The Ugly Honest Trust.

The ugly honest truth is if he hasn’t committed yet, he probably never will.

The truth is when he says he doesn’t want a relationship, what he’s really saying is he doesn’t want one with you.

The ugly honest truth is if he says he’s not ready or the timing is not right, you’ll find yourself waiting a while for him as he makes up excuses.

The ugly honest truth is if you give him the benefits of a relationship before you have a relationship, it’s always going to stay casual.

The truth is just because you have a long history, it doesn’t mean there will be a future.

The ugly honest truth is if he really liked you, he’d want you to be with him and only him.

The truth is a label doesn’t scare him, what scares him is a label with you.

The ugly honest truth is when he says he’s busy, that’s his way of saying he doesn’t care enough to make you a priority.

The ugly honest truth is when you bring up meeting his friends or family and he dodges the question or tells you soon what he’s really saying is, he hasn’t told them about you.

The honest truth is when he says he doesn’t want to ruin something good or what you guys have already going, what he’s really saying is there are other girls in the picture.

The ugly honest truth is when he tells you he can’t be your plus one, what he’s really saying is he doesn’t want people to think you’re a thing.

The ugly honest truth when you guys run in constant circles, it isn’t a sign you are meant to be, it’s life’s way of trying to teach you a lesson you aren’t learning. Life will keep giving you the same pop quiz until you pass it.

The honest truth is every time he cancels, makes up excuses and says sorry for the way he’s acted, he’s not really sorry, he just knows he’s been an ass.

The ugly honest truth is every time you accept less than you deserve, you’re telling him ‘it’s okay to treat me this way.’

The honest truth is every time he tells you he’ll leave her for you, that’s never going to happen and you’ll always be some side chick.

The ugly honest truth is if he’ll cheat with you, he’ll have no problem cheating on you.

The ugly honest truth is if he says he’s one of the good ones, he probably isn’t. Good guys don’t have to say they are.

The ugly honest truth is when he says he doesn’t like games or drama, he’s probably going to create a lot of drama and fuck with your head.

The ugly honest truth when he bad mouths his exes and says they are crazy, he probably made them that way.

The honest truth is if it’s just a relationship based on texting and social media, it’ll never be something more than you emotionally boosting his ego every time you respond.

The ugly honest truth is if he’s texting you all the time, he’s probably texting a lot of other people too.

The ugly honest truth is if he’s blowing up your news feed, he’s probably doing it to a lot of other people.

The honest truth is if he doesn’t want pictures of you guys across social media, it’s probably because he doesn’t want someone to see it.

The ugly honest truth is if he’s uncertain about a lot of things in his life, he’ll never be sure of you or care to make you feel secure and safe.

The ugly honest truth is you are never going to get what you want and deserve from someone like him. Because he’s the sweet talker who says all the right things but at the end of the day, all of those words are really saying is ‘I’ll never choose you and I’ll let you continue to choose me for as long as you let this go on.’



You Didn’t Deserve The Abuse You Endured.

Whether it was physical, emotional or mental abuse you didn’t deserve any of those things.

I don’t know why that happened to you. And I wish I could take it away. I wish I could go back in time and be there in those moments. Be strong when you couldn’t be. Be the voice when yours was silent. Be the arms that held you when the arms that should have raised a hand to you. Be the one taking each blow because I would never want to see you get hurt.

But I can’t take back what’s happened. I can’t say I understand what it felt like in those moments. I can’t own your experiences or say I get it entirely because I think even when people relate or have sympathy, your experiences are your own. How things impact and affect you isn’t within anyone else’s say or control.

The things that shaped you. The moments that turned you into exactly who you became. The horrible things that shouldn’t have happened but did…

I can tell you, you didn’t deserve what you endured.

But I see the pain behind a smile you mastered.

I still see a child in your eyes who still question all of it.

I see someone who is goal oriented and hard-working because you didn’t allow the things that had happened to you define you.

I still can’t explain any of it.

But what I do know is, you wouldn’t have turned out to be the person you are today had you not gone through some of the things you did. I wish it wasn’t pain that had to shape you into someone so beautiful. But sometimes that’s how it works. Sometimes the most beautiful people are the ones who have seen a lot of ugly things.

Beautiful people are those who know defeat, but come back winning.

Beautiful people are those who know pain and suffering and channel it into helping others.

Beautiful people are the ones who know loss, but realize with loss comes something to gain.

Beautiful people are those who know darkness so they come with a light.

Beautiful people are those who have a greater appreciation for things.

Beautiful people are those who have a greater understanding of things others can’t make sense of.

They are compassionate, gentle, emotional, and deep because of the things they’ve seen and experienced that others haven’t.

I know there are things you can’t speak of and secrets you keep as you lay down at night. Baggage from your past that grows heavy at times.

A judgment of others who don’t understand nor do they deserve to.

You don’t want their sympathy. You don’t want to have to explain. And you shouldn’t have to.

You saw things you shouldn’t have. You experienced things that weren’t fair. You learned at a young age, lessons that adults learn later on.

With tough experiences, came wisdom beyond your years.

With abuse, came empathy for others.

With silence, came understanding.

With those others who judged you harshly, came your own lack of judgment to everyone.

Without love that you deserved, came an unconditional love for others.

Through pain, came a strength of someone who overcame all of it.

There is no way to take back what has happened or help you to suddenly forget it.

But what I can say is, I’m proud of you.

I’m proud of the person you’ve become.

And someone else’s lack of love doesn’t mean there aren’t 100 other people who adore you and think you are one of the best things in their life. Because you are. And if no one has said it lately, I love everything about you even the bad parts of the things you experienced that you never should have endured in the first place.

And while the love of another could never substitute the love you might have been missing, my only hope is I can run my fingers over the scars of your past and show you there is beauty even in the darkest places of yourself.


Don’t Set Resolutions Looking For A Big Change In 2019.

Everyone talks about change in the New Year like you have to. Like a new year on the calendar marks a time where you are suddenly going to wake up and choose to be a different person. So you set goals, you have expectations and hopes. You hold onto hope that this will be the year you change or something in your life will.

Join a gym. Lose weight. Eat healthier. Stop drinking. Stop smoking. Be in a relationship. Get over your ex. Save money. Try a new hobby or join some group. Travel more.

You write down resolutions (some you won’t achieve.) Then you feel slightly defeated when you don’t amount to it or a month goes by and suddenly it’s February and you haven’t seen the results you wanted or the outcome you were hoping for.

When you focus too much on where you want to go rather than where you are, you’ll never get there.

We think we have to suddenly make a giant change in our life just because it’s a new year. But change isn’t about one big step it’s about the little ones that lead us to somewhere better.

Babies can’t run before they learn to walk so why would you tackle your resolutions or goals any differently?

A new year doesn’t mean suddenly waking up and being a new you, it means making the choice to want to take the proper steps towards the person you want to become.

Just because the calendar changed, doesn’t mean suddenly you are going to.

You’re going to wake up on January 1st and it’s going to feel like any other day of the week. The only difference is the pressure you put on yourself to be somewhere by a certain time.

Change doesn’t happen overnight. And there isn’t going to be some ah-ha moment where it’s clear you’ve done it. But when enough times passes, one day you are going to look back and realize where you were maybe six months ago, maybe a year ago and then you’ll either see you’ve made progress or you’re in the same place.

Achieving anything occurs when you alter the choices you make right now.

Little things added together turn into something greater.

Don’t wait for Monday or a new month or a new year. Start now.

If it’s losing weight or eating healthier, pay close attention to what you put into your body.

If it’s going to the gym, hold yourself accountable when you want to skip a workout.

Don’t say I’ll just go tomorrow or I’ll eat healthier for my next meal. Think of right now in this moment. Because these moments matter.

If your goal is to save money, ask yourself as you’re about to buy something, ‘do I need this right now?’

The little things matter and every choice we make reflects the outcome of what we get. If you aren’t happy with the outcome, think of what led to that.

When I run a half or a full marathon a lot of people ask me, ‘how do you do it?’ or they say something like I could never. When I’m running, I never think about how far I have to go or the finish line. I think of this step right now, this mile, this movement. And eventually, I get there…every time.

You don’t need to enter this new year coming out of the gates running full speed with hopes of some big change everyone can see. Sometimes all it takes are little steps that will get there more effectively. Sometimes change and improvement aren’t measured in benchmarks that others can see. Sometimes the greatest measurement of change is that moment you look at yourself in the mirror and you’re proud of who you’ve become.


She’s The Type…

She’s the type who will give you more chances than you probably deserve because when shown the bad parts of you, she chooses to see the good.

She’s the type who will forgive your lies and believe your excuses because she understands things come up and sometimes plans don’t go accordingly.

She’s the type who won’t be mad you canceled, she’ll just be disappointed she couldn’t see you and spend time with you.

She’s the type who will accept your apologies even in the times you don’t say you’re sorry, because she believes in the person you can be.

She’s the type who will never stop trying because she believes some people are worth the effort.

She’s the type you can rely on, the one who will always be there even though you haven’t shown her that same respect and commitment.

She’s the type who will be there even when she’s busy because she doesn’t like letting people down.

She’s the type who will answer your texts quickly even when you don’t because she doesn’t believe in playing games.

She’s the type you know you can have if you want her, but something about that is too easy.

She’s the type who will give without expecting something in return.

She’s the type that even if you’re mean, she won’t respond with anything but silence.

She’s the type who will give you her undivided attention even if you haven’t earned it.

She’s the type that’ll love you unconditionally regardless of how you feel. Because she cares about building people up and not using them to build herself up.

She’s the type who will love really hard and get hurt for it.

She’s the type who will live with her heart on her sleeve and it’ll leave her insecure.

She’s the type who will look at her reflection analyzing flaws thinking there’s something wrong with her, and not those people who fail to see her value.

She’s the type who will say exactly how she feels and not apologize for it.

She’s the type who lives by the rule ‘treat people the way you want to be treated.’

Even though there are some people who could use a taste of their own medicine. She’ll never be the one to give someone what they might deserve.

And in return, she gets used, taken advantage of, judged very harshly, and treated unkindly even though she never deserved it.

Despite being given every reason to change, she won’t.

Despite everything, she’ll still believe in people.

She’ll stay exactly who she is.

She’ll continue to act exactly as she does.

She’ll continue to get hurt, not changing.

But what changes, is every person she interacts with.

Because the girl who doesn’t change is the one who changes everyone around her through her example of kindness, compassion, unconditional love, and understanding.

She’ll walk away after trying harder than she should have in the first place.

She’s the type whose heart will break giving up on you, but even she knows there’s only so much someone can do.

She’ll be the type you’ll hurt when you’re young and you’ll live to regret it when you’re older.

And you’ll think back knowing you hurt someone who chose to never do the same, when you probably deserved it.

Then when you finally muster the courage to apologize, she’ll forgive you so easily, welcoming you with open arms and a smile like the time, distance and mistakes were just a thing in the past.

There will be in a single moment of watching her out of the corner of your eye, you realize she’s the one who deserved better this whole time.


How You’ll Miss Him Once It Ends.

You’ll miss him in little moments that’ll catch you by surprise. Moments where you think you’re fine and you’ve moved and things are okay. Suddenly it’ll hit you and it’s going to feel like someone knocked the wind out of you. Because you realize loving someone doesn’t just go away because they did.

And it’s not gonna be at 3 in the morning when you’re lying there alone in bed. It’s going to be at 3 in the afternoon, on an average Tuesday, when you’re laughing with your friends or family and suddenly you just stop.

It’ll be in the sweatshirt that falls from your closet you forget about and never gave back. It’ll be when Christmas comes around and you’re sitting on your couch looking at the tree and you think back to how much has changed in a year when he was right there with you. It’ll be in the song you hear on the radio that hurts, but you don’t change the station. It’ll be on the roads you used to drive and you look over at an empty passenger seat thinking about when he used to be there.

You’ll miss him in the places you used to go together and now you sit there alone. Hurting and aching silently, only you look like you’re okay. Because you have to be. It’ll be in the coffee shop you used to go to often and the barista asks if you want your usual two coffees. So you stop going there.

You’ll miss him in the moments people don’t know it ended and they ask how he’s doing or where is he and you realize you lost the right to know that answer a long time ago.

You’ll miss him in the letter you held onto or the card you couldn’t throw away, and you’ll reread words that take you back to a time when they were real. It’ll be in the pictures you find face down in your junk drawer that you know you should have thrown away, but you didn’t.

You’ll miss him when something good or bad happens and you look at your phone staring at the date of the last time you spoke, and something about that little detail hurts like hell.

You’ll miss him when you hear someone say his name in public and your head will turn sharply thinking it’s him and your heart will race.

But you’ll miss him the moment you see him again and you make awkward eye contact. He looks the same, but you realize you’re staring at a familiar stranger. Maybe small talk is exchanged and what isn’t being said between the words, ‘how are you?’ is ‘I miss you.’ ‘Do you ever think of me too?’ So instead you say ‘fine.’

And you look back one last time hoping maybe he’s watching too. Because maybe if he was even for a moment, you’d be taken back to a time when love didn’t hurt so badly.


I Hope This Is The Year…

I hope the guy you meet is one who shows you chivalry isn’t outdated but wants to prove to you that good guys do still exist leading by example.

I hope he opens the doors you walk through and pulls out your chair. I hope he takes your coat off and insists on paying even when you fight him for the bill.

I hope he’s someone who takes your hand when you’re walking on the sidewalk and makes sure he stands on the outside.

I hope he’s the type of guy who gives you his jacket when you look like you’re cold.

I hope he’s someone who doesn’t think being a romantic is corny and asks you to slow dance to a song that now is starting to make sense as you listen carefully to the words.

I hope he’s someone who walks you to the door when the night is over, and isn’t afraid of meeting your parents. I hope he’s someone that insists on it.

I hope he’s the type of guy who sends flowers to your office just because he wanted to make you smile, and cared enough to learn what your favorite was.

I hope he’s someone who pays attention to small details you tell him, even if it’s things you’ve only ever said in a whisper.

I hope he’s the type of person you can rely on. Someone who keeps his words and sticks to plans. Someone who will show you through his example that he’s there for you in every sense of the world. I hope he is someone who supports you, your career, your dreams and believes in you a little more than you believe in yourself.

I hope he’s someone that never makes you question how he feels or where you stand. Someone who makes you a priority and respects you. I hope he answers your texts quickly and calls you just to hear your voice.

I hope he’s honest and straightforward and even though it might scare you a little bit, you also trust him that he might be different. I hope he’s someone who wants to be.

I hope he’s someone who looks at you and is proud to be standing next to you. The type of guy who wants to show you off to everyone. And even if you’ve never been a fan of PDA or flaunting a relationship across social media, part of me hopes you become that person because you deserve a relationship like that.

I hope he’s someone who takes the time to learn you. The things you like. The things you don’t. The things that made you exactly who you are. I hope he’s someone you take back to your hometown and he wants to know all about it.

I hope he’s someone who is patient and understanding and wants to follow your lead, adding no pressure because he knows you’ve been hurt and led on in the past, and he wants to be the one who is different.

I hope he’s someone who values sex and a physical relationship and waits because he knows some people are worth waiting for.

I hope he’s someone who loves you unconditionally and doesn’t want to change you because in your eyes, everything about you might not be perfect, but you’re perfect for him.

I hope he’s someone who knows when to apologize when he’s wrong. Who knows when to listen even though he might have something to say. Who knows when to hold you because you need him. I hope he’s someone who teaches you needing someone does not make you weak. And being vulnerable isn’t unattractive, but essential to form connections.

I hope he’s someone you fight with and he teaches you fights don’t mean something is about to end. I also hope he’s someone who never stops fighting for you.

I hope he’s someone who is strong in those moments you can’t be.

I hope he’s someone who has faith in your moments of doubt.

I hope he’s someone who takes your hand confidently in moments you might be scared of what this is and where it’s going.

I hope he’s the one who makes you realize why it never worked out with anyone in the past and for the first time, you are happy about it. Because even that love that hurt to let go, he’s better than.

I hope he’s someone who makes you want to be a better person and by meeting him, everyone can see a change in who you’ve become standing beside him. But most of all, what they see is someone who really is happy.

I hope he’s someone who truly is your better half.

I hope he becomes the love you can’t imagine your life without. The future you see looking into his eyes.

I hope he’s someone who proves he deserves your love and attention and even when he gets it, I hope he never stops trying to show you he’s the lucky one.

I hope he’s someone who is afraid to lose you, so he does everything right that he doesn’t have to.

I hope he’s someone who still makes you nervous in a good way.

I hope he’s someone who looks at you the way no one ever has before.

I hope this is the year you get the type of love and relationship you deserve.


You’ll Find Love Someday.

You keep giving people chances because you know what it’s like to want to be right about someone. And you hope and pray that just maybe this time it’ll be different.

You try not to get your hopes up because you know what it’s like to feel let down. Yet, you still hold onto faith that maybe this time it won’t happen that way.

Cancelled plans don’t faze you, even though you’re the same person who wouldn’t flake out. You tell someone you’re going to be there and you come early and wait.

It seems like you’re always the one waiting. Wishing. Hoping. Wanting. Loving hard. Because you don’t know how to do anything else.

And you give everything you have in you to people who haven’t yet proved they deserved it because you don’t think love is something someone has to earn. Yet it feels like you’re jumping through hoops of fire trying to get something you give so freely.

You value love more than anyone because you know what it’s like to get it right.

So you keep trying. Thinking maybe this will be the moment and the person that’s different.

But sometimes it feels like you lose yourself loving people the way you do.

It feels like this thing you want so badly is out of reach.

They tell you to love yourself first before you can love someone else and it isn’t that you don’t love who you are, but there are times you question it. Question why you feel things so deeply. And hurt as hard as you do.

There are times you wonder why it’s so easy for everyone else and you seem to struggle with these relationships that have dead ends and question marks.

It seems like you’re the one who is always sure and it’s everyone else who isn’t.

Relationships aren’t supposed to be complicated and you fall so easily into people who lead you on because they could potentially play the part. But when push comes to shove you find yourself hearing another excuse for why this can’t be what you want it to be.

Your ears have grown mute to everything they say because all it is are lies.

Your heart grows heavy because you don’t know how much longer you can keep giving and not getting something in return.

Your eyes are tired. Tired of looking at everyone and feeling like there is something wrong with you or there is something missing within you.

And you keep playing this role of what someone needs and no one has taken the time to even care about what you need. Nor do they want to step up to the plate and be that person for you.

But you keep trying.

You keep taking chances on people.

And you keep getting hurt.

But I promise you that’s going to change. Because the person who can overcome disappointment and heartbreak and still hold onto faith, is the person who gets not only a good relationship, but the best one there is.

And just because it’s taking you a bit longer to find that, it doesn’t mean it won’t happen for you.