What She’s Secretly Hoping For.

She won’t ask you to hold her hand in public, but she keeps looking down hoping you’ll be the one to make the first move. It’s something so little, but means so much.

She won’t be the first to kiss you, but she’s looking at your lips wondering if you want to.

She won’t tell you the things she scared of or why. But she’s hoping you’ll care enough to learn.

She’s afraid of uncertainty. She’s afraid of being used. She’s afraid of being played. She’s afraid to wake up and watch you leave and know you aren’t coming back.

The type of love she needs is someone who is sure of her. Someone who is honest.

Someone who cares about who she is, not just that she’s a woman who could appease a man sexually. She needs to know “see you soon” actually means you want to see her again and you aren’t just telling her what she wants to hear.

That when she texts you, you’re actually happy to hear from her. That when you talk to her, it isn’t just to kill time because you’re bored.

She won’t tell you she needs a relationship that is both physical and emotional. Because in the past, she’s seen one or the other, but never both.

She won’t tell you she really wants you to meet her family after you’ve been going out for a bit.

She won’t tell you what she needs out of fear those needs will scare you off.

So she’ll tiptoe quietly being too afraid to make any wrong move.

The type of love she needs is one where your words match your actions.

She won’t tell you her favorite flowers, and she would love if you got them.

She won’t tell you her favorite chocolate, but getting them would make her day.

She won’t tell you she wants you to make plans sometimes.

She doesn’t want to tell someone how she needs to be loved, she just wants someone who will love her without needing direction.

She needs someone who will show her it’s okay to rely on someone.

She needs someone who will show her it’s okay to need someone.

She needs someone who will show her it’s okay to want someone.

She needs someone who doesn’t mistake the fact she’s fragile with being weak.

She needs someone who realizes the greatest strength she has is who is she and what she has to offer someone, and that isn’t just because she’s a woman.

But most of all, she needs someone who is going to realize what she needs and respect her enough to step away if one can’t give her that. To step aside if what she’s asking is too much for you. To step aside if you aren’t going to give her everything she needs because there’s someone out there who will.

She needs the love she’s been giving away to everyone to be reciprocated.

She needs the love she won’t ever ask for, but is secretly hoping it finds her.

She needs a love that will make her whole, and not leave her empty.

She needs a love that is kind, honest, and real.

Because she deserves to believe in love again. And she deserves to be loved again.

800px_COLOURBOX2242779

Advertisements

Daddy’s Little Girl.

Father’s are a daughter’s first love. The first man who shows you by example this is what she can come to expect from someone. These are the lengths someone is willing to go for you. This is exactly how you deserve to be loved and to never tolerate anything less.

Father’s play a vital role in their daughter’s life, understanding that when she grows up, she’s going to come across people who will disrespect her, who won’t treat her the best, who hurt her and break her heart. But knowing it’ll never be him who does that.

She’ll come home one day crying at 17 over the boy she gave her heart to and all he did was use her. As a father, his heart breaks watching this young woman hurt because of someone else. Wishing and praying she saw herself through his eyes. Because then she’d see herself as truly the most beautiful girl there is.

Father’s teach daughter’s about self-respect. About self-love. What love really means, and that it’s not pain or someone talking down to you. She grows up, and while these expectations he has set for her sometimes feel few and far between with men that still act as boys, she knows there is at least one person who consistently loves, respects her, and treats her well.

From pulling out her chair to opening her door to never paying in his presence. Respecting her thoughts and her opinions, her goals, and ambitions. Believing in her more than anyone else, even if he’s the only one to do so.

Worshipping the ground she walks on and doing everything he possibly can to make her happy and her life better and easier.

Loving her every single day of her life and reminding her that’s what she deserves.

Pushing her to learn and grow and become the best version of herself.

And in return, she adores him more than any man she will ever meet.

How a father treats her, becomes the standard for what she expects of others.

She then enters the world of dating, and every father is going to say “no matter who she ends up with he’ll never be good enough.”

But it’s him she’s looking for in all of them. Bits and pieces of someone who reminds her of her father is who she’ll fall for. Because when you have someone who is the greatest person you know, someone who has treated you well your whole life, someone who has defended you and protected you and taken care of you and has loved you unconditionally no matter what you might have done wrong, that’s what you expect of everyone else. But you know how rare it is.

Because the greatest sign of a respect a daughter can have towards her father, is ending up with someone who is half the man he is. Someone she’s proud to introduce to him. Someone who can live in his shadow. Someone he can give her away to and know she’ll be okay.

Father’s set the standard for what she’ll come to expect, and she’ll spend the rest of her life trying to find a man who can love her at that length.

Knowing very well whoever she gives her heart to, it’s her father she loved first.

download-4

Avoid THIS Guy…

The guy who continues to reschedule or cancel because he doesn’t care enough to make you a priority.

The guy who messes with your head and sends you mixed signals about how he feels.

The guy who doesn’t tell you there’s someone else when “clearly” there is and he’s trying to hide it.

The guy who ignores your text then blows up your news feed.

The guy who says he likes you and cares about you but not enough to show it.

The guy who uses the excuse that “it’s not a good time right now.”

The guy who is an expert at sorry.

The guy who won’t take you on a real date. And would rather just “hang out.”

The guy who uses the excuse “he’s not ready for a relationship right now.” What he’s really saying is, he’s not ready for a relationship with you.

The guy who blames his ex for the fact he has trust issues like it’s your job to make him feel secure. The only reason he questions what you do is probably because he’s doing the same thing too.

The guy who doesn’t want you to meet his parents, and every time you bring it up, he  changes the subject.

The guy who only ever wants to see you after a night out, but never lets you stay long in the morning.

The guy who swears one day you guys will get it right, but not now.

The guy who has mastered the art of keeping lines blurry.

The guy who wants the physical parts of a relationship, but won’t emotionally commit.

The guy who is unsure about everything else in his life. Where he’s going? What he’s doing? If he’s not sure of things in his own life, he’s never going to be sure of you.

The guy who makes you feel like it’s a competition between you and someone else.

The guy who makes you wonder how he feels and doesn’t add confidence that you’re one he cares about.

The guy who leaves you in the dark about big decisions that might impact both of you.

The guy who has a bad rep. The one your friends don’t like.

The guy who has already hurt you many times before.

These are the types of guys you gotta stop waiting for.

The ones you might want, but even if you got them, you know you’d be settling.

The ones who make it about the chase, but that’s all it is some games.

The guys who break you down to build themselves up. Taking pieces of you to fill the void others have left them with.

These aren’t men. These are unsure boys. Because a real man knows one woman is enough. And it’s his job to make her feel secure in him.

But it isn’t up to you to prove your worth.

It isn’t up to you to earn their respect.

It isn’t up to you to convince them to care.

So when you come across boys who are unsure and keep you guessing, don’t waste anymore time on them.

Walk away with your head high because you deserve something more than uncertainty and mixed signals.

You deserve a little more than everything you’ve tolerated in the past.

And the minute you stop tolerating and buying into every excuse and giving them chances, they are going to go away. Because they don’t have it in them to try even a little, and you deserve a whole lot.

tenor

The Best Lines From Taylor Swift’s “Reputation.”

1. Ready For It

Knew I was a robber first time that he saw me
Stealing hearts and running off and never sayin’ sorry
But if I’m a thief, then he can join the heist, and
We’ll move to an island, and
And he can be my jailer, Burton to this Taylor
Every love I’ve known in comparison is a failure
I forget their names now, I’m so very tame now
Never be the same now, now

2. End Game

I don’t wanna touch you, I don’t wanna be
Just another ex-love you don’t wanna see

3. I Did Something Bad

I never trust a narcissist, but they love me
So I play ’em like a violin
And I make it look oh-so-easy
‘Cause for every lie I tell them, they tell me three

4. Don’t Blame Me

Don’t blame me, love made me crazy
If it doesn’t, you ain’t doin’ it right

5. Delicate

This ain’t for the best
My reputation’s never been worse, so
You must like me for me…

But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time
Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time
I’ve got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined
I check it once, then I check it twice, oh!

7. So It Goes

You did a number on me
But, honestly, baby, who’s counting?

8. Gorgeous

If you’ve got a girlfriend, I’m jealous of her
But if you’re single that’s honestly worse

It was the best of times, the worst of crimes
I struck a match and blew your mind

10. King Of My Heart

Late in the night, the city’s asleep
Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

11. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted

12. Dress

All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation
My hands are shaking from holding back from you

Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me
Flashback to my mistakes
My rebounds, my earthquakes
Even in my worst light, you saw the truth in me

13. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

There I was, giving you a second chance
But then you stabbed in the back while shaking my hand
And therein lies the issue

14. Call It What You Want

My castle crumbled overnight
I brought a knife to a gunfight
They took the crown, but it’s alright
All the liars are calling me one
Nobody’s heard from me for months
I’m doin’ better than I ever was

15. New Year’s Day

You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi
I can tell that it’s gonna be a long road
I’ll be there if you’re the toast of the town, babe
Or if you strike out and you’re crawling home

Please don’t ever become a stranger
Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere.

screen-shot-2017-11-10-at-11-17-50-am

Realizing The Real From The Wrong.

When it’s the real thing, you aren’t looking at your phone for bits and pieces of potential validation or interest. You put your phone down because the only person whose attention matters is the one in front of you.

Where you once believed every excuse someone told you, every lie, every reason plans had to change or something couldn’t work out, now you look at someone who tells you every reason it can.

When it’s the real thing, you aren’t paranoid or thinking too much about saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. Almost relationships tend to thrive on your self-doubt. They make you think it’s you that’s done something wrong. It’s you who messed up. But when it’s the right relationship, all the person cares about is making you feel sure of them.

Where you once thought it was your job to convince someone to fall for you as you overcompensated and tried every which way to get their attention, this person teaches you it’s about who meets you halfway.

Almost relationships are all about the chase and making sure you get close, but never close enough. Meanwhile, this new person pulls you in and holds you tight saying something so simple like, ‘I’m happy here.’

While these two relationships are almost completely opposite and you can’t even compare them, but you still manage to.

When almost relationships are all you know, what you’ve grown familiar with isn’t this healthy relationship, but the opposite. Good relationships are the ones that feel like it doesn’t fit but in actuality, it’s everything you deserve.

You deserve someone who is sure of you.

You deserve someone who answers.

You deserve someone who shows the fuck up.

You deserve someone who wants you as much as you wanted someone else.

And I know what it’s like to doubt them. I know what it’s like to be afraid. I know what it’s like to be comfortable alone you fear letting anyone in.

When you choose an almost relationship, you aren’t just choosing someone you are pining after, you’re choosing an ending you know. An ending you’re comfortable with. Wishful thinking and mixed signals make you want something to be there that isn’t. In your heart you know regardless of how much you try you can’t convince someone to care and be what you need.

There’s something weird and fun about that challenge. And girls who are used to choosing the wrong people at least have control in knowing they’ll get hurt so it won’t surprise them. They grow immune to disappointment and getting let down.

But pain and disappointment and let downs aren’t something you should get used to.

So when you stumble into the right relationship after so many that were wrong, it’s like a breath of fresh air, but it’s unfamiliar.

It’s suddenly having confidence in someone.

It’s suddenly including someone in your life.

It’s suddenly waking up next to someone and you remember how much it hurt waking up alone to a text wishing that person could have been something more.

It’s the kisses you used to think about just hoping.

The relationship you envisioned in your mind.

Suddenly someone is making it a reality.

Every first kiss. Every good morning. Every date. Every time they reach for your hand. Every time they include you in future plans and you get thrown off for a moment. Every time they bring you somewhere introducing you as their girlfriend or their date, not as their friend.

You think back to a time when a friend was all you were to someone you cared deeply for.

Every time they touch you and tremble in a way you didn’t even realize you could.

When this person so easily becomes a part of your daily routine and life.

When they want to meet your family and friends.

When they want you in their big moments.

You think back to a time where you used to wishful think about an almost love being and doing all of those things.

But after a while you stopped asking, because all it led to was another reason pointing at regardless of how you feel this will never be what you need.

And I’d be lying if I said that almost love doesn’t just disappear because you found someone you deserve. Feelings linger. And that’s okay. Maybe they couldn’t be what you needed, but emotionally they were everything you wanted.

Even when you’re going to bed with someone else, you think of them.

Maybe their name appears on your phone. And he asks who is it. You tell him no one important. Maybe they blow up your news feed and you still get that feeling sometimes just seeing their name. Maybe you meet up and you realize despite this new person in your life, you still feel a lot of old things for someone you can’t even define or put in some box of understanding what this relationship actually was because all you know is what it wasn’t.

It’s okay to think about them.

But you have to understand the difference between that person and this real relationship where you are feeling things you forget you could.

Showing up for you the way you showed up for him.

Loving you the way you loved him.

Trying the way you tried for him.

It’s okay to feel guilty sometimes for feelings you can’t control. But I truly believe that after a limbo relationship of giving them your all and they couldn’t reciprocate it, something good will come your way if you learn to let them go.

The greatest form of heartbreak isn’t pining after an almost love, but wasting your time on someone when in your heart you know it will never be what you need and deserve. There is no amount of time or effort that can change that. Because when it’s the right person, they will walk into your life very quickly and you’ll know this is different. This is right. This is what I deserve.

Understanding your worth and your value isn’t a reflection of the love someone couldn’t give, but rather their inability to see what you had to offer.

Suddenly you cross paths with someone who does. And you’re fearful to fall, but you let yourself. And the difference is, this time someone is going to catch you. Because this time someone is falling with you.

I wish I could say, that almost person is going to realize when you walk away, what they lost. I wish I could tell you, he’s going to show up at your doorstep saying sorry. That would be nice.

But you deserve someone who doesn’t have to lose you to realize what they could have had.

You deserve someone who walks into your life, and the only thing they are unsure of is, how do I get this girl to fall for me? And that’s the difference right there in black and white.

shutterstock_240169459

“Just Friends.”

“Just friends,” the words taste almost bitter coming off your tongue. Because you know it’s a lie.

Friends don’t look at each other the way you do. Friends don’t laugh with each other the way you do. Friends don’t talk to each other the way you do. Friends don’t touch one another like that. And friends don’t feel it from their head to their toes something as small as the other person grazing your hand.

You aren’t just friends. There is history and feelings and what-ifs and maybes that linger. With anyone else you can’t be with, it’s simple you say you’re just friends and that’s what the relationship is. It starts and ends there. But with almost relationships and just friends, there is some emotional or physical connection that’s there.

When you allow an almost relationship to label you ‘just friends’ what you’re really doing is tolerating less than you deserve.

What you’re really doing is saying it’s okay to have this physical relationship, even though you’ve stated it’ll never be anything more.

What you’re really doing is, allowing yourself to be emotionally invested in someone who cannot reciprocate those feelings.

What you are really doing is, disrespecting yourself because you don’t think you deserve better or you know you deserve better, but you refuse to set those standards.

What you’re really doing is, allowing someone to write and rewrite grey lines in pencil that they can redraw however they feel like based on when they want you in their life.

What you’re really doing is, saying this is okay. I would rather have some of your time and attention than be with someone who can give it to me fully.

I would rather have the bits and pieces you have left than nothing at all.

You can never be just friends with someone who provokes such intense emotions that don’t seem to go away.

And just because they are putting you in this “friends” box doesn’t mean you have to be strong enough to tolerate it.

How dare they touch you through the night then wake up saying this will never be something more.

How dare they waste your time and attention and energy when there’s someone out there who will value it and value you more.

How dare they use you as some ego boost.

And how dare they think you’re always going to be a choice they get to make when you’ve made them a priority.

It hurts like hell looking at someone you’ve loved cared about and they did not respect you enough to reciprocate it, but took advantage of how you felt.

You aren’t just friends when you’re having casual sex.

You aren’t just friends when you’re talking every day.

You aren’t just friends when you’re sending each other pictures you hope don’t see the light of day.

You aren’t just friends when the conversations you have is something you need to hide.

So when they throw the words “just friends” in your face after everything you’ve been through, throw it right back at them because someone doesn’t deserve the benefits that come with being in a relationship if they aren’t going to actually be in a relationship with you.

And I know you think you love this person, but what you love is this idea of what you could be. What you love is this story they’ve led you to believe could be true.

Don’t fall for the maybes and the what ifs and the one day. Because that won’t ever happen.

That isn’t the reality, and the sooner you let them go even though you don’t want to, the sooner you’ll be with someone who can give you everything they weren’t able to.

They aren’t your friend. Because friends wouldn’t fuck with how you feel taking complete advantage of it. Friends wouldn’t lead you on like they have. And friends sure as hell don’t wake up in bed next to each other saying it meant nothing.

thought-catalog-418382

14 Things That Happen When You Meet A Good Guy After An “Almost” Relationship.

When you’re in an almost relationship it messes with your head. You’re suddenly reading signals that might not even be there. You are investing time and energy into someone who you’re not even sure of.

But uncertainty and mixed signals shouldn’t be a sign to try harder.

We fail to realize when we end up in most relationships, the amount of time and emotion and energy we are wasting on someone who is never going to be what we need.

And instead of walking away, we think it’s our job to prove we deserve their time and attention like their love is something to be won over.

But real relationships don’t require that of you. Real relationships are simple.

When you aren’t used to any of those things, it throws you off finally meeting a good man.

1. He tells you how you feel and you don’t believe him.

It isn’t that you don’t trust him. He hasn’t done anything to you. But when people in the past have used words to further relationships physically, you stop believing what people say.

2. The sex is completely different.

When you’re having sex with someone you aren’t dating, there is a vital part missing emotionally because sex isn’t just about something physical. And when you devalue sex in relationships regardless of how the relationship is defined, the experience changes. There’s a wall you put up subconsciously to protect yourself. But when it’s a real relationship, suddenly everything comes together and you realize this is what it should have been like the whole time.

3. You feel guilty for needing validation.

Doubts cross your mind still. And it’s okay to need validation. Needing certain things in a relationship doesn’t mean you are asking too much. Wanting to be confident in someone doesn’t make you weak. And if someone makes you feel like you’re asking too much, it isn’t the question that needs to change but rather the person you are asking.

4. You’re so unbelievably guarded.

It’s okay to be scared. We value the things we want but have never had before. And sometimes we’ve settled hoping we could change how someone feels about us. Hoping we could change the relationship. If an almost relationship taught you anything, it’s the importance of valuing something real when you find it. It’s going to take time to trust someone when others in the past have hurt you, but the right person isn’t in a rush.

5. You worry entirely too much. Then realize you don’t have to.

Where you once used to analyze every move you’ve made and every mixed signal. Where social media acted as some pawn in this game, you realize how simple it should have been. Because the right guy answers your texts quickly. The right guy keeps his word. The right guy adds confidence to the doubt you might have in yourself or him.

6. You are constantly waiting for something to suddenly change.

You watch him closely analyzing everything. Maybe after the sex, the slow fade will become a reality. Maybe as time and distance separate you two, suddenly his feelings will change. Maybe he’ll just stop answering like so many have before. You anticipate the worst because you want to manage your expectations and not be let down. But he hasn’t disappointed you or let you down or given you any indication that you can’t trust him.

7. And you swear this is too good to be true.

You think just because you haven’t had this before, you don’t deserve it. But you do. And it was eventually going to happen for you. You invested a lot into others who didn’t deserve you, now it’s time you experience someone who does.

8. You push him away when he gets too close.

Suddenly your walls completely crumble at his touch and it scares the shit out of you. Suddenly you’re telling him things you haven’t even said out loud. And he doesn’t take off running like you expect, he just holds you close and you feel safe.

9. Something simple and honest throws you off.

When all you’ve known is almost relationships, you’re used to someone spitting you lies and telling you what you want to hear. It gets to a point your ears grow mute. But this is different because here’s someone who hasn’t deceived you or lied to you or led you on.

10. You suddenly become more confident in him.

You forgot what it was like to be confident in someone. Suddenly here’s someone talking about the future and dates months from now and you think about people in the past who couldn’t even commit to coffee a week in advance. You think back to what it felt like to always be waiting for someone and always be met with disappointment. But this time it’s different.

11. You start to end other lingering relationships for good.

When you are used to almost relationships and what makes them hard compared to real relationships, is the lack of clarity within it. Something can’t end when it never began in the first place.You fade out of each other’s lives, only you come back every so often because you can. But suddenly you meet this good man and you want nothing to do with ghosts from your past who come knocking just to see if you’ll answer.

12. You feel guilty playing the comparison game.

It’s normal to compare someone you might have known for a while. Almost relationships establish an emotional connection you can’t deny is there. You get to know someone at a very deep level. And you sometimes fall in love with these people knowing very well nothing will come of these feelings.

So when you get into a real relationship with a stranger suddenly you’re comparing this person you don’t know to someone you came to fall very hard for.

Take their best qualities. Use that as a standard. But also understand the greatest difference between this person standing in front of you and the one you sometimes think about is, what they were willing to do which wasn’t anything other than lead you on.

13. But then you realize he blows everyone away.

In time, as you get to know this person better, as scary as it might be, what you’ll realize is despite their flaws and shortcomings, they became exactly what you needed while everyone else stood there not stepping up to the plate.

14. He teaches you what love and a healthy relationship actually is.

You suddenly learn those almost relationships and things that lingered were just something to occupy time and attention and space in your heart. Something that left you empty. Because when it’s a real relationship, it makes you twice the person you are and you don’t have to compromise your self-respect to get it when someone is meeting you halfway.

276897_b7da9781d2dea27f70ae16e3ab4392bd7311ed7a.png_facebook