you were bored. I believed every tag was because you were thinking of me and every snap you wanted me to know that. I believed every like was an indication of how you felt, but maybe I was creating signs I wanted to see.
Maybe the time we spent together was me creating this story I wanted so badly to be accurate, but not your reality.
But as much as I pin this on me reading all the wrong signs, I can’t blame myself entirely. Because you made me think you felt these things and you didn’t bother to tell me anything different for so long. So as I ran over details in moments of your confusion, I’m left wondering maybe there was a moment or two where you cared. There had to be. I couldn’t have been the only one feeling that.
Maybe I’m crazy for thinking all these things and thinking something was there. Because I thought you felt it too. A connection I couldn’t explain. A common ground I thought we were both standing on steadily.
But then the ground I thought was steady, began to shake. And if a color could define you and me, I’d pick gray. But everything about me is black and white, so when you threw gray into it and mixed signals and things that weren’t clear, I was trying simply to make sense of it all.
I was trying so hard to understand things like attention one moment, then ignoring me the next. I was trying so hard to understand when I ignore one snap, why were three more sent. Were you trying to get my attention? Because you always had it. Were you trying to win my heart because the truth is, it was always yours to have if you chose? But you’d choose one moment just to not be consistent with it. Everything about you was inconsistent and confusing and threw me for a loop in ways only rides could.
Maybe it was just a game to you. Maybe you liked knowing how high someone would jump when you told them too. Maybe in the midst of trying to figure out things you couldn’t control in your own life, you liked knowing there was someone who could. You liked knowing someone loved you when regardless of how you treated them.
You liked the attention. You liked the ego boost.
And I can’t blame you for it. I get it. We all need someone sometimes. We all use people sometimes.
But you built yourself up at the cost of knocking me down.
You were using me and taking advantage of me and I saw it. I’m not naive or stupid, I just believe in the people I care about and honestly, I never stopped believing you were good despite every bad side you showed of yourself.
I saw the person I fell for in glimpses. Which made me tolerate the BS.
I can’t sit here and say I’m angry or hate you.
I meant it when I told you I loved you, I just wish you would have loved me back.
And I know someone will get all the good you have to give. You’ll love someone wholeheartedly the same way I did you, only they’ll get your best. And it will kill me as I’m left wondering why it couldn’t be me or what it was I lacked.
We both deserve someone great. I deserve better and you deserve someone you’re more sure of. I just kept holding on, wishing it would be you at the end of all of this. And that’s what hurts the most, believing in someone that much, holding onto that much faith, only to realize how wrong you were about everything.